Joke Daquan laughs till his stomach hurts. Super hilarious as follows:

1. In the classroom, Amin put his lunch box in front of Ahua next to him and said, "Try my meal." Hua scooped up a spoonful and put it in his mouth. "See if it's gone bad." Amin added.

2. My friend is great. I remember in junior high school, my buddy smoked in the toilet during his lunch break at noon. Buddy took the last bite. He jerked and the dean suddenly came in. Seeing us leaning against the window, I asked, "What are you two doing?" I panicked and turned to look at my buddy. His performance is unforgettable! He blew a lot of smoke from his nose and said, "I'm angry."

3. A friend came to my house to see that my goldfish was well kept and asked me the secret. After all, he is my good friend, so I told him my six-word secret of raising fish: change more water and change fish frequently.

4. The teacher is bald. Once in class, he said, "What if my left hand is positive and my right hand is negative?" The deskmate replied, "Your skull will light up."

5. What is the power of mathematics? I can't understand the answer after copying! What is the power of Chinese? I don't want to copy after reading the answer!

6. Xiao didn't do well in the exam. He only got 40 points in the middle school entrance examination. Lao _ said angrily: Don't call me dad next time you fail the exam. The next day at the door, Xiao _ shouted, Open the door, big brother.

7. I get toothache when I get angry, and half my face is swollen. My little niece asked me what was in my mouth. I teased her: Good thing! No matter how she asks me, I won't tell her what I ate. When I was lying on the sofa after lunch, my little niece pried my mouth open with a spoon: What did you eat?

30 jokes that make you sick.

1. A northern friend I met online recently came to my house. At that time, he and I went to the vegetable market to buy food. When I saw that I bought a corn, a tomato and a small amount of instant tofu, my face suddenly showed a complicated expression of disbelief, nervousness and fear. Later, I was silent all the way, and I walked silently to the door. Finally I said, "You can buy so little! I thought the boss would strike the table and cut you! "

2. Xiao Wang next door failed the final exam again, so Lao Wang beat Xiao Wang, and as a result, Xiao Wang cried and went to his mother. Xiao Wang asked his mother, Mom, what would you do if someone hit your son? Mother said angrily, I will also hit his son! Xiao Wang: ... Mom said she would hit me, too.

Yesterday, I went home by bus after work. At that time, the bus was still very crowded. A beautiful woman is eating rice balls in her hand, because I am still relatively tall. As soon as the beautiful girl's rice ball was raised to my mouth, there was only one bite left. I suddenly don't know what's going on, and I can't help taking a bite. The beauty suddenly looked at me with a face of injustice and felt like crying in an instant. Then I said, very mentally retarded.

When I was in college, I was still in the public library at night. I saw that everyone had left, leaving only me and the goddess in the class. We all review our lessons in the library and sit together. The goddess suddenly asked me: where do you say heaven is? I said calmly: Goddess, where you are, it is heaven. The goddess said: If heaven is full of boys like you, I guess heaven may become hell. Until a few years after graduation, I still don't understand why my wife said that night.

5. I still remember that year, I just went to Grade Two. It was also June, just after the college entrance examination. My deskmate was sleeping on my desk when the teacher found me.

The teacher quietly walked to the same table, and before I could remind him, the teacher patted the table at the same table and said, you are all senior three students now! Why are you still sleeping in class? I have no consciousness at all! The deskmate immediately climbed down, looked around with an incredible face and said, impossible, this is absolutely impossible. I can't sleep that long. I am a sophomore.

The most classic top ten hilarious jokes

10 classic humorous jokes

10 classic humorous jokes. We usually like to watch some humorous jokes when we are free, which can relieve the pressure of work, make ourselves laugh and tell others. Next, I'll take you to know about 10 classic humorous jokes.

10 classic humorous jokes 1

1, the woman said: Why do you look so old-fashioned?

M: If you like RMB, do you still care what year it was issued?

2. Xiaohui asked the leader: "Leader, I want to go back to my hometown to sweep the grave and worship my ancestors these days during the Qingming holiday." The leader said, "OK, remember to wear masks, hats and sunglasses."

Xiaohui: "Thank you for your concern. If it is not too hot recently, it will not tan. "

Leader: "I mean, you work so badly, how can you face your ancestors!" " "

3. Son: "Dad, there is a poor old uncle outside. He has been shouting outside, so dad, can you give me two dollars? I want to give it to him. " Dad: "Good boy, you will pity the old man when you are young. Commendable. This is two dollars. " Dad: "Oh, by the way, what's the name of that old uncle?" Son: "Ice cream, ice cream, one in 2 yuan!" Come on! "

Wukong and Tang Priest went to a TV station together. If you are the one, Wukong came on stage and all 24 lights went out. Reason: 1. No house, no car, just a broken stick. 2. Occupational hazards of bodyguards. 3. Always hitting goblins, not being gentle with girls. 4. Being trapped in prison and being pressed under Wuzhishan for 500 years. Tang Priest came on stage, wow! The lights are all on. Reason: 1. Civil servants; 2. Brother Huang, backstage is the hardest. 3. Proficient in Sanskrit and other foreign languages. 4. Very handsome. 5. The most crucial point: BMW!

My mother said to me today, "Daughter, you can't be fat any more." You see that you are a gourd in underwear and a pear without underwear. "

My dad said, "Nonsense, our daughter is also full of potholes, obviously a lotus root and a fat knot."

6, a couple quarreled, the woman directly started, pinched and twisted. Look at that man's face. Very uncomfortable. I saw the man's hand and said angrily, "Wait for me to go back and practice a muscle!" " "Hum, what about exercising muscles?" The man replied angrily, "I can't hold you back."

7. Xiaoli went to the gym to lose weight. I saw everyone else running hard on the treadmill, only she walked slowly. She called the coach and growled, "Why can't I run on this treadmill?" The coach looked at her and said helplessly, "It's all open to the maximum, and it becomes so slow as soon as it goes up."

8. What should I do to meet my parents at her home for the first time? What should I call it? Do you want to bring some gifts? ""You hit a girl and still think about it? "

Aunt Zhang bought a pair of liberation shoes and wore them for two days, showing her toes. She asked the shop assistant, "Why are the quality of liberation shoes so poor?" Salesman: "Isn't it good to free your toes from the darkness?"

10, driving one day, suddenly asked the coach why the steering wheel was a little loose. The coach said calmly that you, a senior, didn't step on the brake first, but pulled the steering wheel hard in an emergency and shouted "woo hoo!" "

10 classic humor joke 2

20 classic humorous jokes

1, an IT manager walks into a ramen restaurant and asks: Do you need a client? The interface seems a little old. The boss is stupefied: the face is usually the buddy side, and the client side is needed when busy. The interface is absolutely fresh, but the ribs are from yesterday.

If what you give me is the same as what you give to others, then I don't want it. Aunt in the canteen picked up the big spoon: "Do you want it or not? Do you want it? "

When I was a child, I always felt that someone was following me, so I got into the habit of turning around after a few steps. Ten years later, I became a tango teacher.

Xiaoming farted loudly in the elevator. Xiao Gang held his nose with one hand and pointed to the sign on the elevator with the other. Didn't you see that it said "handle with care"?

5. When I was a child, I saw my parents quarreling and often tangled. Should I get married when I grow up? It was not until I reached that age that I found out: I really think too much!

6. Robber: "Tell me the password of the safe! Don't say kill you! " Female employee: "Don't tell me if you kill me! You ruined me, I won't say anything! " The robber looked her up and down and said, "You should be beautiful!" "

7, what is maturity, your mother didn't rush you, you put on long pants! What is youth? Your mother urges you, but you still don't wear long pants!

8. I have a dream, that is to return to China with sunglasses and Lamborghini. After more than 20 years of hard work, I have done half of it, and I have sunglasses.

9. I heard that irregular rest is very harmful to my health, which scares me to stay up late every day and regularly.

10, the purpose of installing a mirror in the bathroom is to let you pee and look in the mirror.

1 1, as soon as I reviewed it, I found other people's heads, including printers, tape recorders and digital cameras. My head is a soymilk machine.

12, my wife suddenly got angry and scolded me for some reason. I coaxed her for a long time before she calmed down and asked, "Do you know where you are wrong now?" I said angrily, "What do you mean? Can't I be scolded by you if I'm right? "

13, every exam, class average, will be in my hand.

14, I don't have any outstanding advantages, but I have a special eye for girls. All the girls I chased married good people in the end without exception.

15, the boy took his girlfriend for a walk and passed by the restaurant. The girlfriend exclaimed, "It smells good!" The boy with a hard bag on his back said very gentlemanly, "If you like, we'll walk to the front of the restaurant again."

16. On the first day of school, the kindergarten director called the parents and told them whether your children had watched too many court plays. On the first day of roll call, the children directly replied, "I am a slave!" "

17, I dreamed that I was beaten by a group of people last night, woke up with fear, and then went back to sleep. I met that group of people and said to me, how dare you come back?

18, eating mala Tang, the boss said that his mala Tang is divided into five grades: slightly spicy, moderately spicy, spicy, unusually spicy, and the next day's buttocks hurt.

19, once there was a sincere love in front of me. I didn't cherish it. If I could start over, I would choose Li Bai.

20. I called my boyfriend yesterday and suddenly got disconnected. After a while, the goods called me again. Before I could speak, he said, can you lose weight? How many times have you said this month? I smiled and touched the hang-up button!

Laugh a cold joke for a second.

In the process of getting along with relatives and friends, if you know how to tell some humorous jokes, you can not only ease the embarrassing atmosphere when you get along, but also help to cultivate mutual feelings. Some cold jokes can make people laugh instantly, and people who want to tell them can't help laughing. Below, the craftsman teacher will share some cold jokes that can make people laugh instantly.

Cold joke one

"Do you know why some people's legs ache when they walk? Because they stepped on lemons when they walked. "

Cold joke 2

The next cold joke to share is also hilarious. It is about a group of girls on vacation who saw a five-star hotel, and this five-star hotel marked that only girls can enter, so the girls decided to leave their husbands and boyfriends and enter this five-star hotel by themselves.

A handsome security guard at the entrance of the hotel explained to the girls, "Our five-star hotel has five floors, and each floor has relevant instructions. If you think the corresponding floor meets your own wishes, you can stay. " Then the girls went up and came to 1 building, and the upstairs of 1 building was marked "Boys on this floor again. After arriving at the second floor, I found that the second floor was marked "All the boys here are short but handsome", but the girls were still not satisfied, thinking that the conditions of the boys on the second floor were not good enough, and decided to continue to go up.

On the third floor, it was marked "All the boys here are tall, but poor". These girls want something better, so they keep going up. They know in their hearts that there are still two floors to look forward to, thinking that the conditions of boys on each floor will be better than the next.

In this way, they continued to go up and came to the fourth floor, which was marked "All boys here are tall and handsome", but the girls were still not satisfied because they thought there was a last floor, and maybe the conditions of the boys on the last floor would be better, so they decided to go to the fifth floor.

As a result, after coming to the fifth floor, the fifth floor was marked "There are no boys here". This cold joke tells us that some girls are hard to please and satisfy.

Sneer at three times

"In the past, a piece of iron was thrown high, so it became a high-speed rail."

Sneer four times

"Once upon a time, there was a man named Cai Xiao who was later taken away."

Sneer at five times

"Once upon a time, there was a man named Ma Xiao who was later rode away."

So, besides the cold jokes shared by the tinker, what other cold jokes do you think can make people laugh instantly? Welcome to share your message in the comments section below.

I am an "educational teenager". I answer interesting and knowledgeable questions with my heart. If it helps you, please click on the attention!

Complete works of daily jokes

Humorous jokes

Short humorous jokes and jokes can often be heard in our daily life and are also loved by the public. Sometimes, in the process of getting along with others, appropriate jokes can also bring us closer. The following is a short humorous joke.

A short humorous joke 1

Dad: "Son, who will you marry in the future?"

My son said innocently, "Grandma loves me the most, and I want to marry her.

Dad was amused by innocence: "nonsense! How can my mother be your wife? "

The son is serious: "Then how can my mother be your wife?"

I won't go to eat ice cream with you.

I heard a boy talking to a little girl in the street.

Shota: "I'll give you an ice cream. Come with me ~ "

Little Lori: "Hum, I'm not going to eat an ice cream with you!" " "

Shota: "Two!

Little Lori: "Wait a minute, I have to go home and pack something ~"

Complete works of hilarious jokes II

Uncle: "Xiao Ming, who is better for you, father or mother?"

Xiao Ming: "They are all very kind to me!" " "

Uncle: "So if mom and dad quarrel, which side will you stand on?"

Xiao Ming: "I am on standby."

Funny short paragraphs daquan 3

I was a little nervous playing chess with my uncle in the community this morning.

After taking the first step, grandpa was silent for a long time and said, "Are you a novice?"

I was surprised: "Grandpa, how do you know?"

Grandpa: "I have been playing chess here for several years, and there are not many handsome first steps."

Me: "shouldn't the leader go first?"

Funny short paragraphs daquan 4

The crow fell in love with the frog at the bottom of the well. In order to see his lover as soon as possible, he keeps throwing stones into the well every day.

Many things happen. One day, water overflowed the wellhead.

He looked at the toad in front of him and said anxiously, "Have you seen the frog?"

"I'm a frog, don't you know me?" "But you"

"Besides, isn't it all your fault?"

Funny short paragraphs daquan 5

Toad A is staring blankly at the sky. Toad B asked A, "What are you thinking in a daze?"

Toad Jia sighed, "I miss Chang 'e so much".

After hearing this, Toad B laughed wildly: "Do you still think you are a pig?"

Toad A was very unhappy and explained, "I mean, I want to try swan meat-I want to try goose, okay?"

Funny short paragraphs daquan 6

One day, dad wanted to take his son swimming and said, "I'll take you swimming. Will you go?"

The son said, "I'm going swimming, I'm going swimming."

My dad said, "On one condition."

My son didn't understand and asked my dad, "What are the conditions?"

My dad said, "On condition that you go to kindergarten."

Without thinking, the son said, "Then I won't go swimming."

Short humorous jokes 2

1, please marry me. You will be the second happiest person in the world, because if you marry me, I will be the first happiest person in the world.

2, the sea is not dry, the stone is not rotten, my love, as long as you are happy, I will change everything with them.

3, the fate under the same sky, you left me. You once said, I hope that when you and I are both gray, we will walk hand in hand in the sunset, begging me never to.

A few years ago, I prayed to God for my happiness. Now I have you by my side. I know, happiness, I have got it. I love you!

5. It's easy to miss someone! It's hard to love someone! Falling in love with someone you miss is even harder! God gave me a chance, and I must let it go.

6, under the moon, the old man's brain is active, and the Qixi gift has specially added new fashion elements to make China mm smarter!

7. Without you, the color is single. Without you, food is tasteless. Without you, I am empty!

8. Your hesitation period is over, don't be half-hearted! From today on, only be gentle and considerate, not bullying; Only love, no hate; Just laugh, don't cry.

I accidentally sent you "I love you" by mistake. If you accept it, keep it. If you don't accept it, send these three words back to me.

10, I suddenly understood that a woman's Excellence does not lie in her appearance, money and social status. But what kind of man stood beside her.

1 1, I have never forgotten the past, just buried them in the moonlight outside the window. When night comes, they will rush out.

12, my girlfriend asked me, how to spend Tanabata? I'm playing dumb. Tanabata? Do you want to eat zongzi? She laughed at me. What kind of zongzi did she eat? ! How about eating moon cakes? !

13. One day, the cowherd told the Weaver Girl that we couldn't meet because the magpie was in love. Weaver said it doesn't matter, so send a text message!

14, what is the most depressing thing about Tanabata? It is the time when the cowherd and the weaver girl meet once a year, and their menstruation comes.

15, if you ignore me, I feel like a brother and sister riding a tandem bike.

Short humorous joke 3

1. At the mobile phone party, a mobile phone said, "I'm from Nokia." The other said, "I'm from Samsung." Another well-dressed man said, "I'm from Apple." Then a cell phone in the corner said, "Don't argue, I'm fake, and whoever I love is mine!" " "

Second, I work in a hospital. One day, an earthquake happened. At this moment, everyone ran out. Only the old director of internal medicine calmly held the wall and took out two antihypertensive drugs. He thinks his blood pressure is high.

Third, it snows. Ordinary youth: "Ah, it's snowing, so white!" " "Literary youth:" Snow is as clean as jade, purifying the soul and spirit! "Youth:" Cao, God's shit is white! "

The frog took a bottle of Erguotou to the tortoise's house to pray for the secret of longevity. The tortoise blew on the spout. He said slowly, "It's actually quite simple. No matter what happens, stick your head in first. "

Sima Guang patted Wang Anshi on the shoulder: "Fu Jie, fight with me? You are still too young. " Wang Anshi calmly replied, "What's the big deal? Isn't it just smashing a water tank? If I were you, I would certainly do the same. I just missed an opportunity. " There are two cold lights in Sima Guang's eyes: "Opportunities are created by ourselves. You only know that the old man smashed the jar, but you don't know how the child fell in? "

6. It is above 40 degrees Celsius every day, and I have to go out to run business. It is true that the barbecue business has developed rapidly, and now it has developed to every household.

A black man was bitten by lice. He blew out the candle and said, let you never see me again.

Eight, Zhang made a report, and the audience was buzzing, which quickly drowned out the director's voice. The director was very unhappy and was about to get angry when a young man stood up and shouted, "Everybody stop arguing!" " "The whole room suddenly quiet down. The director was very moved: after all, there is a bosom friend! The young man went on to say, "You made me wake up! "

I happened to chat with a MM today. I asked her what she looked like, and she said 168, long hair. I asked if I could be more specific. She said it was not specific? I said, sure, find a mop of 168 and turn it upside down. Isn't it just like you? ! And then she knocked me out.

X. When the American diplomatic delegation visited the Soviet Union, Soviet reception officials accompanied them to visit the great achievements of construction, and proudly said: By the next five-year plan, every Soviet family can have a private jet! The American asked in surprise: What do they need a plane for? Su Xiu officials said: Of course it works! For example, if you hear in Moscow that Leningrad has started to supply bread, you can fly to the queue immediately.

Eleven, mother snail said to the snail: You are not young, tomorrow I will take you to the village next door for a blind date. The snail said, I'm only 12 years old, and I haven't reached the legal age. Mom: When we get there, you will be enough.

Twelve, surfing the Internet at home One night, Wangwang suddenly jumped out of the window and said to me, "Dear, I am pregnant." Elder brother suddenly a surprised, the heart says he didn't rush what trouble? Just as he was stunned, the man said, "Go to the hospital for examination tomorrow." I want to know who you are. Do you want me to accompany you to check? Do you want to correct me? Just thinking, the man said, "I can only deliver the goods to you the day after tomorrow." Shit, I bought something at your house this afternoon.

Thirteen, on the way to learn the scriptures, the Tang Priest deeply felt sorry for his three disciples. One jumps up and down, the other is lazy, and the other always falls behind. They are all people of status and don't pay attention to quality. It is simply unorganized and undisciplined! So the Tang Priest gave special training to the three disciples. A month later, the Tang Priest said, "March quickly!"

Wandering in the street with friends, meeting foreign friends, say hello to him: "hello!" " "The friend also said," Ha Lao, cool dog! ""_ Death!

15. A few years ago, it was rumored that Wang, the minister of examination department, would take over as invigilator. Mr. Wang joked that only the Year of the Monkey is possible. However, in recent days, the concern of the upper class shows great signs of appointing Mr. Wang as a supervisor. Is there really no Year of the Monkey? I'm going to check Mr. Li's zodiac sign. Or a newspaper.

Newton visited the Zen master because of mechanical problems. The Zen master spread a blanket under the inclined plane, put the ball on the inclined plane and let it fly. The ball rolled for a short distance and then stopped. The Zen master replaced the blanket with a smooth wooden surface, and the ball rolled for a long distance before stopping. Newton suddenly realized: you mean that force is the reason to change the state of motion of an object, and as long as it is not stressed, it can keep moving? The Zen master said, I mean, as far away from here as possible!

Seventeen, "when I was in college, my classmates went to Sichuan restaurant together and asked for a pig's head when ordering. After talking for a long time, the waitress couldn't understand. A classmate smiled and pointed to his head and said to the waitress, "Here! Pig head meat! " Miss: Oh, I see! ""Since then, this gentleman has been nicknamed "Pig's Head Meat". "

In the morning, a buddy went to the front of the stairs and stopped on the first step. After a long time, he suddenly woke up and shouted, "Isn't this an escalator?" ! "

Nineteen, a TV program said that a white radish was planted and turned into a carrot in autumn. Experts from all over the country discussed collectively. Water, fertilizer, land type, air, weather and even planting methods were investigated. Episodes 1, 2 and 3. The final conclusion is that my buddy planted the wrong seeds.

Twenty, a man was walking on a dusty road, and a coachman caught up with him with a four-wheeled car. He said to the driver, "Boss, can you be kind?" Take my coat to town. The driver said, "OK, but how can you get your coat again?" "He said," it's easy. I'll stay in my coat. "

Wei Xiaobao, Yang Guo, Guo Jing and Ling Huchong compare their wives together. Yang Guo said: My wife is willing to jump off a cliff for me. Guo Jing said: My wife is willing to break up with my father for me. Ling Huchong said: My wife is willing to be imprisoned in Shaolin Temple for me. Wei Xiaobao smiled and said nothing. They looked back. Shuang'er once asked Huang Rong, Xiaolong Girl and Ren Yingying for their phone numbers and QQ numbers.

Twenty-two. After reading the news that a man in Xiamen was paralyzed after eating twelve moon cakes all night, my girlfriend asked me flatly, "Why does this man keep eating cakes?" I also ate 12 months! ! ! "

Twenty-three, ordinary youth: "The girl we chased together in those years" Style literary youth: "The girl we went together in those years" Other youth: "The girl we downloaded together in those years" ~

Twenty-four, some petite girls, I beg you to stop saying that you are fat! Less than 100 kg, each with thin arms and thin legs, mini kept saying: ah! How fat! Want to lose weight! As a result, my calf stretched out and Nima was as thin as an arm! I dare ask, do you want to be as thin as a cushion? There is a line in front and a line on the side, which is too thin to see! ! You're not afraid of moving, are you?

25. A small snail had just climbed over a bridge when it suddenly collapsed with a bang. The little snail sweated and sighed, "Mom, I can't run fast, and my life is gone."

Excuse me, miss, can you take your chest away from my hand?

Only those lazy people will complain and suffer for not getting up every morning. Really motivated people will call for leave immediately.

28. In the restaurant, a man pointed to a tofu more than two meters long in the dish and shouted, "What ears are you! I ordered home-cooked tofu! " When the chef heard this, he wondered, "Isn't it long enough?"

Twenty-nine, moths go out to travel, and they are going to find a place to rest at night. However, I found an internet cafe in front of me, so I decided to stay. Who knows that I was tied up by a spider as soon as I entered the door. Facing the spider's butcher knife, moths not only sigh; Damn it, black shop!

Thirty, really good men don't play games, DOTA or WOW. But when he is playing a game, as long as you send a text message, a phone call and a QQ, he will directly quit the game for you. A netizen spoke out: this kind of person is commonly known as "a teammate like a pig." Never cooperate with him!

A friend said to the moon: You are my other half. Yue said to Peng: I didn't promise to marry you. You should remember that we are just friends at present.

Thirty-two, the apple is sick, and the orange goes to see it. When I arrived at Apple's house, I saw Apple lying on the bed with thick gauze wrapped around her shoulders. The orange asked, how could it hurt so badly? Apple's mother said angrily, it's not her fault. I miss the iphone so much that I think it's really an apple. This is a dream!

33. Mu said to Zhu: Who is standing beside you? I don't know.

Thirty-four, a children's shoe remembers English words like this: gosemouthearthkneeswasbus, yes, girs, miss, schoolDOESONEDOLLAR! ! ! Awesome!

Thirty-five, the monkey teacher teaches other small animals in class. Suddenly, the student pig farted, and suddenly, the whole class was boiling. The monkey teacher went mad with anger. Without thinking, he dragged toad out of the classroom and gave him a good corporal punishment. Just when Toad tried to defend himself, the monkey teacher shouted loudly, "Look at your belly bulging like that, I know you have a lot of fart!" " "