[1] My husband has been gone for two days, and I have taken two days off from the company, and I will probably continue, because I don't know when he will come back. I will wait for him to come back and talk with him, or I should apologize for what I have done over the years, my disdain, my stubbornness and the slap the day before yesterday. ...
My name is Stuart, a man among men. I chose this name because my divorced mother wanted me to be as strong as a man in her early years, and she also pinned her desire to be a man, although neither my mother nor I are men. Stuart is my father's surname that I have never seen before, because my father left us and this family before I was born ... Even so, I can see from my mother's eyes that she still loves my father deeply, because my surname is Stuart, because I always feel that there is a shadow in her eyes. ...
Just like my name, I have a heart as strong as a man. /kloc-when I was 0/5 years old, I left my mother and home alone and went to a boarding school in Beijing alone. I handled everything myself. I still remember the day when I arrived at the boarding school, many parents and children cried at the school gate like where are you going? Only me, only I came to this strange place alone, and there were no relatives, let alone tears.
Boarding high schools are not children of rich people as most people think, at least I am an exception. I came to boarding school because my mother is getting married, and my grandmother doesn't want the man who wants to marry her to know that she has a daughter of 15 years old. My mother loves me, and I always think so, but unfortunately, she is just a woman who wants to be strong but not strong enough. She needs a shoulder, not a burden.
In this way, I started my own life. Until I got married, my mother and I only met once. Life in boarding school is hard, because in such a big city, in such a dude's school, a poor girl with a single parent or even no relatives is despised, can be trampled on, never taken seriously, and is worthless, and this poor girl is obviously me. Apart from tuition, accommodation and books, I can only get the living expenses of 179 yuan 35 cents a month. Ironically, there is even a small amount, because the money is a fraction of grandma's pension. I once heard my mother say that grandma is a relatively high-ranking employee of the Security Bureau, so she can get more than 1000 yuan (this pension amount was considerable in 1994), me and her. " But I have never blamed anyone. This is destiny. I believe in it, but I will never give in to it!
The road to study is hard. In the first semester of boarding school, my daily diet never changed. A bowl of steamed bread is not good either. Duck φ scar ulceration? What's the matter with you forever? Wave your letter and shake your arm? At a loss Is it easy to reserve chairs? Γ? Die cutting? Industry? Γ? Hey, right? Hey? So titanium is expensive? Is it a fantasy? What happened to the medicine? Hey? у у у? What happened to the magic boat? Drum plum stirs up a deserted boat? Hey? What's the matter with you? Difficult business? What did you say?/Sorry? Ni star? Inverse? What's the matter with you? If you look bad, you will be punished. What is catharsis? 00 yuan for two hours to help them make up lessons, and I only choose a boy who I don't hate to give him math and English lessons, so I will give him four hours of classes every weekend and accept him as 200 yuan. His name is Gong Ran, and he is a very humble boy in our class. At that time, I never expected that this man would become my husband in ten years. I still vaguely remember our first conversation. ...
Are you free this weekend?
"For what?"
"I want you to make up lessons for me."
"Give me a reason."
"Because I study poorly."
It's that simple. Now think about the reason why I didn't hate him so much. Maybe he doesn't have the style of a rich boy. The reason is simple. He studies poorly, instead of throwing money at others like other rich people! I hate such people! However, I didn't charge him a penny less, because I didn't hate him, because I knew I needed money. After that, I never asked my family for a penny. I returned all the odds and ends sent by my grandmother several times. After several months, my family never sent me any money again. Of course, I don't need it anymore. That year, I was less than 16 years old, and I was already a self-reliant woman, a strong woman who would not bow to fate. There was no reason, because I was Stuart!
Gong Ran is a strange boy. He is rich, but he never spends money recklessly. I know he is rich because I saw his parents' unit and position when I helped the teacher fill out his student status.
Name: Gong Jiong/Relationship with myself: Father and son/Unit: XX Group Beijing Office/Position: General Manager
Name: Duan Ran/Relationship with myself: Mother and Child/Unit: XX Law Firm/Position: Legal Adviser.
I don't know his mother's office, but I have heard of his father's company. If my estimation is correct, his family's monthly income is at least above 200 thousand. As far as the economic situation at that time was concerned, his family was undoubtedly noble! But when I turn my eyes to Gong Ran, I will always be a pair of white jeans washed in summer, and I don't know why I dyed a red and white T-shirt on the back of one pair, but I can actually see him running around in a military coat at both ends for three days in winter ... His life almost reminds me that he was born in such a family, and even many times, my poor girl will feel that his life is very pitiful. But even so, no one in the class looked down on him, because he was the first boy in our class to be taken home by BMW. I remember seeing BMW for the first time, 65438+February 3 1, 95. I remember this day very clearly, because it happened to be Gong Ran's birthday, and his father came to meet him at school for his birthday. Strangely, I was born in 65438+ 10/79, and he is 65438,78.
At the school gate, Gong Ran is wearing a green military coat, pants are school uniform pants, and shoes are military police boots issued during military training in Grade One. He is about to get on the bus. He turned around and saw me smile and said, "I'm going home." Then I got on the bus without looking back. I stood there 10 minutes, looking at the BMW in the distance. I think there will be many question marks on my head like cartoon characters in cartoons. Think of the luxurious BMW and Gong Ran's "avant-garde" dress ... I looked blankly. ...
It happened to be Sunday. At 7 o'clock in the evening, Gong Ran went back to school and called my dormitory to let me go to the study room in Building A to help him with his English. When I got to the study room, I saw him the same as before. It's really interesting. But I didn't laugh, because I wouldn't just smile at any man. Perhaps my parents' marriage has left me a shadow that I won't believe that I like any man casually, so I won't smile at any man. The tutoring lasted until around 9: 30. I really don't know how there are such stupid people in the world. I have been tutoring him in English for almost a year, and he actually said to me, "Look, look, this question is right." I had the heart to jump off a building. As a tutor, teaching such students is really a failure in my life. My grades with him are just like our birthdays, one is the first and the other is the last. When I returned to the dormitory, I noticed his green military coat again. Out of curiosity, I couldn't help asking him, "Why do you always wear such a shabby military coat when your family is so rich?" Gong Ran looked at me, puzzled, as if asking me whether I should wear a military coat or not. Is there any money at home? Then he smiled and said, "Because it's warm." This reminds me of what he said to me a year ago-because I study poorly. The boy in front of me, a boy with a background in this family, is so simple ... When I can't believe there is such a simple guy in this world, he has disappeared into the endless twilight. ...
The next year and a half is a tense year and a half, because the college entrance examination is coming. The academic performance is getting better and better every day, and it has always been the first in the grade, even never the second. I can surpass the second place by 30 to 40 points in every exam, because I know I can't lose, and I can't lose in my life. I don't want to be a weak woman like my mother all my life. I can only be bullied. I want to be a strong woman or a strong person, not only stronger than all women, but also stronger than all men. I stick to my beliefs and refuse to relax. I believe in my efforts, and I believe I have no way out.
Although I was very nervous about my study, I insisted on giving Gong Ran extra lessons because I needed living expenses. Gong Ran's academic performance is getting worse every day, and sometimes I even wonder if I am making up lessons for him or making trouble for him. Every time he makes up lessons, he doesn't understand what is going on as well as before. But he doesn't seem to be worried at all. He looks very happy every day. Of course, I'm not worried about him because he has a rich father. I only worry about myself, because I'm not. ...
The college entrance examination, the sacred moment has arrived, which is a turning point in my life. I entered the Marketing Department of Tsinghua University Institute of Economics and Management with a score of 565,438+0 higher than the second place in the whole school, and started my transformation from a poor girl to golden phoenix. The year is 1997. I still remember that Hongkong had just returned to China, and I received the admission notice shortly after the exam. With pride, I decided to go home and see my mother and grandmother who I haven't seen for three years. Because of this trip, I never went to see my mother again until I got married in 2004.
That day, I got on the train back to Tianjin, and the mood of going home was complicated, not joy, but also a little excited. I got off the train at Tianjin East Station and took a taxi to my grandmother's house alone. In fact, before I went home, I wrote a letter to my family telling me that I was going home, but because I haven't received a reply for a long time, I think they are waiting for me to go home and can't wait to come back. I knocked at grandma's door, and grandma was in a hurry to close the door, but she was stopped by her mother. My mother looked at me and two lines of tears slipped into her mouth. She held it in her arms and kept sobbing. So I hugged for more than ten minutes and felt the condensed air around me. The hidden thoughts of these years seem to be on the verge. For three years, for three years, I didn't leave a tear because of anything. At this point, my. I can't tell whether these tears are sweet or bitter, but I know that at that time, only my mother could touch my inner fragility. I am a woman, too. In fact, sometimes, I'm not so strong ... after holding it for so long, my mother looked up and said, "Baby, let my mother take a closer look." "Look, you've lost weight. Your face was still round when you left, and now you are all wet. " "Do you blame your mother for being cruel?" "Mom, I'm sorry, mom is so selfish ..." Then there are two lines of eyes. Suddenly I found that my mother was much older, and several deep wrinkles had jumped out of her eyes, and her hair was white. She is almost out of shape, completely different from her mother three years ago ... and the only thing that hasn't changed is her gentle eyes and the man in her eyes. ...
Grandma wants to kick me out, but after all, she is too old to screw my mother. I talked a lot with my mother, from my life in recent years to my mother's life in recent years. It turns out that apart from paying my tuition at the beginning, my mother sent me 300 yuan a month, only to my grandmother, with some letters in it. My mother also wants to visit me at school, but every time she has time to visit me, my grandmother either says she is uncomfortable or uncomfortable, so she can't go ... I suddenly understand everything, from a small living allowance for one month to no news for three years, and of course, the letter I sent before I came back, but I really don't understand why my grandmother hates me so much. What happened to me!
Just then, a man came in. Judging from his age and appearance, I guess he is my stepfather. Mother saw him come in and quickly wiped away her tears. She pulled me up to the man and said, "This ... this belongs to my daughter and Stuart. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to lie to you, but I was afraid you would be bad to her. Actually ... but ... I ... "Mom was obviously incoherent. But I know that my mother sent me to boarding school not because I dragged her down, but because I was afraid that I would be bullied as a stepdaughter. Just in the middle of my mother's speech, I heard a bang, and a severe slap left a deep red mark. Then came the man's disgusting bawl: "You bitch, you have a daughter with that damn fool. I said how did you tell me you wanted me to give you a year, just to give birth to this little bitch ... "He said, and raised his fist the size of a stone and shouted at his mother. "Why, I'll tell you why now!" He said he was going to hit me. My mother plopped down on her knees in front of him, tugging at the man's leg and shouting at me, "Go away, man!" " "I don't want it, mom. How can you let him bully you like this? I'll call the police! " I am still stubborn! "Students, please go, please go, please go!" With that, my mother turned and kowtowed desperately, like crazy! Shocked, there are no other words to describe my mood at that time. I was stunned and stood there! Grandma came over and pushed me towards the door. I can't resist it. At the moment the door closed, I saw my mother's desperate face ... I stood at the door, listening to the conversation between grandma and mother and the man's snoring. ...
That's grandma's voice. "I said don't let her in. Look, abortion, I beg you to stop playing Rongrong. I'm an old woman, please ..." At this time, I realized that the man's name was abortion, and Rongrong was my mother's nickname, and her big name was Liu Yuerong.
"Don't hit her! This bitch, who doesn't hit her, incredibly still gave birth to a daughter with her you damn fool man, I really don't know, that bastard died, leaving such an asshole ... "
"Don't you say him! I forbid you to talk about him! Did you hear that? If you say one more word, I'll kill you and I'll die! " It's mom's heartbreaking roar.
"You stop that now, still don't think that you damn fool hurt you enough? Still protecting him! And that damn daughter, I won't let you see her in the future! " Grandma again!
"No, he's not dead, no, no! ! ! ""no, no, mom, what are you going to do to men? She is your granddaughter! "
……
It all happened so suddenly that I couldn't even use my brain to transfer. Dad died? How did dad die? Didn't grandma say that dad took all the money at home and ran away with his lover? Isn't that why my mother and I divorced? Also, why did mom marry such a vicious man? Is this the shoulder she needs? All this, why, why? ...
Numerous questions hover in my mind. I don't know what all this is about, but it's impossible for anyone to tell me what all this is about. Because I don't intend to see my mother again, I don't know what makes me so cruel, but I vaguely remember her desperate and old face at the door and the deep red mark left on it. ...
I went downstairs like a wandering soul, and when I got downstairs, I found nothing. At this time, grandma's window opened. As I expected, it was not my mother but my grandmother who poked her head out. She took my bags and threw them one by one from the sixth floor to the downstairs. Some suitcases were smashed and clothes were scattered everywhere. That was my admission notice, and I slowly floated down in the air. I didn't tell her that her daughter was admitted to the best university in the country, and she didn't even have a chance to make her mother happy ... Hong Kong returned to the embrace of the motherland after a hundred years of wind and rain, and I, once back, so short, left again, how long will it be this time? I still miss that hug. It is warm and soft. It is a hug that can melt my heart. ...
Looking up at a sunny day, I was worried about a dark cloud, which seemed to suit my mood ... I once again remembered the red mark on my mother's face, resolutely packed up the clothes scattered on the ground and left without looking back. This trip is over six years, mom. Can you understand my daughter's feelings? Is it okay? Daughter doesn't blame you. Daughter knows your good intentions. If she doesn't cry, she will be strong, like the name you gave me, as strong as a man ... Mom ... I love you. ...
There is a flash of lightning in the sky, and the rain in summer is always so unpredictable. The rain completely wet my heart and frozen all my feelings. The rain hits the face stiffly and falls to the ground, making a crisp noise, but it won't be mixed with a tear, no. ...
After returning to my hometown this time, I bid farewell to Tianjin, just like my mother. It was not until seven years later that I set foot on this lovely land again. ...
Back in Beijing, I began to plan my future life, especially college tuition, accommodation, books and living expenses. I can't rely on my family, not before and never again. But how difficult it is for a woman to raise my tuition for one year in just two months. Back in Beijing, I started looking for a job and a place to live. When I first came back, I only had some money saved in recent years to make up lessons for Gong Ran. I went to the bank and withdrew all the money. In fact, I didn't know why I had to take it all out at that time, but I was scared at that time. Only this limited 2000 yuan could give me a sense of security. I rented a basement in Haidian District, only 8 square meters in size, one month 100. Because it is close to Tsinghua, I can save the travelling expenses for reporting later. The landlord is an old lady in her sixties, about the same age as grandma, but there is no hatred in her eyes. Her eyes are so kind. When we first met, the old man looked elegant in Tang suit. She heard that I was a student in Tsinghua and said to me, "We are still alumni." After that, the old man narrowed his eyes and smiled. The old man didn't plan to rent a house. He only heard me haggling with her neighbor about renting a house, and then came to tell me that her house had a basement, so it was useless to be idle. If you don't mind, pay 1 month. This is the room rate and water and electricity. Of course, I gladly accept it. Such a cheap price is not available in Beijing in 1997!
I went into my room, specifically the basement. Very small, only eight square meters, but it was cleaned up by the old lady. The old lady was very kind and asked my son to prepare a bed and a table for me. To put it simply, this is my first home in Beijing. After settling down, I went to a nearby convenience store to buy some necessary daily necessities. Just as I was bargaining with my boss's wife about whether a toothbrush was 1 or 1.2, I met him again-Gong Ran-my husband after seven years. He didn't seem to recognize me ... I went up and stopped him.
"Hey, why are you here?"
"ah? Is that you? Stuart nan? Why are you here? "
"I asked you first!"
"I went to see my second aunt. I quit. It's your turn? "
"You care about me!"
"Hey, you man, why don't you say something when I'm finished?"
"What's wrong with me? That's what I do! "
In fact, my attitude towards Gong Ran was not like this. Although it is not good, it is not bad. However, the experience of this trip to Tianjin really made me feel uncomfortable to the extreme. Besides, I'm in a dilemma now. How can I speak? You want me to say that my family doesn't want me and I live in Beijing? ? After shopping, I want to run back to avoid Gong Ran, who knows that he followed me all the way, got rid of it, appeared in the back, got rid of it, and followed! I hid in the corner of the wall, Gong Ran came and I jumped out.
"Why do you always follow me?"
"Scared me to death, what are you doing! I didn't follow you! "
"Still say no? You are following me! "
"I really didn't, alas, you this person, how ..."
"What's wrong with me? I am like this! "
Seeing his innocent expression, I think he may have just accompanied me all the way, but what I didn't expect actually happened really puzzled me. ...
Gong Ran walked to the landlord's house with me. When the old lady came out, Gong Ran went up for a hug.
"Second aunt!"
"Hey, good baby, why did you think of coming to see me?"
"Well, my mother said she would come to see you, and I'm going to America next month, so ..."
"Really? Why don't you go to school? Why not here? "
I was just about to say that it was strange that he was admitted to the university here, but when I thought about it, I said something inappropriate and took it back. The old lady didn't notice that I came back with Gong Ran. The old lady is busy introducing Gong Ran.
"Of course, come here. This is a student in Tsinghua University, a good student. By the way, what's your name? I haven't asked. " However, this nickname is just like a woman, ridiculous!
"Oh, you can call me a man."
"Second aunt, she is my high school classmate, I know ..." Gong Ran was a little embarrassed and even blushed.
"Oh, really? Are you classmates? I said @ # $%&; * ..... "The old man was wordy and asked a lot of questions at once, which made Gong Ran and I a little embarrassed.
Since Gong Ran hit me, I have nothing to hide. I have told him everything I need to say. Actually, it's nothing. I just feel much better when I say it. It suddenly occurred to me that I didn't have any friends all these years. At least, I can tell him what happened to me so frankly.
Gong Ran-an out-and-out idiot, I have been thinking this way since high school, and I still do, but at that time it was a feeling of being despised, and now, this mood has also undergone some subtle changes. He hardly understood what I said to him. I suddenly found myself casting pearls before swine. He didn't respond to anything I said, just some modal particles like "Oh" and "Ah". But there are still some valuable things. For example, he said that his mother's law office wanted clerks, so let me try. At that time, I was almost desperate, as if I had discovered a new continent. If there was no gravity at that time, I think I would have rushed into the universe like Shenzhou VI. Indeed, this is a blessing in disguise. Without much thought, I promised him to go for an interview the next day.
The next day, Gong Ran took me to his mother's office, which was very small. There were five people with his mother. The office is also in Haidian District, only 20 minutes' walk from where I live, which is also a great happy event for me with tight economy. Gong Ran gave us a brief introduction. This is the first time I have met my future mother-in-law. Her slim figure seems fragile, but she has firm eyes. I knew at that time that this woman was definitely not simple. His mother, Duan Ran, is very friendly to me. Of course, she is also very serious and has the temperament of a legal adviser. Our interview is very simple.
"Is typing fast?"
"Not bad, I practiced for a while when I was in a microcomputer class in high school."
"Well, you can try it here for one month with a salary of 600, ok?"
"Ok, thank you, Aunt!"
I was really happy. Although I was a little short of money, I finally had a place to live in the future and didn't starve to death in Beijing. As for the school tuition, I should discuss it with the school and pay it later. In this way, I got my first formal job-typist. To tell the truth, I'm really not good at typing. It is impossible for a family like me to buy me a computer, especially when I came into contact with computers. There was only one computer course in my senior high school, and there was no computer course after my sophomore year. I don't know why. Gong Ran's mother hired me without asking much. Will it be because I am Gong Ran's classmate? So I found Gong Ran.
"Did you tell your mother that I was in financial difficulties, and you invited me out of pity?"
"No, how can you say that?"
"That is, I tell you, I don't need other people's pity, let alone yours!"
"I didn't. Listen to me! "
"Don't listen! I want to resign! "
"No, what will you eat after you quit?"
"Even if I beg, I don't want you to give me charity! Hum, I don't want your sympathy as a small capitalist! "
"I really didn't. Listen to me. My mother is so short of money now that she can't afford to hire people with too much money. It's just that you don't need too much money to find a job, so I just ... "
"Are you serious? Are you kidding? "
"No, I swear to the lamp!"
"Hum, you little capitalist, I thought you sympathized with me! I didn't expect you to step on me when you saw me in trouble! You actually exploited me! "
"I! Why are you like this? "
"What's wrong with me! That's what I do! "
Obviously, Gong Ran can't do anything about me. At that time, I always thought that he didn't dare to provoke me because I had a strong personality and a fierce person. A little naive, but I really felt that way at that time.
So, I began to work with peace of mind, typing faster and faster every day. The first month passed, and I got 600 yuan's salary. Holding on to this 600 yuan seems to be holding on to straws. Through these thin pieces of paper, my tomorrow seems to be a glimmer of light. ...
Gong Ran knew that I had been paid, and dragged me to invite him to dinner. I worked hard to earn 600 yuan! You invite this gentleman to dinner, and it's all gone ? But on second thought, Gong Ran introduced me to work, and I should repay him. Besides, I don't like to owe others. Please, please, Mr. Huo is out! It's only 600 yuan at most! With the determination to "die" and this 600 yuan, we came to a ramen restaurant.
"You just let me treat you to Lamian Noodles?"
"Yes!"
"Slice, you play dumb and eat whatever you want. You look down on me! I can't afford to invite you to dinner, can I? ? "
"No, no, you this person how to say two words is urgent! My favorite food is beef from Lamian Noodles! "
Looking at his sincere face, I remembered his military coat and thought, he is a bitch. He is blessed and will not enjoy it. He makes himself look like a labouring masses all day ... We finished eating noodles in a daze, and I went to pay the bill. Two small bowls of beef, Lamian Noodles, cost three yuan each. Really, he is a big man and even learned that I want a small bowl. He ate a lot and seemed happy. Sometimes he really can't understand why he can always live so carefree and didn't go to college ... really. ...
"I'm leaving tomorrow."
"Where to?"
"I told you to go to America."
"Oh, I forgot. Have a nice trip. "
"Well, thank you for the beef, Lamian Noodles!"
"You're welcome. Only 1.50. "