It's raining and everyone in my family looks gloomy. It would be better if the weather clears up.

I followed him to Beijing after graduation. Living with the person I love and creating the future with both hands, I think this is the happiness that an ordinary girl like me has in my ideal romance. Two years later, I got pregnant unexpectedly. In life, there is no ordinary man without a car or a house. Parents object, men and women fight against their parents together, and raw rice sublimates fragrant rice. White and complete facts were presented to parents, who reluctantly agreed to their marriage. I got married successfully. He and I are both only children and an ordinary family. My parents used up their life savings to make a down payment of more than one million, and finally we owed a loan of more than three million. This makes the whole pregnancy exhausted and anxious about money. To him, a child who comes into the world by chance is like a stone falling into the water, and the sound disappears with the splash, leaving only ripples and spreading around. He is still the same as before-go home and complain about the boss's meanness and his disappointment. As soon as I got home, I lay in bed and sighed comfortably. I don't cook, and take-out has become a daily food. When I couldn't bear to complain to my parents, they comforted me that men are all children and not ready to be fathers. When the baby is born, it will get better slowly. Over time, I don't want to mention it again. Did I take the baton from his parents and teach a man in his thirties how to be a husband and a father?

After the baby was born, I became a full-time mother. He seems to have changed, taking the initiative to share the housework and take care of the children. After doing this, I will post my achievements in the family group chat for praise. Sometimes children cry and pee in the middle of the night and lack sleep. I feel very wronged. Sometimes a person looks into a child's eyes and unconsciously fills them with eyes. He often quarrels about trifles. In the struggle, he blurted out the truth that he dared not reveal when he was rational-that I gained weight after giving birth, like an aunt. I have worked hard to earn money and I have a bad face when I come home. Burying my face in my hands, my legs are weak and I can't stand falling to the ground. I don't seem to feel wronged and sad, but I'm afraid I'll become a woman who depends on men for survival. A degenerate woman who lives on her husband's face. I don't think I can do this anymore. I want to change.

After the child is one year old, give it to parents to help take care of it. Every time I walk with a smile and cry. However, I really have no choice. How long have I endured social malice? I lost 20 Jin and found a new job. The boss trusts me very much and arranges important work for me. Compared with that time, I seem to have entered a new world, full of energy and drive. Often work overtime. Work hard. Sometimes I am busy at work when I go home. There is less communication with him. He seems to have no objection to my change, and he is still playing his game as usual to catch up with his new life. Emptiness is filled with nothingness. Tired of communicating with others, don't understand and don't want others to understand. He doesn't love himself or others. I don't care about the children either-I asked him several times if he wanted to go to his hometown to see the children together, but he didn't want to. Maybe I think it's too much trouble and a waste of time to deal with the elderly, so I might as well play more games and get more points. Chasing plays is of great significance.

04

The child is three years old. I have occasionally succeeded in my career. Thought it was time to take her back to kindergarten. Several employees can share my work, which is much more convenient. At this time, I suddenly found that I didn't even need my husband. I already have a house and a job, and I take care of my own children. Life is not as hard as it used to be. It is natural to have a husband's money, but you can do without it. I am not a person who marries for money. Apart from his income and the idea that children need their father, I lack the motivation to maintain my marriage. Marriage is a besieged city. Before we enter it, we are full of illusions and longings, and we will naturally take a step towards it. Instinct as a creature and the world we live in are pushing us unconsciously. As the saying goes, there are three kinds of unfilial, and none is great. That's what I'm talking about. It wasn't until the time was ripe that we finally found out that marriage was a contract, and the vows made by two people at the wedding were only for the smooth signing of the contract. That's the devil's whisper, the poisonous snake in the Garden of Eden, gorgeous and poisonous.

Once I feel that I don't love him, I find it difficult to accept him everywhere when I look at this man. I tried to stay healthy and lost more than 20 kilograms, because junk food and inactivity made him gain weight. His career is basically stagnant, and he often complains about leadership and social injustice when he goes home. Supporting the lingering body and boring soul. This is already a deep sin. I really want to walk to the bridge full of flowers on the other side. I saw an old woman hand me a bowl of soup and said, young man, accumulate more virtue in your next life. Will you wake up? I lost my basic patience with him, and I couldn't listen to him. Every time I say a few words, I have to tell myself not to lose my temper. There is no need to lose your temper. Finally, I feel sick. Sometimes I can't help asking my mother, will there be such a time? My mother said that every marriage has a period of burnout, and it takes a while for each other to become relatives. She also said that everyone around her regretted the divorce, and her stepfather didn't need dear dad to be nice to her children. I think so, but how long is the running-in period? A marathon without an end is hard to hold on to. Trying to jump out, fearing that your decision is wrong, will hurt your child. But I'm really unhappy, and I'm not sure that divorce will make me happy.

At the age of sixteen, Zhang Ailing learned to sum up her life in a paper. She said that life is a gorgeous robe full of lice. If you tell me when I just left the university campus, my life will become like this. I probably won't believe it. It seems that every step of life has been tried, and there is no happiness and happiness in the end. There may be no happiness in life, only patience. ......