● Once I took an IC card on the bus and lined up to get on the bus. A man in front threw a coin, and my brain was short-circuited and I threw the IC card in. ...

My neighbor forgot his key, turned it over from my balcony, found the key in the house, turned it back, and then opened his door. What's even more amazing is that I met on the balcony from beginning to end and didn't feel anything wrong. Well, our heads must have passed through the same door.

● One day, I found that my mobile phone was gone. I searched my bag and every corner of the house, but it didn't work. I sat on the ground depressed, took out my mobile phone from my pocket and sent a short message to everyone: I lost my mobile phone.

● Everyone was playing mahjong. When the power went out, they lit candles and continued to play. Later, someone was too hot and shouted "Hey ~ turn on the electric fan". Everyone is busy persuading "no, no, the candle will be blown out."

Since the telephone was installed in the dormitory, we have become "gentlemen". A gentleman talks but doesn't do it, and of course he's too lazy to move his legs. If anything happens, they would rather spend some phone bills than go out for a walk. There is a young man named Li Lei in our family. He got a job in the summer vacation and worked as a programmer in a website. He went to work yesterday. Someone called him and I answered. I said that Li Lei was not here, and the other party asked him if he had gone back to his hometown? I said no, and the other party said, "Then tell him that I am his classmate and ask him to call me when he comes back. The telephone number is ××××. " I took notes (later I learned that it was actually a phone call diagonally opposite the dormitory, which was unfamiliar with us).

When Li Lei came back in the evening, I told him about the phone call. He said it might be from a high school classmate, so he called back the number. Li Lei is from Shaanxi. As soon as the phone rang, he asked, "Do you have any from Shaanxi?" The person who answered the phone said, "we don't have it here, but we do." Wait a minute, I'll call you ... "

Immediately, I heard someone shouting in the corridor: "Li Lei, come and answer the phone, your hometown!" "

Li Lei paused and told us in Room 3 that I'm going to take a call, and you are here to watch for me. If you get through, just say I'll be back soon. Li Lei passed and Lao San picked up the phone. Within a few seconds, there came the voice of "Hello". The third child immediately said, "He is out. Wait a minute! " Then he pushed open the door and shouted, "Li Lei, this phone is connected. Come back soon. " Li Lei waited there for a while and hung up without answering. He went back to the house and took the phone from the old man. After hanging up, he only heard the sound of "beep". "Strange!" He said gloomily, "Why didn't anyone answer?"

Then he picked up the note recording the number and dialed the number again: "Do you have any from Shaanxi ..."

When I was in high school, a buddy in my class was born in 198 1, and he was very old. .....

Here's what happened when he took the bus:

In sophomore year, this guy went to school by bus. Because of the long journey, when he was bored, a 35-year-old man next door asked him to chat. The man opened his mouth and said, "Brother, where are you going?"

This guy may have been treated like this many times, and he is not very surprised. His answer was quite calm: "Three Middle Schools".

The man's second sentence: "Oh, went to see the children?" It's hard for children to go to school ... "

The buddy's face twitched and he didn't say a word.

The third sentence: "eldest brother, what grade is your child?" That buddy was really annoyed and didn't explain, so he slipped a sentence: "Senior One"

At this time, the classic appeared. The man stared at his buddy in surprise for ten seconds, and then said, "Brother, you got married very late!" " "

I remember when I was in high school, I met a close friend and bought a big cake outside the school gate. You know, when I was in high school, I was often hungry because I used too much brain. I immediately ran up and beat him up, and then bit him into a big cake. And I swear it's not enough. I bought a cake without me. As a result, I didn't swallow a bite of cake. I looked up and found that I was mistaken for someone else. It's nothing.

The pie ran away as soon as it was stuffed into the man's hand, and the whole process was done in one go! ! !

I remember that when I ran back to the school gate and looked back, the man was still standing in front of the stall, holding a pie with a missing mouth. Sometimes you can't help beating yourself up when you think about it! ! ! !

A topic requires the following four sentences to be connected with related words:

1, sister Zhang Haidi is paralyzed;

2. Sister Zhang Haidi studied tenaciously;

3. Sister Zhang Haidi learned a lot of foreign languages;

4. Sister Zhang Haidi studied acupuncture.

The correct answer should be: "Sister Zhang Haidi, although paralyzed, studied hard and learned not only many foreign languages, but also acupuncture.

As a result, one child wrote: Sister Zhang Haidi was paralyzed despite her tenacious study of acupuncture and many foreign languages.

I found a more fierce child writing: Sister Zhang Haidi not only learned a foreign language, but also learned acupuncture. She studied so doggedly that she was finally paralyzed!

I'm a 2000-year-old from Yunnan University, the same level as Ma Jiajue. Mark had an accident, but before he was arrested, the wanted order said that there would be tens of thousands of rewards for helping the public security organs catch Mark. Everyone is jealous, everyone wants to get that large sum of money, and they pay great attention to the faces of passers-by when they go to the streets. One day, I went out by bus, and there were not many people, only one person was standing. Suddenly, everyone stared at the man. When I look closely, it looks like Mark on the wanted list. Maybe everyone saw it and was nervous and excited. The atmosphere was so tense that the man was startled by everyone and shouted angrily, "I'm not Ma Jiajue! The bus driver is very responsible and says decisively that no one can get off. I'll drive to the police station. Everyone is ready to close all the windows at once. That man has a very helpless expression. Arriving at the police station, the driver proudly said to the police, someone in my car looks like Marek, so I drove away at once. The man said indignantly to the police, it's me again, officer. I was caught for the second time today.

● My deskmate has a cold and a runny nose, but I forgot to bring my handkerchief and I have been sucking it into my nose. The Chinese teacher who was writing on the blackboard suddenly turned around and shouted, "That's enough! Stop it! Too noisy! " The whole class was silent. The teacher added, "Who steals noodles in class? What are you arguing about? "

● Go to the canteen to pack your bags when you are a freshman. Who knows there is something wrong with the punch card machine? I rowed it down to 3 yuan, 25 yuan. My brother, who sells steamed stuffed buns, couldn't add it back for a long time. He said piteously, "Nothing, I remember you, and I will come here often in the future until I use up the extra money." I have to agree.

Poor me, I ate steamed buns for a semester, and Brother Steamed Bun still owes me 2.3 yuan ... The most exasperating thing is that I haven't found a girlfriend after four years in college! !

Until graduation, one day I was walking on the campus tree-lined road, listening to a group of girls pointing behind me and whispering, "Yes, that's him! ! Don't find such a boyfriend in the future, and go to the second canteen to eat steamed buns every day without paying! ! "

My name is Zhu, the computer room of the management unit. Someone once called my mobile phone: "Sir Chicken, are you in the pigsty?" I was yelling at that guy.

● When cooking at noon, my mother gave me a pot of carrots: "Go, cut the carrots into diced meat!"

I remember once buying a fruit called Elizabeth. I opened my mouth and said, boss, how much is Shakespeare? The boss froze on the spot.

● Drink with leaders and others, raise your glass and say loudly, "Let's die together!" My brain was too hot.

......

● Go to the market to buy food and prepare dinner. A Korean friend bought lettuce for $2.40. He gave all the change to the vendor, but he was still short of a dime, so he said to the vendor-

"I gave you all my hair, so I have no hair."

The peddler was speechless, and it took him a long time to answer-

I don't want your hair.

When I was chatting in the canteen, I suddenly found myself dropping a grain of rice outside. I secretly felt sorry for the farmer's uncle's waste of food, so I picked it up and ate it. But then I found out that this meal didn't seem to be mine. ...

Pinch the cock by the neck but dare not go under the knife. After a long pause, I strangled the chicken.

● Sina News Headline: Chongqing Railway Police Special Police practiced fear on the train.

A netizen in Hebei commented: Can I get on the train in China? Still fucking scared!

When I was drinking with some friends one night, several people drank too much. One of them fell asleep on the side of the road, so we couldn't lift him, so we discussed finding something to cover him so as not to catch cold. When I saw him a few days later, he said that he woke up the next day and found three bicycles on him.