The first chapter describes in detail how we gradually lost ourselves from primary school to middle school.
Considering the social, racial and gender differences, the author of this book is an American woman, whose education and experience environment are different from ours, but the whole world is almost a male-dominated society, so many contents can be heard.
When parents were told by doctors that TA was "a girl", people had already formed prejudice against her emotionally, sexually and psychologically. Parents can't help but think of various images of girls and pictures of getting along with each other. They will prepare pink rooms, pink skirts, pink bows, Barbie dolls and all kinds of things labeled as girls.
The book mentions that "girls are keen on fantasy and will try to play various roles when they grow up". I'm not sure if there is any data to prove that in my current education, children like to play games to complete all kinds of learning and promote their cognitive development-to experience the question of "who am I".
In the game, we can clearly see that boys and girls receive different education: boys are often encouraged to "realize everything possible", while girls are more concerned about whether they can "remember their roles". For example, the author mentioned a book called Little Nurse Nancy. When playing house games, girls will dress up as nurses to help boys deal with their injuries while playing. But if the injury is serious, you need a doctor Dan.
At an early age, social culture has been screening and guiding their career planning. Of course, not all children are willing to obey, and no one will challenge girls' career planning for their future at this stage. When they grow up and enter the society, there will be more obstacles for them to gradually compromise.
Social information related to the value of girls and adult women will gradually enter their fragile minds. If you reduce your contact with social media such as TV, movies and magazines, you may be able to get rid of this brainwashed fate, otherwise it will be difficult to be immune.
This is an interesting point of view. I can't help but think back to my childhood. When I grew up rapidly and set up three views, I bought a bunch of books before I had a mobile phone computer, and I inhaled all kinds of classic knowledge in the wind and rain every day. In these classics, there is no overemphasis on what girls should do. On the contrary, I understand what kind of girls can be recorded and how to become classics. This is the earliest female role model enlightenment. I am really grateful to myself at that time, and I am also worried about the generation now raised by mobile phones.
Back in the book, the author talked about the stereotype that attracted her daughter's attention. The most common stereotypes are the little princess and the tomboy.
The image of the little princess is clear. She is beautiful, slim, slim, long legs and needs help. There is always an excellent man around her, and the center of the princess's life is to seize his heart. Princess is a kind of interpersonal beauty, which is very different from their mother. She washes clothes and dishes like a maid all day.
Tomboys are for girls who don't want to play the princess and prefer a challenge. They are strong, adventurous, and like science, and often have bisexual personalities. Tomboys are generally plain, because you can't be smart and beautiful! Not for boys, of course. They are usually smart and handsome. )
After 12 years old, girls' self-esteem will drop sharply, and during the whole observation period, boys always maintain a positive self-evaluation.
The researchers expounded some conjectures: people's perception of their own physical changes is the root cause of these differences. The physical changes of adolescent girls increase their distance from social ideal (from thin and obscure gender characteristics to rough and sexy figure), while the physical changes of boys narrow their distance from social ideal (from thin and clumsy to muscular).
In addition, girls have to face all kinds of restrictions and prejudices.
The author mentioned that when she went to attend her daughter's elementary school open class, she found that although girls would take the lead in raising their hands, it was still boys who were called up by the teacher to answer questions. The boy got more positive comments from the teacher. Later, studies did prove the existence of this gender bias.
"Don't be too smart, don't talk too loudly, don't be too opinionated, don't eat too much in public and let the boys win." This is what the author experienced and observed in the process of growing up, and it is also a warning to girls by society. I see my eyes are black. After all, in my primary school career, if I get good grades, I will have the privilege of being a teacher, although I am often a female teacher. In our class, talking is not allowed (I mean in the student group), and students in the early stage are isolated by other students.
Go on, it's in the book. Teachers often don't realize that they have given different attention to boys. Whether it is widespread neglect or persistent underestimation, it conveys the message: "This is not your world, this is his world." Nevertheless, girls' academic performance is still very good, better than boys'. The experience of primary school prepares them for their future life-different pay for equal work.
If girls are deliberately excluded and underestimated in their studies-even if they perform better than boys-then they need to create an independent microenvironment, gain honor and success from it, and win attention and sense of belonging (human social instinct).
In the book, the author gives an example of the nail art world. Girls who don't get manicures will have nowhere to go: boys don't welcome them to join their own teams, while other girls will laugh at girls who play with boys. Girls use their appearance to create a world that belongs to them completely. Boys are not welcome in this world. Girls can talk, interact and establish their own hierarchy. At the same time, the outside world will give them more praise for joining the nail art world than answering questions in class. Therefore, this has become their refuge.
For this sense of belonging, they gave up something very important, as Beauvoir said: "Women's misfortune lies in being surrounded by almost irresistible temptation;" She was not asked to make progress, but was encouraged to slide to bliss. When she found herself fooled by a mirage, it was already too late, and her strength had been exhausted in the failed adventure. "
I remember playing football when I was a child. Whenever Xu Li kicks the ball out, an unparalleled sense of coolness will come to mind. However, as I grow up and enter school, no girl is like me, and boys don't welcome me. Everyone around me told me that girls should be quiet and not be like crazy boys.
She's lost weight. She's getting more and more beautiful. We often hear relatives and friends say this about girls, but for boys, it means "he is very powerful and smart" and "he is very smart and has a personality". This shows that the strength, humor and wisdom of boys are valued. As for your little girl, what others value is your appearance and figure. Here, people also like to use the old saying "perfect match" to defend the rationality of their stale evaluation.
These comments will linger in your mind for a long time, because it is your childhood brain, which is still very fragile and underdeveloped, so it is impossible to make a critical evaluation. In addition, they may come from elders we should love and respect.
These evaluations are integrated into our self-cognition, which constructs our inner description of ourselves-thinking that we are not beautiful enough or thin enough, and always feel that we need to lose weight and make up. By the time they graduate from primary school, many girls have accumulated a lot of negative self-evaluation. She is about to be knocked down by the world.
Of course, at present, more and more boys and adult men are also beginning to be troubled by the problem of physical intention. What men see on social media is not the "slim ideal figure", but the ideal figure that is bigger and stronger, but thinner, which often leads to excessive fitness.
Parents will inadvertently enter the minefield of weight and appearance. For example, your mother said that you have gained a little weight recently, to express that "if you can control your diet, your body will be healthier." But your brain that suffers too many negative comments will subconsciously react: I am fat-> Nobody likes to get fat-> I'm going to be hated again
But in China, which lacks respect education, we should also be alert to emotional control and emotional abuse from parents. For example, my mother would ridicule me: "Look who still wants you, so fat". The first time I heard this, I was suffocating. I feel that my existence has been rejected by my creator. However, it doesn't matter if you listen more in the future. If you don't expect your mother, you won't be disappointed. My dad, too, called me "radish finger, stubby". I was very sad when I first heard it. My existence was rejected by my other creator, which is something I can't solve at all! My brother is miserable, too His hands are almost as big as mine, but he is nearly 20 centimeters taller than me. It's hard for me to imagine his mood. You know, men's psychological resilience is often lower than women's, because they have little chance of being hit and then repaired when they grow up, which is a common phenomenon for women.
At the end of the first chapter, "Although we may never completely erase these comments, we can change our reactions and their influence on you".
One of the best ways to change the way you deal with insults is to concretize them. These comments are often insulting, so we don't want to share them with anyone. But sharing these comments with others can help us understand them and let others help us classify them correctly: this commentator is an asshole and totally unworthy of your attention; Or is he a careless good man worthy of your forgiveness?
All right. After reading the first chapter, continue with the second chapter tomorrow.