-from an introverted CEO

The photo was taken by the product school on Unsplash.

Most books on business online will preach that you should be open, talkative and confident when making new friends.

What's the problem? These books were written by extroverts but bought by introverts.

I bought dozens of copies.

As the founder and CEO of an introverted technology company, I forced myself to learn two indispensable business skills: networking and sales. Of course, this means establishing contact with new friends (usually complete strangers) at social activities, promotions and trade shows.

But you can be a good communicator without years of struggle and experience. You don't need to read the self-help books on the shelf.

This is the article I hope to read, not most of those books.

This is slimming: effective communication with strangers in business comes down to seven points. Pay attention to them, no matter where your job takes you, you will find new customers and business partners.

1. Being an introvert will pay off.

/kloc-9 out of 0 managers are forced to act like extroverts.

However, Miles Briggs revealed that 56.8% people in the world prefer introversion. Even some of the most outstanding and successful leaders in the world, including Bill Gates and Warren Buffett, are regarded as introverts.

What makes introverts good conversation partners?

Introverts are great listeners. Therefore, they can build deeper ties with others. Dr Mike bechtel wrote in his book Confident Conversation that introverts enrich any conversation by increasing depth. Without introverts, an online world will be poor and superficial.

2. Get up the courage to be yourself

"What is your biggest regret in this life?"

Bronnie Ware, an Australian palliative care nurse, asked the patients this question before they died. Her conclusion is that most patients regret not having the courage to live a loyal life.

I used to pretend to be a successful and knowledgeable person in every conversation. My motto is, "Pretend until you succeed. I emphasize that I want others to take good care of me. However, the more I try to control other people's thoughts and feelings, the more depressed I am.

The purpose of the conversation is not to sell how smart you are.

This is to contact another person.

If what you say doesn't match your thoughts and feelings, you can't really connect with a person. Besides, untruthfulness can cause inner pain and psychological tension, as the psychologist Stephen Joseph wrote in his best-selling book Truth.

Unreal communication is frustrating, unhealthy and ineffective.

Why are you trying to be someone else? I am not responsible for how others feel about me. It's much easier to be yourself.

In the wise words of Steve Jobs, "Don't be trapped by dogma-dogma is the result of thinking with others." . Don't let others' opinions drown out your inner voice. Above all, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition.

So, embrace your personality and explore ways to use it in every conversation.

3. How to start a conversation with a stranger

Every time you talk to a stranger, the most terrible thing is your first sentence.

Fear of rejection and stupidity are the most common reasons why people are unwilling to get close to others in business activities.

But humans are eager to connect. By approaching another person, we satisfy their inner needs. We all hope that the dialogue will be successful.

Imagine a person standing alone in an activity. They stared at the phone.

You may think that this person is busy and prefers to be alone, so you decide not to bother.

However, they are not alone, because they prefer this way. Why do they come to social activities? They could have stayed at home or in a hotel room. They may welcome the opportunity to talk-especially if you take the first step.

The best opening remarks are related to the situation at hand.

Ask them where they know the event host. Ask them about the mode of transportation to that place. Ask them what makes them take part in the activity. Ask them which company they work in and what they do.

When we take part in a social activity, we often feel like a lonely striver, in the room of a confident communicator. But believe me, most people in the room feel the same way. Most of them are equally afraid of rejection.

Use situational prologue, nothing bad will happen to you. Worst of all, they apologized and said they were busy. Then you turn to others.

4. How to keep the dialogue?

I like a day trip to the Alps.

When I go to the wilderness, I often don't know what I will find. This makes my trip very exciting.

I don't need much equipment for my adventure. I just need what I need to survive: a mobile phone with GPS, a bottle of water and my survival kit.

The same principle applies to any dialogue.

Most people think they need to be fully prepared. There are many topics in the backpack. But you don't need to know a thousand books. You don't need to be the smartest or most successful person in the room to connect with others.

What you need is an open and true mind.

I used to care too much about what I could share in the conversation. But I missed the point. This has nothing to do with me.

This is always about them.

Just like hiking, according to Mike bechtel, the goal of conversation is to become an explorer. When you start chatting up strangers, you are a tourist who enters other people's hearts. So ask a lot of questions. Understand their views and experiences. Discuss it.

It is also much easier to ask questions than to think about the next smart thing.

The best question is open-ended.

5. The best way to relax in conversation

A bad conversation is full of closed questions.

These questions only need a short factual answer. Do you work in company X? Yes, how long have you worked there? Five years. Do you like it? be

Do you see the problem? You're doing most of the conversation. It feels like interrogation.

Therefore, please ask open questions. They encouraged each other to expand their ideas. They give them more freedom to decide how much they want to share with you, so they will feel more comfortable around you.

What are the challenges of being a sales manager in company X? What is the culture of your company? How does your company respond to the epidemic? They can write an article to answer these questions.

Open-ended questions are more enjoyable, especially if you are an introvert. They let each other talk longer, so relax and listen to what they have to say.

6. Audience list at six o'clock

God gave us two ears and one mouth for a reason: listen more and talk less.

At school, they taught us how to speak, but they didn't teach us how to listen. Therefore, most of the problems in the conversation happen because we didn't listen.

According to the book Confidence Dialogue by Mike Bechtle, I have summarized a series of things that can control your listening skills:

Eye contact: Keep good eye contact, face to face.

Curiosity: Respond to what they say by asking for more details.

Expose your emotions: show a vivid facial expression of a real person.

Show empathy: after hearing someone's problem, don't offer advice-instead, show empathy and ask them what they think about it and how they plan to solve it.

Let them finish: don't interrupt them, never finish for them.

Focus: don't wander around, don't be distracted by what is happening around you; Focus on your conversation partner and pretend that there is no one else in the room.

I often make the mistake of looking around when others are talking-as if I were trying to escape. A psychologist explained to me that this is the normal behavior of introverts. Our subconscious wants to avoid the pressure of talking to strangers.

But for the person you are talking to, this kind of behavior is disrespectful.

So, focus on the person you are talking to and stop everything around you.

7. The best way to end a conversation

When the conversation goes well, we think we can last for several hours.

However, sooner or later, even the best conversation will be pulled out of the topic and begin to spiral down. The worst thing you can do is to leave after a few seconds of silence, when there is nothing to say.

Until then, it's best to put the dialogue in a high profile.

By taking off early, you are still an attractive communicator and listener in their eyes, making them want to keep in touch with you.

For example, you can say, "I have never met anyone who knows so much about [topic X]. It's interesting to hear about your experience. Unfortunately, I need to move now, because I want to meet other people before the activity is over. Nice to meet you.-Have a nice evening.

Of course, it is difficult to end a good conversation.

We just mustered all our willpower to get close to a complete stranger. We built trust and began to feel safe with our new dialogue partners. Do we have to do it again now?

But the significance of the network lies in getting as much insight from others as from others. Remember, you are an explorer, and a real explorer will not sit in a cave until it is over.

So, yes, it requires us to leave the conversation and move on, but you can always get back to this person later. Now, continue to explore other people's ideas.

Where to go from here?

Mike's excellent works boil down the principle of effective dialogue to the following two points:

Understand and accept who you are, and

Understand and accept your dialogue partner.

In order to help you become a more effective network person, please remember the following points when you participate in business activities next time:

1. Introverts are in a unique position and can enrich conversations because they are good listeners. People like a good audience. But remember, get enough rest from socializing and recharge yourself.

2. Be yourself. Don't try to pretend to be someone else. The simplest and most effective way to communicate is honesty. Embrace your personality in every conversation.

Starting a conversation is easier than you think. Ask questions about the situation-for example, information about their names and badges, activities, food served at lunch, or what they think of the speeches you two heard. The possibilities are infinite.

Pay attention to them The best way to keep a dialogue is to play the role of an explorer. Ask a lot of questions about each other: their views, experiences, opinions. This is much easier than preparing a lot of clever words.

5. Ask open questions. Let others talk when you are relaxed and listen to what they have to say.

6. Keep your listening skills. Don't interrupt, show empathy and real interest, and keep your body language focused on the person you are talking to.

7. High-profile ending. Leave the stage and become a great communicator, making them want more.

Remember, networking is not a complicated skill. The desire to connect with others and feel understood is deeply engraved in our human nature. So anyone can do it because you already have what it needs.

Follow the above seven points and find the method that suits you best. Start small. Experiment. Follow your own rhythm. You will soon find yourself more confident and successful in social activities.

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