Every time I chat with friends who came to study and settle in the United States in their early years, I always like to throw this question.

Without exception, they all smiled at first, and then replied with a little melancholy: I can't go back. After ten or twenty years in America, I can't keep up with the local flavor at home.

I can't go back. These four words are the rational choice after recognizing the reality, which contains how much melancholy and helplessness! Carved fences and jade bricks should still exist, but Zhu Yan changed them. After going abroad for many years, the motherland has long been blurred into a kind and unfamiliar face behind me, and I am at a loss in a foreign country.

According to the data of 20 13 of the US Census Bureau, the Chinese population in the United States has reached 4.52 million, and the Chinese are the largest ethnic group among Asian Americans.

According to statistics, new immigrants account for more than 70% of all Chinese in the United States. Among these 70% new immigrants, more than 60% are from Chinese mainland, and the number exceeds 6,543,800,000.

In other words, 654.38+800,000 people from Chinese mainland (excluding Hong Kong and Macao) immigrated to the United States after the opening up.

For them, whether to return to China seems to be an urgent problem forever.

1

I will miss China too, but I always feel far away.

Li Eon (pseudonym) 1985 graduated from Tsinghua University, and 1994 came to the United States with his wife. After more than 20 years of hard work, he now owns three supermarkets, buys several houses and has his own personal fitness trainer. When he has nothing to do, he stocks, does exercises and fishes. Although the life of the American middle class is unremarkable, he is used to it. "My youngest son was born here, my house was bought here, my career is here, and the United States is already my de facto hometown. I will also miss China, but I always feel far away. "

Every year, Li Yan goes back to Beijing to visit her parents and sister. Every time, he was surprised by the rapid changes in China. High-rise buildings have been built on the wasteland near the East Fifth Ring Road in Beijing, and the familiar flower, bird, insect and fish market has been demolished since childhood. The neighbor's sophisticated stall suddenly opened a Land Rover, and the grandfather at the door also paid for the food with WeChat. The streets were full of yellow and red bicycles. ...

Classmates get together, and the comparison between them makes him very uncomfortable. A start-up is a project that earns hundreds of millions, where a coal mine is opened. Ban Hua, who had been in love with Li, was indifferent to Li Eon, but made eyes at "local tyrants" and threw herself at her classmates, which made Li Eon embarrassed. She can only pour glasses of red wine into her stomach until she lies unconscious on the sofa.

"I can only return to China as little as possible, so as not to be psychologically affected. When I am depressed, I will be in trouble. " Li Eon said with a smile.

Another doctor friend, Juan Lin (a pseudonym), also had a painful experience of returning to China. The year before last, she took her two sons back to China to visit her parents. As a result, they were scared all the way. The child went back to America crying. She had to obey them and bring them back before the holiday was over.

She told me the experience of returning to China: taking the subway in Beijing, her 5-year-old son was pulled out by a young man and fell to the ground. The people behind him surged up, but fortunately they were stopped by a foreigner with his arm; In Hangzhou, my son bought a wooden chicken at a roadside stall. Just a few meters away, the chicken broke up and went back to the stall owner to change it. She refused to admit that she sold it. Changsha, hit a car, because of the traffic jam, the driver scolded all the way, but also opened the window to spit, and later quarreled with another taxi driver because of grabbing the road. The two simply stopped the car and fought in the middle of the road, beating the two children white and crying "I want to go back to America" ... In short, no matter where they go, there are always something bothering them, which makes Lin Si exhausted.

In the face of children's resistance, Lin can only tell them that there are too many people and too few resources in China, so people will grab seats by subway and get in the way by car.

However, the eldest son asked, there are so many people in new york, why not grab them and make a lot of seats available? Lynn was speechless. She couldn't explain it or defend it. "When they grow up more exploration. The only thing I can tell them is that there has never been a perfect country and society in this world, never, whether it is China or the United States. "

Eleven happy "you", but bitter motherland.

A private hospital in Shanghai originally wanted to hire Lin Si to work in China, and the salary was not low, but after thinking for a long time, Lin Si declined. "My children and I are used to taking the subway to keep a low profile. After pushing the door open, we held the door for the people behind us. We should drive by the rules and whisper in public. After returning home, everything will be different, and we will be very painful to adapt, or we can't adapt at all. Forget it, stay in the United States and have time to go back to China. " Lin Si smiled helplessly.

2

China has too many temptations, and the divorce rate is high when her husband sends her back.

Although there are many imperfections in China, China's economy has developed vigorously in recent years, creating many wealth myths. Ma Yun and Wang Jianlin's extravagant actions in the international community have made many overseas travelers who have long been tired of the monotonous life of the American middle class itch, feeling like eating peanuts at home. Some people choose to return home with their families, while others choose to return home alone to explore the road.

What happened to those who went home in tears?

A friend's husband is a financial student, who has been immersed in Wall Street for many years and is proficient in corporate mergers and acquisitions. Later, he was attracted by an investment bank in China and promised the position of vice president with high salary. He was tempted and went home with his family. Unexpectedly, six months later, he cheated. The other party is a beautiful returnee female master, who graduated from Columbia University. He confessed his extramarital affairs to his wife and asked for a divorce. His wife begged him not to divorce, quit his job and go back to America together for their two children. But he didn't want to look back, so he moved out to live with that girl. Helpless, his wife divorced him and returned to America with two children and a broken heart to start a new life. A few years later, she became the manager of a car dealership and found a new lover.

Speaking of the past, my friend said with emotion, "China is like a grotesque ballroom, full of all kinds of temptations. People go in, just like dancing in red shoes, and they can't stop. If you are a bystander, you may think they are abnormal, but the people inside them will feel addicted, high and unable to stop. "

In this luxurious society, how many people can keep their true colors?

A friend joked: If someone else's husband wants to go back to China, I will persuade her to stop at once, because there are too many temptations from China, and letting her go back is mostly "meat buns hitting dogs-there is no return".

A teacher elder sister's husband is also in finance. A few years ago, a domestic company wanted to hire him to work in China. His position is good and his annual salary is high, but she doesn't agree because she has read too many lessons from the past. "If you don't go back, nine times out of ten this family will break up. Even if you follow him, you can't stand him. There are so many social parties. Can you still follow him every day? Therefore, the best way is to resolutely say no to returning to China. "

Sister Shi said that she has been in the United States for more than ten years and enjoys this quiet and simple life. She doesn't need to compare with anyone. Qian Duoduo spends less, and she can live as she pleases. "Why do you need so much money? As a result, you buried your happiness. " A few years later, the husband never mentioned returning to China. He works hard, takes care of children, and slowly looks up to his American father.

three

There is only one Kai-Fu Lee, and his success is hard to replicate.

I know a boy who is studying mechanical engineering in America. It is not difficult to find a job in America, but he can't help being persuaded by his parents. As an only child, he returned to China to work in a design institute. His nine-to-five life, dull working environment and colleagues who are walking on thin ice all make him feel suffocated. We met in Beijing this summer. He used to like to wear fashionable clothes, but now he is wearing an ordinary T-shirt and a black bag, with a gentle hairstyle and a low voice. The young man who went to Alaska to see the aurora that winter disappeared and was replaced by a quasi-middle-aged man who was crushed by real life. I was shocked!

How many people have lost their edge in society?

He told me that after returning to China, he felt out of place with everything around him. Wearing fashionable clothes, colleagues will talk about him behind his back, and the leader will gently let him change clothes; Making coffee in the office in the morning, colleagues will say, wow, staying abroad, not drinking tea or coffee, is really foreign; Every time I hold the door for the person behind me, everyone turns a blind eye and files in, treating him as the doorman. ...

"I miss my days in America every day. Everyone lives his own life, respects differences and doesn't envy others. Strangers are also very friendly and can trust others when they go out." The young man has tears in his eyes. "Maybe one day I will go back. The dream is still in my heart, others can't see it, but I know it is not fade away. "

Of course, some people get along well after returning to China, but there is no such real case in my limited circle of friends. Among these people, Kai-Fu Lee should be a shining example, but there is only one Kai-Fu Lee, and his success is hard to be replicated, because everyone's life trajectory is completely different.

There are all kinds of unhappiness in staying abroad, so is it cool to return to the embrace of the motherland? Not exactly. It is strange to go back to the old place to sneeze after many years, because the people around you look indifferent and no one says "bless you" in a friendly way.

I went to the street to eat noodles and arranged 20 yuan in cash. I wanted to say happily: keep the change, but I found that the sign on the table said: we don't accept cash, please scan the code! When I was driving in the street, I saw a crossroads without traffic lights. I habitually "stopped" and looked around until I was sure it was safe. As a result, I heard the people behind honking their horns and speeding by. Going to the cinema to see a movie, I saw a couple sticking bubble gum on the trash can, so I couldn't help but go up and say a few words. The boy swore: it's none of your business!

What a familiar sentence.

An elder sister always tells her son that after returning to China, never say that the United States is good, but that it is not good, such as the disappearance of female students and the shooting, otherwise it will not be welcomed by others. After his son returned to Shandong, he forgot his mother's instructions and argued with others about America on the wine table. As a result, the two sides broke up and never talked again.

Perhaps, returning to China or not is a false proposition. Putting aside the political categories artificially set by the country, the nation and others, and returning to the people themselves, you will find that no matter which country we live in, we are just a sandpiper in a vast world! And flying around, flying around, what am I like? "Just like Truman, the hero in the movie The Truman Show, he worked hard all his life, only to find that he lived in a huge studio and his life was just a reality show" Real Life "carefully arranged by the director. The whole world is watching, only he doesn't know, and he is still playing seriously.

Since the world is a studio, we can play our role with peace of mind no matter where we are.