"I spent a day sending my children to various training classes. I'm too tired to stand it. My child is still not performing well, which is really difficult. "

"Being a civil servant is the best way. Even if you have a conflict with your child, you can't choose XX by him/her. "

"I did it for the good of my children. I did something that didn't get a high score in the exam, and I'm still indignant. I am very sad and heartbroken. "

Under the constant tide of tiger education, many new parents choose to be tiger mothers or wolf fathers, hoping that their children will grow up to be smart, happy, competitive, principled, pragmatic and creative, but the reality has seriously shattered their hopes. Bombing survivors in the media are biased, but not many camera lights are projected on thousands of failed and taken away tiger families:

1. Children from tiger-style education families have poor academic performance, low education level and more mental disorders and family alienation problems than children from relaxed support families.

2. Lack of ability to participate in social life and interpersonal communication, personality defects, poor performance in the workplace, increased employment difficulties, and more difficult to succeed.

3. The training cost is too high for ordinary families to bear. A wolf dad hired a tutor for 2000 yuan/hour, not to mention giving up the cost of making money.

Middle-aged crisis, heavy life pressure, accelerated social change, bombing of advertising media and training institutions, stricter admission standards and other "straws" weigh heavily on parents who love their children but are confused. Moreover, children grow up only once, and if they fail, they can't turn back. In the case of asymmetric information, their choices are limited. Many novice parents can only go with the flow and embark on the road of becoming a tiger with huge expenses but not worth the loss and low happiness.

02 dolphin education

Then the question comes: Is there a simpler, easier, cheaper, more scientific and healthier education for cultivating talents?

We can look to Finland. Finnish education and tiger education are completely different;

"In Finland, there are no gifted classes in schools, the class time is the lowest in the world, and the review time after class is also the lowest. However, Finland has been taking PIZA exams for many years, and the level of domestic education and student performance is stable. Moreover, Finnish middle school students aged 15 have been rated as the first in the world by the Organization for International Economic Cooperation and Development (OECD). "

Compared with the19th century examination machine trained by Tiger Education, Finnish education can train 2 1 9th century talents, all in business. 2 1 century, a successful and happy life tests not only IQ and EQ, but also CQ:

1. Creativity-the watershed between floating talents and third-rate talents.

2. Critical thinking-Critical thinking is a part of higher-order thinking.

3. Communication and cooperation-the core of teamwork ability.

Simi Kang, a doctor of medicine at Harvard University and an expert on children and adolescents' mental health at Columbia University, put forward dolphin education on the basis of studying Finnish education, that is, to guide children's intrinsic motivation in a healthy and balanced way and cultivate all-round business talents in the 265,438+0th century.

Common jellyfish parents spend almost all their time in work and life, lacking the time, energy and patience to educate their children, and are absent from their children's growth. Nannies or elders often take care of children, and then overcompensate and pamper them. For example, many rich second generations lack the motivation to pursue and struggle in life, and it is difficult to succeed.

Tiger parents are mostly accompanied by negative emotions such as addiction, anxiety and fear: fear of wasting time, pursuit of perfection, anxiety caused by excessive competition, etc. Excessive control destroys teenagers' creativity, leadership, critical thinking ability, teamwork ability and healthy parent-child relationship, and their study, life, friends and work are out of balance. Sadly, unbalanced parenting will only be self-defeating.

Dolphin parents are authoritative figures and will establish clear rules. They will handle things through democratic consultation, reason with their children, respond to their emotional needs, reward and correct their mistakes, create a balanced life for their children and have a warm family. There are few parent-child crises and adolescent psychological problems. The life of the elite is balanced. No matter what happens in life, they sleep, exercise, entertain, entertain, explore, socialize, work, contribute and motivate themselves. It is difficult for such a good bamboo family to raise bad bamboo shoots.

03 balance

The core of dolphin-style education is only three points: balance, comprehensive business and stimulating internal motivation.

First of all, we need to pay attention to the basic elements of growth needs-sleep, nutrition, exercise and mindfulness (the ability to pay close attention to the world around us). Without these elements, it is difficult to complete nerve remodeling and brain development in shape, function and body. Parents should create a good environment: throw away sugary drinks, reduce screen time, have three meals at home regularly and have good sleep habits.

Secondly, guide children to take focused and self-controlled deep breaths: No matter facing pressure, anxiety, worry, anger or out of control, deep breaths will take us away from the state of fighting, avoiding and running, and reduce the harm of bad emotions to the human body. At the same time, cultivate children's mindfulness practice: pay close attention to the positive and open things at present. These two tools can also help tiger parents become dolphin parents.

Furthermore, sufficient game time: playing physical exercise (physical and mental development), playing toys (hands-on ability), imagining games and pretending games, and social games (interactive games. Play), celebration ceremony (family community activities), entertaining.

04 quanshang

First, parents of dolphins need to encourage their children to observe.

Second, dolphin parents need to encourage their children to ask questions.

Thirdly, dolphin parents need to encourage their children to try.

Fourth, dolphin parents need to encourage their children to socialize.

Fifth, dolphin parents need to encourage their children to socialize.

However, is it that simple to develop the whole business? Of these five points, most people will pay attention to those observations, doubts, attempts, associations and socialization that are only put at the end. The more important "encouragement" has been ignored. The most crucial step is to let children observe, ask questions, try, communicate and socialize independently. Dolphin parents are not immutable. They should transition from authority (I know what you need to do when you grow up) to guidance (you know what you need to do when you grow up, and I will always support your choice).

05 excitation internal power

Anyone who has tried to lose weight will know that people who want to lose weight very much can usually lose weight, while those who lose weight because of peer pressure or external pressure factors such as the media are easy to give up halfway.

The secret is: internal motivation.

"Intrinsic motivation" refers to personal accomplishment to do something. In the final analysis, importance and confidence are two internal driving factors. We need to pay attention to importance and confidence to motivate children. Dolphin parents can use the essence of dolphins to inspire:

Maintain peace of mind → * * * Emotion: express understanding and support → identify with the child's goals (instead of paying attention to the goals set for the child) → cheer for the child.

For example, I know that you really want to behave well and don't want to face it (* * *). Only by persisting in giving can we achieve what we want (children's goals). It's not hard to try. I believe you can do it! (Cheer up)

The process of cultivating children's self-confidence and stimulating internal motivation is not smooth sailing. With illustrations, it is necessary to judge the child's state according to his performance and reaction and take appropriate countermeasures.

Conclusion: jellyfish education, tiger education and dolphin education have their own advantages and disadvantages, and in Peking University, the life development potential of overseas Chinese students, students who graduated from Hengshui and students who graduated from the middle school attached to the National People's Congress is different.

Recommended bibliography: dolphin parenting philosophy: cultivating healthy, happy and interested children. Simikang