A little nonsense, a little boring, to put it mildly, a little postmodernism. Modern people are tired of telling original jokes and come up with these cold things.
Xiao Bai looks like his brother. Do you know why?
Because: it's really like Dabai.
2. A polar bear stayed in a daze on the ice, and when he was really bored, he began to pluck his own hair. A ..........................................
There is a man who looks like an onion, crying while walking.
On a hot summer day, two bananas were walking on the road.
The banana walking in front suddenly felt so hot. He said it was too hot. I want to take off my clothes.
As a result, he skinned it.
As a result, the banana in the back fell down.
There is a hide-and-seek club, and the person in charge hasn't been found yet.
6. Draw a V on two fingers. What is this? Yeah ~ ~ Hands shaking down, what is it? It's fallen leaves! Ha ha ha, laughing me to death.
7. Stretch four fingers,
What is this?
Four,
Bend four fingers,
What is this?
Wonderful ~!
8. When the millionaire was driving a luxury extended "Lincoln" car through a village, he saw two beggars pulling grass at the roadside to eat. The millionaire immediately stopped the car.
"Why do you eat grass?"
"We really have no money ..." A beggar replied.
"Really, get in the car and go to my house."
"I have a wife and two children at home ..." A beggar muttered.
"Call 1 and the rich man points to another beggar." And you, call your family, too. "
"My family has a large population. Besides my wife, there are five children. " Another beggar said.
"It doesn't matter, all call, go to 1.
In this way, two beggars and their families got on the bus, but fortunately it was an extended bus. On the way to exercise, a beggar's wife said gratefully, "Boss, it's very kind of you to invite even poor people like us to our home."
The millionaire replied, "Nothing, I just came back from abroad, and my house has been neglected.". The lawn in the yard may be more than one meter high and you can eat enough. "
Once upon a time, there was a loaf of bread walking in the street. He felt hungry, so he ate himself.
Once upon a time, there was a marshmallow who went to play ball for a long time. He said, "I'm so tired that I feel soft."
10 Once upon a time, there was a lamb. One day, he went out to play and met a wolf.
The wolf said, "I will eat you!" " ! ! "
Guess what?
As a result, the wolf ate the lamb.
1 1, there is a generation gap and no cleavage-this kind of communication is very difficult.
12, who will definitely be eliminated from the game, wolf, tiger or lion? Wolf, because: Momotaro (eliminated wolf)
13, = = When will it be unified? When buying instant noodles.
14. Why does the silkworm baby have money? Because ... silkworms can cocoon (frugal)
15, which is the most embarrassing historical figure? Su Wu, because: Su Wu herded sheep in Beihai (kicked by the sea).
16, Xiaoming got a new haircut and came to school the next day. The students all laughed when they saw his new hairstyle: Xiao Ming, your head looks like a kite! Xiao Ming felt very wronged and ran outside to cry. . Cry, cry. . He flew. .
17. One day, three little pigs built three huts to avoid the wolf. Wolves easily destroyed straw houses, wooden houses and brick houses. Three little pigs ran as fast as they could, but the wolf caught up with them. The three little pigs said in despair, it's up to you. We gave up, whatever you wanted. At this moment, the wolf grinned and drooled and said:
Then tell me where little red riding hood is.
18, stones fight with rice cakes, and when they get angry, they kick the rice cakes into the sea. ...
Tell a story. Once upon a time, there was a pair of lovers who privately agreed for life, but the boy needed military service, so they made an oath with the girl and gave her a diamond ring, agreeing to meet the girl three years later today. At that time, the ring will be used as a wedding ring. Three years later, the girl waited for the boy, but she couldn't. Sad and desperate, she threw the diamond ring into the sea and moved away.
20. The diver's movements are difficult. He turned three times, then somersaulted forward for three and a half times, and then somersaulted backward for a month.
2 1. When my friend Li Shansi and I just moved, there was no TV at home, which was very boring. Let's pretend that there is a TV set on the desk, and then we can change the channel by pretending that we have a remote control. This son of a bitch keeps changing channels. I told him, but he wouldn't listen. Then we started fighting.
22. An egg went to a teahouse to drink tea and turned into a tea egg; An egg went swimming in Songhua River, and it became a preserved egg. An egg went to Shandong and became a Lu (halogen) egg; An egg was homeless and turned into a wild egg; An egg accidentally fell on the road, fell to the ground and became a missile; An egg ran into someone's yard and became an atomic bomb; An egg ran to the Qinghai-Tibet Plateau and became a hydrogen bomb. An egg got sick and became a bad guy. An egg got married and became an asshole; An egg swam in the river and became a nuclear bomb. An egg ran into the flowers and became a Hua Dan. There is an egg riding a horse with a knife. It turns out that he is a Beijing opera blues. An egg is female and ugly, and it turns into a dinosaur egg; An egg is a man, and his wife commits adultery with other eggs outside, and as a result, he becomes an illegitimate child; There is an egg. ......
23. Once upon a time, there was a man named Cai, and everyone called him.
result ...
One day, he was taken away!
Once upon a time, there was a bird.
He passes through a cornfield every day,
But unfortunately,
One day, a fire broke out in the cornfield.
All the corn has turned into popcorn! ! !
After the birds fly by, ......
I thought it was snowing, so I froze. ...
25. Xiaoming: Have you ever seen a tortoise shake its head?
Kangkang shakes his head) No.
Xiaoming: Have you ever heard a fool say?
* * Say no, don't say retarded.
The story of words
Kangkang: .............
A reporter will visit 100 penguins in the Arctic.
He asked the first penguin what his usual interests were. The first penguin said, Eat. Go to sleep. Knock on the door.
The reporter asked doubtfully what is knocking at the door? The penguin left without saying anything. The reporter wants to say ok, don't talk. He visited the second penguin again. What are his usual interests? The second penguin said, eat, sleep and knock at the door. Why are you knocking again? The reporter muttered psychologically. From visiting the first penguin to the 99th penguin, their usual interests are eating, sleeping and having sex.
Until the100th penguin.
The reporter asked him what your usual interests are.
Penguin 100th: Eat. Go to sleep.
The reporter felt very strange and asked it: Why didn't you knock?
Penguin 100th:'' Because I am a drummer''
27. The coffee cup and the water cup crossed the road together. At this moment, an old man shouted "Be careful, it's a red light now". But after a while, the coffee cup crossed the road smoothly, but the water cup was hit by a truck and flowed into the note. Why?
The key: Because coffee cups have "ears", water cups don't have 5555555555555555.
One day, bean paste buns were walking on the road, and suddenly they had an accident and their stomachs were broken. Before he died, he looked at his stomach and said, "Oh, I am just a bean paste bag."
One day, a medium-rare steak was walking in the street. Suddenly he saw a medium-rare steak in front of him, but he ignored him.
Q: Why don't they say hello?
A: Because everyone is not very familiar with it. ..
Xiaohong asked: Do you use your right hand or your left hand to make coffee?
Xiaomei said: right hand
Xiaohong said: Oh, you are awesome. You are not afraid of scalding, just like I use a spoon.
Xiao said to Xiao B: dig the plug ... it's raining outside! ! Have you seen it?
Xiao B is very excited: Yes, I see you.
The little snake asked Brother Snake in a panic .. "Brother, are we poisonous?" The snake said, "Why do you ask?" The little snake said, "I accidentally bit my tongue just now."
Q: A rabbit races with a fast tortoise. Guess who won?
A: Rabbit ~ ~
Q: Wrong ~! It's a turtle. As mentioned earlier, it's a fast turtle. Run fast ~ ~
Q: The rabbit doesn't want to compete with a turtle wearing sunglasses. Who will win this time?
A: Mm-hmm. Tuziba
Q: Wrong ~ ~! The tortoise took off her sunglasses, too! It's the fastest turtle again.
Which is the worst, rubber, tiger skin or lion skin?
A: Eraser.
Because of the eraser
Question: What are cloth and paper afraid of?
A: cloth is afraid of 10 thousand, paper is afraid of one thousand.
Reason: not (cloth) afraid of 10 thousand, just (paper) afraid of one thousand.
Question: How to make the sparrow quiet?
Answer: Click.
Reason: Silence (silence).
I saw a ghost today, which scared me to death.
Really, what does it look like?
Um ... looks like Pikachu. ..
One day, turtle's father, turtle's mother and turtle's son decided to go for an outing. They took a Shandong pie and two cans of underwater chicken and set off for Yangmingshan. After ten years of hard work, it's finally here! They sat on the floor, unloaded their equipment and prepared to eat. Turns out I didn't bring a can opener!
Son of a turtle: "... I'll go back and get it." 」
Father Tortoise: "Good boy! Come on! Mom and dad are waiting for you to come back for dinner. Go and get back! 」
Tortoise son: "Be sure to wait for me! Don't break your word! 」
So turtle son set foot on the road home. ...
Time flies, time flies, 20 years have passed, but the turtle son has not appeared yet.
Mother turtle: "Wife ... shall we eat first?" ? I was so hungry that I said ... "
Tortoise Dad: "No! We promised our son! Well ... wait for him for another five years, or let him go! 」
It's been five years, and the turtle son still hasn't seen it. Tortoise parents don't care! Parents decided to start.
Take out the pie and get ready to eat. ...
Suddenly, turtle son poked his head out from behind the tree. ...
Turtle son: "Shit! I knew you would steal! Trick me into getting a can opener? I waited for 25 years and finally got it! I hate being cheated! 」
A man left home for work on Friday afternoon. It was payday, so he didn't go home. He spent all his salary partying with friends all weekend.
When Zhou Yue finally got home at night, his angry wife was waiting for him and scolded him for nearly an hour. Finally, the wife stopped nagging and asked him, "You haven't seen me for three days in a row. What do you think?" ? 」
He replied, "I think it's quite good. 」
Monday passed and he didn't see his wife.
Tuesday and Wednesday passed, and he still hasn't seen his wife.
On Thursday,
.
.
.
.
.
.
The swelling disappeared a little, and he finally managed to see his wife from the corner of his left eye.
Wife: Before I married you, I was really blind and stepped in shit.
Husband: I was really blind enough to step on shit before I married you.
...
Shit: I'm so unlucky! Lying there, you both stepped on it. ..
One day, a mother-in-law took a bus.
Sitting halfway, my mother-in-law doesn't know the way.
My mother-in-law spanked the driver with a stick and said, where is this?
Driver: This is my ass.
Teacher: "You finally came! Why didn't you come to class yesterday? "
Student: "Because, because, my mother fell down the stairs."
Teacher: "Oh! I see. Mom was hurt, so you didn't come. "
Student: "No ... My father was injured ..."
Teacher: "Why did your mother fall down the stairs and your father get hurt?"
Student: "Because .. my dad has a woman outside .."
Teacher: "What? .. what does that have to do with your mother falling down the stairs? "
Student: "because they were fighting .. my mother fell, it's okay." My father was injured by my mother. "
Teacher: "Oh ... so you didn't come to class because you took dad to the hospital?"
Student: "No, that woman outside sent my dad."
Teacher: "Then why didn't you come to class?"
Student: "Because I overslept."
Teacher: "What does that have to do with your mother falling down the stairs! ? "
Student: "No, I ... I just mentioned by the way ..."
I have always been careless and forgetful, so my family always tries to remind me.
The day before yesterday, as soon as I entered the room, I found a hundred-dollar bill on the living room table.
Usually there is no pocket money. Is my mother merciful and give me 100 pocket money this time?
I can't help feeling happy. ...
But when I picked up the hundred-dollar bill, I found a note under it.
It says, "Today is grandma's birthday. Wait for me at home, and we'll go to celebrate grandma's birthday.
Attention! That hundred dollars is not for you, but for your attention. Please put it back! "
Bad news: A pilot fell off the plane.
Good news: He brought a parachute.
Bad news: the parachute is broken.
Good news: There is a haystack below.
Bad news: There is a dung fork on the haystack.
Good news: he didn't fall on the dung fork.
Bad news: He didn't fall on the haystack either.
Four people are playing mahjong in the room. The police came and took five people away. Why?
Because the person they hit is called "Mahjong".
A Niu asked Bull B: Is this grass delicious?
The second cow said, I'll eat.
As a result, the second cow ate it and said, strawberry flavor.
A Niu doesn't believe it: lie to me, how can Laughter Grass taste like strawberry?
So he bit himself: Shit! There is no smell at all! !
Niu B said, so I said grass is tasteless.
One day, Xiao A and Xiao C went to have a midnight snack and came to a large intestine noodle restaurant. After ordering, they sat down. At this moment, Xiao A spoke. ...
Small: "Hey, when you eat the pig's large intestine, you have to bite it for a long time and chew it a little ..."
Little C: "Why? 」
Small A: "Because the pig's large intestine is not easy to digest. 」
c:"......」
Small: "Do you know why the pig's large intestine is not easy to digest?" 」
C: "I don't know. 」
Small: "because in addition to the stomach, the digestive organs of the human body also have the large intestine." If the pig intestine you eat is not chewed with your teeth, it will be recognized as a large intestine by your own large intestine, and your large intestine will say to it, "Yes, you are also a large intestine!" Then the pig's large intestine that has not been bitten will say to your large intestine, "Yes, I am also a large intestine! Then, your large intestine will say, "since you are also a large intestine, let you go." "Then, the so-called indigestion happened. 」
Six-year-old Xiao Fang is so cute that she is often proposed by boys in her class.
One day, Xiao Fang came home and said to his mother, "Mom! Xiao Qiang proposed to me today, proposed to me ... "
Mother casually said, "Does he have a regular job?"
Xiao Fang thought for a moment and said, "He is in charge of cleaning the blackboard in our class." (Snail: White collar says -_-b)
The story of pencil:
Xiaohua, did you use my pencil?
Xiaohua: No, I'm useless.
Bug: Are you really useless?
Xiaohua: I'm so useless!
Bug: Alas, you are the17th person to admit that you are useless.
Xiaoying borrowed a pen from Xiaoming, but Xiaoming didn't.
Xiaoying: I will die if I borrow it. ...
So Xiaoming lent his pen to Xiaoying. ...
After a while, Xiao Ming died. ...
After Cinderella became the prince's beautiful bride, she was extremely happy.
In the past, Japanese children had to fetch water, collect firewood, cook and wash clothes every day ... and often there was a meal without a meal.
Now there are dozens of maids waiting on her,
There are also tributes from all over the country, the banquet in the court at three o'clock, the Manchu-Chinese banquet prepared by the chef, afternoon tea and midnight snack all make her happy!
Now Cinderella has been married in the palace for several years.
The prince's attitude towards her is getting colder and colder.
It is common to see him shake his head and sigh at the beautiful girl outside the palace, and Cinderella is puzzled.
One day, she took out the glass shoes on a whim.
Unexpectedly, bang! The shoes broke,
Cinderella hurried to find the fairy mother.
Fairy mother saw her and shook her head: alas, I forgot to remind you that the glass shoes are limited to 100 kg. ...
Cinderella didn't care at first, but she couldn't stand it anymore. The prince is going to be a new wife!
So she made up her mind to go to the most fake heroine slimming center.
The waitress took her into a three-temperature oven.
Cinderella walked in and found that two Obamas were fatter than herself.
Then introduce yourself:
Hello, I'm Cinderella. Who are you?
I am a sleeping beauty.
I'm Snow White.
The ants went to the desert. Why didn't he leave footprints in the sand, but only two lines?
Answer: Because it rides a bike!
The ant came home from the desert. He didn't inform anyone, but his family knew he was back! Why ah!
Answer: I saw his bike parked downstairs …
How did ants die after falling from the Himalayas?
Answer: I am starving. Because it is too light, it will take a long time to float down …
I almost married a girl once.
A: what happened later?
G: Then she transferred to another primary school.
Going to the movies will occasionally find that subtitle translation is often different from the original intention. ...
In the movie. ...
The hero faces the heroine: Are you kidding? Are you kidding? )
The subtitle appeared: Are you Katie?
Heroine: No, I'm serious! ! (no! I am serious! )
At this time, subtitles appeared ...: no! I am Cyril!
If you think English is easy, take the GRE.
If you think math is easy, try wavelet.
If you think life is easy, find a girlfriend ...