Interesting reading: Who is the king of "killing" in China for two thousand years?

In recent years,

The word "sword" is popular.

Everyone around you is doing this.

There are countless people far away, Si Cong, the discipline inspection commission of the entertainment circle.

Lovers who are close to each other cannot help loving each other.

in fact

The word sword appeared as early as the Spring and Autumn Period.

In ancient times, two dollars was enough to wander around this ridiculous thing.

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What do you want? Who will die?

-"Zuo zhuan"

today

Let's have a chat.

the Spring and Autumn Period

Xiong Tong, the overbearing president of Chu State, bullied Sui State.

With the country, they said, "I am right!" "

Xiong Tong sauce purple answer:

As a senior rogue, no matter whether you are wrong or not, whatever!

This is the legendary simple and rude hard ground, right?

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In thirty-five years, Wu Chu was conquered by Chu. Sui said, "I am innocent." Chu said, "I am a barbarian."

-"Historical Records Chu Family"

China's version of piping, a dwarf, was sent to Chu.

Chu people met such a dwarf.

Shut the door on purpose

Let him in through the small door.

Yan Zixin doesn't like it.

People who go to dog country go in through the dog hole,

Now I'm going to Chu,

You shouldn't go in here!

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Yan zi makes Chu. The Chu people called it "short for" and "extended for", because the small gate is on the edge of the city gate. Yan Zi refused to enter, saying, "Those who make the dog country enter through the dog door; I am an envoy of Chu, so I can't enter this door. " It's more polite to enter through the gate.

-"Yanzi Chunqiu, Internal Articles and Miscellaneous Articles"

The authority of the Zhou royal family plummeted.

At Zhou's memorial service

Qi Xuanwang, who doesn't care? He's late.

At the meeting

Qi Xuanwang's fooling around.

The Zhou royal family made a serious criticism.

Rane

Qi Xuanwang doesn't care.

"Ha ha, your mother is a bitch!"

Opened the precedent for others to say hello.

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Wang Wei Boland said angrily, "I'm angry with you, but (I'm fed up) with my mother and servants."

-"Warring States Policy"

Western Han Dynasty and Eastern Han Dynasty

Because this is an arranged marriage.

Xu Yun married Nguyen's daughter.

After lifting the veil, I found it uglier than I expected.

Run, brother!

He rushed to the door of the new house.

The cabbage you get is neither white nor arched.

Ruan Shi's daughter immediately used Jiuyin Bones Claw.

Hold Xu Yun's sleeve.

Shouting "love me, don't go!" "

Xu Yun:

Women have four virtues (female virtue, female speech, female appearance and female merit). How many virtues do you have?

Nguyen thi female mouth pursed:

Well, I just lack a woman's face. A gentleman has a hundred lines. How many lines do you have?

Xu Yun narcissistic ground to say:

Both ~

Nguyen thi female:

Pull it down! A hundred lines are led by virtue. You are lewd and immoral. How dare you say you have everything?

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Xu went back inside. When he saw the woman, he wanted to go out. Women expect this to be unreasonable and hold on to it. Xu Yin said, "Women have four virtues, but how many do you have?" The woman said, "The bride lacks tolerance. A scholar has a hundred lines. How many lines do you have? " Xu Yun: "Everything is ready." The woman said, "Virtue is the husband's first line of defense. Lust is not good for you. What is everything? I am ashamed to allow it, so I respect it. " (Xu Yun actually escaped twice, but his friend Huan Fan persuaded the plot. For the sake of sentence fluency, this is omitted. )

-"Shi Shuo Xin Yu"

After Wang Guang married Zhuge, he felt that

The face value of the other party is still wide.

Rane

Speaking temperament and father-in-law ZhuGeDan is not a class at all.

Wang Guang has all kinds of things he doesn't like.

Zhuge Shi hit Wang Guang in the chest with his small fist.

I know you are not as handsome as your father!

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The king married Zhuge Dan's daughter. When he entered the room, words began to exchange. The king said to the woman, "The bride looks humble and doesn't look like a public holiday!" The woman said, "A gentleman can't be like a swallow cloud and make a woman better than Yingjie?"

-"Shi Shuo Xin Yu"

Three Kingdoms

1、

Of course, the most common thing is to give each other indecent nicknames.

One is based on the physical characteristics of the other person.

take for example

Sun Quan is called "blue-eyed thief" because he looks like a half-blood prince.

Liu Bei is called "Big Ear Thief" because the proportion of his earlobes is out of control.

Guan Yu was "feathered" because he wore a cuckold.

The other is based on each other's life experiences.

take for example

Lu Bu, who crossed from Qi Tongwei to the past, was branded as a "three surnames domestic slave"

Kong Pang is talented and wise.

Always praised by teachers and elders.

Rane

Chen Wei said dismissively

When I was a child, people who wore three bars often didn't mix well after entering the society.

Kong Rong's little friend picks his nose.

I estimate that my uncle wore five when he was a child.

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Dr. Chen Wei, who is too heavy, arrived, and people said in his own words, "It's time, but it's not necessarily good to be older." Wen Ju said, "If I miss you, I will be a pawn." This is a big deal.

-"Shi Shuo Xin Yu"

Han Shu diplomat Yi Kuang visited Suzhou.

Sun Quan teased him on purpose.

Why did you give it?

I missed Taobao ten years ago and WeChat business three years ago.

Stupid boss x's works

Yiji knocked several XiangTou silently.

My job is nothing but kowtowing. Isn't it being done now?

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Sun Quan sent an envoy to the State of Wu. I heard that he was just arguing and he wanted to make a speech. When Kao worshiped, he said, "Is it a gentleman who has no way to achieve success?" Ji said to him, "It is not enough to worship together." Machines are agile, classes are the same, and rights are quite different.

-History of the Three Kingdoms Shu Shu Shu

Xu Li complained to Liu Bei:

Chen Deng's goods are so boring,

I stayed at his house for one night,

He sleeps alone, Simmons,

But let me sleep in Harry Potter's attic closet.

Liu Bei:

Everyone praises you as a contemporary. Communications secretary.

Now, with the economic crisis,

You don't want to protect GDP,

But I'm busy buying real estate all day.

In the name of people told you,

If I were you, I would kick you out and let you sleep under the bridge!

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(Xu) Yun said, "I was uneasy when I saw (Chen Dengzi). Long Yuan has no intention of being a guest host, and he hasn't spoken to each other for a long time. He went to the big bed and let the guests get out of bed. " Bei said, "You have the name of a national scholar. The world is in chaos today, and the emperor is eclipsed. I hope you care about your country and forget your home, and have the heart to save the world. However, the demand for land and homeland cannot be expressed in words, which is a taboo in Long Yuan. Why should I talk to you? If you are a villain, you want to lie 100 feet upstairs and 100 feet on the ground. Why is there evil between the bunk beds? "

-Wei Zhi Chen Dengchuan's reflection.

At that time, Zhuge Liang, MVP of chess room, participated in the Wu Dong Debate Competition.

Against all the scholars in Wu Dong alone

And called them all spicy chickens.

(Argument among Confucians)

At first everyone thought that Zhuge Liang needed a brick to wake up.

Until he turned Wang Lang into an employee of Wang Ning and vomited blood. Gif that moment.

Everyone believed it.

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Kong Ming said with a smile in the car, "I thought the ministers of the old Yuan Dynasty must have a high opinion of me. How can you expect such contemptuous remarks? " ! I have a saying, listen to all the armies: the world of Huan and Ling in the past was replaced by the Han Dynasty, and the eunuchs made a mess; The country is chaotic and fierce, and the four sides are noisy. After the yellow turban insurrectionary, Dong Zhuo, Xian, Yun, etc. Rise in succession, rob the Han emperor, cruel means. Because above the temple, rotten wood is the official, and between the temples, animals eat Lu; Ruthless people, people in power, and people who are full of servility have all been in power. As a result, the hilly market in this country is full of charcoal. I know what you did: you live on the coast of the East China Sea, you first promoted Xiaolian to the official position; Li Kuangjun assisted the country, An Hanxing Liu; When did you help a thief and plot to usurp the throne? Sin is so terrible that heaven and earth can't tolerate it! People all over the world want to eat your meat! Today, fortunately, God will never stop burning the Han Dynasty, and Emperor Zhaolie succeeded in reunifying surprisingly. Today, my successor instructed me to recruit a thief. Since you are a flattering minister, you can only live with your head down; Ann dares to pretend to be the number of days before joining the army! White-headed thief! You will be buried today, how can you meet the twenty-four emperors? Old thief, stand back! You can teach the rebels to fight with me! Hearing this, Wang Lang let out a cry of anger and died under the horse.

-Romance of the Three Kingdoms

Jin Dynasty

Emperor Jinyuan, who likes being a father, sent wedding gifts to ministers.

Yin Hongqiao, a sesame official, proudly said that his work was not rewarded.

Jin emperor embarrassedly say:

Want to contribute something to this kind of thing, is there anything else?

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Emperor Jinyuan was born as a prince and gave gifts to ministers. Yin Hongqiao thanked him and said, "The whole world is celebrating the birth of the prince. I have no honor, but I was awarded a thick coat. " Zhongzong smiled and said, "How can this be an honor?"

-"Shi Shuo Xin Yu"

The death of Xiao Jin Emperor Baba.

He didn't go to the grave to cry.

There's an argument down there.

The emperor's sauce is purple, won't his conscience hurt?

But he replied

I hate these hypocrites!

When I am sad, I will naturally cry!

Such a heartless son

It won't be sent by charging the phone bill.

▁▁▁▁▁

Wen Jian collapsed, and Xiao Wu, who is in his teens, didn't come. The left and right are "in accordance with the convention." The emperor said, "Cry when you are sad. Why not? "

-"Shi Shuo Xin Yu"

Chen Ji's father made an appointment with a guest.

Goose, the guest is late.

His father left first for something.

After the guests arrived.

Found stood up

Adrenaline increase

You are really not human!

Chen Ji said quietly

You are unpunctual and scold your son's father in front of him. You are not human, and your family is not human!

The guest's smile revealed embarrassment.

Chen Ji turned to get started, don't bird him.

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The friend was angry: "No humanity!" Walk with people, walk with people. "Fiona Fang said," you and your family will be in Japan. If Japan and China do not arrive, there will be no letter; It is impolite to scold your father. " Feeling ashamed, my friend got out of the car and tried to hold his hand. Yuan Fang also walked into the car door.

-"Shi Shuo Xin Yu"

Ruan Ji, a great V in the Western Jin Dynasty, invented a kind of silence.

nuisance

He didn't say anything.

Keep rolling your eyes

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When I lost my mother, I hung happily, looked at it with white eyes and left happily; My brother Kang listened, prepared wine and made a piano. Ruan Dayue was happy to see blue eyes.

-Biography of the Book of Jin and Ruan Ji

Liu Ling is a heavy drinker.

I was drunk once.

Running naked in the house

There just happened to be a visitor.

The guests spit on him.

Liu Ling said she didn't care at all.

I take heaven and earth as my home.

Wuqiu weiku

What are you doing in my crotch?

▁▁▁▁▁

Liu Lingheng drank too much, or stripped naked in the house, and was laughed at by everyone. Ling said, "I take heaven and earth as my building and my room as my clothing. Why did you come into my house? "

-"Shi Shuo Xin Yu"

the Tang Dynasty

The most sincere hooligans go out of the palace to press the road.

When you see good goods, go up and grab them.

"The emperor wants a car full of cheap charcoal, how to drop it? ! "

▁▁▁▁▁

Who is that proud man riding on two horses? It was the eunuchs in the palace and eunuchs who did it. The eunuch, with documents in his hand and the emperor's orders in his mouth, shouted at the petrified palace. A load of charcoal, more than 1000 kilograms, eunuch attendants to drive away, the old man is helpless, but there is no way. Those people put half a piece of red yarn and a piece of silk on their heads as the price of charcoal.

-"Selling Charcoal Weng"

Song dynasty

Liu Yong & Song Zhenzong is a wandering CP.

AD 1009

Liu Sanbian took part in the formal ape test for the first time.

When he entered the admission ticket number with trembling hands,

He is blue and thin, mushrooms!

There is Song Zhenzong's comment on writing on the test paper.

If you don't study hard, you will always be a Minions!

Take your Pippi shrimp and get as far away as possible!

Liu Sanbian, who got lost, returned to the Youth Travel Agency.

On the same day, the wifi code draft was pushed to "He Tian Chong Jin Bang"

Unexpectedly, it was an instant hit.

As a result, the pot exploded in the circle of friends.

There are many golden sentences among them.

Who wants fame, who wants dust! Labor and capital have poetry and distance!

(endure the name, change to shallow singing. )

From this time on.

Liu Sanbian became a celebrity on the literary network.

I can always write that the aunts in the Song Dynasty couldn't close their legs in the square.

Let the dying flower of the motherland read and recite the full text.

used at the end of a conditional clause

Rane

After all, being a big V is not Liu Sanbian's pursuit.

Being an official is the ultimate dream of ancient literati.

N years later

Liu Sanbian took part in the official ape test again.

In order not to be recognized by the emperor

Changed the ID to liuyong.

Well-informed Song Zhenzong how can I not know! ?

Zhen Zongxuan, who is vengeful, once again wrote a comment on writing.

Minions dug a lot of holes and didn't finish filling them.

You want to kill Virgo!

Liuyong covered her mouth to prevent herself from crying.

By the way, there is a Bbox.

From this time on.

His official WeChat account function introduction office reads "Lyrics written in sequence"

He became a super IP himself.

Earned all the rewards and advertising fees.

▁▁▁▁▁

(1) reading the holy book, belongs to the floating mi, are strictly sent.

-"History of Song Dynasty, Volume 7"

(2) endure floating name, changed the shallow pour low singing.

-"He Tian Chong Jin Bang"

(3) Why do you want to float your name and fill in the lyrics?

Song Zhenzong

As Su Shi's little brother.

Fo Yin's vegetarian sauce is purple and boasts beans.

You are my Buddha, Buddha, I don't love you enough!

Rane

Su Shi is ungrateful.

Strange Fo Yin with bare arms and a neck.

He doesn't want to speak without conscience.

You look terrible to me.

Fo Yin's fragile heart was suddenly hit ten thousand times.

Seeing that the boat of friendship between the two is about to turn over.

Su Xiaomei hurriedly out dozen circle field.

Fo Yin said that you look like a Buddha, which means that he has a Buddha in his heart;

You see, Fo Yin is like shit. Think about what's in your heart!

▁▁▁▁▁

Is a unique Maitreya Buddha, topless, holding her head high, her expression does not belong to Su and Huang.

-"Nuclear Ship"

Su Shi's family is naturally funny and has temperament.

Often black and white

Just a few chestnuts.

In ancient times, the structure of folk houses was door → courtyard → hall.

Su Shi left Su Xiaomei.

Your foot just crossed the threshold.

The forehead has reached the hall.

Haha, a sense of sight of an Antarctic fairy.

Su Xiaomei sauce purple revenge.

Last year, your goddess ignored you.

Your tears are coming down.

Acacia tears haven't flowed to my cheeks yet.

Suggest that Su Shi has a long face.

of course

Su Xiaomei may be a fictional character.

▁▁▁▁▁

Three or five steps before appearing in court, go to the painting hall first on your forehead.

-Su Shi

Tears of homesickness last year have not yet flowed to my cheeks.

Xiaomei Su

but

It is true that Su Shi misses his brother Su Zhe.

How hot are you? You are a ghost.

Not yet an ant tribe.

Raise your head and knock on the roof.

Ha ha laugh

Envy and hate Su Zhe's long legs.

▁▁▁▁▁

Mr. Wanqiu is as long as a hill, and Wanqiu Academy is as small as a boat. I often bow my head and recite the history, and suddenly I have no room to start.

-Su Shi's The Actor's Classic

the Yuan Dynasty

The top female gave birth to Dou E.

You not only lost your mind, but also lost your life.

She predicted that after her death.

There will be El Nino and three years of drought.

▁▁▁▁▁

The floating clouds are cloudy for me, and the hate platform is spinning for me. The three vows are clear. My mother-in-law also waited for snow in June, and it was another three-year drought. During that time, you were a murdered soul.

-"Dou Eyuan"

I really want to live another 500 years of Jiajing.

Indulge in cultivating immortals, unable to extricate themselves.

Harry, an honest and frank boy, wrote an angry letter

Jiajing Jiajing, every family is clean.

▁▁▁▁▁

It is also your majesty's home that lives in the world, and no one has neglected his family. ..... One meaning of Xuanxiu is your inner confusion. ……

Also said that your majesty regardless of family, regardless of human feelings? All ministers care about their wealth to protect an official, and most of them are bullied and spoiled. They have not lost everything, and some of them are not enough to become your majesty's confidants.

-"Public safety"

After Harry

Angry youth is also angry at Wanli.

You were hollowed out at a young age.

Not only because of greed, sex, love of money, willfulness.

▁▁▁▁▁

Dizziness, black eyes, heart like ribs, poor diet, insomnia and weakness.

-"Sound and Beauty are Rich and Sparse"

Hu Zhongzao, a bachelor of Hanlin, wrote a poem in his spare time.

"A heart, turbid and clear."

When Gan Long knew about it, Xuan was very angry.

Dare to touch the ground on the clear words, I am tired of living!