So when is the best time for a long-distance relationship to break up? Many people want to hear her voice after breaking up. I wonder if she will answer the phone. I want to find her, but I am afraid of disturbing her life; I want her back, but I don't know what to do. ...
When it comes to lovelorn, we often think of negative words such as despair and pain. As everyone knows, breaking up is not the doomed ending of this relationship. As long as you grasp it well and treat it with your heart, there will be no irreparable girlfriend. In the past, distance always produced beauty, but you will find that when you really become a long-distance lover, distance is not beautiful.
Conflicts, quarrels and suspicions can arise, but the beauty between you gradually disappears. I want her to change her mind, but the problem of different places is always among you. How to save your long-distance girlfriend, the key is whether you can satisfy what she wants.
First, the student case Li Minggu and his girlfriend Xiaoli have been away for 3 years. They used to be classmates in the same university and lived together after graduation. They had a good relationship for two years until their classmates were transferred to work in another city. For their future, the student persuaded his girlfriend to support his decision. His girlfriend understands his ideas very well and is ready for them to become distant places in the future.
When breaking up, we agreed to be together forever and not be defeated by other places. Before 1 year, Li Minggu and Xiaoli were basically chatting by phone or video, and they were intimate as if they were not in different places. When he came to me for advice, I asked him, "Aren't you busy at work? How do you have time to chat with Xiaoli every day? " He answered me: "Busy at work but not as important as chatting with my girlfriend!" " ! What's more, my girlfriends have taken the initiative to tell me that they miss me. We often don't see each other, so I don't want to accompany her. "
Because of the company's esteem, Li Minggu's work tasks have increased, and overtime for ten and a half days has become the norm. So I can't take care of Xiaoli's feelings, and I am often forced to hang up in the middle of the phone, which makes both of them very uncomfortable. And his girlfriend Xiaoli's work pressure is not great, and she has a lot of spare time, and she is also disgusted with Li Minggu's indifference.
She began to call Li Minggu often in the middle of the night to find out what the other party was doing. At first, Li Minggu was glad that the other party cared so much about himself, and he would explain why he couldn't reply to the message in time. But after a long time, he couldn't stand it. I spent too much time chatting with my girlfriend in the evening. After the conversation, he worked overtime alone to catch up with the work progress, and the whole person was very tired. Later, he told his girlfriend not to do that again. He has a meeting and works overtime at night, so he has no time to answer her phone. In this way, the two men quarreled and quarreled many times.
Second, the tutor didn't know how to speak, so that their feelings were lost.
The doubts of students are also the doubts of many long-distance lovers. The root of these doubts is that they don't know how to "talk" about long-distance love. Couples who have been in different places for a long time simply can't maintain high-frequency chat to contact their feelings, because the cost of energy and time is too high and unrealistic. Li Minggu and his girlfriend Xiaoli made the same cognitive mistakes as many long-distance relationships. They always think that long-distance love needs more communication to make up for the distance in space in order to maintain emotional ties.
In fact, to maintain a relationship, you don't need to spend hours punching in and chatting every day. Everyone has his own career or study to finish. Every day, they try to please each other while facing work, so as to maintain emotional stability. In the long run, everyone will feel tired and don't love. Chatting is about feelings, so its focus is not on frequency, but on the quality of chatting. If a long-distance couple calls every day, they are all saying, "Have you eaten?" Can such a chat atmosphere capture each other's hearts? Obviously not. Originally, because of different places, the interaction between two people became very little. If even chatting can't arouse each other's emotions, what feelings can two people have left?
Lack of emotional control ability
Thousands of miles apart, coupled with daily busy work and study, it is difficult for two people to match their time and emotional points. At this time, just a few complaints may lead to contradictions. When students chat with their girlfriends, they are sometimes interrupted by work. After a long time, both of them are unhappy. However, students only pay attention to their worries about being entangled in work, ignoring the feelings of their girlfriends, and always pass on their accumulated negative emotions to girls at this time. Emotion is the fastest spreading thing. It turns out that you are far away. Passing such negative energy will only become the burden of the other party, make the other party more tired and lose confidence in your feelings.
Therefore, brothers should learn to digest negative emotions by themselves, don't always complain to each other about one thing, and bring these emotions to their close lovers. I'm not talking from my heart, I'm complaining. When your emotions dissipate, the other person may still be upset by your words. In order not to increase your troubles, she may not specifically ask you about it, which invisibly increases her emotional burden. After a long time, the other party will choose to escape from you and break up with you because they can't stand so many negative emotions.
Cold violence: avoiding problems
The cold war can't solve any problems except that both of them feel tired. Moreover, what a girl hates most is the cold war. The deeper her feelings for you, the greater her resentment against you during the Cold War, and she may even stay up all night.
Therefore, long-distance love and the cold war are absolutely unacceptable. Students don't want to quarrel with their girlfriends. Every quarrel is a cold treatment problem, which causes his girlfriend Xiaoli to gradually lose confidence in the students, laying a hidden danger for the breakdown of feelings. Therefore, long-distance lovers must remember: contradictions do not happen overnight. Solve contradictions before going to bed and don't get angry. Your enemy is not the other side, but the contradiction that destroys your feelings. Don't misunderstand the enemy.
Third, the tutor suggested that if you want to save each other, you must learn how to communicate with each other, so let's see how to solve the crisis of long-distance love breaking up:
Take retreat as progress and stop loss in time.
Whether it is a real breakup or a fake breakup, when a girl breaks up with you, it is her most sensitive and negative stage. At this time, pestering and fighting is tantamount to adding fuel to the fire. Usually many brothers die at this stage. At this time, the other party tells you that there are two kinds of psychology in breaking up:
First, girls hope to urge you to make some changes for this relationship by breaking up; Second, she is tired of this relationship with you and has no way to change it, so she is completely disappointed and intends to give up. No matter what kind of psychology, what you need to do is not to entangle and not to force the other person to get back together with you. Instead, we should first ease contradictions and ease each other's emotions. However, it is absolutely impossible to break up because there is little contact between you. Once you break up, girls will be angry with you even if they don't really want to break up with you. After the students communicated with our tutor, the tutor judged that the girl's behavior was really a breakup. In order to make the later recovery more smooth, the tutor gave psychological counseling to the students, so that they fully realized the fact that they had broken up.
Downgrade the relationship and find a comfort zone.
Share experiences and warm feelings.
Because of the frank attitude of the classmates, the girls also let go in the chat afterwards. Because students' parents and girls' families are in the same city and know each other, in the past, students' parents had to send things to students and let girls help. So the tutor asked the students to call their parents and said that they wanted to eat the beef sauce made at home, so that parents could send some. When parents find a girl when they don't know each other, it's no use for the girl to refuse. Through the telephone conversation between the students and their parents in the later period, the tutor learned that the girls did not tell their parents that they had broken up. Therefore, the tutor suggested that students and girls should thank them. The feedback from the girls is very good, but it is not clear. Let the students tell their parents about the breakup. According to the feedback from the girls, the tutor asked the students to spend more time sharing their life experiences in the later communication, which is more conducive to increasing mutual trust. If you want to regain a girl's heart, you need to rebuild trust with her, and building trust needs to let her know about your life.
Experience is the most precious wealth in life. We have our own stories in different places every day, which are mixed with ups and downs. Sharing these experiences can show girls how hard you work. Students and girls have been together for 4 years and have a deep emotional foundation. As long as the other person sees these different places of students, the other person will change his mind to a great extent. Under the guidance of the tutor, the students gradually learned to guide the girls to share their life experiences with him. With the deepening of communication between the two, girls and students become more intimate. In the next few weeks, the two contacted frequently and were closer than when they were in love. But the tutor knows that it takes a ceremony to save girls, so as to completely capture each other's hearts.
Meet offline and create composite opportunities.
Spiritual love is still too harsh for ordinary people. Therefore, even in a different place, brothers had better make an appointment with their lovers. It is said that companionship is the longest confession, and for couples in different places, companionship is particularly precious. Reality is in the middle, and there are many reasons for encountering less and less. Brothers should know that it is easy to feel insecure when they meet less, whether it is a boy or a girl. For couples in different places, meeting offline can bring security to each other.
This is also the reason why the tutor said not to get back together online, but to meet the girls. Plans can never keep up with changes. The tutor arranged a chance for the students to get back together on the girl's birthday, but just as they were chatting hotly, the girl had appendicitis and went to the hospital that day. The girl was in a bad mood at that time, and her classmates were not around, which made the girl feel worse, so she quarreled again. At this time, the girls blacked out the students again. In fact, students just want to calm girls' emotions, but it is counterproductive.
Finally, at the suggestion of the tutor, the students took a week off to take care of Xiaoli. During the hospitalization, Xiaoli's mood has been very low, even when she saw the students. The students saw Xiaoli lying motionless in the hospital bed, and an action lasted for more than half an hour. They remembered what the tutor said and checked the precautions after appendicitis operation.
I found that my girlfriend was angry with myself, the anesthetic passed, and the wound was painful and silent. Call a doctor at once. After the doctor and Xiaoli confirmed the situation, they prescribed painkillers. The student handed Xiaoli the painkiller, and while feeding Xiaoli water, he said, "If you are angry, just punch me. Don't be bored. The doctor said that holding your breath is not good for your illness. " Xiaoli was angry and laughed when she heard the students say this (paraphrasing Xiaoli's original words), and finally made up with the students. Don't think that your girlfriend is ill, just have a doctor. When a girl doesn't need you at any time, you can only be an ex-boyfriend Students have a week off, ending with Xiaoli being discharged from the hospital.
Before leaving, the students copied a copy of the postoperative precautions they learned from the doctor and posted it on Xiaoli's refrigerator. Xiaoli saw that the students were busy first, so she kept telling her that she hugged the students directly. The two talked a lot and talked thoroughly. Finally, the students and Xiaoli made it clear that they intend to apply to the company for transfer back here after the year, so that the two talents can be completely reunited. Women are emotional, especially women in long-distance relationships, who are most vulnerable to insecurity.
Both of them have beautiful plans for the future, which makes her look forward to your love. Only when she has a vision for love can she move forward. Facing a bright future, getting closer and closer every day is also a very happy thing. Let's plan each other's future together and lay a solid foundation, so that the distance between our hearts will not be alienated because of the realistic distance.
Li Minggu and Xiaoli, who successfully reunited, also ended their long-distance relationship this year and began their future life planning. When is the best time for a long-distance relationship to break up? The most important thing to recover from different places is to give girls a sense of security (to give girls a clear period to end their different places) and emotional interaction. When you are in love, you have to experience long-distance love. You can't share happiness and sadness, you can't laugh and cry and hug. Through the screen, through the phone, through the mail contact, until crazy, but also learned to refuse temptation, learned to deal with a person, learned to take care of themselves. Only in this way will you be grateful for the next hug or even grow old together. Long-distance love tests not only each other's patience, but also their own serious long-distance love is not as terrible as we thought. As long as the two Qi Xin solve the problem, one day they can stand by and watch each other.