? ? First, "knowing what you want to do" is divided into two situations.
One is spontaneous, but it can't be done in objective reality. For example, many parents always boast that "you are awesome" and "you are awesome", and children always feel that they are omnipotent superman. It was not until the boss was not young that they discovered that they were really "inferior", but the inertia of self-esteem and belief was still firmly denied and they continued to be arrogant. In addition, there may be cases where the motivation of mind and subjective initiative is not strong or the external resistance is too large.
Another point of the dualism of yin and yang is to do something that is not in line with your wishes and sell your soul. Some people just don't know what they really need. "What do you want?" -I don't know if I asked three questions. For example, in a family with many children, brothers and sisters who are born with competitive resources, especially girls in a patriarchal family, in order to get love, the first thing to do is to satisfy their parents' psychology. As a result, others said they did well in the exam. When watching movies, others will set the time and choose the type of viewing, as long as others are satisfied. I am full of reluctance and great obstacles when practicing, and I may not understand why I can't do it.
? ? Secondly, judging from the two elements of "wanting to do" and "unable to do", there may be incompatibility between software and hardware in a person.
That is, people often say that there are contradictions in their hearts, but the term is not clear in psychology. I coincide with some concepts recently put forward by Professor Zhu Jianjun. Personally, I think that a lazy donkey who is not grinded or lazy is born to be a behind-the-scenes assistant. When he suddenly has an ideal ambition one day in his life, he wants to go to the front line and do marketing overseas, which will lead to extreme disharmony. However, such a thing may happen to everyone. Many people's thoughts, even beliefs, don't conform to their true colors. "People can't help themselves in the Jianghu", so it's hard to keep their true colors and keep their original heart. Baochai and her family set Baoyu on the road of being an official. If he couldn't do it, he simply became a monk.
For example, the raw material (hardware) of Beijing roast duck was taken to Pizza Hut restaurant and added with cheese seasoning (software), which tasted very strange. Many people don't know that the hardware of their lives will not change (a leopard cannot change his spots), and the software added at a certain time due to environmental influence (fickle thinking) will suddenly be uninstalled one day, and the cheese will be knocked over and washed off completely, perhaps with Thousand Island sauce or roast duck sauce. Just like Li Yugang went to Taiwan Province Province to be a monk for several years, and then returned to the stage.
People are born with their own factory hardware and software, but some people are born with incompatible hardware and software.
For example, if you go to Andy Lau's bedroom at three o'clock in the middle of the night and sit up in bed, you will be dressed neatly. When he finds himself injured, he needs a vacation, and his situation will change from the set to a leisure villa-relaxing on a beach lounge chair on the coast of Hawaii and enjoying the food and sunshine for a month. People really want to do it but can't. Psychopaths who often have ambivalence and obsessive-compulsive disorder.
Third, "can't do it" is also dualism.
I can't do it, because I instinctively want the opposite ending. For example, a personality, children who are inconspicuous among many children when they are young, or whose parents basically ignore them, will also bring some perfectionist personality subtypes when they grow up, because they can only get the attention of their parents if they do things beautifully, and they are always late for meetings and appointments. It's not that they want to be late, but that their subconscious is always eager for recognition, praise and care from others. When they are late, even if they attract criticism, they will get the experience of attention and gaze. This belongs to the subconscious or personality behavior mode. If this opposite result is a kind of gain, which can be related to important events or past memories, he will definitely not give up and will continue to do it unconsciously, including children who are delayed in learning because of listening to their mothers' scolding, and will become adults with procrastination when they grow up.
Secondly, the magic of spontaneous instinct turns around, because it is impossible to repeat the pit. Professor Zeng Qifeng once mentioned a point: "People are subconsciously addicted to pain."
I don't agree.
Some friends feel the same way: I also walked into the compulsive repetition of subconscious abuse. I was thinking, why should I go in and enjoy it?
Everything needs dialectical treatment. The subconscious mind is an instinctive driving force of human beings, and it does not distinguish between happiness and pain. The internal driving force (desire and persistence) makes people repeatedly encounter the same kind of pit, feel the pain after falling into the pit, or see others fall into the pit after going far, resulting in empathy (sympathy), or go back to observe the pit and don't know why they have to suffer that kind of pain. I experienced this pain because this wound has never healed. Just a cat, three dogs and four dogs. After three days of happiness and three days of depression, people will come out by themselves. It is not an active hobby or hobby. The core motivation and behavior is to repair the wound, get rid of the obsession and avoid being injured again next time.
If you make yourself miserable, masochistic and addicted to pain, you have to find the reason, which is far from mental health, but some people are also caused by software.
Everyone is born with obsession, and life is like the dial of a clock, a chessboard with a closed cycle. The problems caused by that obsession will recur periodically. The first time you fall into the pit, you will fall into the pit again, but the pit behind you will be deeper and bigger. It is not until people have completed this big exam in this life, have a thorough consciousness, understand that they were born empty-handed, can't catch anything, and don't want to catch anything deliberately, can they cross the hills or valleys and reach the carefree journey of their true self.
In fact, I can see all these clearly, and I can already talk about change in half. There are many ways to adjust and change, which are beyond the imagination of ordinary people. We'll discuss it later.
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