The so-called online love is a telephone line and two lonely hearts. In the middle of the night, four eyes don't meet and ten fingers confess.
The so-called online dating means that computers and computers talk from the heart, keyboards talk about love, and mice fall in love.
The so-called online dating means "letting my love drift through your net" when chatting, and "only you know my lonely heart best when there is a power failure".
The so-called online love is chat room love. Chat room is a love supermarket, there is always one for you to choose from.
The so-called online dating is the love on QQ. The avatar on QQ is like a star, and there is always one to light up for you.
The so-called online dating is the love on BBS. BBS is full of thousands of amorous feelings, and there is always a feeling that it is open to you.
The so-called online dating is a software. This software has the function of practicing typing. Online dating may not be a love expert, so apply for typing.
Membership should be a breeze.
The so-called online dating is a game. This game is simple and easy, two IDs, a chicken, a cat and a mouse, and then hit the key repeatedly.
Disk, you can experience the feeling of heartbeat.
The so-called online dating is a virus. When this virus broke out, it was easier to turn it on than to turn it off. "I love you, I love you, I love you" appeared repeatedly.
You "and so on.
The so-called online dating is a fitness program. Online dating has a long way to go, and you can exercise without playing ball or running. Love is difficult and dangerous,
You can enjoy the magnificent scenery without suffering. Over time, it will become a body of steel, and all poisons will not invade.
The so-called online dating is a slimming plan. One kind of lovesickness, two places of leisure worries, makes people haggard for Iraq. The beauty of online dating lies in distance, but in modernity.
People regard thinness as beauty, which proves the correctness and necessity of online dating.
The so-called online dating is a sport. Look at people who get up early to run, there are fat people and thin people, and fat people want to be thin and fat. Think about it. It's really expensive.
Kim, why don't we all engage in online dating? "Carry out online dating activities to enhance people's physique."
The so-called online dating is to spend a full moon on the screen and talk and laugh alone.
The so-called online dating is to stand in front of the mirror and love yourself. The so-called online dating is a love rehearsal, or love warmth.
Xi。
The so-called online dating means loving only a little crazy foreigners, not talking about marriage.
The so-called online dating means that you die when you see the light, and you die when you don't see the light.
The so-called online dating is suffering! How beautiful!
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There are too many topics about online dating, and I accidentally saw someone discussing this topic today. It seems that people who surf the internet can't escape such a problem. Different people have different views on online dating. Some people avoid it because they are afraid of falling into the trap of online dating and getting hurt. Some people think it doesn't matter. They think it's good to have a spiritual love online when they meet someone they like. Some people think that although online dating is beautiful and romantic, it is always too empty. It's too painful after beauty. I want to try but I'm afraid, so I have an ambiguous feeling.
The network allows strangers to know each other. Even though we are far apart, there is no sense of distance because of the magic of the network. Our world has become more exciting and vivid because of the network. Almost all people who surf the internet will lament the illusion of the network. Almost everyone has resisted the charm of online dating, but most people can't stand the temptation and are attracted by the mystery of the network, and people's emotions will be affected by their attachment to it. So there is no indestructible emotion. When some ignorant emotions breed from the heart, when some uneasy emotions spread from the bottom of my heart, even people who think they are very rational will be confused and collapse, will be troubled by an emotion that they have neglected, and will be throbbed by a love that has been proved to be illusory by countless people. And these hearts may arise inadvertently, making people hard to prevent, and when they are discovered, they are caught off guard, in vain, and fall into a more confused state.
In real life, many people wear hypocritical masks and rarely show their true feelings and inner thoughts in front of others. Lack of conversation makes many people feel physically and mentally exhausted. In the network world, facing the computer, the pressure is much less. Here we can put aside all pretences and communicate with people in calm words. This kind of communication narrows the distance between hearts, releases our feelings without reservation in the emotional world, and gives us a real space to be ourselves, so that our feelings and dreams can fly with music in such a real space.
Perhaps in life, it is difficult for you to say "I love you" easily in front of the person you like, but in the network, you can boldly shout it out. You can send flowers, kiss and hug to the person you like online, write love letters, propose marriage and even get married online. Although these are virtual scenes, people's feelings are real, with ups and downs and real love.
Some people will say that these are all impulsive behaviors. Even if everything is said online and finally separated, you don't have to bear any responsibility, so online dating is just a game and a dream. However, when you fall in love with someone, those true feelings, those feelings, those trance-like thoughts, those inner desires, those sweet romances, those very much in love, can you say that it is a love without feelings and responsibilities? Maybe the one behind the screen is just an abstract code for you, but those feelings of love do exist. No one can erase these inner feelings because of the illusion of the internet. Even if it turns into a sad past without results, its memories will still be hidden in my heart.
Online dating has charming beauty, which fascinates some people, makes love more romantic and makes life better, but in any case, online dating is always too empty. So many times, for many people, online dating comes and goes in a hurry.
When all the blushes fade away with the encounter, those who hesitated between reality and virtuality, those who were so close at hand, may also fade away because of the fading enthusiasm. Giving up may be unwilling, but continuing. The distance between reality and reality makes people feel physically and mentally exhausted. After weighing, they always choose to give up, so everything goes up in smoke, which is also the saddest and helpless place of online dating.
The beauty and romance of online dating make people online have a kind of virtual online dating, and the attraction and uniqueness of online dating make people who linger online have a fatal trap and fall into ecstasy. Although the flowers of online love are gorgeous, there are few results, which is the most painful thing for people trapped in them. Lovely people are emotional animals. Treating online love correctly, without extravagant hopes and harm, and relaxing the heart is probably the best ending.
Wandering on the internet, I saw such a topic again, and talked nonsense for a while, giving it to all my online dating friends. I hope no one gets hurt:)
Online dating is actually narcissism.
Dr. Yi Xinfa, Institute of Developmental Psychology, Beijing Normal University
Editor's note: With the popularity of the Internet, online dating began to enter many people's lives. It should be said that love is human nature and the internet is a tool. However, people's understanding of online dating is distorted due to incorrect use of the Internet and bad psychology. The four articles published in this issue will help people to re-understand the network and treat their love life better.
Although there are still some differences and controversies about the word "online dating" in academic circles, it has long been "deeply rooted in people's hearts" in real life: that is, netizens fall in love through the internet. Enter the word "online love" in a search engine, and all kinds of information will surge. So how to understand the phenomenon of "online dating"? The author believes that in today's virtual world, most unhealthy online dating is a sign of narcissism.
This view can be found in the theory of Lacan, a French thinker. Jacques Lacan, a French thinker and psychoanalyst, put forward the famous "mirror stage" theory. Children of 6- 18 months are in front of the mirror. At first, they would call the child in the mirror another child. At this time, the child can't recognize his own image in the mirror. Later, the child grew up and recognized himself in the mirror: "That's me!" " "At this moment, the child's heart is full of ecstasy. In Lacan's view, the child in front of the mirror contains double misunderstanding in this process: when he calls himself another child in the mirror, he identifies himself as "others"; When he recognized the image in the mirror as himself, he took the illusion of light and shadow as reality-confused reality with fiction, and thus began his lifelong infatuation with his mirror.
Lacan further believes that the premise of forming the "mirror stage" is the emergence of scarcity, the imaginative denial of scarcity and the emergence of desire. Humans have a long infancy, during which children can't control their bodies, and they can't perceive and grasp their bodies as a whole. The only way to get in touch with the outside world is vision. Children gesture in front of the mirror, "affecting" their own image in the mirror and gaining an illusion of controlling themselves and others-this is an unprecedented power for a child who can't act independently.
Today, the pace is getting faster and faster, and the interpersonal relationship in reality is getting more and more alienated. The individual is like a boat, and it is easy to get lost in the sea of Wang Yang. This is a situation of scarcity, but the desire is not diminished. The emergence of the Internet just provides people with a "mirror", which gives people the opportunity to communicate with others and make up for the lack of reality. With the increase of communication, the goodwill of netizens on both sides has become stronger and stronger. It seems that they have a long-lost affection for themselves, and they can control this feeling in their own hands without leaving home. There is a state of "loving you equals loving yourself". For individuals in modern society, this is also an unprecedented force.
But at the same time, in the process of online dating, netizens will have a misunderstanding similar to the "mirror stage": treat the images in the "net" as real images and their favorite images, confusing the difference between real and unreal.
To some extent, online dating means that two netizens are immersed in finding themselves accepted and finding their own "mirror images".
This process. In the general online dating stage, two netizens also have many characteristics of true love, such as in-depth communication and understanding, physical awakening, and cherishing each other's sense of responsibility. After this feeling lasted for a while, I naturally wanted to meet. But as most netizens have experienced, meeting often means the end of the relationship. This is because, before meeting, the two sides deeply "loved" the person in their minds and loved the ideal he (she) they constructed, but they actually loved themselves; After meeting, I found that the other party was not "myself".
To sum up, the author thinks that it is desirable to take the Internet as a tool for acquaintance, but true love may still take the traditional "old road". ▲
Online dating has slowly ruined marriage.
Dr. Xing Shufen, Institute of Developmental Psychology, Beijing Normal University
"I'm really at a loss. I can't stop thinking about him. Even at work, I can't help thinking of him. Why on earth? We got to know each other through the Internet. He comes and goes like the wind. I have never seen his true face in real life, but he has deeply occupied my heart. I'm trying to control myself, not turning on the computer or surfing the internet, but I finally did it. I want to know what "clues" he left, even a little, so I'm relieved. I also know that he is worried about me. "
This is a case of married people's "online love". The heroine is a married woman, but she still can't resist the temptation of the internet and falls into the quagmire of "online love". According to the latest statistics of Shanghai Divorce Legal Consulting Network, extramarital love has become the number one killer affecting the feelings of couples in Shanghai, and "online love" is the fastest growing way of extramarital love, accounting for 20% of the whole extramarital love.
Extramarital love is criticized by mainstream social values in real life, but the concealment of the network provides people with a relatively free space and gradually becomes the main way of extramarital love. Researchers from the Department of Social Work of China Women's University believe: "The highly competitive modern life makes many people feel boring, boring and stressed, dragging their tired but helpless bodies;" The trivial marriage life makes the topics of husband and wife communication less and less, and both men and women may find shelter on the Internet. "
Some people think that online dating is much less harmful than extramarital affairs in reality and belongs to the category of forgiveness, but this is not the case. American psychologists believe that love in traditional marriage should include three main components: passion, intimacy and commitment. The online love of married people challenges the traditional concept of marriage: in reality, extramarital love is the pursuit of passion and the destruction of commitment, while online love seems to be a softer extramarital love, which is "being at home, being at home, and being online". On the surface, it didn't break the promise of marriage, but it can still find the long-lost passion in marriage. However, online dating makes the latent marriage problem unresolved for a long time, and the harm to marriage is long-term. Compared with other forms of extramarital affairs, the poison of extramarital affairs on the Internet to marriage is chronic. ▲
Unmarried white-collar workers look for true love online.
Dr. Zhang Zhe, Institute of Developmental Psychology, Beijing Normal University.
Ma Xiao is a white-collar worker in a large IT company. Because of her busy work, she has never had a chance to find a girlfriend. Later, a friend suggested that he try to find online dating through the internet, and Pony started chatting online with the psychology of trying. By chance, Ma Xiao met Xiao Hong who was busy looking for a partner. At first, Ma Xiao and Xiao Hong talked as ordinary friends on the Internet until Xiao Hong went on a business trip and didn't contact Ma Xiao for several days. At this time, Ma Xiao felt that the weight of each other in his heart gradually increased. And Xiaohong feels the same way. After that, the two decided to meet. Because of their early understanding and exchange of ideas, they hit it off as soon as they met, and soon established a love relationship. Now Pony and Xiaohong form a happy family.
This is a beautiful love story. In this online dating, Pony and Xiaohong's expectation of online dating reflects the mentality of many unmarried white-collar workers, that is, they want to find a suitable relationship through the Internet, instead of killing time in the virtual world of the Internet with an entertainment mentality. Their online dating mentality has several characteristics: first, sincerity. Fast-paced work occupies the main period of white-collar workers' day, so they pay attention to the authenticity and effectiveness of interpersonal communication. Although they may not fully disclose their true information online, they will not fabricate false information for entertainment. Therefore, in order to make communication smoother and more effective in a limited time, white-collar workers tend to adopt a sincere attitude.
Second, the purpose of finding an object is clear. They are about 30 years old, and most of them are highly educated, capable and enterprising. When their career is booming, the age advantage of finding a partner is gradually fading. So online dating is regarded as a social means just like parties and blind dates.
The third is more rational. Unmarried white-collar workers have basically matured their outlook on life and values, and they are more rational than the general population when thinking about problems to distinguish between true and false. When the conditions are ripe and all aspects are satisfied, they will wisely turn online love into true love.
From this perspective, online dating, as a new form of making friends in the modern information society, has no good or bad value judgment. The result or influence of online dating actually depends on people's online dating mentality and rational judgment. ▲
College students miss true love through online dating.
Dr. Zhang Li, Institute of Developmental Psychology, Beijing Normal University.
Not long ago, the media reported two pieces of news: a famous university 19-year-old female college student was deeply involved in online dating. She never dreamed that, just when she went to the appointment happily, her online dating boyfriend kidnapped her, blackmailed her and was rescued by the police. Another news said that a male college student found that the girlfriend of his online friend regarded online dating as a joke. Not only did he not learn the lesson, but he also learned to cheat the opposite sex, kidnap netizens, extort money, and finally fell into the French Open.
With the rapid development and popularization of the Internet, online dating, a special way of love, is becoming a new way of life for young people. College students love online dating for several reasons: First, distance produces beauty. The university campus is full of romance, and college students have a strong curiosity about new things, and are easily attracted by the mystery, romance and freshness of strangers on the Internet and fall in love. Second, find yourself. Some college students are introverted, sensitive, depressed, self-abased, lack of social interaction, and have a low sense of self-worth. They dare not express their feelings to the women around them. The Internet only provides them with a virtual environment to cover up their self-esteem and gain the recognition of the opposite sex. Third, study pressure. Some students fall behind in their grades, lose their self-confidence and lose their motivation to study after entering the university. Other students, however, have no learning goals and live an empty and lonely life, so they look for excitement on the Internet. Fourthly, college students generally think of everything.
The psychological characteristics of "test", online dating is no exception. These factors often lead college students to ignore the real love life and avoid the real feelings, but on the internet, it is easy to give emotions. This is also because they ignore the hidden dangers in the network. Network experts believe that in the network world, people appear anonymously, which is easy to induce the evil side of human nature. Many people may start with practical jokes and develop into intentional emotional deception. Criminals will also use the psychological characteristics of college students and the indirectness of the network to commit fraud.
Therefore, the correct way for schools and society to intervene in college students' online love is:
First, improve college students' self-confidence and self-esteem and promote the healthy growth of college students' self-awareness. Help college students establish clear learning goals, improve interpersonal skills and enrich their after-school life.
Second, carry out marriage and love education. College students' views on marriage and love are immature and need correct guidance.
Third, strengthen the guidance and management of websites, network companies and internet cafes, give full play to their educational functions and reduce their adverse effects. ▲
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References: Psychological Research on College Students' Online Love —— A Comparative Study on Self-disclosure, Emotional Experience and Personality Traits between College Students' Online Love and Traditional Love. Research on the problem of college students' online love and its educational countermeasures _ Master thesis of Northeast Normal University in 2006;
Causes and solutions to the failure of online dating;
1, insincere (cheating)
This is the first to bear the brunt, because it is easy to have a bad influence on others, individuals, families and even society; So it has a news effect, so it is widely reported by many media. In fact, there are also cheating behaviors in real love, but in the network, it is more illusory, more hidden and easier to start (for example, more naive people have more opportunities to contact). As a result, those who intend to cheat money and color, and cheat others' feelings because of emptiness, put more goals on the internet, thus causing all kinds of extreme tragedies of online dating. It is very necessary for news reports to remind everyone to be careful. But it will make readers subconsciously label the network and deception. Psychologically, labeling will have the psychological effect of clustering. Therefore, if a person who doesn't understand the Internet mentions online dating, the first reaction is definitely "cheating". This also leads some sincere people to be afraid to make friends online. At the same time, because people's motivation to escape pain is often greater than the motivation to get happiness.
For cheating, both parties (especially male netizens) should take the initiative to produce valid documents (ID card, education certificate, work permit, household registration book, etc.). ) or other evidence to prove its authenticity. At the same time, both sides need to have enough ability to distinguish authenticity. When you meet for the first time, you must meet in a crowded place, even if the woman asks her family to accompany her, it is understandable. It is very important to prove your true identity. No matter how sweet words are, no matter how many promises you make in the network, you can't ignore them.
2, don't know love (can't tell infatuation from true love):
If the first rule is excluded, the two sides treat each other sincerely and dare to communicate on the Internet, they will face another challenge: Do you know love? Sometimes, the communication level between the two sides is relatively low, and they just stay in superficial communication such as "What do you like to play" and "I am really happy today", and then they start to fall in love. This situation often happens when the two sides have little love experience, are influenced by the surrounding environment and are curious about this kind of "love". However, they don't know what true love is. Sometimes, they will be attracted by each other's appearance and have a feeling of infatuation (not only puppy love groups, but also some adults). This kind of love is also very common in reality; On the Internet, people generally imagine each other more perfectly. After that, this infatuation will be so strong that it will be regarded as true love. Even if the personalities of the two sides are not suitable, they will start to care about each other, care about each other, start to pay, and put their hearts into their feelings. This will lead to the psychological suggestion of "true love" and the illusion of temporary happiness. The final result: it is wise that one party did not find differences and reluctantly broke up; It is a potentially dangerous marriage caused by "passion" or "habit": this kind of marriage is difficult to be happy if both parties can't completely change it and can't endure it for a long time. Because of the feeling of love, both sides force themselves to be with the other half who can't get along: the love period is full of passion; However, the long marriage period is dull, relying on emotional combination and passion fading, forming a huge contrast between pre-marriage and post-marriage. This is the main reason for most extramarital affairs, divorce and family discord.
3. Cover up (subconsciously/intentionally)
In the network, both sides involuntarily show their personal advantages to each other and subconsciously cover up their shortcomings. Created the illusion that the other party is perfect. There are no perfect people in the real society, and the expectations in the network are too high. In reality, they were disappointed, thinking that the other party was derailed, so they forgot each other's good and failed. You know, loving someone is all about loving her.
4. Give up (fear)
People are insecure and afraid of being hurt. If you are not sure, the more sincere and devoted you are, the more afraid of the unknown. Fear is because of fear of injury, fear of each other's uncertainty, and fear of future uncertainty. At the same time, I feel deeply guilty about the feeling that the other party gave me and my uncertainty (caused by fear). Because the network is illusory and unreal, it seems that everything is like a dream. Seeing all kinds of negative reports, facing my self-distrust, I was afraid that my dreams would be broken, so I chose to escape, hiding my beautiful dreams in the depths of my heart, fearing to realize and touch, so I finally chose to escape.
This kind of abandonment is also the most regrettable of the four reasons. Happiness is coming, but it really hurts to miss it, because it is a net. However, it is also reasonable. The unreality of the network itself has caused its sincere investment and the pain that its dreams may be shattered. Over time, it's really torture. Hope, expectation, doubt and desire for results are intertwined, and this feeling is painful in itself.
However, this is not difficult to break, that is, going online to reality, at least meeting to enhance the confidence of both sides. If the two sides are far away, male netizens should take the initiative to meet female netizens, because usually female netizens are more vulnerable to physical injury, and men should have the courage to bear this virtual risk responsibility.
5. Objective factors:
Because of the diversity of the network and the complicated objective situation, it is more helpless and regrettable than true love.
For example, ordinary citizens in two ordinary cities are online dating, and both of them are sincere and have a good relationship. But what will happen over time? Distance is the most important issue in reality, but both sides have stable jobs in the local area, and there are not many opportunities in small cities, so it is difficult for a person to find a job when going to a place. The man is just an ordinary clerk with no ability. It is impossible to support a family on one's salary. At the same time, it is difficult for both parents to support or directly oppose this situation. Then, for them, there are only two choices, 1, to give up true love and find someone locally. 2, keep fighting until you have enough material conditions, this short wait and pay will get real long-term happiness.
Some people will say: true love is invincible, and giving up is not true love. Hehe, that's right True love is really precious. However, true love is hard to find. The ancients said, "A thousand dollars is easy to get, but a bosom friend is hard to find." It is even more difficult to find a confidant of the opposite sex, and it is a pity that the confidant of the opposite sex sometimes becomes a "confidante" and a "confidante" because of the constraints of reality.
Therefore, it is really worth cherishing and especially valuable to find a bosom friend as a lifelong companion thousands of miles away and finally get together and experience real and long-term happiness. This requires not only harsh internal requirements (tacit understanding between the two sides as bosom friends; To overcome the above four reasons for the failure of online dating, we must also have, or strive to have, the objective conditions of "finally being together" (sufficient material resources and the final approval of family members). The conditions are harsh, but once you succeed, you will gain more happiness. Yes, the difficulty of success conditions is always directly proportional to income. In reality, the other half of marriage is a bosom friend, rarely. Pursuit requires confidence, facing difficulties, full of hope, and trying for dreams.
The above five points are mainly about the reasons for failure and the ways to overcome it (that is, the conditions for success).
In addition to the above five reasons, the reason why online dating has received many negative reports and high failure rate in China is largely related to the immature concept of love and the hard-to-find true love. Nowadays, the number of times people fall in love and the divorce rate are very high. Online dating is just getting to know each other through the internet. However, some people fail in love because of their own problems, but they blame the network for the failure. This is also a way for them to shirk their responsibilities. The Internet has also become an innocent scapegoat.
Some people say that misfortune has its own misfortune, but happiness is similar. How to use the network as a tool to find your own happiness?
Successful mode of online dating:
1, start, attitude towards online dating:
Don't trust others' words, blindly pursue romance, feel groggy and fall into it early. There is no need to kill online dating with a stick because of negative reports-when it comes, you don't know how to cherish it, just avoid it and miss the opportunity of lifelong happiness.
The most important things in the early stage are: "seriousness" and "sincerity" that both sides need; At least one side of "awake" and "awake" should be like this.
Add: The reason for starting to meet is also very important. Because of the same interests, the chances of meeting are much greater than those of online blind date/looking at photos/chat rooms first.
2. Process:
We should consider the above five reasons for failure and meet the corresponding five conditions for success. Sincere, mature, rational, realistic, take each other seriously. Don't cheat, don't hide, communicate some serious topics with your heart, know how to cherish, and be confident and firm in yourself and each other. The two sides overcome the objective obstacles in reality through their own efforts and practical actions. Among them, "considering reality, returning to reality and finally being together" is the key.
3. Some additions:
The network is actually just a medium, and "falling in love with the network" and "falling in love with the network" are completely different. If the previous 1, 2 (pre-attitude, process) is carefully discussed and considered by both sides, it will enter the real world. There will be a result in the end, and because of the wide range of choices and extremely harsh conditions, it is easier to get true love, a happy and harmonious marriage and a warm family after returning to reality, even easier than ordinary true love.
The ideal basic model of true love and happiness;
Interest-online chatting (online games)-more guesses-friends-heart-to-heart friends-serious topic discussion-confidants-real information exchange (photos/phone calls/videos)-real meeting (falling in love)-overcoming objective factors-and finally being together.
In short, the Internet is just a harmless tool. In fact, the key to the ultimate success of online dating is the same as reality. The key is to distinguish between Chu people and concepts. Risks and benefits coexist. I suggest that there is no need to deliberately find your other half in the network. You know, very few people are right. However, if that fate comes inadvertently, please remember: a thousand dollars is easy to get, a confidant is hard to find, and true love is even harder to find. Fate has come, and it is more worth cherishing! Full of hope, don't miss the people born of you!
I hope this article can help friends who are confused in online dating. Everyone is different, even if it is a successful online dating, the happy result is the same, but the process cannot be copied. Therefore, people in online dating need to have confidence, perseverance, firm belief, keep working hard, stay awake, improve their emotional intelligence, strive to have the ability to face reality and deal with problems, and be full of hope in order to get the true love fate endowed by God, and finally have an enviable happy marriage and enjoy a happy life for at least a lifetime!