A female writer in South Korea feels the increasingly serious phenomenon of doting on children in South Korea, and thinks that under the influence of such educational methods, the next generation will lose their independence. Looking at the parenting phenomenon around her and her own personal parenting experience, she appealed to her mother to improve parenting education with the educational viewpoint of "lion parenting method" 1 1.
What is the "lion parenting law"
There are all kinds of dangers in the forest, even the lion, known as the "king of the forest", dare not neglect it. Even the cub quickly faced the so-called real life from the beginning. The newborn cubs are often pushed under the rocks by the male lions, so that the cubs can find ways to get rid of the falling predicament and climb up. Even if the male lion or the female lion sees the cubs in trouble, they just watch from a distance and don't interfere. Only when their lives are in danger will they lend a helping hand.
The so-called "lion parenting method" is an educational attitude similar to "let children face reality and find solutions from adversity" used by lions when educating their cubs.
This is the same as an old Japanese proverb "Let lovely children travel". The more you love a child, the more you should let him explore for himself. Travel is a good way to grow up. Of course, in the current social environment, perhaps not many parents dare to let their children travel alone too early, but this concept can become an educational attitude towards their children in the future.
Lion parenting method 1 1
1. Protect children with "safe distance"
In Korea, it is often seen that many mothers "remotely control" their children's actions with their mobile phones when they go out. "You should wash your hands and get dressed after class, then you can only watch TV for 30 minutes, and then you should do your homework. Mom will check when she goes back, but she can drink juice when she is finished, but she can't eat too many snacks ... "Instructions and regulations like this were promulgated.
Perhaps from the standpoint of the mother, on the one hand, it is to ensure the safety of the child; On the other hand, remind children to do what they should do at home alone. But everything like this should be done according to the mother's instructions, and the child's own thinking ability will not only decline, but even gradually become dependent. Once a thing is not handled well, you may also blame your mother for "not explaining it in advance"!
Many mothers often urge their children to help him do everything or interfere with his practices, complaining about why their children are "too passive", but never thinking about why they are "too active". Maybe human beings should learn from lions and push their children to the "front line" in time so that children can directly understand "what happened?" "How to solve it?" Let children develop their own living ability.
Children need to grow and develop with the trust of their parents. First of all, they should trust their children and give them the right to make their own decisions or choices. Although children are all thumbs, be patient and let them do it by themselves. But when a child needs protection or encounters insurmountable difficulties, he should give help. That is to say, stand at a "safe distance" to protect children, love them and keep a "love distance" appropriately, thus cultivating children's independence.
2. Praise the children without stint.
When children are trying new things, they should keep saying, "You can do it!" " "Give restless children a centered encouragement. British psychologist hadfield said: "With self-confidence, people can exert their abilities to more than 500%;" Compared with people who have no self-confidence and inferiority, they can only play 30% of their abilities. "
Many parents begin to praise their children less after they can walk, even in the "willful period of 3 years old", they blame more than praise. In fact, as long as people are still people, they need the encouragement of others to strengthen their inner affirmation, at any age, let alone children.
The mother of Zheng Qinghua, a world-famous Korean violinist, raised seven excellent children. When asked about her parenting tips, she just smiled and said, "Give more praise to the children." Praise language can make children feel strong and keep their desire for anything. No matter how small things are, as long as there is a little progress, don't be stingy with praise Parents' affirmation can directly create children's infinite sense of self-confidence.
3. Use indirect language to "praise" and "blame"
Praise and blame are not as easy as imagined, especially for children. Praise can guide children's energy and make them more active; And blame can make children know clearly where the mistakes are and guide them to face, handle and solve things.
Whether praise or blame is used in language expression, it will profoundly affect the child's heart. If the child behaves well, instead of just boasting "Great!" Why don't you just say, "You really did it. Mom and dad are so happy! " ; Or scold, instead of just scolding: "No! No! " It is better to correct me indirectly and clearly: "What will happen to you if you do this?" .
Regardless of praise or blame, we should avoid directly targeting the child's personality. Exaggerated praise or unreasonable abuse is not a good way to deal with it.
4. Let children interact with children of the same age.
Modern families are almost "childless", and almost all the children in the family play at home by themselves and rarely communicate with children of the same age. Therefore, they always follow adults, not alone, and always need the company of adults, which often causes fatigue of adults and unhappiness of children. It is also because adults are accommodating everywhere that children know themselves in their eyes.
Children who don't go to kindergarten can also communicate with children of the same age. Although the communication between peers is not smooth at first, they are always noisy and crying for toys, but don't give up the opportunity to give children a interpersonal relationship class. Because as time goes by, children will naturally come up with a way to get along with each other and indirectly learn to be patient, humble or appreciate the sentiments of others.
5. Adhere to the principle of "no"
It is easier to promise, because it can please children; It is more difficult to refuse, because you have to face the negative emotions that children refuse to accept.
I often see such a scene in department stores. A child who was refused to buy toys by his parents lay on the ground crying willfully, while the parents on the side simply obeyed the child's request or threatened to stop him. This is a bad way to deal with it.
The occurrence of this phenomenon is actually an extension of family life. Usually parents have no clear attitude towards right and wrong, and the attitude of "yes and no" or "yes and no" is always ambiguous. Even if the "family rules" are established, they can't adhere to the principles, which leads children to dare not challenge their parents' persistence.
In normal times, if you have a three-chapter agreement with your child to face the agreement in life, no matter what happens, you must strictly abide by the agreed content, otherwise your parents will be soft-hearted and break the agreement first, and you don't want to ask your child to abide by self-discipline; In addition, it is also common for many parents to occasionally "release water" for flexibility. On the surface, it looks very "humanized", but in fact it will only cultivate children's speculative psychology. It's right not to put pressure on children, but don't use it in the wrong place. Personality education and bioethics cannot be adhered to flexibly.
6. Teach children to respect others.
It is inevitable that parents in the world love their children unconditionally just because they are cute and young, or because they are only children. However, in order to prevent children from becoming bullies in the future, children must learn to respect the existence of others as soon as possible, otherwise it will lead to various deviations in behavior, such as lying, taking other people's toys privately or beating other children casually.
Once the problem behavior occurs, does the child have the ability to reflect and face it? Parents themselves should not be hard on their children because their children are still young and the problem is not big; Even many parents think that as long as their children don't suffer, they won't correct their children's improper behavior towards others. Such selfishness will make your children more selfish.
The best way to teach children how to respect others is for parents to start from their daily lives. Respect elders, observe public order, and be polite to others ... Parents' behavior is like a mirror of their children, who are not only watching but also learning.
7. hug your child and say "I love you"
From babies to young children, we need to hug the skin with our mothers, so as to calm the children's hearts and often say "I love you" to them. Before the age of 3, the more times children are kissed or hugged, the more they will cherish themselves, because they feel love, which will also increase their self-confidence invisibly. Hugging will also affect the formation of children's character and personality.
Children who have the habit of being hugged by their parents are also more sensitive to others. For example, when they do something wrong, they can immediately judge the extent of their misconduct from their parents' strict attitude, and then know how to be vigilant about their behavior. Although sometimes children deliberately play pranks because they want to attract their parents' attention. In this case, in addition to scolding, it is more important for parents to express "parents love you" after scolding, deepen the psychological connection between parents and children, and appease the anxiety of children after doing something wrong.
8. Speak frankly to children.
Many parents have a "parental complex". They don't easily share their inner affairs with their children, or they can't face their mistakes calmly in front of their children, perhaps because they don't want their children to worry, or because they are too young to understand. However, such an unbeaten image of a strong man will make children feel extremely disappointed as long as their parents make a little mistake after they grow up and understand.
As long as children can talk, they have the ability to understand. If parents make mistakes in front of their children, they can also say "I'm sorry!" "Children can also learn to be more considerate of their parents, and even understand that parents are ordinary people. They don't understand some things, so that children can understand the importance of" going their own way ". "As long as parents are used to expressing their feelings to their children and let them learn to listen, there will be no generation gap in the future.
9. Let the children have fun.
Children in South Korea and Asian countries spend most of their childhood in "cram schools" or "talent classes". From kindergarten in the morning to piano, art, English and even swimming after class, the arrangement is busier than adults. Imagine if we adults are willing to compress from morning till night and have no free time to play? So why force children to do things we don't want to do?
Children's main task should be to play. Before the child's brain development is still stagnant and plastic, try to give the child flexible play time and give the child space to let his imagination play. Compared with cramming children in the classroom, it can improve their brain development and limb flexibility. The interesting attempt you found, and the established knowledge that others told you, the former made an inventor, and the latter just produced a good student who had a good way to take the exam.
Although there is a considerable demand for early education, under the realistic accelerated teaching method, it is better to let children have more opportunities to play by themselves, have fun, have better spirits and be healthier.
10. Establish an independent educational concept
More and more Korean mothers have to refer to other people's practices when educating their children. No matter which kindergarten you go to and what kind of teaching materials you use, you should ask others before making a decision. Although this is worried that children will be excluded from going out, it can also be explained to some extent as parents' own ignorance and vanity.
How to arrange children's learning courses and how to choose a suitable educational environment should be judged according to parents' own understanding of their children. Even if all the children around you take the same talent courses, if the children's own interests are not here, there is no need to sacrifice their feelings to catch up with fashion.
Parents who don't know their children, even if they buy expensive textbooks, can't give them correct guidance; Parents who know their children, even the teaching AIDS of waste utilization, can teach flexible and intelligent children. The most important education for children is not the form, but the independent educational concept established by parents' understanding of children.
1 1. Teach children manners.
More and more young Korean mothers often see their children walking around in restaurants or subways, even stepping on the mats in their shoes, indulging in such misconduct. They will not easily put pressure on their children, and the attitude of giving them freedom in education gives them the wrong direction.
"Take care of the child's behavior, regardless of his homework" will cultivate children with strong self-control, but most mothers do the opposite. The child's character has been formed in early childhood, and the idea that "it doesn't matter if the child is young and rude" is wrong.
Of course, instead of verbally asking children to be polite, it is better to let children feel the gentle and polite behavior of their parents from an early age and let them follow it imperceptibly.
Before complaining about your child's rudeness, please think about whether your usual behavior has caused a bad influence on your child. Satisfied with this answer, please adopt it! Thank you! !