After a heartbreaking cry, there was a baby crying. At this time, a girl became a mother. When the new mother hugged her child, the pain that lasted for dozens of hours seemed to be forgotten.
When the human body experiences intense pain, it will faint, which is a psychological and physiological protection mechanism. The level of labor pains is the strongest 12, but pregnant women must not faint, and they must be awake for dozens of hours during childbirth. This process will have a disastrous impact on the maternal heart, which is destructive enough to cause any psychological trauma.
In addition, there are some special circumstances that will aggravate the childbirth trauma. Some midwives blame the parturient instead of encouraging her. When a woman who was pregnant in October suffered devastating pain, she was also accused of not being strong enough. Such a psychological state is enough to make anyone fall into despair.
There are countless other special circumstances. There are many reasons for postpartum depression, but these special experiences are one of the important reasons.
It seems that because maternal love is great, as mothers, we should endure the pain of not being cared for and helped. Childbirth trauma has become an unspeakable secret. What is hidden behind the secret? I won't say much here. After you taste it, you will think carefully and be terrified. I started with this topic, paving the way for expounding the value of women from the perspective of family and environment.
If I say this, many men may be dissatisfied. Isn't the status of women high enough? How much bride price does it take to get a wife? ? How many men have they domesticated to lick dogs! ? On the surface, it seems quite reasonable, but please don't worry. Look at some phenomena before you come to a conclusion.
Second, underestimate the harm of women.
You should be able to observe that there are more and more women men or strong women now. This phenomenon may be seen by some men as evidence that women's status has become higher. But the opposite is true. It is precisely because the overall environment is too low to evaluate the value of women, so there are many female men and many strong women. Such women often have such a belief that I can do what men can do; If men do well, I do better than men; Women are no worse than men; I don't want to be a woman in my next life.
These beliefs drive these women to compete with men, which leads to their more and more prominent male characteristics and makes others feel that they are like women or strong women. These women need to over-develop their masculinity and make the same social contribution as men in order to gain the recognition of the big environment and establish their sense of value. However, they reject and deny their femininity, which affects the completion of gender identity, resulting in their own self-confidence without a solid foundation, and then they are afraid of losing the recognition of the outside world again, so they can only force themselves to constantly compete with men to maintain their self-confidence like castles in the air. Women's gender identity not only affects women's self-confidence, but also becomes the psychological inducement of the following problems: severe abdominal pain during menstruation, inconspicuous secondary sexual characteristics, indifference, hostility and hatred towards men, and change of sexual orientation.
Some men may feel insecure and dislike themselves when they see this, but their own problems have nothing to do with me and I don't care.
Does it really matter? If a woman no longer wants to be a woman, it is a terrible thing. When women enter love or marriage, they are more likely to be bound by female roles, so many women begin to escape from all the environments that will bind them, including unmarried women or Dink families. For men, these situations increase the crisis of divorce and challenge the ethical filial piety of men. This reminds me of the experimental results of the 25th universe, and finally it went extinct because it stopped breeding.
Of course, for human beings, most families still have children, but when a woman fails to complete her gender identity but falls into the bondage of female roles, it is difficult for her to become a qualified mother, which will lead to emotional trauma for our descendants from an early age. If you are allowed to make statistics and make public the data of student suicides every day, you will be dumbfounded.
Sexually frigid women are common all over the world. Although I don't have statistical data, I can infer that the number of women who have not completed gender identity is similar to that of women who are frigid, because gender identity is one of the psychological factors that cause women's frigidity. In addition, this subconscious hostility of women to men will lead to love between men and women, which is no longer aimed at pursuing happiness, but at competition. Honey, a representative of social and cultural school, called this kind of love competitive or destructive. Then it will be difficult for men to enjoy happiness in love, for example, comparing other men emotionally will hurt their lover's confidence in work; Deprive one's lover of sexual satisfaction through sexual indifference; Exaggerate the shortcomings of the lover and turn a blind eye to the advantages of the lover; I can't tolerate the feminine characteristics of my lover, such as weakness, withdrawal, dependence, and so on.
Third, the reasons why women compete with men
Speaking of this, many men may find that women's gender identity and sense of value seem to be really important, but they will wonder why these women don't raise their children well and compete with us men blindly. I hope to explain this problem.
Let's look at some words first, "You are a sissy, how can you be a woman?" The language we usually express is actually a symbol of culture. This culture regards the bad and negative as femininity and the good and positive as masculinity. For example, Dong Mingzhu's success will be attributed to her tenacity, strength, fortitude and daring to take risks. In short, she became as successful as an excellent man. People often ignore the value of femininity. If she hadn't been a mother and the gentle power of maternal love, today's Dong Mingzhu might not exist.
Some people think that a mature person should not rely on external evaluation and recognition, so external reasons cannot be used as a reason for women to encounter various problems. This view is not entirely correct. If the environment in which women live is to excessively suppress women's value and excessively raise men's value, it will inevitably have an impact on women's sense of value and have to make some countermeasures. Women's coping strategies are mostly to suppress their femininity, over-develop their masculinity and behave like men in order to gain male privileges. How our environment suppresses the value of women is described below with a typical problem.
This seems to be the hidden rule of most families and our society. Of course, there are a few cases where men are the masters, but if you think about how such men feel inside, you will know whether you have been deeply influenced by the culture that suppresses female values. Even a man who shows femininity will be denied and belittled.
This sentence may have been heard by many women, "I am so hard outside, can't you take care of your children at home?" ! "This kind of man may feel that his work is very hard, complicated and important, but it is much easier to take care of children.
Let's see if raising a child is really that simple. When a person experiences trauma, she needs a process of regression, so that she can gradually recover. Regression means that she can return to the state of a baby, get enough rest physically and psychologically, and get enough care, thus forming an environment for wound healing. But most parturients can't get such an environment.
Although the parturient can sit on the moon, she needs to wake up every two hours to feed. This kind of pain without deep sleep can only be felt by patients with depression, anxiety and severe insomnia, not to mention that the mother is still in childbirth trauma. You can learn more about the Russian sleep deprivation experiment, which is absolutely more horrible than any horror film.
Is breastfeeding just as simple as sleep deprivation? Don't! Breast-feeding women's nipples will break skin and bleed after a period of sucking by their children. Many people describe severe pain by opening the wound and sprinkling salt. In fact, it is more appropriate to use' broken skin breastfeeding' to describe it. The nipple with dense nerve distribution breaks skin, bleeds, scabs, sucks hard, scabs and bleeds for more than several months. Every sip of the child's milk is accompanied by the pain of the mother's electric shock.
When children have teeth, some children will bite their nipples and bleed. Even in this case, experienced mothers will drag their fists, close their eyes and insist on gritting their teeth, because this involves the cultivation of children's sense of security.
Physical pain can be tolerated, and mental pain is the real cause of a woman's collapse. Contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, emotional betrayal, etc. They are all well-known problems, so I won't go into details. I want to emphasize that women's' ego' is suppressed, which is an important factor leading to many psychological diseases, including postpartum depression. Many women feel that after having children, they are no longer themselves. She was forced to be a good mother, wife and daughter-in-law, but she couldn't be herself.
What is self? She is not an identity or multiple roles, but self is the core of personality to coordinate and integrate various sub-personalities to meet internal needs and internal growth. Therefore, women's self is not a mother, nor a wife, nor a daughter-in-law, but uses these identities to meet their inner needs and inner growth, without being bound by these identities!
How does the female role of the family bind women? For example, children play mobile games, and fathers play mobile phones at home after work, not accompanying children and not participating in educational activities. Children's need for fatherly love cannot be met. When their mothers are busy with housework and their children are unaccompanied, they will imitate their fathers to play mobile phones to make up for their emotional lack, which leads to their dependence on mobile phones, and then their mothers control their children to play games. After children don't play games, the anxiety caused by emotional lack will be exposed and form a confrontation with their mothers. Mothers can only keep an eye on their children while busy with housework. The more children are monitored, the more anxious they are, and the more complicated their problem behaviors will be. Finally, their mothers will be bound by similar problems. When their attention is completely trapped by their children's problems, their mothers can't perceive their children's inner needs and inner growth problems. At this moment, women are bound to the role of mother, not herself. Only when the father participates in educational activities can education get twice the result with half the effort and the mother have a chance to breathe. But many families are widows.
When a woman is bound in such a family environment, she cannot gain a sense of self-worth through internal growth, and she will pursue his (her) value outward (his (her) value: a sense of value established by external evaluation).
As we all know, an excellent mother is more likely to gain recognition and respect from various environments when she goes out in various social occasions and is with a successful woman, so when a woman needs to pursue her own value, she will more easily choose to be a successful woman than an excellent mother.
If our environment also attaches importance to the value of women, especially the value of raising children, then it is easier for women to make choices that are in line with their physical and psychological advantages-raising children, rather than vicious competition with men.
Fourth, face up to the significance of women's values
Why doesn't the big environment objectively evaluate the value of women? I can only explain it from a perspective that is allowed to be open. This reason has a far-reaching origin, that is, men's collective subconscious inferiority and fear of women. This kind of emotion in men's collective subconscious originates from the matriarchal clan era, in which women's value and status are overestimated, women are in a dominant position in the tribe, while men's value and status are underestimated and they are in a subordinate position in the tribe. The simple expression is that in the collective subconscious of men, they are afraid that women will replace their dominant position. We put aside all kinds of prejudice factors and objectively analyze the value of women.
Take raising children as an example. Work is a social activity to create social wealth, and raising children is a social activity to create spiritual wealth. The psychological development and health of children will affect the psychological environment of adults in the future. If the adults in the future are a group of people with sub-health or mental illness, will there be a crisis in our human civilization? In recent years, some things that have happened around us or around the world are actually alerting us. We have to admit that there are some problems in this world, and the people who can really lead mankind to change all this and lead mankind to the light will be our descendants.
I don't need to talk about these distant problems. Let's talk about the current phenomenon. When men acquiesce in the gender value system of the general environment, they are very afraid of the female characteristics shown in themselves, such as fragile crying, helpless withdrawal and fear of competition. ...
We find that most men are rational. In fact, some functions of men's rationality are used to isolate their inner emotions and emotions. They are afraid to face their femininity. For example, pretend to be angry when you are sad, pretend to be aggressive when you are afraid, do too many things that damage your mental health, and even look ridiculous.
When a man doesn't accept the female characteristics in his personality structure, he can't complete his self-identity. If he denies a part of his personality structure, he can't build a solid self-confidence, which will become one of the psychological factors of male inferiority and anxiety.
If the environment does not give equal value feedback to women in raising offspring, then all the economic pressure of raising children, even the main economic pressure of the family, will be borne by the father of the child, and men will also be invisibly hit in this unreasonable gender value system. Therefore, affirming the value of women is not only of great significance to the development of human civilization, but also closely related to the vital interests of men.
If children have a successful career and will create huge social wealth in the future, why do mothers get value feedback only from their children's filial piety, while mothers have trained different talents for the big environment? The society should give equal value feedback to help correct the gender value system, so as to stimulate women to focus on the creation of spiritual wealth instead of competing excessively with men? Revising the gender value system is also beneficial for men to accept their femininity and promote men to establish real self-confidence. In this way, people are more likely to enjoy happiness in love and marriage, rather than bear the competitive pressure from each other. A stable and warm family can guarantee the healthy growth of future generations.
Limited by space, I can only explain the value of women from the perspective of raising children. The value of women is definitely not limited to raising offspring, but also includes the contribution of intuition to the exploration of the world, the achievements of perceptual thinking in the art field, and the warmth of the power of happiness and love for human beings. ...
Contemporary women struggle to survive in a patriarchal environment that is not suitable for their own ability development. Physical foot-binding has disappeared for hundreds of years, but ideological foot-binding still exists. Some people will definitely think that I am too idealistic, but the wheel of history, the footsteps of mankind will always move forward and will not retreat! No one in slave society believed that the law would protect everyone's basic human rights, and no one in feudal society believed that farmers could leave the land that bound them and choose their own jobs freely.
If we expect a reasonable gender value system to be established as soon as possible, we still need to rely on each family. Only when every social cell has undergone internal changes will the whole environment undergo qualitative changes. On that day, the family may no longer talk about pots and pans, but talk about inner growth and happiness.