Presidential secrecy

Before Roosevelt became president of the United States, he served in the Admiralty. One day, a friend asked about the navy's secret plan to build a base on an island in the Atlantic Ocean.

Roosevelt deliberately looked around and then asked in a low voice, "Can you keep a secret?"

"Of course."

"Well," Roosevelt said with a smile, "so can I."

Add one more thing.

At a meeting to formulate the US Constitution, a member of Congress said, "There should be a provision in the Constitution that the number of regular troops should not exceed 5,000 at any time."

Washington said quietly, "This gentleman's suggestion is really good. But I think it should be added that the number of foreign troops invading the United States should not exceed 3000 at any time. "

Never see you again.

As a young man, Lincoln joined the militia in St. Gamon, Illinois. Lieutenant Colonel is a short man, only a little more than four feet tall, while Lincoln is very tall, far exceeding Lieutenant Colonel.

Because Lincoln thinks he is very tall, he is used to walking with his head down and his back bent. The colonel was angry when he saw his hunchback, so he called him in and scolded him.

"Listen, Abreu," the colonel shouted, "hold your head up, you bastard!"

"Yes, sir." Lincoln replied respectfully.

"I have to raise it a little." The colonel said.

"Do you want me to be like this forever?" Lincoln asked.

"Of course, you guy, do you still need to ask?" The colonel is angry.

"I'm sorry, Colonel," Lincoln said sadly. "Then I have to say goodbye to you, because I will never see you again!"

Praise the beard

A noble lady proudly said to the French writer Mo Bosang, "Your novel is nothing, but seriously, your beard is very beautiful. Why do you want to grow such a big beard? " Mo Bosang replied lightly: "At least I can give some compliments to those who know nothing about literature."

Shake your head.

When the British Parliament was in session, a member of Parliament saw Churchill shaking his head at the table to express his disapproval. The congressman said, "I remind you that I am just expressing my views." Then Churchill stood up and said, "I also remind Mr. Instrument that I was just shaking my own head."

This is all wrong.

Whitman is a famous lawyer, graduated from Harvard University and was elected as a state legislator. Once he wore farmer's clothes to a hotel in Boston, and was seen by a group of ladies and gentlemen in the hall, trying to tease him. Wittmann said to them, "Ladies and gentlemen, please allow me to wish you happiness and health. In this progressive era, can't you become more educated and smarter? You can't help looking at me from my clothes. For the same reason, I think you are gentlemen and ladies. It seems that we are all wrong. "

A better record

Once, a reporter asked President Taft what his exact weight was.

"I won't tell you." Taft replied in a thunderous voice, "But you know, someone asked Speaker Reid, and he replied that a truly educated person should not weigh more than 200 pounds. But I set a new record and reached 300 pounds. "

The president's clothes

Thomas, the third president of the United States? Jefferson, who regarded himself as an ordinary people from beginning to end, rode alone to the suburbs of Washington every afternoon when he was president to make extensive contacts with the people.

One day Jefferson met a man from Connecticut. Seeing Jefferson riding a burly horse and wearing ordinary clothes, the man thought he was a horse dealer and talked to him. When he spoke, he talked about the new president. The other party said, "Jefferson spent a lot of money." He wears a ring on each finger. Sell his clothes, and the money he gets back can buy back a plantation and two watches. "

Jefferson said with a smile, "the clothes the president usually wears are not as beautiful as yours!" If you don't believe me, I will accompany you to see him. "

When they arrived in the lobby of the White House by bus, the servant quickly greeted Jefferson:

"Mr. President!"

The fellow travelers were shocked.

It's time to face the war

One night, Washington sat by the fireplace and chatted with some guests. Because the fireplace behind him burned too brightly, Washington felt it was too hot, so he turned around and sat down facing the fireplace. A guest here joked, "My general, you should boycott the war. How can you be afraid of war? "

Washington smiled and replied, "You are wrong. As a general, I should face the war and accept the challenge. If I use my back to face the war, wouldn't it be that the defeated soldiers fled when they got cold feet? "

Make way for fools.

One day, Goethe, a great German poet, was walking in the park and happened to meet a critic who opposed him on a narrow road. The arrogant critic said to Goethe, "You know, I never give way to fools." The witty Goethe replied, "But I am just the opposite." Then get out of the way and let the critics pass.

I think they are contagious.

Lincoln hates those who come to the White House and nag for office. One day, Lincoln was unwell, but a guy stayed with Lincoln, ready to sit down and talk about it.

Just then, the president's doctor came into the room. Lincoln winked at the doctor and held out his hands to him. He asked, "Doctor, what is the spot on my hand? I'm covered in it. I think they are contagious, right? "

"Yes, it is very contagious." The doctor said.

Hearing this, the young man immediately stood up and said, "Well, I can't stay any longer." Mr. Lincoln, I have nothing to do. I just came to see you. "

After the guy left, Lincoln laughed his head off in the room.

Patience 15 minutes

Lincoln's wife Mary? Todd. After Lincoln became the president's wife, his temper became more and more violent. Not only is she extravagant, but she often shows great anger at people. On the one hand, she scolded the tailor who made clothes for asking too much, on the other hand, she denounced the butcher shop and grocery store for asking too much.

A businessman who was fed up with Mary's torture complained to Lincoln. Lincoln put his arms around his shoulders, listened carefully to the businessman with a wry smile, and finally said helplessly to the businessman, "Sir, I have been tortured by her for 15 years." Endure 15 minutes is not finished? "

Have a way of being opposed by others.

A poet turned to the English writer Wilde for help, because no one cared about his works: "These shameless guys! I used silence to cover up their incompetence. Mr. Wilde, what shall I do with them? "

"Deal with a man as he deals with you." Wilde answered softly.

Just choose one.

Someone went to the White House to visit the 26th President Theodore? Roosevelt, Roosevelt's youngest daughter Alice came in and out of the office, interrupting their conversation from time to time. The man complained, "Mr. President, can't you even control Alice?"

Roosevelt said helplessly, "I can only do one of two things well." Either be a good president of the United States; Either, take care of Alice. Since we have chosen the former, we can do nothing about the latter. "

Only give 20 minutes.

19 10 year, Theodore? After Roosevelt left office, as William? President Taft's special envoy attended the funeral of King Edward VII of England and arranged a meeting with the German emperor after the funeral. The Kaiser proudly said to Roosevelt, "Come to me at two o'clock, and I can only give you 45 minutes."

Roosevelt replied, "I will arrive at 2 o'clock, but I'm sorry, your majesty, I can only give you 20 minutes."

Humorous wife

1948 Dewey and Truman run for president of the United States. Dewey is far ahead in the opinion polls and is sure to win. When he was ready to congratulate his wife, he asked her, "How do you feel when you are going to sleep with the President of the United States?" The wife replied, "I'm honored. I can't wait. " Unexpectedly, Dewey lost the election. The wife said, "Excuse me, shall I go to Washington or Truman come here?"

Kant's surprise

An acquaintance was saying goodbye to a woman when Kant asked him, "Is this your fiancee?" "yes." The acquaintance replied, "Are you surprised by my choice?" Kant smiled and said, "No, what surprised me was her choice."

"Who can test me?"

Someone asked Gertrude, an American university expert, why such a great scholar never got a doctorate. He replied, "Who can test me? Dear sir! "

Settle accounts

When Coolidge first took office as president, the official in charge of the White House showed him around the White House. Pointing to a charred girder, the official said that it was burned by the British army during the 18 12 war. It is suggested to replace it as soon as possible.

Coolidge thought for a moment and said, "OK, but don't forget to give the bill to the king."

Have a reciprocal relationship

To celebrate the performance of a new play, Bernard Shaw sent a telegram inviting Churchill to the theatre: "Today, I have reserved a ticket for your Excellency. Please come and advise, and you are welcome to bring your friends, if you still have friends. " Churchill immediately replied, "I can't attend the first performance for some reason. I'm going to attend the second performance if your script can be performed twice."

Wenmeishu

A friend asked Dumas, "You have worked hard for one day, but why are you still full of energy the next day?" Dumas said, "I didn't try to write at all." I don't write novels, but novels create themselves in my heart. ""What was that? " "I don't know. Ask a plum tree how it produces plums. "

Dad is married.

Freud once said to his eldest daughter, "I feel that you have been worried about one thing for the past two years." You don't think you are beautiful enough to find a husband. I didn't take this seriously. In my eyes, you are very beautiful. "

His daughter smiled and replied, "But you can't marry me, Dad. You are married. "

Ask madam

Faraday was the founder of modern magnetism, but before the invention of electric light, motor and telephone, many people doubted the usefulness of electricity. A woman sarcastically said after Faraday's speech, "Professor, what's the use of these things you said?" Faraday said humorously, "madam, can you predict the use of the newborn child?"

Answer all questions

At a banquet, the British scientist Darwin happened to sit with a beautiful lady. The lady said jokingly, "Mr Darwin, I heard that you asserted that humans are monkeys. Am I one of your ideas? " Darwin replied politely, "Of course! However, you are not an ordinary monkey, you are changed from a very charming monkey. "

Compare people with birds.

Musician sibelius and a critic were walking in the park when birds were singing in the branches. The critic said, "They are the most talented musicians in the world." Soon a crow flew in, and sibelius said, "It is the best critic."

You laughed at me.

French celebrity Bogart ridiculed the short history of Americans, saying that "Americans often miss their ancestors when they are free, but when they think of their grandparents, they can't help but stop."

Mark? Twain replied, "When the French are free, they always want to find out who their father is, but it is difficult to find out."

The way you comb your hair.

Dwight. President Eisenhower was bald. His finance minister George? Humphrey is bald, too. When they first met, Eisenhower shook hands with him kindly and said, "George, I noticed that the way you comb your hair is exactly the same as mine."

Later, Humphrey often said that he would never forget Eisenhower's easy-going and approachable style.

Reagan's embarrassment

When President Reagan spoke at the White House piano concert, his wife Nancy accidentally dropped her chair on the carpet under the stage. The audience screamed. But Nancy got up flexibly and returned to her place with warm applause from more than 200 guests.

Then Reagan interjected, "Honey, I told you that you should only perform like this when I didn't get applause."

Return a compliment/gift

During World War II, Goering, one of the German fascist leaders, asked a Swiss officer, "How many of you can fight?" "500,000." "What would you do if I sent 1 million troops to your country?"

"Then let's shoot twice each."

keep secret

The reporter asked Kissinger about missiles and submarines. Kissinger shrugged and said, "My pain is that I know this number, but I don't know if it is confidential." The reporter immediately said: "Not confidential." Kissinger asked, "Isn't it confidential? How much did you say? " The reporter had to "hey hey" a smile.

Reagan's ambition

Reagan is the oldest president in American history, and he has cleverly countered his opponents' attacks on his age many times. After he announced that he had "Alzheimer's Harmo's disease, time was running out", he suddenly appeared at a rally of * * * and the party, and said, "I'm afraid I can't run for the presidency of 1996 at present, but this does not rule out the possibility of running for the presidency of 2000." At this time, the whole audience stood up and even his old enemy applauded.

May peace last forever.

On June 0, US President John F.? Kennedy met with Soviet leader Khrushchev in Vienna. At a luncheon, Kennedy noticed that Khrushchev had two medals hanging on his chest and asked him what they were.

Khrushchev told Kennedy, "That's Lenin's Peace Medal."

Kennedy said humorously, "I hope you can wear it forever!" " "

laugh at oneself

Franklin wanted to do an experiment: electrocute a turkey. Unexpectedly, after turning on the power supply, the current passed through his body and knocked him unconscious. After waking up, Franklin said, "Boy, I tried to kill a turkey, but I almost electrocuted a fool."

A cry of joy

Clinton, the 36th president of the United States? Johnson likes playing with small animals.

Once, in front of the photographer's camera, he grabbed his beagle's ear and picked it up until the puppy screamed. He also said, "I like to hear them bark."

After the incident was known by the National Association of Animal Lovers, they marched in protest and accused Johnson of cruelty to animals. Johnson had to set the record straight in public. He cleverly explained, "I bet the dog's bark is not a painful bark, but a joyful bark."

Beautify language

Truman, the former president of the United States, always said a few "damn" and "fuck" unconsciously when he spoke in public. It is said that a well-known lady of the Democratic Party once asked Mrs. Truman to persuade her husband to speak down, because she had just heard Truman accuse a politician of being "like a pile of horse manure". After hearing this, Mrs. Truman was not surprised and said, "You don't know, it took me many years to beautify his language to this extent."

accompany

1962, the Kennedys visited France. Jacqueline (Mrs. Kennedy) can speak fluent French, and both the French people and President Charles de Gaulle have a good impression on her. On his last day in Paris, Kennedy told reporters at the press conference held at the Xiale Palace: "I don't think there is anything wrong with introducing myself here. I'm with Jacqueline? I am honored that Kennedy came to Paris. "

This is also a speech.

The Wright brothers, American airplane inventors, are good brothers who are good at thinking and studying hard, but they are the least sociable. He is my brother. What they hate most is speech. Once at a banquet, after three rounds of drinking, the host asked Big Wright to give a speech.

"This must be a mistake!" Aidit in the Great Wright period said, "Speaking is my brother's responsibility."

The host turned to Little Wright. So Wright-Phillips stood up and said, "Thank you, my brother just gave a speech."

The biggest discovery

British chemist David is the husband of the great scientist Faraday. He supported Faraday's discovery and offered help. Of course, he himself has also made three important scientific achievements-electrolytic separation of alkali metals and alkaline earth metals, determination of chlorine as an element, and invention of safety lamps. But when people praised his discovery, he said, "No! Don't! The biggest discovery in my life is Faraday. "

It is too late.

In an article, the humorous writer Banchley modestly said that it took him 15 years to discover that he had no writing ability. As a result, a reader wrote: "It's not too late for you to change careers." Bankley wrote back and said, "honey, it's too late." I can't give up writing because I'm too famous. "

Sign with your legs?

An American writer once went to a magazine to collect the manuscript fee. His article was published, and the manuscript fee should have been paid long ago. But the cashier said to him, "I'm really sorry, sir." The check has been written, but the manager hasn't signed it yet, so he can't get the money. "

"Why didn't he sign the money he should have paid long ago?" The writer is getting impatient.

"He is lying in bed because of his foot injury."

"ah! I really hope his leg will get better soon. Because I want to see which leg he signed it with! "

Make another bed.

Mark? Twain likes reading or writing in bed. One morning, a reporter visited him and asked him. Mark? Twain asked his wife to invite the man to his bedroom, but her wife objected, "shouldn't you get up?" What's it like to lie in bed and let others stand? He thought for a moment and then agreed, "I didn't think of that, so you'd better let the servant make another bed!" " "

lie about one's age

A 60-year-old rich bachelor fell in love with a much younger woman. He went to consult Voltaire, a French satirist. "I want to marry her, but I'm afraid telling her my real age will disappoint her and refuse to marry me. So I want to tell her that I am only 50 years old ... ""That can't be done! " Voltaire replied, "You should tell her that you are 70 years old."

Reporter Chunqiu

Lazareff, editor-in-chief of the Paris Evening News, once told a group of college students about his experience: "A reporter spends the first half of his life reporting things that they can't understand, and the second half hiding facts that he knows too well."

experimentalism

Anne, a writer who has published two novels, is arguing with Mike who likes literature.

Annie finally couldn't help but say angrily, "No, Mike, you don't know what a novel is at all." Because you haven't written a novel. ""That's not true, "Mike said." This argument is really poor empiricism. Think about it. I have never laid an egg, but I know the taste of an omelet better than a hen. "

relationship by blood

Canadian diplomat Chester? When Lang Ning was running for the provincial council, he was attacked by his political opponents because he had eaten China's wet nurse as a child, saying that he must be of China origin. Lang Ning retorted, "You grew up drinking milk. You must have cow blood on you!"

descend

Gershwin, an American composer, is a very humble man. He is famous far and near, but he still wants to learn composition from Verdi, an Italian composer and author of La Traviata.

He traveled across the ocean to visit Verdi in Europe.

After seeing Gershwin, Verdi modestly declined and said, "You are already a first-class Gershwin. Why should you become a second-rate Verdi?"

Columbus's wonderful metaphor

After Columbus discovered the New World, people held a banquet in his honor. Some nobles attending the banquet thought that his discovery of the new continent was entirely accidental. Columbus took out an egg and said:

"Gentlemen, which one of you can put this egg on the table?"

Noble Zuo Li was right, but he couldn't stand up, so he had to ask Columbus. Columbus picked up the egg and knocked it on the table. The egg did not move. The nobles were unconvinced and said that we were standing like this.

Columbus smiled and said, "The problem is that none of you smart people thought of doing this before me."

forget

Someone asked Socrates, "mr. socrates, have you ever heard of ..."

"Wait a minute, my friend," the philosopher interrupted him at once. "Are you sure everything you want to tell me is true?"

"It's not like that. I just heard it. "

"So, then you don't tell me, unless it is a good thing. Excuse me, is that thing you said a good thing? "

"On the contrary!"

"Oh, then maybe I need to know, so it won't hurt anyone."

"Well, that's not ..."

"All right, then!" Socrates finally said, "Forget it!" There are so many valuable things in life that we have no time to pay attention to those things that are neither true nor beautiful nor necessary to know. "

belong to

One day, Whistler, a great American painter, and some friends went to London to visit a millionaire. As soon as I walked into the gorgeous living room, I found a picture he painted hanging on the wall, which was his work many years ago. He looked at it and felt very dissatisfied, so he took out his brush and paint and modified it with a quick pen.

"What are you doing?" The host was shocked and said, "Who are you, dare to scribble on my painting!" " "

"Your painting?" Whistler calmly replied, "Do you think that if you pay the money, it will be yours?"

Under four kinds of rewards

British Prime Minister Churchill was anxious to go to the House of Commons for a meeting. He called a taxi. When the bus arrived at its destination, he got off and said to the driver:

"I will stay here for about an hour. Please wait for me. "

"No," the driver firmly refused. "I'm going home so that I can hear Churchill's speech on the radio."

When the Prime Minister heard this, he was greatly surprised, so he paid the fare according to the price and rewarded him with a considerable tip. The driver looked at the unexpected income and soon changed his mind. He said to the passenger, "I've thought about it. I'd better wait here to see you off." Fuck Churchill! "

The gardener's story

An American woman visited Paris. One day, she saw an old man watering the garden of a villa. His earnest attitude made the American like him very much. She thought, the French are really first-class gardeners, and it is difficult for the United States to choose one. Now that we have met, why not take one back to China?

So she went up to the old man and asked him if he would like to go to America to be her gardener. She can give him a high salary and pay for his travel. I also boasted about America for a while, as if there was gold everywhere, and foreigners could make a fortune there.

"Madam," the old man replied, "unfortunately, I have another job and I can't leave Paris for the time being."

"You all resign. Well, I'll make it up to you. Besides being a gardener, what sideline do you do? Is it raising chickens? "

"No," said the old man, "I hope they won't choose me next time, so that I can accept the job you gave me."

"What do you choose to do?"

"Choose me as president." "Are you ..."

"I'm Ann Lee, president."

copy

Once, Hollywood was a film performance artist, Charlie? Chaplin held a birthday party. Before the end of the banquet, Chaplin sang an Italian opera episode in a lyrical high voice.

A friend here exclaimed, "Charlie, we have been together for many years. I didn't expect you to sing so well!" " "

Chaplin replied, "I can't sing at all. This is just imitating the character Enrico in the play? Caruso! "