Funny story before going to bed 1: Look at the beautiful woman with a stopwatch, there is a couple. At the beginning of marriage, the wife made a rule for her husband: go home immediately after work, don't look around in the street, don't watch underwear shows and fashion shows. Husband suddenly became like a cat, regardless of business and personal affairs. If this goes on, the husband will lose everything and the wife will be anxious. What should I do? She had to call her best friend for advice.
My best friend said: To change your husband, change yourself first? Go shopping with my husband to see beautiful women! ? My best friend said that this is the latest research achievement of internationally renowned experts? Men looking at beautiful women can stimulate competitiveness and self-motivation.
When the wife heard this, she got excited and hung up without waiting for her best friend to go on. "Just do it," she said to her husband. Dear, I will accompany you to Huaihai Road to see beautiful women! ?
As expected, there are beautiful women on Huaihai Road, and her husband looks around, which is beautiful. When he sees something particularly beautiful, he will stare at it. Going home at night, my husband is cooking and washing dishes, and talking more and more. My wife's heart fell to the ground.
After a while, my wife felt something was wrong. A woman keeps calling her husband, endlessly. When she was nervous, she called her best friend again and asked what to do.
When my girlfriend opens her mouth, she sweeps her face and complains:? do you know that or not？ Watching beautiful women with my husband, 45 seconds is a hurdle, why 45 seconds? Because a beautiful woman came face to face, it took about 45 seconds from seeing her face clearly to passing by. It's normal to look at beautiful women these days, but it's abnormal to look back for more than 45 seconds. ?
Hearing this, the wife was stupid: then why didn't you say so earlier?
Girlfriend sneers and says:? Can you blame me for hanging up the phone before I finished last time? Come on, buy a stopwatch. Next time you two look at beautiful women with a stopwatch! ?
Funny story 2 before going to bed: the golden married old man divorced. It is really not easy for Grandma Wu and Master Wu to get married in gold. In the past 50 years, they have never stumbled easily, neither for food and clothes, nor for emotional problems. It is because grandma Wu is a neat freak and loves cleanliness since she was a child. There is a hair on the ground. She wants to pick it up and throw it in the trash can. But Wu is sloppy and doesn't pay attention to hygiene. He hasn't washed his feet for three or five days. Can grandma Wu, who loves cleanliness, not be angry? When she nagged, Wu Sanye still blew his beard and stared unconvinced. As a result, wars often break out in the family, fighting over trifles, breaking up and breaking up, and marriage has been turned on for countless times.
Recently, Master Wu has added another bad habit, which makes Grandma Wu very nervous. Wu eats dinner every day, wipes his mouth, sits on the sofa, drinks tea and watches TV. Wu scratched the old skin on his feet with his hand, and it was all over the ground. The old couple were very angry about this and even got divorced.
Third Master Wu saw that Grandma Wu was serious, like an eggplant beaten by frost. Withered, I said a lot of nice things to Grandma Wu and wrote a promise on the spot: from now on, if anything happens that affects indoor hygiene, I will leave home cleanly and go to the street as a tramp.
Grandma Wu relented when she saw that her wife was determined to correct it, and gave him a chance to correct it. Grandma Wu and Master Wu are an old couple. They have been married for a hundred days, dragging their children and raising them. They have gone through 50 years of hardship and fatigue, and their children are married. It's time to enjoy family happiness. What's the fuss about? In fact, every time Grandma Wu mentions divorce, she just scares Third Master Wu to change his bad habit of being sloppy.
At the weekend, my son and daughter-in-law came with their little grandson. The little grandson was carrying a bag of crispy biscuits, the son and daughter-in-law bought a lot of vegetables, and the family happily started cooking. Grandma Wu was very busy, and Master Wu teased her little grandson and had a good time.
In the evening, the family is full, talking and laughing, sitting on the sofa watching TV. Sweeping the floor after meals has been grandma Wu's habit for many years. She doesn't feel at ease when others sweep, because she feels that others are not clean, and she sweeps herself no matter how busy or tired she is. Grandma Wu happily picked up the broom and prepared to sweep the floor. Looking at the white crumbs on the ground, she angrily threw down her broom and shouted at Third Master Wu. You go out to sleep tonight and fulfill your original promise. If you don't go out, I'll go out! ? He was about to go out when his son and daughter-in-law caught him. Mom, it's so late and it's raining outside. Where are you going? Let's talk about it tomorrow. ?
Master Wu was at a loss at the moment. The second monk was puzzled and asked in surprise. Old woman, what have I done to you? Do you need to be so angry?
? Know perfectly well past ask, what bothers me? Look at your masterpiece on the ground and shut your mouth! I can't get through! ? Grandma Wu sat on the sofa, panting.
Wu Sanye said shyly. What have I done? It couldn't be better. Why? You have to be clear! ?
The son and daughter-in-law saw that the two old people choked again and quickly persuaded them. Grandma Wu said angrily, your father's sloppy problem has been made again. Look at the old skin your father scratched. That's disgusting. People who don't keep their promises can't live together, so they just blow out candles and pull out wax. I will divorce your father tomorrow! ? Before Third Master Wu could make it clear, Grandma Wu went back to the cutting room and closed the door? Collapse? As soon as I closed it, I locked the bedroom door and went to bed. Poor third young master Wu Can can only spend a long night on the sofa.
At dawn the next day, my daughter-in-law got up early to sweep the floor, looked at the dense white crumbs on the ground and said to herself, Why are there so many old skins on my father-in-law's feet? Really, I spilled it all over the floor. No wonder my mother-in-law is angry. ? While cleaning, she carefully looked at the white crumbs on the floor. After reading it, she stood up with a smile and went back to the house, asking her husband to knock on Mrs. Wu Shao's door. Mom, haven't you got up yet? Get up quickly, there is a surprise. ?
Grandma Wu's annoyed and helpless voice came from the room: Your father, a lazy man, makes me angry. What a surprise! ? I can hear that grandma Wu is still very angry.
The son smiled and said, Mom, it's true. Just come out and have a look ?
The bedroom door opened, and the son grabbed the white crumbs on the ground and sent them to Mrs. Wu. Mom, you are old and your eyes are not very good. What are these white chips? Did dad take off his old foot?
Grandma Wu looked at it and her face changed subtly. She looked at her wife who was curled up on the sofa and sleeping, smiled shyly and said to her son lovingly. Is it me? I was wrong about your father. ?
The son nodded:? These white crumbs on the ground are your grandson's masterpiece. That boy is really naughty. ?
It turned out that when my grandson ate sesame cakes last night, he was playing while eating. The white objects on the ground are all sesame cakes that have fallen to the ground. Grandma Wu mistakenly thought that it was Wu San-ye's old habit again, and deliberately scratched his old feet, which made Wu San-ye suffer injustice all night. Grandma Wu scratched her head regretfully? Alas? In tears:? Look into my eyes, this marriage is inseparable! ?