This is Hua Chenyu's self-introduction when she participated in Happy Boys' Voice on 20 13.

At that time, I thought that people who stutter their names three times must be full of fear and inferiority.

I had never paid attention to this handsome guy before the hot search about Hua Chenyu and Diamond's baby.

But when I searched for "Hua Chenyu" on the Internet because of this hot search, I was curious about him when I thought of the words autistic, giant baby and withdrawn.

It turned out that Hua Chenyu, who was radiant on the stage, was a child who grew up with injuries. When he was two or three years old, he lost his mother because his parents divorced, and was raised by a servant and left his father.

Although he has grown up, he has always hidden an injured child in his heart, and has repeatedly made incomprehensible loneliness and giant baby behavior.

In fact, many people have Hua Chenyu's shadow more or less. Some lack love, some lack companionship, some lack recognition, some lack freedom, and some lack an apology from parents. The lack of these emotions slowly made them have an injured child in their hearts.

Shi, the first batch of national registered psychological counselors and doctors of medicine in China, said: Most of the troubles a person suffers in his life come from the shadow left by childhood trauma-he always lives with a traumatized inner child.

Fortunately, this kind of injury can heal itself under the guidance of experts when it grows up. The book "Heal Your Inner Child" jointly produced by Shi and Yi Psychology tries to take us to find our inner child who is traumatized and heal ourselves by appeasing him.

0 1 Find your inner child and touch the pain of the past.

Everyone has a healthy or traumatic child in his heart, but we often don't realize his existence.

Around us, some people always seem to get happiness easily. Most of these people grew up in an environment full of love and tolerance and have a healthy child in their hearts.

Others are just the opposite. Even if happiness is just around the corner, they will always make changes, bring trouble to themselves and pass happiness by.

My good friend Reiko Kobayakawa is such a person. She talked about four relationships, each of which was lost by her earth-shattering job when she was talking about marriage. She told me that somehow, when it comes to happiness, she can't help but ruin a relationship.

Every time I am with her, I only sigh and regret. It was not until I opened the book "Heal Your Inner Child" these days that I remembered the childhood she told me, and I found out that she had an inner child who lacked companionship.

Reiko Kobayakawa's parents have been working outside since her full moon, and they can only accompany her for a few days during the Chinese New Year. Her love and companionship for her parents are both long and strange, but her fear of loneliness is unforgettable. When faced with real love intimacy, she always feels that her lover will leave her, so she subconsciously does it and wants to wash away before approaching.

There is no perfect family and no perfect childhood in the world. Whether it is Reiko Kobayakawa or ourselves, there will be a child who is hurt more or less. Some of them feel inferior, some are helpless, some are full of distrust of the world, some are insecure, and some have disgust and hatred for people.

Find the injured child in your heart, and you can heal him and yourself.

Know your inner child and explore your own mind.

Just like hugging can always make people feel love, indifference can always make people feel hurt. Every child experiences different emotions, which will leave different marks on him.

Healing your inner child describes how the five most common emotional wounds will affect our inner child. If we find ourselves with the shadow of an injured child, trying to understand him is the beginning of our healing.

Hungry children: the pain of lack of love

In the film "Slimming Men and Women" starring Andy Lau and Sammi Cheng, the heroine with perfect figure began to overeat because of lovelorn love, and it seems that she can only fill her hollowed-out heart by constantly eating.

The pain children feel when they lack the love of their parents will also bring them similar psychological needs. Their hearts are like a hungry inner child, who wants to eat everything and desperately wants something to fill the empty heart, and finally becomes a greedy "little devil".

When you grow up, you are either possessive or morbidly jealous.

If we feel that we are shopaholics, collectors, overeating or easily jealous of the people around us, then we must never label ourselves as eccentric, sloppy and narrow-minded. Maybe that's just because we lacked the love of our family when we were young, and we had a hungry child in our hearts.

Lonely children: loneliness without company

For a child, the best companionship comes from parents. If the child lacks this kind of companionship, he will gradually cultivate an inner child who lacks companionship. When you grow up, it is easy to show a very contradictory state in intimate relationships.

On the one hand, they are very attached to close people, on the other hand, they are afraid that the feeling of lack of companionship in childhood will reappear, and they will subconsciously destroy this relationship in behavior. Reiko Kobayakawa, the best friend I mentioned earlier, is a "daughter". She can't help ruining her intimate relationship, because her parents are not around and she lacks companionship.

Children with low self-esteem: a sense of inferiority lacking praise.

Lack of praise is a common phenomenon in China families. "Pride makes people go backwards" is deeply rooted in our parents' hearts like a curse. No matter how hard we work and how excellent we are, it seems hard to get their praise. Especially after 80' s and 90' s, I seldom hear parents' praise, and more often I hear criticism or even belittle.

In this case, it is easy for the child to have an inner child with inferiority. They are not only eager to be praised in their work and life, but sometimes they fight against their inferiority complex by belittling others.

Nervous children and wronged children

Because of the lack of games, neurotic children have not experienced complex emotions in various simulation games, and it is easy to become straight men or straight women who are not good at dealing with interpersonal relationships when they grow up. The wronged child is full of grievances because his parents never apologize for doing something wrong. When he grows up, he will not only continue his parents' behavior, but also become a stubborn person who refuses to apologize.

In Healing Your Inner Son, Shi tells us that in addition to these five traumatic hearts, there will be nine different inner sons in the hearts of people who were injured in childhood, such as the son of fear and the son of shame.

In life, if we can't find and understand these inner children, it's easy to blame ourselves for our imperfections and others for our shortcomings.

But if we know these inner children, we can not only treat ourselves and others with a more inclusive heart, but also heal our inner injured children in a targeted way, making life more calm, happy and satisfied.

Heal the inner child and embrace the other self.

Heisenberg said: Asking the right questions is often equivalent to solving more than half of the problems.

Shi gave such a vivid and detailed explanation of the causes, concrete manifestations and influences of Naizi, with the aim of helping people with similar situations to solve this problem.

If we want to heal the traumatized inner child and embrace the other self, we must make targeted changes.

Shi has done such an experiment. She asked a person who is used to suppressing himself to make some statements, starting with "you must" and "you should". The man wrote a dozen articles like "I must honor my parents" effortlessly. Notes on "I should work hard" But when Shi asked him to start his statement with "I do" and "I do", he couldn't write a word.

This is a typical self-repression. Social norms, moral requirements and external views of us, like magic devices, firmly nail us to various responsibilities. Even if we vaguely feel the child who is hurt inside, we will try our best to suppress him.

If you want to heal a child with inner trauma, you must face your feelings bravely and learn to express yourself by words and actions. When we can release our feelings, just like inflating a balloon full of air, it will not be so tight and easy to burst.

However, in order to heal yourself, accepting your inner child is only a starting point.

In life, we all have this experience. Even if you know that there are no dangers and obstacles ahead, you still dare not walk with your eyes closed, and you will always feel nervous and afraid. But as long as we open our eyes, all our fears will disappear.

People's psychology is so wonderful that they are always full of tension and fear about the unknown and the unknown. Therefore, in order to heal the injury of our inner child, we need to know him. As said in "Healing the Inner Child", knowing yourself, knowing yourself and knowing a certain relationship is the greatest cure for yourself.

Adler said: Happy people use childhood to cure their whole lives, while unfortunate people use their whole lives to cure their childhood.

Childhood is like a small seed, deeply rooted in our lives, slowly blooming different flowers.

Although not everyone can have a childhood that can be cured for a lifetime. But after stumbling, we have the strength and strength that we didn't have when we were young, and we also have the opportunity to heal ourselves again.

Follow history to heal your inner child, and bravely say to your inner child, "Hi, hello." Then, give him a big hug.

Perhaps this is the starting point for us to reconcile with childhood and heal ourselves.