Classic paragraphs and long paragraphs (hot articles)
1. An idle prodigal son who only hates himself for being too lazy to go home and wants to find a lazy shop to study. One day, he found a lazy shop and went there. When he arrived at the lazy shop, he turned and walked backwards into the door. The master of the lazy shop shouted:? Well, why don't you face me? The prodigal son still turned his back on the master and replied:? Calm down, master. Turn your back on master if you want to, and don't turn around when you say goodbye. ? Hearing this, the master was dumbfounded. After a while, he said like a dream. You are lazier than me, and I respect you as a teacher. ?
2. Once upon a time, there was a lazy man who ate, drank and played all the year round and didn't like labor. In autumn harvest, weeds in his field are higher than rice. He saw the rice growing well in other people's fields. He ran angrily to the edge of the field, stamped his foot and cursed the crops. Crops, crops, you have no conscience! If you are afraid of the sun, the weeds in the field grow taller than you; Say you are afraid of hurting the old roots, I have never hoed you; Said you were afraid of getting dirty, and I never burned shit on you. Do you think I'm sorry?
A man passed by a miser's house and saw a flock of geese standing by the wall. He hurried to catch the biggest one, hid it under his robe and hurried away. After walking for a long time, the goose didn't make a sound. He felt strange and wanted to have a look. He turned into an empty lane, lifted his robe a little, and saw the goose raise its head and habitually emit it? Shh, shh, shh, shh. He said happily to the goose. You're amazing! People call you stupid goose, but you are smarter than me. I pulled up my robe and was about to tell you to be quiet, but you said it in front of me! ?
My girlfriend called and said she was going on a business trip for a month. She asked me to accompany her to the mall to buy some daily necessities. We came to the shopping mall, walked around and bought almost everything, so we found a quiet place to sit down and rest, and we were reluctant to leave when we thought of it. I said:? Call me when you arrive, or send a message. ? Girlfriend nodded. I looked at her for a while and said,? You're leaving. Let me kiss you. ? My girlfriend squinted and looked up. I just put my face together when someone coughed at the back. Is a staff member. She gave us a strange look and left without saying anything. I lifted my girlfriend's face when I saw no one else around? There was another cough behind him. It turns out that the staff member is back again. She pointed to a raven overhead and said, please, we are testing the monitor. The whole mall can see it. Would you please not sit under the probe?
Only this membrane can prove your innocence, but I'm so hungry that I can't control myself to pierce your tough membrane with that long tube that can freely expand and contract, and a reddish liquid flows out. I love you? Unified iced black tea!
It was my turn to be on duty that day, and someone outside reported that a drunk was making trouble in front of his shop. We went there and took him back to the police station as usual? Restrain until you wake up? . When he arrived at the police station, the man was still drunk. He hit himself on the head with his mobile phone, so he put it away and put it in the duty room. My mother's mobile phone is awesome. I took a look, and it actually has a speaker! Honey, something terrible has happened. Someone keeps calling this mobile phone. Are ringtones popular? Wolves love sheep? . God, the phone keeps ringing, and the ringtone of the mobile phone is at least decibel, so big that even the general sound is covered up. Next, the other person is also a drunk and can't communicate. I want to turn it off. I am sweating. I want the password. Oh, my God! I want to wait until his battery is dead. He's been calling for hours and hasn't used up a grid of electricity! I'm confused. Pulling out the battery is not easy for me. What a clever mistake! I made the worst decision of my life! When the battery of the mobile phone is unplugged, there is still an alarm. Oh, my god, it is the alarm of a siren, which is louder than the alarm of our police car. Where did you say the battery was missing? It hasn't stopped ringing for more than ten minutes, so there's no way but to put the battery back and start it up. Wolves love sheep? This song. God, help! In the process of torture, it is already late in the morning, and the man is finally awake and can communicate normally. I quickly gave him my mobile phone, told him to leave quickly and let me live!
7. A young judge, very humorous. In a trial, people were crowded, and all the auditoriums were packed. A megaphone was put outside the court for live broadcast. At this time, there are still many people to squeeze in, and the judge in court said: This judge is glad that you care about this trial. But the gallery is full. If someone is enthusiastic and insists on taking a seat, there are still a few seats in the dock. Welcome to your seat! ? Laughter really works.
8. One afternoon, the central air conditioner in the conference room broke down, so I asked someone to repair it, and I asked for a maintenance fee. (Actually, it's just cleaning. There are too many sundries in it. ) come and buckle it. Workshop manager B: Why not just ask our own electrician to wash the air conditioning style? Why pay someone to wash it? Me: These air conditioners have been used for more than two years and have not been thoroughly cleaned. If you don't wash yourself thoroughly, it won't work for a day or two. And we don't have a potion workshop manager who specializes in washing this: then let the air conditioner buy potion and let the electrician wash it. Me: ..................... (Editor's Note: B, fortunately, I am not the boss. However, liquid medicine is deceptive, and detergent will do. )
9. One person looks humorous. He walked into a bar and said to the waitress:? Give me a cup of cocoa before we quarrel! ? The barmaid hurriedly handed him a drink. A few minutes later, the man said to the waitress, Send me some steak and fried potatoes before the quarrel. ? The waitress was even more surprised, but she brought the food up anyway. In this way, the clock passed, and the barmaid asked curiously, but what about the quarrel? When exactly does it start? Right now! ? The man replied,? Because I have no money to buy cocoa and vegetables. ?
10. Write this article incoherently after grief and indignation! @! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Three p. m. . . The canteen of the project management department is in an emergency: there is no food for cooking at night! This is a problem for employees to eat, so we need to go shopping quickly. The weather is bad, and all the vehicles in the project department go out. As a logistics supervisor, in desperation, I borrowed a motorcycle from my uncle, a migrant worker, and went to the nearest Sanniugou village to buy some emergency vegetables. ! ! Buy food. . . . Paying the bill ~ ~ Everything went so smoothly ~ ~ Naturally ~ ~ However ~ ~ However ~ ~ However, at the moment when I stepped out of the store with my drinks and vegetables ~ ~ ~ Tragedy happened? Three fierce German shepherds rushed at me at the speed of visual speed! ! ! ! I quickly avoided the first dog at lightning speed ~ ~ ~ However. . . . . Two big vicious dogs are driving side by side in the back. ; . . . Can't dodge ~ ~ instant! ! I felt a sharp pain in my leg and my body danced with it. . . Then I fell heavily on the hard gravel road ... what's worse is that ~ ~ six bottles of Pepsi fell on me ~ ~ ~ ~ dizziness ~ ~ severe pain ~ ~ ~ numbness ~ ~ grandma is a bear ~ ~ nothing has happened since childhood. . . I was hit by a dog today ~ ~ ~ and went back to the project department. . . . Climb on the bed and unbutton my clothes: ~ ~ My back is bruised ... my leg is probably broken ~ ~ ~ Damn it. . . I can't move now! ! Mom's here ~ ~? It hurts! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! This lesson tells everyone that dogs are fiercer than land rover ~ ~ ~ Say hello to the dog mother again! ! ! !
A classic joke (classic)
1. "In order to show concern for subordinates, the heavy smoker colonel suddenly walked into the navy canteen. In the canteen, he saw Kobe and Berumbo standing in front of a big soup pot and said, Let me taste this soup! But ... . . ? Kobe said, smokers? But what? Give me the spoon? . . . After that, he took a long drink and cursed angrily: damn it! How could you give this to the navy! ! ! This is simply a brush pot of water! ? Kirby:? I was just about to tell you. . . But you have tasted it. . . ? Nami, a math teacher, asked Luffy. We learn subtraction today! For example, your brother has five pieces of barbecue, but you secretly took it from there. How many pieces are left? Luffy:? Five dollars! ? Nami is angry:? Why five dollars? ! ? Luffy:? Because I ate his barbecue, he will turn me into a barbecue! ? Alvida went to a hospital in Qiao Ba for cosmetic surgery before eating slippery fruit. Qiao Ba told her: In your case, Berry is needed for the whole operation, but after the operation, you are definitely the most beautiful woman on the great route! ? Alvida:? It's too expensive! Is there a cheaper way to go to Qiao Ba? Yes There is a way, berries are enough, you can charm anyone! Really? ! What can we do, Qiao Ba? Eye rhytidectomy and alabaster veil and headscarf. . . ? Luffy:? Brother, let's play a circus game, and I'll play the big bear in it! ? Ace:？ What about me? Luffy:? You play the big sister who plays with the bear and keeps stuffing delicious food into my mouth! ? . . . . . . Luffy took Qiao Ba to see a psychiatrist. Luffy said to the doctor. Qiao Ba is a deer, but she thinks she is a hen. It's been half a year! ? Doctor:? Ah! It's been six months. Why didn't you come earlier? Luffy:? Because I want to eat eggs! ? Zhuo Luo got lost in the country. He met a man who was plowing in a corn field. He shouted rudely, "Hey! Where does this road lead? "
I don't know whether the light bulbs in China are the same as those in England. In Britain, there is a warning on the wrapping paper of light bulbs-don't put that object in your mouth. It means don't put the light bulb in your mouth. He is XXXX's ... and then someone will put this thing into the import? The British are idiots ... I tell you, nothing is absolute! One day I was watching TV at home with an Indian friend, and I talked to him about it. He told me that their primary school textbooks also said that light bulbs would get stuck after being imported, so they could not be taken out under any circumstances. He's sure the book says ... but I doubt it. I think the surface of the light bulb is slippery. If it can be imported, it proves that the mouth is big enough to let it in and out, and theoretically it can be taken out. But this Indian idiot only said that it was said in the book ... it must be correct ... I was angered by his naive attitude. I said he was stupid, he said I couldn't read English books ... We had a fight ... I got home in a rage, picked up an ordinary light bulb and lay in bed thinking about it, always thinking I was right. Thinking of this Indian friend's ignorance, I am also in the spirit of a scientist-I decided to prove it. Look at that. Of course, I also took safety measures ... and bought a bottle of vegetable oil to go home.
Mushrooms are named "mushrooms" because they are cut off. Later, because of the deliberate propaganda of the people, it was widely used in the class. Mushroom is a confused girl with great nerves. She often starts to speak suddenly, and then everyone laughs. Xiao Kai, a wordy math teacher in math class, spat at it. He asked, "What will happen after the exam?" "Everyone is sleeping." Lantian said, "What else do you want to see?" "Still no one answered the sleeping mushroom and suddenly said," "Look at the one at the same table!" "Xiao Kai face black. Xiao Ming, a physics teacher, is talking about a new lesson in physics class. Because the students were yawning, Xiao Ming made an analogy to wake the students up. ""I'm from China and he's American, so he says Americans are the highest class, so he looks down on me ... """I'm from the earth, and I'm the highest class!" "Everyone laughed ..."
4. What should I do? Let me tell a joke! Send an announcement directly, lest I have to tell everyone I meet! Wow, haha! Actually, I don't have anyone to talk to. My colleagues in the office listened with me, and everyone around me heard: I told my brother once that my sister wanted to make my mother happy. She used her mobile phone to dial hard, but she said I couldn't send it without the phone bill. I said it again when I got home. By the way, my brother listened to it again, watching his speechless expression, knowing that she could not show this joke when he was present. On the first day, the white rabbit went to buy carrots. Boss: No next day, White Rabbit: Boss, do you have any carrots? Boss: No, the third day, White Rabbit: Boss, do you have any carrots? Boss: Is there? (Very excited) White Rabbit: Two! The boss said angrily, come and knock out your front teeth next time! The fourth day, the little white rabbit came again: boss, do you have a hammer? Boss: No. White Rabbit: Boss, do you have any carrots? Boss: No (air barrier? ) On the fifth day, the white rabbit still came. Before the rabbit could speak, the boss took out a hammer and broke the front teeth of the rabbit, covering his mouth, vaguely saying, boss, do you have carrot juice?
5. When I saw the first song from a distance, the introducer and the handsome boy were already waiting at the gate of the park. The lady quickly adjusted her pace and walked past the handsome guy with a charming smile. Finally walked into the distance where you can flirt with handsome guys. The lady was just about to leave the hospital when her heel broke. The second song, after meeting, the two sides felt good and decided to have dinner together. On the way to the restaurant, the lady said that she is a person who can take care of herself very well and will not let the handsome boy worry more in the future. The handsome boy believed it, but when he entered the hotel door, he was not worried about the young lady. He went in by himself, but the lady was beaten by the violently bounced door and couldn't find the north. The third song, when eating, the atmosphere is very good. The lady looked at the handsome boy. Suddenly, a fly landed on the lady's nose and settled down.
It is said that once upon a time there was a very conservative husband. One day, my father-in-law saw my daughter-in-law sweeping the floor in the courtyard. When he bent down, his big ass turned up. After watching it for a long time, he scolded behind his wife's back. A woman's house, stretching her ass for a long time, what a scandal! ? Daughter-in-law didn't say anything. In the evening, my son suddenly asked, Mom, Mom, how high the sky is! ? Daughter-in-law is also humorous, so she answers:? It's as tall as mom's ass. ? It happened that my father-in-law's father-in-law couldn't help hearing it outside. He said angrily, how can you educate your children like this? Why is it that the sky is as high as the two people behind you? But I heard from my daughter-in-law, and so did you. You said that when I swept the floor, my ass was half a day high. Isn't that two butts a day high? My father-in-law is speechless? .
7. One day, a gentleman had dinner with his friends, and at last everyone drank a lot. This gentleman also advised others to drink, and everyone said that it was almost enough. The gentleman was furious and raised his glass and shouted, let's continue drinking this cup today. Whoever quits is a bastard! ! No one else wanted to hurt their feelings, and no one wanted to be an asshole, so they drank that glass of wine. The gentleman watched everyone finish drinking, put his glass of wine on the table and said, I'm a bastard! Ha ha ha ~ ~ ~
8. There are problems: eat well, soak your feet well, smoke well and drink well. Cause analysis: the food is delicious, the feet are soaked, the smoke is easy to smoke, and the wine is easy to smoke. Sum up experience: eat well, soak your feet well, smoke well and drink well. Rectification measures: eat well, soak your feet well, smoke well and drink well. Direction: Eat a good meal, soak your feet, smoke and drink good wine.
On this day, MM asked me to accompany her to the shopping mall to buy clothes with discounts in different seasons. I didn't want to go, so I tried to explain to her that there was no real discount in the mall and gave some examples, but she still wanted to go. As a result, I went shopping for a long time and returned empty-handed and asked why. She gave me a white look and said something that made me vomit blood. I'm going to see if you are right! ?
10. I'm not sure if there is a place to sell vegetables near the community. I'm addicted to eating cucumbers recently. Passing that place late at night, I met the fruit vendor who was closing the stall there. So I went over and asked the stall owner: Me: Is there a vegetable seller here? Vendor: Not now. What time is it now? Me: But is there a vegetable seller? Vendor: Yes, during the day, right next to me. Me: Oh. . Thank you. Do you sell fruit here? Vendor: Yes. Me: then give me some cucumbers ~ stall owner:? Girl, cucumber is not a fruit?
Classic paragraphs and long paragraphs (selected articles)
1. Both men and women like to go to the park together on weekends. One day, I wandered around with my friends, and when I was tired, I sat on a long bench and chatted. Suddenly, my friend pointed in one direction and said, look, what's going on over there? Everyone looks in that direction. It turned out to be a couple hugging and kissing. So, a friend was very upset. It's outrageous that people should be so affectionate in broad daylight! I want to say something to him. ? Then, everyone suddenly began to discuss what to say in the past to separate them gracefully. # $ #% # @ (one breath! ) At this moment, I pop up:? You go up to them and say, Open your mouth, will you? Suddenly, there was laughter. . . .
2. "A farmer made a fortune by buying lottery tickets, so he wanted to buy a car. He went to the car showroom to have a look. A very beautiful lady stood beside each car and numbered it. He quickly chose the most beautiful lady, but he thought, "it doesn't matter whether the car is good or not." If it is broken, you can buy it again. Is it a lifetime thing for this beautiful woman? "
Armstrong, the first astronaut to land on the moon, said a world-famous saying: One small step for a man, but one giant step for mankind? . When he returned to the lander, he said something inexplicable: Good luck, Mr. Gorsky. ? Most people in NASA think that this sentence has no deep meaning and may refer to a Soviet astronaut. However, neither the Soviet Union nor NASA has such a person. After that, many people asked Armstrong every year. Good luck, Mr. Gorsky? What does this sentence mean? He just laughed. In Tampa Bay, Florida, a reporter poked out this long-asked question again, and this time Armstrong finally spoke. Mr. Gorschi died not long ago, and Armstrong thought he could answer. When he was a child, one day, he and his friends were playing baseball in the yard. His friend is hitting the ball under the window of his neighbor Mr. and Mrs. Gosky's house. When Armstrong bent down to pick up the ball, he heard the couple arguing. Mrs. Gorsky shouted, You want to sleep with me? Unless I die! Unless the neighbor's child landed on the moon! ? "
4. q:? What are you doing digging a hole? A:? My goldfish died, so I'm going to build a grave for it. ? Ask? Is this pit too big? A:? No way, the goldfish is in your cat's belly. ?
The upstart invited many friends to visit his three swimming pools. Everyone was puzzled and asked him why he wanted three. He said:? The first one is the same as the general swimming pool, with cold water and the same purpose. The second one is filled with hot water and used in cold weather. The third one is not filled with water. ? What kind of swimming pool is there without water? Some of my friends are landlubbers. They can't use the hot and cold swimming pool, so I built this for them. ?
6. Happiness is: when I am hungry, you are happier with a steamed stuffed bun than I am; When I am cold, I have a thick cotton-padded jacket to wear, and you are happier than me; There is only one pit when you go to the toilet. If you crouch there, you will be happier than me!
7. It is said that a butcher came to a law firm. ? Lawyer, I don't know whose dog ate my ham. What do you think I should do? You should find the owner of the dog and ask him to pay for your loss. ? Thank you for your advice. Please give me pounds now. Your dog stole my ham. ? Well, I agree to compensate you for your loss, but you know, my consulting fee is pounds, and we are even. ?
8. "A went to a friend's house to be a guest, and B bought a fish to entertain him. A looked at it carefully for a while, put the fish under his nose and smelled it. B is a little unhappy. b:？ Do you think the fish has gone bad? A:? Sorry, I just talked to the fish for a while. ? b:？ Talking to fish? A:? Yes, I'll ask it about the news at sea. b:？ How did it answer you? A:? It says:? Sorry, I haven't been in the sea for more than a month/? (This fish is really humorous, haha) "
9. A hungry man found a magic lamp in the desert. Magic lamp: "I can only realize your one wish." Hurry up, I'm in a hurry. ""Hungry man: ""I want a wife? ""The magic lamp immediately conjured up a beautiful woman, and then said disdainfully, ""I'm starving, and I'm greedy for beauty! Pathetic! " "Say that finish disappeared. People starving to death: "? Cake. "",and then he died, alas. No happiness to enjoy? Old lady cake? Of "
10. "The fourth time, I felt itchy on my waist on the bus, as if my underwear was broken, but I didn't care. When I got off the bus, I heard someone say, "What the hell!" How can you take out the money from the mall when you sew it so tightly and stuff it in your underwear? ""the fifth time, when I came back from a business trip, I just got off the train and found that the zipper of my bag was not pulled. Open it and the information is still there. However, there are a few lines written by thieves in the blank of the information: such a beautiful bag, there is no money in it, and you have no money to install it. Waste my feelings! Not long ago, my friend gave me a Jingba puppy named Lele. This puppy is pure white and pays special attention to hygiene. It never urinates anywhere in the house. Every time he is in a hurry, he will call twice in advance and then urinate in the tray I prepared for him, saving a lot of trouble. On Sunday morning, I took Lele to the bank and just finished withdrawing money in the bank business hall. " "woof-woof ..." "Lele suddenly yelled at me. I know it wants to be convenient again. Although this is not our house, we must abide by social morality! He used his quick wits. For the convenience of having fun, he quickly took out the newspaper he had just bought at the newsstand. Lele had a good time as she wished. After that, I carefully wrapped this pile of rubbish in a paper bag with newspaper, holding it in one hand and Lele in the other, ready to throw it into the trash can on the street. Just arrived at the side of the road, I heard a "honk" and a motorcycle next to it suddenly braked. At the moment when I became speechless, the young man wearing sunglasses in the back seat grabbed the paper bag in my hand, and the motorcycle flew away with the strong roar of the motor. I stood by the side of the road for a long time without waking up. I vaguely heard a few passers-by who had just witnessed this scene whispering: "This guy is really unlucky. He was robbed just after he left the bank ... tens of thousands? " ""