Parenting teacher: Blue Ocean;
Child: Ding Ding, a three-year-old boy.
When Blue Ocean watched Tintin's video in the car, he was surprised and said: It's too dangerous to run around in the square!
This sentence makes me feel that this tutor may not be in line with Li Yueer's educational philosophy, and my psychological channel may also turn to the channel of "finding fault".
The square is a place for people to relax. When a child comes to the vast square, his small mind will be broadened. Why can't children run in this place Why should we label it' disorderly'? What's running around? What's not running around? I wonder how this parenting teacher defines it?
If a three-year-old child walks quietly in the square or along the line, will mothers worry: Why is my child so unsociable? Inactive? Introversion? . . . . Will such a label be attached to children?
At this moment, I think:
How can a three-year-old child behave on the playground without worrying adults?
What is the normal state of a three-year-old child on the playground?
Are there any dangerous places in the square? There will definitely be! So, how do we remind children to move within a safe range? In fact, it is the homework of mothers, and it should also be the scope for parenting teachers to help mothers, rather than killing them with a stick: it is dangerous to run around in the square. This definition is a bit hasty! At the same time, it also conforms to the anxiety of mothers and will further deepen their anxiety and worry!
When I saw this, I remembered a little detail about her and Hua Er, who were in France with their four-year-old baby pig and Kalou:
For children with boundaries, going out to play is a relaxed and pleasant thing.
Background: Munich Railway Station. Munich is a big station, where trains and passengers from all over the world change, and the traffic is endless. It is also an open railway station, and many pigeons fly in from the outside. The interior of the railway station is being renovated, surrounded by engineering materials and scaffolding. Moreover, because I returned to Germany from Austria, I added a lot of luggage on the trip, but I couldn't help but love my children and my little souvenirs. Only the wooden toys selected by Hallstatt have half a box.
In this case, I said to Shu Hua, "I have to go to the bathroom, please." Then he turned and left. Shu Hua asked me especially depressed afterwards: "Ah, with so many people, so many cars, so many pigeons and so many luggage still under renovation, can you walk so safely?" "Don't worry, I have nothing to worry about." Shuhua choked and stared at me. Hehe ~ I'm really relieved. But because of the queue, I walked for about ten minutes.
Shuhua put down her luggage and pointed to the crack in the floor tile on the ground. "This line, that line, all right, you two play in circles and can't get out."
The two children jumped into the circle with a "Ah ~".
"Let's play super skating? ! "Salomon Kalou and Baby Pig discuss.
"Very good."
When they came back, the two children had a good time in the circle. Shuhua looked at them with a pile of luggage beside her.
No child asked, why is this line another line? Why can't you chase pigeons? Why can't we see the scaffolding? Why can't we go to the store? No. They just jumped into the circle and began to enjoy the game without wasting any time and energy.
The above blue font content is taken from: abbreviation; Awaken the giant in the child's heart
This detail is to give us a demonstration. Teacher Shu Hua has set a safe range before children play. Children can play freely in this range, and one person can easily look after two children in that complicated environment. Besides feeling, we need to dig deeper: Why are these four-year-old children so bound and so obedient? Is it natural? Or did you learn it in the process of growing up in these four years and in an atmosphere with boundaries?
Then look down:
When the tutor came to Ding Ding's house, she warmly greeted everyone. She also wants to say hello to the children, but the language she uses is:
Come on, kid, let's meet, shall we?
At this time, if she introduces herself first, it is enough respect for the children, but she goes on to say:
Come on, say hello. What do you eat?
There was a guest at home, and the child was attracted. If the guest is polite enough to know how to respect the child, then she can kneel down and say hello to the child: hello, I am Mr. Blue Ocean. Are you Tintin?
If so, the child will know who this person is. Whether he wants to have further communication with this teacher is a child's question, but the teacher said he wanted to meet him, but he didn't introduce himself. Moreover, he asked the child first: What did you eat? If I were a child, then I would think: I don't know who you are. Why should I tell you? I am a prickly child, but if I say hello to you-an adult, come up and say we know each other. What are you eating? What would you think? )
The problem of the parenting teacher ran away from the child, and as a result, it attracted the mother's accented voice: Ding Ding. . . . .
Dad's judgment: rude!
If a guest comes to my house and is criticized by his parents for not saying hello, then I won't have a good impression on this guest! I don't think I have a problem. I think my criticism is because of this guest. What would you think if it were you? Do you do introspection or self-criticism?
When dad is leaving, let the children say goodbye to him, because he is going to work. Then, at this time, it was dad who was leaving. Why didn't dad take the initiative to say goodbye to the children? And ask the child to see him again? Under normal circumstances, if I want to leave my children, I will take the initiative to tell them: goodbye, baby, mom is going to work. Children will naturally say: goodbye to mom!
At this time, I think it is: it is time for parents to give their children a demonstration, not an empty request!
This place forks again:
When you meet an acquaintance, adults can't help reminding children: say hello to your aunt, baby, or say hello to your teacher. Children will be very passive at this time. Some children say hello, others don't. Mothers or other adults who can say hello will think that children are polite, and they think that they will educate their children to be polite. If they don't say hello, they will feel that their children have no gifts or they will feel that they have lost themselves.
Now take the children out and meet acquaintances, and they will take the initiative to say hello to acquaintances. If my child knows that friend, it's over if I say hello. I will try to keep my mouth shut and leave time and space for my children. When friends pay attention to Yuanyuan, Yuanyuan will take the initiative to say hello to her aunt, or an aunt whom Yuanyuan knows very well and likes very much. Maybe people don't pay attention to him, and he will take the initiative to go.
I don't need to remind him when he gets up in the morning. When he sees his grandpa or grandma, he will take the initiative to shout: Hello grandpa, hello grandma! Going out to school, I said hello: Mom and Dad, let's go. Then cover your mouth, wait for two minutes, and the child will take the initiative to say: goodbye to grandparents, aunts and sisters! Sometimes I can't help it. I can't wait for those two minutes, I will remind my children: goodbye everyone! Now, I slowly and strongly restrain myself from saying too much.
Maybe some people say: that's your child's obedience, but ours is not! Actually, it's not. She and grandma keep going out, and they will constantly remind him to say hello, especially when they meet strangers, but he just doesn't call. Grandma is puzzled. In fact, when grandma reminds me, grandma and people waiting to say hello will look at the children and wait for them to say hello. Under the eyes of the public, children will feel unnatural and refuse to say hello when they feel the pressure from outside. Even if he says hello at this time, the child will feel very uncomfortable.
Then look down:
Teacher Lan Hai mentioned: They don't have an anti-collision corner at home, so he can drive around the house. . . .
Let's spread it here and move some of the contents written before to build children's sense of security:
A few days ago, a customer came to buy a tea table safety strip, which is a very elastic strip. It is used to stick the four sides of the tea table, saying that it is afraid of hitting children. This is what I told her:
If the four corners of the tea table are pointed, then we only need to protect them with cloth strips. If this corner is touched, it will really hurt the child. It is necessary to press the anti-collision angle, but it is really not recommended to seal the edges completely. The reason is that children are born with self-protection awareness. According to his observation or experience, he has been touched by this place once, so he knows that it will hurt if this place is touched.
However, if we make all the places in our home safe and there will be no pain anywhere, then children will not start the awareness of self-protection at home. Then when he goes to another strange environment, he will regard that environment as his home, and he will not consider and observe those unsafe things. He will think that it is as safe as home, so he may' go on the rampage' and never avoid sharp corners, so the child will definitely feel pain. Even if you are injured, then the child will feel incredible: why don't you touch me at home and why are you doing it here? Then the child will feel unsafe here and may stop exploring and ask to leave. Then children will be touched and beaten more often in the outside world, which will cause insecurity to the outside world. He will refuse to get in touch with the strange outside world and stay in the home he thinks is safe.
But the most basic safety measures need to be protected, especially when children are young.
Seeing the photos taken by Da Li when he visited Australia for education, most kindergartens have some natural wooden strips, wooden stakes and some big stones, but our kindergartens don't have these things, because they will hurt children, but those kindergarten children may not be injured every day. But our children often trip over a small stone, and the reason has to make us think.
So I don't think it's a problem that there is no collision angle at home. I just don't know if the child has ever been injured at home and will know how to avoid danger. Keep watching:
Teacher Lan Hai said that today's work is observation. So, we really saw her sitting on the sofa observing the children. This reminds me of the story about a doctoral student in infant psychology who came to Ba Xueyuan to investigate and observe children. Doctoral students sit in front of their children to observe them, making them uncomfortable and even unwilling to let them sit in front.
How can we observe children more deeply? Staring at children like aliens? Or do you want to mingle with your children, have an intersection with them, let them accept themselves, completely relax in front of themselves, and show their true side in order to really find the problem? If someone I don't know comes to my house, looks me up and down like a prisoner and follows me with his eyes, I may be very nervous and stressed. Fortunately, Tintin is only a three-year-old child, and at most there will be reactions such as "people are crazy", but these reactions may not be the true colors of children.
When Tintin was riding a tornado in the living room, it was obvious that teacher Lan Hai saw the car coming, but she didn't know to avoid it. She was hit by a car and made people apologize, even calling her name. What I want to know is: Does the child know her name? Did she introduce herself?
She is demonstrating to the children with actions: when you see the car coming, don't hide, wait for the car to hit you, and then let the owner apologize?
Maybe she is deliberately teasing the child and wants to see how the child will handle it in such a scene, but what I see is that her expression is not a joke, nor does it convey the message that she likes Tintin and wants to play with Tintin. I only saw her serious, even defensive, angry expression. Such information will not make children accept her, get close to her, and will not make children say in polite language, "Aunt, please forgive me!" " This is impossible! Children will always be wary of her and even resist her.
Tintin's mother later said: Tintin hit someone with his car, which made her feel ashamed and made her feel that she had not educated her children well! This is the psychology of many mothers. However, did Ding Ding intentionally hit someone while driving? Or was the man standing on the main road hit?
The child doesn't want to go to school, so the mother said to take the child to the square first, and then take the child out first. At this time, the parenting teacher is right. This kind of behavior is cheating.
The child was so happy when he heard that he was going to the square that he even opened the door and went downstairs. How would the child feel if he went to the square and his mother said he was going to school? Will he continue to believe what his mother said?
Children don't want to wear seat belts, because they are uncomfortable, they prefer to put safety aside, that is to say, children's comfort is more important now than long-term safety! This is why many families have cars but no safety seats! Some time ago, the focus interview broadcast a program in which the child was seriously injured by the airbag because he did not sit in the safety seat. This safety issue should attract the attention of all parents who take their children by car! Don't lose your safety awareness!
After getting off at the square, Ding Ding started running, and his mother shouted weakly behind him: "Ding Ding, don't run around yet, listen to your mother!" By this time, the child had run away. "Listen to me! Hey! " I wonder if the child heard the sigh behind his mother! This is obviously a low-profile request (looking up) for children to listen to their mothers. When their mother is in this position, children will not listen to their mother! Because the mother's sense of powerlessness and pleading tone will make children despise the mother's language requirements.
At this time, in fact, we should, like Mr. Shu Hua, set the rules and boundaries before playing, instead of the children running away and the mother shouting: Listen to me! The child's heart has already flown, so how can he have time to listen to you?
Mom also felt crazy and helpless, so she did the second trick: emotional control!
"Ding Ding, mom is angry!"
Emotional control is usually controlled by parents' emotions and preferences. For example, "mom will be unhappy if you don't do this!" " -Shu Hua;
How to distinguish between expressing emotions reasonably and controlling children with emotions?
A reasonable expression is that I honestly express my feelings at the moment, "I am angry because you did this." . . . "Objective rationality. The child is not responsible for his parents' emotions, but he will understand that he needs to be responsible for his own actions.
Controlling children with emotions is, "You will. . . I am angry! " Threats like this do not clarify and explain the rules. As a result, children don't know what the rules are, only know the hidden rules, and can't make their parents angry. Little girl, her mother.
I understand that the core of distinguishing between parents expressing their emotions reasonably and controlling their children's emotions lies in: emotional control means that children only see their parents' emotions and don't understand what is behind them. Children do things to appease their parents' emotions (no matter what); Emotional expression means that parents should clearly explain to their children what kind of behavior causes emotions, and the child needs to judge and think to adjust his behavior, and he is responsible for his behavior. -Short text
The words of three people are quoted above to better express this statement of emotional control, and it is very clear.
This recruit doesn't work, immediately psychological control, more specifically, to give up as a threat, to achieve the purpose of controlling children:
"Ding Ding, mom is gone, I don't care about you!"
Psychological control usually takes the form of belittling or threatening, especially threatening to pull away from emotions. For example, "Why can't you do what others can do?" Or "if you do this again, I won't like you!" -Shu Hua
So, when mom really turned to say goodbye, Tintin really thought that mom was leaving, so she cried! This trick is used by many mothers. On the road, in the car, in the shopping mall, I often hear a mother say: I will leave anyway, you are here; If you don't listen, I will throw you out; If you want toys, sell them to your aunt, and you will have toys to play with every day. . . . . . These are all inhuman words, but they come from the mouth of the most human mother. Really sad!
Finally, the mother achieved her goal, stopped in the square for a while, and then took the children to the kindergarten. At the door, when the child is in a mood, the two words that the mother says the most are: don't cry, don't cry. . . .
When the mother came out, she said, I feel bad that the child is crying like this!
This should be the heart sound of many mothers. When the child cries, the mother comforts the child not to cry, but at the same time feels uncomfortable. In fact, as soon as the child cries, the sad information inside the mother will be captured by the child. The more uncomfortable the mother is, the more harmful it is for the child to cry. This is based on science.
After school, the mother told the child that the tone was so desirable: let's go home! At the same time, the message to children is: it's better to go home than to learn, right? Don't you feel this sense of information?
Tintin's mother is really irregular when using language with her children:
Lollipop, don't even think about it!
Mom gets angry when you hit her! (Note that what Mom said is not that Mom will be in pain, but that Mom will be angry. This is another kind of emotional control! )
You hit your mother, and you will never have a mother again! (Will it really be gone? )
When the mother threatened to leave and go back to her room again, the child cried in fear. When the mother stopped to squat, the child shouted: bump, bump, bump. . . At the same time, I hit my mother with a twisted car. At this time, the mother should hold the handlebar to prevent the car from hitting herself, and tell the child: I will hurt if you hit it like this. Don't you hit me! But mom didn't, but mom said, "Then I cried!" " "Another low profile, but the child left a sentence:" Tiger me! " He turned and left. This shows that mother often uses this sentence to scare him!
Mom is still very childish and says, "then leave me alone and don't talk to me!" "
Do you think, will these words of mother give the child a demonstration of the correct practice?
Will these words of mother make children respond to others in this way when they encounter similar things?
When the child called his mother in outside, the mother was still angry with the child: I won't go in. When the child shouted again, the mother asked: Why?
When the child invited his mother to play the train with him, her mother refused at first. After being rejected, the child tried to hit his mother with a car to threaten her to agree with him. When he really hit her, her mother really agreed!
This shows that:
In this family, threats are a way of communication. Mothers threaten their children, and children learn to threaten their mothers. Besides, they are very useful!
After the mother and son went to another room to play the train, Tintin finally closed the door and shut the parenting teacher out! This shows that this parenting teacher has not been accepted and trusted by Tintin. Seeing this is the only small scene I laugh at! The child is so keen and heartless!
When the child stuffed the jujube with a plug, the mother shouted: Ding Ding ~ ~ ~ ~! At this time, you can see from the child's smile: he knows it is impossible! However, his mother's shouting not only didn't stop him, but made him speed up and put most of the dates on the ground. At this time, the mother did not tell the child the correct way: this is jujube, not for fun! Instead, we must control our children with emotions: "If you do this again, I will be angry!" The child smiled and said, "Cheat!" Then I picked up the whole plate of dates and fell to the ground!
At this time, my mother smiled (probably because there was a nurse teacher present), picked her up and said, "I'm angry!" " "The child also smiled and picked it up with his mother, but the mother scared the child at the same time:" I am really angry, I put you in a room and ignored you! "But the children stopped eating her. It's time to laugh . .
Jujube was scattered all over the floor, but the mother did not lead the children to pick it up. The children thought their mother was laughing, which was very funny, so they trampled the dates on the ground. My mother said if you step on it again, I'll spank you. The children did not believe it and ran away with a smile, so they threw the fruit in another fruit bowl on the ground. The mother still didn't say the right way, but only increased her voice: Ding Ding ~ ~ ~ ~, the child ignored her. I'm leaving! The child was scared to cry again, and she came after her mother. Her mother's purpose was achieved, but the purpose was nothing else.
When the child cried and apologized to his mother, her mother wanted to put Tintin in the house and not let him out. At this time, Tintin peed his pants! Seeing this, my heart has been pulling, but Tintin's mother is still saying: Why didn't you tell me about peeing? Ouch! Mom is leaving soon, ignoring herself, and her pants are almost falling off with fear. What am I supposed to tell her? When the child changed his trousers and didn't want to wear them any more, the mother threatened the child again: then I'll leave! The child was scared to cry again, and cooperated with wearing pants.
Seeing this, I can only say that my mother has been taking away my child's sense of security and making the child feel that as long as she is slightly unhappy, her mother will leave her and she will let her go. Then, the child will be more attached to her mother, unwilling to see her for a long time, and worried that her mother will leave her. When he was in kindergarten, he couldn't see his mother for a day. This is why he is afraid to go to kindergarten. Before going to kindergarten, he cried and begged his mother: stay with Tintin for a while, mom, don't go, I want to go home!
Later, I saw that the parenting teacher said the same thing: Mom kept saying that if you leave your child, then the child will be afraid of her mother's departure, so she is so afraid to go to kindergarten.
At the first family meeting, I totally agreed with the parenting teacher in Blue Ocean.
What moved me very much was Tintin's father. Although he and his mother had different parenting ideas at first, after the parenting teacher told her some questions, he gave her great understanding and consideration, which showed that the parents in this family were loving and tolerant. This is very important for Tintin's later recovery and growth!
When making family rules, when the parenting teacher said, "Mom can't say I'm gone, I won't talk to you," Tintin replied, "Mom, did you hear that?" The three-year-old child really understood this rule, and the mother showed her attitude and must abide by it.
After writing the above content, look at the content behind, and see the mother's narration, she also said to the child: Mom, did you hear it? I was surprised when I really realized my problem. Really, the child's careful thinking is very meticulous, and his sensibility is very strong!
The following safety measures, especially in very dangerous places, are very necessary to protect children when they are young.
The use of the safety seat, because the way is right, so the child will not only make himself uncomfortable if he doesn't resist the seat belt, but will be very proud. This is his exclusive seat and he feels very comfortable, so sometimes, it's not the child who really resists, but the parents' worries and methods are wrong.
Naughty bag is to let the child know that you love him, but his behavior is wrong, which is very similar to the perspective of reflection.
I've only heard of the reflection angle before, and this one has also been used in Ba Xueyuan, but it's the first time I've heard of this naughty bag, but its function and practice are the same, and it plays a role in disciplining children. I don't agree with this practice.
Let it go. One way for China people is that when others hurt their children, the first thing parents think of is not to calm their children's emotions and provide them with necessary help, but to think about how to punish those who hurt their children! In the process of chasing and punishing, they also hurt their children over and over again, which is beside the point.
Judging from this program, Tintin bit his sister, and everyone's attention was focused on how to punish Tintin for sitting on the naughty carpet, instead of appeasing the bitten sister. It was unfair to her sister at first, even a second injury. She saw that her younger brother was punished under the strong force of two adults, which might lead her younger sister to blame herself. Of course, this is only possible!
If you punish for the sake of punishment, it loses the meaning of punishment. This kind of reflection angle is very popular in foreign countries, but it has caused many acclimatized symptoms since it was introduced into China. I can't comment on this. Anyway, in my family, I won't use this kind of reflection angle or naughty blanket.
There is another detail: the parenting teacher asked the child to promise: no more hitting people! I think this guarantee is empty! Even the child changed the subject when his mother made him promise never to hit anyone again, and went to find his twisted car.
Later, the adults gave the children time and space. When Tintin faced his sister, he said naturally: Sister, I'm sorry, I won't hit you again! In that case! But whether children will hit people in the future depends not only on this sentence, but also on more support.
These tips are worth learning, such as group games and limiting children's activities. For children, rule gamification is a very good alternative method, which is worth learning and popularizing.
When the parenting teacher began to interact with the children with games, he was obviously loved and accepted by Tintin, which was the key point to enter the children.
Especially when magic was brought into kindergarten, Tintin obviously didn't resist going to kindergarten. And Tintin fell in love with her because of the game power of the parenting teacher. When she left, Tintin couldn't bear to cry.
There is a small detail behind: when my mother wanted to say that I ignored you again and I was leaving, Ding Ding immediately reminded her: You said you couldn't do this, and her mother woke up in time and changed her mouth. This shows that her mother has been saying this before, which really scared the children. He really doesn't want her to say this again.
But in order to have a short-term effect, this program also uses some intensive praise and encouragement; Used some games; With some reward mechanisms, these will be useful in the short term and will make children feel fresh, but they will not fundamentally let children do something for their inner sense of responsibility and accomplishment. They may do something to get praise and apples. These things are longer, more lasting and more intangible. Moreover, quietly, this parenting teacher appeared in a high-profile way to save people, and I felt very uncomfortable!
After watching this program, Blue Ocean's parenting teacher made the child resist liking from the beginning and was reluctant to let her go. The later game power and respect played a very key role. This mother also needs unswerving execution, self-adjustment ability and later learning ability. We have seen that Tintin is a clever boy. When his mother criticizes him and he doesn't want to listen, he will say, mom, your hair is a lot, and your hair is black! When the mother has changed a lot, the children are really cooperative, as can be seen from this program.
So, it's really not the child who has a problem! ! !
Parents should not be blamed, but should learn and train how to be good parents!
The content of this issue is over. I started writing while watching it at noon.
This program had a bad reputation before. I didn't intend to watch it, but my mother had doubts about its practice. So, I took time to have a look. There are some inappropriate places in it, and there are also some places worth learning from. Let's get what we need. Time is limited, there will be some inaccuracies in what you read and some mistakes in what you write. Friends who have seen this program, let's share our feelings about your.
Whether we do well or not, we can think. Only when we think and reflect, whether it is good or bad, is it nutritious for us.