Emotional guidance is to teach children emotional rules and let them know how to identify emotions and express them in an appropriate way.
In the past, when children heard the word running, they were very resistant. When children cry, quarrel and are cold and violent to you, the main reason is that they have not learned to express and deal with their feelings in the right way since childhood, and maybe their parents will not. Emotional guidance is to teach children what this kind of emotion is called and what we can do when they show it.
[1] control parents
The spell is "Stop it! Don't run around and make trouble again, and you won't want to watch TV! " Commands and threats are typical manifestations of control. Such discipline will not make children feel responsible, and children will be more likely to indulge themselves when they grow up.
[2] Parents who let themselves go
The mantra is "ignore him, there's nothing you can do, it doesn't matter if children make trouble." If children are allowed to develop in this way, they will not learn proper social rules. When they grow up, they will lack constraints and rules, have no sense of belonging to the group, and are more likely to get involved in drugs, gangs and internet addiction because they need strong team dependence.
[3] Despise, underestimate and deny children's feelings
The mantra is "How can you be hungry? What's the big deal about a fall? If you don't eat, I won't buy it for you anymore! Are you a man or not? " When many parents show off their children standing up without adult supervision, they learn to pretend to be strong instead of teaching them how to face the pain. Just like a child who doesn't know how to face pain, let alone care about the pain of others.
[4] Use external incentives and rewards.
The mantra is "If you are obedient, I will buy you toys. If you get a double score, I will take you to travel. " This behavior is called bribery. Bribery brought up children, don't like to obey the rules, and don't like to show things themselves well. They just want to get external rewards. He doesn't know why he did it.
[5] Take negative consequences as punishment.
The mantra is: "Do you dare to do this again? Stop all activities and stand. Count to three, 1, 2, 3! " Distinguish between direct consequences and negative consequences: children miss dinner time because of fun, and as a result, they have no food. This is called direct consequence. Parents can explain to their children why there is no food to eat, and don't be angry. Children break vases for fun, and parents punish children for not watching cartoons. This is called negative consequences. Children will feel the negative emotions of their parents and learn to treat others with violent communication.
[6] corporal punishment
Punitive threats may work for a while, but the only thing children learn from them is that they are afraid that their parents will be angry or don't want themselves and have to obey. He will make mistakes again sooner or later. Children who are beaten for lying will only tell better lies. Most importantly, children know from you that violence is effective.
[7] Have unrealistic expectations for children and ignore their personality characteristics.
Many parents want their children to be sensible beyond their age, and they want their children to be the same as their ideal children. We all made the mistake of demanding our children by our own standards.
When you discipline your children, please ask yourself:
[1] Did I deny, ignore or belittle the children's feelings?
[2] Have you punished or taught your children by beating them?
[3] Are there any negative ways to motivate them?
If the answer is yes, please consider your choice.
Help children understand, express and adjust their emotions, improve their language skills, reduce the phenomenon of losing their temper because of fluent expression, and at the same time promote communication between parents and children, deepen their feelings, and let children learn to make new friends, learn to be patient, learn to face adversity, and learn to respect the feelings of others.
[1] sowing
Tell your child clearly and accurately in advance what your requirements are. For example, in 2065438+February 2006 and 65438+2006, I asked my children's opinions and reported them to Haikou Online Marathon 10 km Healthy Run. He is particularly excited and looking forward to it. During this period, I asked him many times: "Do you remember any plans for 20 17 1.8?" He has been thinking about it in his heart, which is a seed planted in his heart.
[2] Observation and judgment
The essence of observation and judgment is attention, and the purpose of observation is to observe the needs of children. This morning, my child took the initiative to remind me that today is the day of Haikou online marathon 10 km running. During this period, I have been paying close attention to my children's real thoughts on running, and making accurate judgments through observation, so as to guide them in time.
[3] Listen
Be sure to communicate with children as friends, not paternalism. Squat down as much as possible, look the child in the eye and listen to his real thoughts.
[4] Observe and understand children's feelings
Running four kilometers today, the child is tired. I asked him in time, "I know you are very tired now. Do you need dad's help? " Psychologically, this is called emotional response. Accurately tell the child's feelings, the child will feel understood and respected, but the mood will calm down faster. The child's fatigue was swept away and he was full of energy. He told me, "Dad, I'm a man. I'm not halfway there. I'm not tired at all. "
[5] Guide children to solve problems
Guiding children to solve problems is not simply telling them what to do, but guiding them to learn how to do it. For example, running with children today, let's set a goal for children first. We plan to run 10 km in 90 minutes. How many minutes does it take to complete each kilometer? My child told me that every kilometer must be completed in 9 minutes, so we started running. The first kilometer is full of energy, which takes 7 minutes and 4 minutes1second. I asked the child how many seconds in advance. He did a mental calculation and told me that he was ahead of schedule 1 min 19 seconds. Then I asked him how many minutes you plan to control the total time at the end of the 2 km. It needs to be controlled within 65,438+08 minutes, and I told him that if he wants to achieve his goal, he must tighten before loosening, because his physical strength will get worse and worse, and he may be tired in the end. It is recommended to leave enough redundancy for one minute, so start from the second kilometer and determine the decomposition goal in your child's mind. The goal of 2 kilometers is 17 minutes, and the goal of 3 kilometers is 26 minutes and 4 kilometers. I knew it well, and finally I finished at 1 hour 27 minutes and 58 seconds, 2 minutes and 2 seconds ahead of schedule 10 km.
Simply telling children that you are great won't help them, because children don't know why you are great and even think it's cheap. The method of emotional guidance is to pay more attention to the child's own feelings and let him know the fun and significance of the matter itself. Parents are not judges, but a sincere communication object. For example, after running today, I said to my child, "What you feel now is called a sense of accomplishment. How's it going? You are very happy! " ! Your performance just now was called perseverance, where there is a will, there is a way! "The child replied happily," Dad, it's really comfortable to run 10 km. I'm sweating all over. I was a little tired just now, but now there is no problem at all. When do I run 10 km again? "The children have realized the fun and significance of their own running.
The above is the specific method to explain "emotional guidance" in detail through today's 10 km health run. Children need to grow up, and parents need to grow up with their children. They should pay attention to their parents' most important work, be willing to learn and change it, and be willing to understand, listen, guide and help their children grow up at any time, no matter whether they are one, three, six, twelve or eighteen.