After watching Courage of Being Disliked, I feel 1. It can be said that I have known you for a long time, because there are many problems mentioned in it, and many problems in my heart have been solved.
I consider myself a person with rich inner feelings. When I do something, I always think about many meaningless things. For example, I haven't praised people in my circle of friends for a long time. What if I praise her? What if another person didn't like me before? And what should I do if I comment in someone else's circle of friends? What if she doesn't reply to me will be a bit embarrassing.
Then I will always set myself different unknown difficulties. For example, I want to sublet the house, but the landlord doesn't agree, but I can only sublet the house myself, and I'm afraid I won't be in Guangzhou after the contract expires, and then the landlord won't give me a deposit. In the words of a friend, you girls are really drunk. You expect difficulties before things happen. What if I can't get through? Hey, that's why there are so many things. I am upset and exhausted when I look at these children myself.
This is a book on healing psychology, contrary to Freud's theory of cause, but teleology. Causality theory is that what happened leads to the result, that is, psychological problems caused by family background. Some uncomfortable things happened in the past, which led to unhappy symptoms or depression. Teleology is that "I" met a sad thing, and I need sad emotions to keep me going. It is precisely because I need to choose sadness or depression. The fact is, I can choose this event as an experience. I choose to face it and challenge it. I have at least overcome it and am a brave man.
Personally, I used to make excuses. My weak personality now is because my childhood has not been paid enough attention and affirmed. Actually, this is my own choice. I can't blame myself for my childhood absence, just as I can't deny myself because I didn't get anyone's praise.
In fact, some things happen when they happen. Someone once said, "Everything is reasonable as long as human factors are taken into account". Everything has two sides, whether it is good or bad depends on your own thoughts, and whether things are good or bad depends on subjective views.
One of the main points of this paper is to learn to divide the topic. For example, I always care about what others think. From rational analysis, what others think is the topic of others, and we have no way to influence others' opinions. Moreover, no one cares more about himself than himself, always exaggerating the little things around him and falling into a situation of thinking too much. Only a small part of the sub-topics are mentioned here. Those who are interested can read books ~ ~
Few wayward people come to receive psychological counseling. On the contrary, many people are worried about meeting the expectations of others, parents or teachers and cannot live according to their own ideas. As Osamu Dazai said, "I want to be a fisherman all my life and live like an idiot. You can't do it. You understand the feelings of fish too easily. " In fact, I often hurt myself, so I also want to say to those depressed people, don't entangle yourself and don't blame yourself, you are not wrong.
The article also mentions the meaning of life, which is a subjective question with no universal answer. I think that even if I have the answer now, it will change with the passage of time and the change of my three views. The meaning of life is what I give it. You can have whatever meaning you want.
Finally, focus on the present, don't cling to the past, and don't be too impetuous to see the future. It is the most reliable when it is going on now.
After watching "The Courage of Being Disliked" II. I recently read a book "The Courage of Being Disliked", which is about Adler's psychology. What impresses me is to use teleology to analyze what happened, not why. Adler believes that if we blindly pay attention to the past reasons and try to explain things only by reasons, we will fall into "determinism". In other words, we will eventually come to the conclusion that our present and even our future are determined by the past and cannot be changed at all. But Adler's psychology does not consider the "cause" of the past, but the "purpose" of the present.
Next, analyze the following behaviors from the perspective of teleology.
1, I have been idle at home recently, and finally have time to do things I didn't have time to do before, such as studying, fitness, reading and so on. Think about it and start acting! I just opened the book and suddenly found that I have something to deal with now. When I finished, I began to study. I didn't find myself until I was busy I can't treat myself badly. You have to watch a play and brush a video for dinner. I'm hungry. Just eating is so boring ... so I unconsciously found that two hours have passed ... There are so many messy things to do every day that I have no time to study. But is this really the case? No. I did something unnecessary because I didn't want to study.
I made a plan for today's study, but because the course time is too long, the teacher's lectures are too boring and there are too many things to do, I don't want to study and I don't have time to study. In fact, these are deliberately made to avoid learning, and they did not exist from the beginning. Every time I study, I want to brush Weibo, Zhihu and see my friends circle, all of which are ways to avoid studying. It's not because I can't learn because of these things, but because I deliberately make these things to avoid learning.
2. Introverts don't like to associate with others. Previous thoughts: I don't want to associate with people because I am introverted. Teleology: Because there are obstacles in interpersonal communication and transportation, they are afraid of talking with others and don't want to communicate with others, so they show introversion and avoid communicating with others.
I used to be very good friends, but I stopped contacting them for various reasons. Sometimes I really want to contact, but every time I think of the unpleasant things that happened before, I dare not even contact. Previous thoughts: Because many unpleasant things have happened in the past, don't contact, just keep the status quo. Teleology: I don't want to touch it, so I recall what happened before to deepen my thoughts.
..... In fact, there are many such things.
We can neither go back in time by time machine, nor turn back the hour hand. However, what we can do is to give value to the past. Many escapist things we do are meaningless and can't change anything. It is king to look at the future based on the present!
Note: Adler, Freud and Jung are also called "the Big Three in Psychology". He is an Austrian psychiatrist as well as a thinker and philosopher. As the founder of individual psychology and the pioneer of humanistic psychology, Adler is known as "the father of modern self-psychology".
When I first started reading this book after reading "Hate Gallbladder 3", I told the team boss that I was reading "Hate Gallbladder 3", and the boss read it again. He also told me that there was a TV play, but it was not quite the same as that in the book. Out of curiosity, I also watched a TV series.
I don't understand the young lady's rude behavior of buying the last strawberry cake that the little girl desperately wanted at the beginning of the play, and even produced "how can this person be so immoral and rob the child?"
Now I finally understand that this is "the courage to be hated." Say "Yes!" Face up to what you like bravely. And boldly say "no!" Face things that make you unhappy. It is the right of each of us, and there is no one who should give in to anyone because of age difference, social status and other reasons. This is the true meaning of "all men are created equal".
It is precisely because I lack the "courage to be hated" that someone borrowed money from me for a long time and didn't pay it back. I was afraid that reminding the other party to pay back the money would affect our relationship and didn't say it, which led to the situation that I had no money when I needed it.
In fact, boldly saying that he needs money and asking him to pay back the money he owes has not affected our relationship. On the contrary, it will not cause such suspicion because it is not said, so that the relationship between two people is gradually alienated because of suspicion.
"The courage to be hated" is a skill that we need and must learn. This book makes strange psychological philosophy easy to understand through dialogue. I have benefited a lot.
After reading Courage of Hatred 4, in the form of a dialogue between philosophers and young people, I started a dialogue around the so-called three questions in life: "Who am I", "Where am I from" and "Where am I going".
After reading this book, I learned about the three philosophers of 1 time. In addition to Jung and Freud, there is also a man named Adler. Hahaha ~ I've increased my knowledge ~
Adler Psychology What he wants to express is that you can change anytime and anywhere as long as you want, and don't be limited to yourself in the present and the future by something inherent in the past.
He is just the opposite of our usual thinking logic. It has always been reverse thinking, advocating teleology, separating topics, and then calmly drawing a line. We believe in causal theory every day. Now Adler is just the opposite. He advocates teleology and pushes forward from the purpose, which seems to be similar to the teaching philosophy of a professor in my university.
In the middle paragraph, I feel confused and divided when discussing the topic of * * *. However, the overall reading has given me a broader understanding of the topic of life. Sometimes I wonder if I was born a philosopher or a psychologist. I haven't actually read a lot of things, and no one has told me, but I've always practiced like this.
Live in the moment, focus on "this moment" and do what you can do now carefully. Don't take life too seriously, but have a serious but not profound attitude.
"It is not the past experience that determines us, but the meaning we give it."
Like a book club's comment: If "I" changes, the "world" will also change. In the journey of changing the "world", I hope that "I" can become my own sun and the light that illuminates others.
Sometimes you find a book by chance, which may completely change your later life.
After reading "Hate Courage", I read the title of "Hate Courage" first. I think the title is a gimmick, just like many chicken soup-style bestsellers, which lists many opinions for you, but it doesn't make any sense for the change of life. Fortunately, I was recently recommended this book in a consultation. I picked it up and began to read it carefully. It's really a pity to meet you late, but all kinds of opinions are mixed in my mind. Let's make a simple comb through the following words.
First of all, introduce the basic situation of this book, which is co-authored by philosopher kishida fumio and freelance writer Koga Mao. The content is presented in the form of a dialogue between young people and philosophers. Adler was born in 1870 and died in 1937. He is an Austrian psychiatrist, and he is also called the "Big Three" of psychology with Freud and Jung.
Below, I will sort out the experience of each chapter separately.
Chapter 1: Whose fault is our misfortune? This paper introduces the basic position of Adler's philosophy, that is, denying Freud's "cause theory" and putting forward how to understand the current "teleology". In the process of growing up, we have formed such me, that is, a certain way of life-a narrow sense of so-called personality, a broad world outlook or outlook on life. But when we understand the concept of lifestyle, we have the responsibility to choose to continue the original lifestyle or choose a new lifestyle. People can change at any time. We can't change because we are determined not to change. It takes courage to change. The reason why people are unhappy is not the influence of the past or environment, nor the lack of ability, but the lack of courage to get happiness.
In the second chapter, all the troubles come from interpersonal relationships. Here we discuss inferiority complex, pursuit of superiority complex, inferiority complex and superiority complex. Inferiority is a state of lack of feeling at present, so we should study hard, practice hard and work hard. The pursuit of superiority is to keep moving forward compared with the past self. Not superior; Inferiority is that you can't do B because you don't have A, which is an escape and an excuse, while superiority is to act as if you are excellent and then immerse yourself in a false sense of superiority. Adler put forward people's behavioral and psychological goals. Behaviorally-self-reliance, getting along with society, psychologically-I have the ability, and everyone is my partner. We must overcome the three major problems of work, making friends and falling in love. Adler's psychology is courage psychology and practical psychology. We choose our own life and lifestyle with our own hands, and we choose our own life and lifestyle with our own hands.
Chapter three tells people who interfere in your life to go to hell. This paper mainly introduces topic separation, which is a concrete and epoch-making concept given by Adler psychology. All contradictions in interpersonal relationships are caused by the interference of other people's topics or their own topics. We must start from the concept of "whose topic is this", separate our own topic from others' topic, and don't interfere with others' topic, and don't let others interfere with our topic. How to judge whose project? Just think, "Who will bear the consequences of a certain choice?" Adler denied pursuing recognition. "I don't want to be hated" is my topic, "Do you hate me" is someone else's topic. Even if someone doesn't like me, I can't interfere. The courage to get happiness includes "the courage to be hated"-not caring about others' comments, not afraid of being hated, and not seeking others' approval. The "interpersonal card" is always in your own hands. The question is whether I have made up my mind.
The fourth chapter talks about how Adler psychology views the whole interpersonal relationship and what kind of interpersonal relationship we should form with others. The topic separation in the previous chapter is the starting point of interpersonal relationship, and the end point lies in the state of empathy-seeing others as partners and feeling "one's place" from it. To understand empathy, we can start with "you and me" and turn our attachment to ourselves into caring for others. Adler's psychology believes that the sense of belonging can be obtained not only through dependence, but also through active participation in the same body, that is, actively facing topics such as work, making friends and falling in love. The separation of topics brings about a good relationship, while the "horizontal relationship" forms a relationship of mutual coordination and cooperation. People can only get courage when they feel valuable, and they can only feel their value when they realize that I am useful to the same person. Horizontal relationship is not to turn anyone into a friend or treat everyone as a friend, but to be equal in consciousness and stick to one's due opinions.
The fifth chapter "stay real in the Present" further explains "* * * with the sense of body", and further extends to the theme of "what is happiness". * * * Empathy needs to be established from three aspects: self-acceptance, others' trust and others' contribution. Self-acceptance means that if you can't do it, you can honestly accept this "impossible self" and then try your best to work in the direction you can, and don't lie to yourself; Trust is an unconditional belief; The contribution of the other is to experience the subjective feeling that my existence is useful to others. Happiness is a sense of contribution. If you can have "ordinary courage", you will have a different world view. If you refuse to be ordinary, you will understand "ordinary" as "incompetent". Ordinary does not mean incompetent. I don't think it's necessary to show off my superiority. It's boring. Life is actually a continuous moment, and we can only live in this moment, so we should focus on this moment and do what we can carefully. It doesn't matter if there is no goal. Seriously living this moment is dancing in itself. Don't make your life too profound. Don't confuse seriousness with profundity. The biggest lie in life is not living in the present. Life has no universal meaning, only you can give it to you. With the contribution of others as a guide star, there will be happiness and friends. We should live this moment as seriously as dancing, that is, we should live every ending moment without looking at the past or the future. There is no need to compete with anyone, and there is no need for a destination. As long as you jump, you will definitely get somewhere. For you, the meaning of life is that when you dance "this moment" carefully, it will gradually become clear. If I change, the world will change.
Finally, after reading this book, my feelings are as rigid or even illogical as the above combing ideas, but it is really an ideological shock. I will learn more about Adler's thoughts in the future, hoping to have this simple happiness.
Reflection on "The Courage of Hate" 6 "The Courage of Hate" is a psychological book about Adler, the father of self-motivation. In the form of dialogue between young people and philosophers, the book explores a series of questions, such as "Where are our misfortunes?" "Should we live in the expectation of others?" "How to get happiness?" How to deal with problems in life? Adler gave his answers to these questions.
Unlike Freud and Jung's "Causality Theory" (generally speaking, all results are caused by the past), Adler believes that all actions are based on our purpose, and our misfortunes are our own choices. What really affects us is not the objective facts that happened in the past, but our subjective views projected on the objective facts. The temperature of well water is constant, and it is 10 degrees Celsius in summer and winter, but we think it is cool in summer and warm in winter. Its temperature has not changed, but our subjective feelings have changed. So when something happens, it has become an established fact, and how to treat it has become a subjective problem that will affect our behavior. Whether to embrace it warmly or to alienate it coldly has become the subject of our own life. What matters is not what you get, but how you use what you get.
We always inevitably have expectations of others. We hope to be liked and recognized by others, so we gradually fall into the kingdom of others. Adler told us that the desire to seek others' approval is the source of our troubles, and we mistake others' approval for our own life. We feel unfortunate that we have not met the expectations of others, and we feel painful that we have not met the ideals of others. Therefore, we are proud to beg carefully in other people's kingdom.
How to get happiness? Adler's answer is to separate the topics first and figure out which ones are your own business and which ones are others'. This is not alienating interpersonal relationships, on the contrary, it is looking for a new entrance to interpersonal relationships. On the basis of completing the sub-topic, we should "trust others", regard others as our partners, do not interfere with other people's decisions, and just give pertinent opinions. Finally, realize the contribution of others. When you establish a sense of * * * identity with others and make your own contribution to this * * * identity, you can feel your own value from it. This sense of value does not depend on the approval of others, but is purely based on the inner self, so you can get real happiness.
Looking back, why is this book called The Courage of Being Hate? Because the author thinks Adler's philosophy is based on courage. Embrace the courage to face the misfortune and pain of the past, dare to accept the ordinary life, and do not pursue the recognition of others, even if this courage is hated. Because life should be like this, life has no map, we have come all the way, disappointed all the way, ignited hope all the way, and searched for answers all the way.
You have to understand the script of your life-it is not a sequel to your parents, a prequel to your children, or a foreign story of your friends. I hope everyone can have that kind of annoying courage, cherish the present strength and dance every day.
After reading The Courage of Being Hate, I recently read a book The Courage of Being Hate, which talked about "inferiority complex". It says: Inferiority is caused by comparing with others, and all troubles come from interpersonal relationships. If there is only one person in this world, there will be no trouble. In the social human society, no one can stay out of it. Growth is not success or failure, everything will be fine if it is not success, nothing will be achieved if it is failure, but a process of putting the whole world on the same plane and making efforts to move forward.
People often live in the shadow of the past, unable to get out of the shadow of the past, and think that the present situation is caused by some reason in the past, thus forming a sense of inferiority. What happened in the past is the past, and we can't change its result, but all we can do is live in the present and live every minute of the present. People should look forward instead of always living in the shadow of the past.
About your life, all you can do is "choose the best path you think". On the other hand, how others evaluate your choice is someone else's subject, and you can't control it at all. Don't take other people's original subjects as your own subjects, and don't take your own original subjects as other people's subjects. Learn to separate subjects. "Only you care about your face."
People should have their own expectations, have their own judgment standards, and should live for themselves, not for others. The road to freedom that cannot be recognized by others is not "self-centered". On the contrary, mutual interference is "self-centered", and interference is equivalent to imposing your own ideas on others.
Freedom is being hated by others. Being annoying is a painful thing. If possible, we all want to live without being annoying and try our best to satisfy our desire for identity. However, it is an extremely illiberal way of life and impossible to please everyone in all directions. If you want to exercise your freedom, you must pay the price. In interpersonal relationships, the price of freedom is being hated by others.
Adler's solution to interpersonal problems: what is your own problem and what is someone else's problem, you should draw a clear line calmly. Moreover, not interfering in other people's projects and not letting others interfere in their own projects is a concrete and epoch-making view given by Adler's psychology, which may completely change the troubles of interpersonal relationships.
After reading "The Courage of Being Disliked" 8. The courage to be rejected was recommended by a blogger I followed. At first, when you saw the title, you would think it should be chicken soup for the soul, so I just added it to the shopping cart without paying. Later, I saw many people saying that this book was good, so I decided to start reading it.
This is a book on psychology, which was compiled by Japanese kishida fumio and Shi Jian Koga. Through the dialogue between young people and philosophers, it gradually answers young people's doubts about life and explains Adler's thoughts from it. Different from traditional psychology such as Freud, Adler's psychology puts forward teleology, that is, people should not consider the "reasons" of the past, but the "purposes" of the present.
I believe everyone has heard the word "from a family" to some extent, and I have been discussing this issue with my friends. Is birth a lifelong influence on us? A few days ago, a similar topic "Family background can determine his life" appeared in a hot search in Weibo. More than 200,000 people voted, and 1.5 million people thought it could decide his life. According to Adler, it is definitely not. Adler's psychology explicitly denies the existence of psychological trauma. He believes that any experience itself is not necessarily the cause of success or failure. Past experience does have a certain influence on the formation of our character, but the experience itself does not decide anything. What meaning we give to past experiences directly determines our life, that is to say, life is not given by others, but we choose our own life.
As we all know, a student named Jiang from Chengtou Middle School in Ganyu attracted the attention of the society this year. He scored 368 points in the exam and could have chosen a better institution, but he resolutely chose Yancheng Normal University as an English major to train rural teachers and returned to Ganyu as a rural teacher four years later. To tell the truth, I didn't quite understand what he did when I first saw the news, but after thinking about it, his behavior seemed understandable. His parents are old and poor, his mother suffers from mental retardation and his father suffers from liver disease. According to the view of causality, born in such a family, he should complain about his parents, unfair fate and depravity, and feel that there is no way out in this life. Especially in such an era of fighting dad, he didn't. I'm not sure he never complained about his family background in private, but it turns out that he didn't give up on himself and feel sorry for himself. Even in the only dim yellow light, he worked hard and finally got a high score of 368. Not only did he get excellent grades, but he was also a grateful child. He said that he loves English and hopes to become a rural teacher, which can help more rural children like him live a better life. To be honest, I don't believe that his family environment and sick parents can bring him any kind of high-quality or even normal family education, but he is great. Although he has a mature face, he doesn't look like a teenager of the same age as 18, but he is not crushed by life. He has his own pursuits and choices. I believe his future will not be bad.
The book also talks about three major themes of life: making friends, working and falling in love. He thinks that we must separate our own subject from others' subject from the viewpoint of "whose subject is this". Subject separation is not the exit of interpersonal relationship but the entrance.
Actually, I don't think so. I agree that learning is a child's subject. However, it is not recognized that parents and teachers should separate subjects and let their children learn. I am teaching in grade one now, and some children in our class show that they don't like learning and don't listen to lectures. According to Adler's project, theory should be separated. At this time, parents and teachers should not interfere and let the children develop themselves. Tell him that when you need my help, you can tell me and I will lend a helping hand. I don't think so. To tell the truth, children of this age have not yet formed their own relatively mature and rational world outlook, outlook on life and values. They have no ability to clearly judge right from wrong. It can even be said that many children, especially rural children, have not yet woken up from the free environment of kindergarten, and have no idea of "I am a primary school student" and no consciousness of "learning". If teachers and parents let him develop at this time, he will not interfere and let himself go. Children may be destroyed. Shouldn't parents and teachers take the initiative to participate in the child's topic in time, communicate effectively with him and help him establish a sense of learning? When I say interference, I don't mean beating and cursing, just because children don't understand or even know the importance of "learning". As adults, we have the obligation and responsibility to let them know.
There are many points in the book to remind people to read. Adler psychology is a kind of personal psychology. I hope that each of us can be ourselves, seize this moment and gain freedom and happiness in life.
I admit that I haven't finished reading this book, and it's my first time to write an article. There is probably no logic and structure, just some ideas, which only represent personal views.
This book was written by a Japanese writer, but borrowed from Adler's psychological point of view. There are also a lot of quotations in the original text. It is said that Carnegie (who wrote "The Weakness of Human Nature") was deeply influenced by this famous person who is said to be on par with Freud and Jung.
In the form of dialogue between philosophers and young people, the book discusses some questions about wearing the cloak of psychology and philosophy. Don't want to go into details, just tell me my opinion. This dialogue mode is considered as a skill and trap that mature readers can see through. Even if the author deliberately sets up two people with seemingly opposite views, this false dialogue can even be said to deprive us of the right to think.
At least what I read in the book is positive, but I think this positive attitude can be said to be negative, and I try my best to move forward. Of course, this attitude is very in line with Japan's national conditions, but as a person with thinking ability and certain influence, it is extremely immoral for me to invite readers blindly, drag people who trust him into social ideology, instill people with the idea of hard work and progress, and ignore social injustice.
I don't think what he said about progress is even progress. The words "bravely pursue a happy life" are empty, even if we ask our parents, parents who have worked hard all their lives, a simple question: "What do you think is the meaning of living?" They can't say an answer, and even break the jar and say, "It's for you." Our previous generation had no answer, and neither did we. My answer is just to follow the wheel of society, and the best way is not to think about it. Live, live with parents as a burden, walk clean, and don't hurt two simple souls. I don't know who is lucky enough to see freedom. I just want to talk to him about the feeling of freedom. In this era when even Trump is not free.
This book was lent to me by my classmate. I asked him what he wrote, and he said it was philosophy. Perhaps because of this, I read this book with a preconceived philosophy book, which became a joke until I couldn't stand it anymore and closed the book. On the back of the book, I saw that it said: "Bookshelf suggestion: inspirational classics, philosophy of life". It can be seen that inspirational literature always has the above characteristics. Why are the words philosophy and life completely different when put together?