To put it bluntly, a sense of security means that people who are valued, cared for and insecure are often afraid of being abandoned by people they care about. Personally, I think this kind of person is dependent. Recently, I watched the TV series "Chicken feathers fly to the sky", and I felt that the female call was something like jade beads. This kind of person has been insecure since she was a child, but now she is a self-reliant person. So I've always been afraid that chicken feathers will abandon him. In fact, this is a sense of insecurity. If you want to feel safe, the person you care about most has given you enough care and love, and you believe that the other person will not betray you. Another is to be strong, not afraid of this and that, and don't worry too much about yourself.
Many people say that when you are thin, beautiful and rich, are you afraid that no one will love you?
It seems that Excellence can cure all diseases, but it is not. Some people are still insecure and afraid of not being loved.
Cecilia Cheung used to be a very insecure person and relied heavily on Nicholas Tse.
In a variety show, Nicholas Tse said that sometimes when she woke up and didn't see him, she would cry for him.
In Nicholas Tse's plays, if the heroine is very beautiful or has a passionate scene with the actress, Cecilia Cheung will step in and ask for a revision of the script.
At first, Nicholas Tse thought it was a sign that his wife loved him. After a long time, he couldn't stand it. They had bad blood and contradictions, which was also a factor leading to their divorce.
Insecure people are sensitive, suspicious, swayed by considerations of gain and loss, and sometimes even hysterical, and it is difficult to manage a good relationship.
In fact, the sense of security can only be given to yourself.
The first is economic independence. Without economic independence, there is no self-confidence and it is difficult to have self-confidence. Even if you have more, your heart is not practical. Just watch Bao Wenjing in My Wife's Romantic Travel.
Secondly, you can get along with yourself happily. People need intimate and free space. If you keep hanging on others, no one can stand it. If you are not afraid of being left out and enjoy loneliness, your world will be enriched and people around you will be attracted to you.
Let go of the idea of "being afraid of not being loved", focus on "mutual attraction", and then carefully manage the relationship you care about, and it is just around the corner to seek benevolence.
How do I find security?
Having my own house and car before the age of 27 will make me feel safe and less dependent on others.
If you look good, you can live well. There are too many beautiful girls these days, so don't compete. Haha, you will find yourself in pain. Internal promotion is actually very important. I am now improving my reading ability and cultivating my hobbies. In short, I believe that sentence: come when it is in full bloom.
Some time ago, a friend said that she felt that she had no way out.
That's how I replied to her. I told you I could be your retreat. But what I want to say most is that it is safest for girls to regard their life as their retreat.
Children's sense of security, often say to her, love you, what do you like to eat, mom and dad cook for you. Couples' sense of security, a few WeChat messages a day, coming back early in the evening, people miss you again and make you a lot of things you like to eat, so what! If you can do this, even if you have an affair, peach blossom luck, one-night stand. If you kill your husband and wife, you won't believe it. Parents' sense of security, children working outside the home smoothly, go home several times a month, women go home to wash dishes more, men go home to ask their parents if they have money to spend, and security comes.
Zhai Ying, a volunteer expert of psychological question and answer invited by WoC:
Psychologist Maslow pointed out that security is the most important factor to determine mental health. The so-called sense of security is the psychological state of believing that you can handle anything well. This is the only lasting sense of security.
In reality, we have been living in anxiety and fear. We are afraid of death, loneliness and betrayal by people around us ... These anxieties lead us to constantly seek something called security, but obviously we don't know how to be truly safe, so we often go home empty-handed or backfire.
Oprah, the queen of American soul music, said at the Stanford graduation ceremony in 2008:
"If you are injured, you should help others to relieve their pain. If you feel pain, help others to alleviate it. If your life is a mess, let yourself help others in trouble. "
Security is given, not taken back.
In this case, what you should pay, what you should let go of, and what you should enjoy, instead of taking care of them. You know, everything will be lost eventually, just sooner or later, because what you have can't last forever, and you can't have it forever.
To gain a sense of security, you must first face up to what scares you, and you will understand that what you are afraid of is not worth fearing at all, and what you are afraid of losing has no effect on you.
Let you die once, and you will be born again and become stronger.
You will understand that your insecurity is actually a very ridiculous thing. Nothing can give you a sense of security. You feel safe only because of your own "feelings". Secondly, paying too much attention to your emotions will inevitably make you sensitive, so you should enrich your life. Reading, fitness and traveling can cultivate sentiment and contribute to physical and mental health, thus changing the focus of life.
The most important thing is to make yourself strong. Ni Ping, a famous host, once said, "When the mountain falls, people will be old. By relying on it, you will find that you will finally rely on yourself. "
Only one's own strength and bloom is the real sense of security.
1 is a fear safe, face your inner fears.
We get these emotional memories from our ancestors, so we are naturally obsessed with what we are afraid of. In ancient times, a father who was worried about winter would collect more winter food. Fear is necessary and beneficial unless it prevents us from more possibilities.
Find yourself a safe place to fear. First of all, write down your worst fears carefully on a piece of paper, and be as detailed as possible. Then find a safe place to fold this paper and tell yourself, "Now I'm going to do what I should do, and put it here first." It's done. Come and take it away. "Then do it boldly! Finally, come back here and see how many worrying things have not happened. You will find that these things will hardly happen. Fear is a coward. When you touch its bottom line and start to prepare for a big fight with it, it doesn't know where to hide.
The sense of security comes from my inner self-affirmation and clear planning for the future. I believe my future is not a dream.
In modern society, there are all kinds of news reports selling anxiety, panic and negative emotions everywhere. "You see Lao Wang next door is married and has children. Are you still single? " After 90, the beauty ceo earns 10 million yuan a year. What can a few thousand dollars do? "... in short, it is to tell you that you are a loser.
However, for these increasingly anxious people, you will see a bunch of "2 1 day fast weight loss, vest line is not a dream" and "7 days of thinking training, millionaires are not a dream", and you immediately feel excited and rush to sign up for class. Then you were cut a wave of leeks, and the money was spent. The status quo hasn't changed, but the businesses behind you don't earn much.
Actually, you don't have to pay attention to these. Everyone has his own pace of life. Others will always be others. You should go your own way, step by step. You will always find your own scenery ahead.
A sense of security comes from a sense of certainty and control over oneself and the external environment. Ask yourself, you need to know what you want, whether you are moving forward, and whether your future can be realized through hard work.
Don't panic, follow your own pace and find the life you want. This is your sense of security.
Recently, I read a sentence in Calvino's "Memorandum of Literature in the Next Millennium": The passage of time is only for one purpose, so that feelings and thoughts tend to be stable and mature and get rid of all impatience or mutation.
But as time goes on, most of us feel less and less secure. I want to stabilize my heart, but my heart is empty. I want to make my life stable and comfortable, but I have no patience. In fact, what Time wants to tell us is: "Only if you are willing to break the rules and make bold moves, then life will bring you a sense of security!"
Set goals, find things that make you feel fulfilled, and find people that make you feel warm.