Text: CreditEase Broadcasting: Shaduo

I still want to find the blood flowing in my youth, to talk to the cruel world, and to fight bravely against the tortuous road of life.

I met a high school classmate by chance last year. She hasn't seen me for five years since she graduated from high school. In her words, "it's really a surprise."

I don't know why she was surprised. Because five years ago, I was a careless, screaming "Renlaifeng", a "little fat girl" with elephant legs and bucket waist and poor taste in clothes. I haven't read any books, and I get nervous every time I read a study report in front of the whole class, and the word "connotation" has never bypassed me.

Four years in college and one year as a graduate student finally paid off in her "surprise" and incredible eyes.

Hard work is not hard, but after all, it is by strict exercise day after day to maintain weight. I lost nearly 30 pounds in the first three months, and finally maintained a healthy and stable level after rebounding once. My friends love to ask me about my weight loss experience and partial weight loss's secret. When I think about it carefully, every method can be called a secret. The key is to be hard on yourself. At that time, there were few college classes and amazing willpower. There was nothing to delay and nothing to be lazy about. Spring, summer, autumn and winter, at 6 o'clock in the morning, the plastic runway of the school walked round and round, and the vitality that rushed out from the bottom of my heart turned out to be a floor.

There are many nights when the campus is shrouded in noise. Everyone is either laughing their heads off watching entertainment programs or dating their boyfriends downstairs. Their corner can only be shrouded in silence. Sometimes I will do a long yoga "hero" action on the balcony or do a long "wall handstand" on the bed. Sometimes listening to music, sometimes reading, but more time is silent. But the change is going on bit by bit.

What losing weight taught me is actually a very simple thing, but how to become a better self. But at the same time, it is a very difficult thing, because it requires strong self-control and self-discipline without any external coercion. I realized that persistence is just repeating a small thing day after day. Running, yoga, and all the other little things. This little thing may not be as relaxing and enjoyable as coming to Taobao, nor as enjoyable as coming to Weibo, but as long as we persist and repeat it day after day, it is not a long process from quantitative change to qualitative change, as long as we have enough patience. Like, in the eyes of others, I will never lose weight. It only took me three months to succeed.

Later, I took the postgraduate entrance examination and chose an unattainable prestigious school. Other people's disbelief is similar to when they say, "Look at her fat, she doesn't even have a waist." When will she lose weight? "Later, I got up at six o'clock every day, sat in the deserted study room for a whole day, walked back to the dormitory at eleven o'clock, and read books in the all-night study room of the dormitory. Hundreds of late nights, the school path was empty. The doorman helped me illuminate a short circuit with a flashlight. He said, "Little girl, why are you not afraid of the dark alone?" I shook my head silently. I just wanted to say that I am not afraid of darkness, cold and long journey. I am afraid that I have wasted my time and wasted my years. Later, I met other people's expectations and was heartbroken with my dreams, but I was lucky enough. The second time I chose to adjust smoothly, and finally I got a good grade.

Looking back on that time, I am still grateful. Time flies, so no matter what the road ahead is, there is only one desperate and hearty effort, as if all my blood and tears have been exhausted. Those words written by my friend are still in my notebook. She said, "We use the best years of our lives as collateral to guarantee a dream that will be laughed at if we say it." That winter will never be forgotten, and it was dark in the middle of the night, but I think the road ahead is long, the future can be expected, and all my dreams are clear and bright. It seems that only this time, I feel that my gloomy and narrow heart is full of hope, and a whole magnificent world is waiting for me to look back eagerly.

Over the years, through reading practice and organizing community activities, many weaknesses have been gradually overcome. I won a small place in the math competition, instead of being frankly sent a message by the math teacher in high school, "How can I save you, your math!" " People who are afraid of math and death. Taking part in speeches, writing poems and reciting, I was finally able to speak calmly in front of thousands of people. Read more and write more, observe and ponder bit by bit, let yourself find a place outside soap operas and entertainment news, and accumulate spiritual thickness flatly. Planning a rehearsal program for the party, sitting in the audience waiting for the curtain call on New Year's Eve, when applause and laughter fluctuated around me, I thought, ah, I can do such a thing myself. Growth does take hours. Others strive to get what they can get, but the feeling of increasing abundance is so memorable, and it is also such a diary that can be written in a rich and practical way.

My college roommate, from a poor county in China, lives halfway up the mountain and has a weak cell phone signal. My mother died young, and all four sisters in the family, except her, dropped out of school early to work in the south, and paid their tuition by student loans. All the living expenses come from odd jobs. In my shallow eyes, I only think that she has really experienced the hardships of life. At the beginning of the university, girls feel particularly inferior and seldom speak. They often hide in the crowd without making a sound, and their expressions are full of timidity. Now she has graduated and worked in a well-known foreign company in Shenzhen. She has a good salary, suitable makeup and elegant posture, and is often called "white". But only I can see her change step by step in recent years. How to work hard to get a stomachache, how to cry all night and fight hard again, how to stay up late and study smoothly, how to read one book after another generously, how to win the praise of the whole class as a monitor, how to lead our class to successfully break through the excellent class of the school, and even how to learn makeup methods little by little to create perfect makeup for the interview.

In fact, transformation is not an easy task. To get out of the "safety zone" of your personality, you really need to seriously reflect and improve step by step after layers of struggle and failure. But if there is a contrast between a freshman and a graduate student, she must have changed from a little girl who looks a little shivering to an intellectual girl who shines all over. Sometimes I like to play jokes on her: "Wow, what's it like to be promoted to white plum!" " Tears suddenly welled up in my eyes: "So many years of insecurity finally landed. I am most happy that I finally have the strength to protect my family. " Of course, only I know that she endured a warm and beautiful home with bright lights all the way from that desolate mountain.

I believe in the meaning of hard work more than anyone else, because people are born unequal and the world is so cruel. But this does not mean that struggle and change are meaningless, because it is the most effective way to jump out of the narrow life and leave the poor environment. I have read a passage by Jiang before. She said: "I have no complaints about the cruelty of society, but I am curious. I want to follow' cruelty' to find its suffering, its parents and its thick roots. I want to go upstream and look forward to the source of great suffering, such as the most magnificent scenery in the world. Do you dare? Are you coming? "

In fact, I wrote this article because friends have been very gloomy at parties recently. The article "It's hard to give birth to a noble child in a cold door" written by HR of the bank made us nervous during our internship in the bank, and the panic that was penetrated in minutes defeated the mature and cautious pace of pretending to be desperate. It seems that more than ten years of hard study at the cold window have been in vain, and a thick stack of professional books has been lost to a deposit slip. The word "resources" shattered all the great ambitions when reading. In addition, the tragedy of the bank's cabinet was confided by the friends, and the sadness of the account manager was spit out by the friends. All struggling youths end in such a pale posture, and all passions will be exhausted by trivial things. Thinking of this, my heart suddenly cooled down in such a hot summer.

But I still believe in the meaning of hard work more than anyone else. Although I have worked hard for so long, I still can't afford luxury goods, and I can't go to Blue Island for a leisurely holiday. I can even foresee my anxiety about commuting by bus in the future and my ordinary life still submerged in daily necessities. However, the simple four words "strive hard" let my eyes cross the dusty small county and reach a broader and boundless world. Even, it has fulfilled all my humble dreams, whether it's "being admitted to university" in primary school, "being skinny" in high school or "publishing articles in magazines" in university, and "traveling around Qian Shan" for graduate students is now on the way. I also believe that it will fulfill more humble dreams and take me to the dream world.

It seems that all the grandeur will turn into waves, and all the gongs and drums will be silent. Passionate youth goes all the way with its mighty momentum, leaving only redundancy, dryness, triviality and heat that are difficult to resolve in ordinary life. But I still want to find the blood flowing in my youth, ask for an explanation in the cruel world, and bravely fight against the tortuous road of life.

Because I believe in the meaning of hard work more than anyone else.