So when consulting, it is often like this: a minute ago, she cried and accused her husband of being a playboy, and all kinds of things were not; The next minute, when it was time to divorce, she immediately defended her husband.
"He is still very responsible for his family. He gave me all the money, good for children and good for parents ... "
In fact, they came to consult me and support their decision not to divorce, because it is a shame for modern women to admit that they are powerless to their husbands. Psychological counseling is not about educating these women, "You should be self-reliant, you should strive for equality between men and women, you should …" I support all your decisions, as long as you can justify yourself. What I want to remind you is the possible future direction of your husband and wife relationship: losing trust, seemingly estranged from each other, having no confidence to talk about except business conversation, and having a cold sex life (because you don't believe him, even hate him and blame him); Xiaosan may come to you, even if she is pregnant ... Do you know how much property your husband has? How many do you and your wife have? He doesn't want a divorce. Is it not good enough to cheat or is he afraid to divide the property?
Trust in your husband is completely lost. You decided to stay in this marriage because it still has too many benefits, so enjoy these benefits. Did he give you money to use? Give it and spend it well. Don't keep it for him (he will give it to mistress if you keep it). Use this money to improve yourself: learn new parenting methods, take parent-child classes, learn new skills, find a better job, learn to dress up, learn to dance to lose weight, go out to study in society, make friends, including psychological counseling ... Maybe that day, you will have had enough of your husband, and you will not be afraid of divorce.
There is another option, that is, I cheated myself for generations with China's wife: tired birds always return to the forest, and when they are old, they can't spend any more outside, so they naturally stop. Anyway, he is still responsible for his family and has not divorced ... (If your husband is Xue Manzi and Yang Zhenning, it's hard to say, he will be healthy and strong on the day he enters the coffin)
Many wives are weak in marriage, because they are looking for "men stronger than me" before marriage, and they are strong and have the confidence to cheat. In addition, in the current environment of China, it is king for men to earn money, and extramarital affairs are regarded as a part of men's "skills" and widely recognized by men. These situations are beyond the ability of my little psychological counselor. My job is to help those disgruntled women who dare not divorce, and their husbands will not be there.
I met a girlfriend recently. She just got married at the age of 43 and gave birth to a son. She has been married for more than ten years and has twin daughters. After the divorce, he and his ex-husband are also very friendly and often visit their daughters. The new husband is older than her small 8 and has never been married. I envy her for giving birth to a child at such an age. She has a radiant face. We have known each other for more than ten years, and she has always been a strong person in her life. I have four girlfriends like her, divorced, with children, married to a man younger than myself, never married, living well, and having children at the age of 40. What these women have in common is that they have always been strong. Whether they are single, married or divorced, they never worry that there will be no better choice without this husband, and they never need to rely on marriage.
You are a weak person in marriage, so you have to pay for being a weak person.