Who can give me a humorous cross talk?

Mandarin and dialects

Hou linbao

A Do you often speak Beijing dialect when you talk cross talk?

B Hey, why do you often speak Beijing dialect? If you say cross talk, you have to speak Beijing dialect!

A: Ah! This is not right.

B what?

A You should speak Mandarin!

B Isn't Mandarin Beijing dialect?

A is wrong. number

B what?

Beijing dialect is Beijing dialect, and Mandarin is Mandarin.

Oh! This is different!

Well, Mandarin is being promoted now.

B yes.

This is a dialect based on Beijing dialect.

A Beijing music is the standard sound.

B I don't quite understand this!

A you don't understand this!

B don't understand.

A: You should study hard! You see, speaking Mandarin has great benefits, because people in Shannan and Haibei are working together now. If they all use dialects, it will be difficult to understand. If they all use Mandarin, they can understand each other.

Oh! Yes, it is.

A: Let's say-

What are you talking about?

A It is easy to understand in Mandarin: "What do you think this is?"

B Is this sentence in Mandarin?

A: well, if you want to use Beij, it will be different from this one.

B How do you say it in Beijing dialect?

"You this? ? What is (zhei)? "

Oh, really? ? .

Answer? ? What is this (zhei)? Mandarin says, "What is this?" Isn't it?

B Yes, yes, that's right.

A: Well, the sentence "You are going to Tianjin" has been changed.

How to say Tianjin dialect?

A "Do you think this (Jay) is (Si) (Ma)?"

B: Hey! This is Tianjin dialect.

A: Is that right?

B: Ah.

Shanghai dialect is different again.

B how about Shanghai dialect?

Look at this.

Here?

A "You (Nong) look (ku) look (ku) What is this (di) (ge) (sa me zi)?"

I don't understand this sentence.

A means the same thing: "What do you think this is?"

B Oh, that's what it means.

A: Is that right?

If A comes to our hometown, this sentence has gone bad again.

B where are you from?

Jiacang county.

Yicang county?

A Cangzhou!

How do you say this sentence?

A "What is this (me)?"

Oh, this is Cangzhou dialect.

A You will go to Fuzhou, Fujian Province. It's different from here.

B yes!

That's even harder to understand.

How to say this sentence in Fujian dialect?

A "You (Lu) see (Kan) what (drunk) is (racing) what (noisy)?"

I don't understand this sentence even more

A So, learning Mandarin is good for everyone!

B yes.

There is not much difference between Mandarin and Beijing dialect.

Oh!

A: It's good for you to learn Mandarin and often listen to cross talk.

B you can learn mandarin.

A: Ah. Crosstalk Isn't it Beijing dialect?

B yes!

A: It just has a lot of rhymes.

Oh! retroflexion

This is the biggest difference. Mandarin says "today", "tomorrow" and "the day after tomorrow".

B: That's right.

A Beijing dialect is not like this.

B what do you say?

A "today", "tomorrow" and "later".

B: Yes!

A has nothing to do, go out for a walk and buy a popsicle.

Oh, this is a rhyming poem.

A: Ah! You see, rhyming here also has its advantages.

What good is that?

A: You have to write it in words. You write "Popsicle", but if you want to talk, you have to say "Popsicle".

b！ Popsicle.

A popsicle, it distinguishes the meaning: Popsicle, it adds this ornament to let you listen to this thing is not big.

Oh! It's nothing.

"Hey! Look, it's hot! Have a popsicle. "

B: Ah.

Let's eat popsicles. This sounds good, if you don't rhyme, it sounds terrible! "It's hot today! You have a popsicle. "

Wow!

A popsicle!

B how big that is!

What is A talking about? Four people carry it to eat?

B then how to eat!

A isn't it?

B: That's right.

It can distinguish the meaning of words.

B yes.

Gado is used as a nickname.

Oh!

A use this to have a baby.

B what?

Let's see a child. Hey, look at this kid. It looks like a flower.

B praise the children.

A "Look, this child looks like a flower."

B: That's right.

He always uses Hua Er. It's a bad idea if you don't have to be childish.

Is it?

Hey, look at this kid. He looks like a flower.

Like a flower?

A "Look, this child looks like a flower." That child looks like hemp seed, and the other looks like kicking a ball.

B boy! There are firecrackers here!

A isn't it?

Rhyming with children has its advantages.

B yes.

A can't rhyme everything.

Is it?

A You see, Beijing dialect has this feature.

B yes.

There are too many rhymes in Jiaer.

A, where is the overlap?

How can B be called overlapping children?

A "fat, thin, busy, fast, gentle." These are all overlapping children.

B oh, yes.

A is the same word, add a word below.

Oh, it's called overlap.

A "This person is fat and that person is thin. Well, you should go at once. Alas! Gently. " Is there any overlap?

B yes.

A: "This person is fat, that person is thin, you are fast, you are slow."

That's not a good idea.

You can say that in Beijing dialect.

What else did you say?

That's adults versus children.

A child has just finished a week, a little over one year old.

B yes, yes.

An adult taught him to speak.

B yes.

A coaxed the child to say so.

B yes.

A "walk slowly"

Answer "I'll take you to the street."

B yes.

A "call uncle, call aunt."

B: That's right.

"Call mom. Put on your hat and socks, and I will take you to buy meat. "

B Ah, that's what I said.

A "Eat jiaozi and buy bags."

B yes.

Jiaozi, a steamed stuffed bun, jiaozi, big bags and small bags to coax children.

B yes.

A hasn't told adults.

B didn't say that to adults.

A Of course, I'm telling you, "Mr. Guo, are you all right?"

B that's all right.

A "Let's go out for a walk."

Let's go Wow.

A "I invite you to dinner."

B good.

A "Let's eat steamed stuffed buns or jiaozi."

B good.

A "put on your hat and let's go." That sounds good! Would you be satisfied if you did those things to the children? "Mr. Guo, are you okay?"

B that's all right.

A "I'll show you around."

A "I'll treat you to a bag."

"Buy you a jiaozi. You put on your hat. "

That's good, so I'm a fool!

A said ok?

B yes.

A this is a children's song.

B yes.

A So when learning Mandarin, you should pay attention to the rhyme of Beijing dialect.

B yes, yes.

A If you want to learn Mandarin by listening to cross talk, you must pay attention. Some actors like to use dialects and dialects.

Oh, dialect.

I also know the local dialect of B here.

Ah, people who leave that place don't understand, and people in other places don't understand much.

B: That's right.

A: Is that right?

B: Ah.

And it is not easy to write.

B Oh, I can't write either.

Belongs to a kind of old Beijing dialect.

A If you can speak Mandarin, these two sentences are easy to understand: "Hello, Miss Guo, I went to see you yesterday, but you weren't there. I waited for a long time and you didn't come back, and then I left. "

Do you understand this sentence?

It's easy to understand.

A: "I went to see you yesterday and waited for a long time. You didn't come back, so I left." Everyone knows that.

B yes.

A You have to use Beijing dialect, which most people can't understand.

What do you say?

"Hey, yesterday's me? You went. "

b？ I went!

A "me? You are jumping. "

B I jump.-okay!

A "I waited for you for a long time, but you didn't come back at all. I lost my mind at a glance. "

B yes.

A: "I ran away."

B, come on!

Can't spit quickly.

Liang Yijia: People always want to take a deep breath when they meet fresh air.

B: Get some fresh air.

A: My second uncle is not like this.

What happened to him?

I like to get it off my chest.

What are we going to talk about?

A: It has nothing to do with chatting.

B: Then how do you take it out of your chest?

A: spit out the phlegm and he will be happy.

B: It's easy to get it off your chest!

A: He can get up early for work and pedal his bike. He can throw up all the way from home to the office.

Spit everywhere!

How do you think?

B: That's immoral!

Answer: Anyway, you can see that all cyclists walk in a straight line, except those who ride behind my second uncle, they all look like twists and turns.

B: What's the matter?

A: You don't have to ask-I'm afraid my breath will spill on my face.

This is too much! No one came out to take care of him all the way?

A: In the words of old Beijing, he is ashamed of him. In the words of people who go to work, I don't have time to care about him; In the words of sanitation workers, it is called low quality; In the words of law enforcement officers, he told me not to see him.

Didn't say he was fine.

A: It's also a coincidence. I really met that day. My second uncle was holding out his chest when someone called him, "Come down!" " "

B: This tone is hard to accept. Where's your uncle?

A: I got off the bus quietly without saying anything.

B: I don't think so either.

A: "You had a good time all the way. Can others stand it? "

B: (playing the second uncle) "I was wrong!"

A: "Just know? Are you willing to fight or be punished? "

B: (strangely) Why did you take a taxi? (Playing the second uncle) "I accept the punishment."

Answer: "Admit punishment, put this on." Say, pass me a mask.

B: "SARS is over."

A: "I am afraid that you will infect others. Also, clean up all the phlegm you spit. "

B: "I'd better admit it!"

Answer: "fight, wait until you finish packing."

B: even fines and beatings!

A: "Besides, I can't hit you in front of so many people-wait till I get home!"

B: Do you still want to chase home? Who is it, so powerful?

Do you ask the man in charge of my second uncle?

B: Ah.

A: My grandfather!

B: That's what I'm talking about!

The new five senses strive for success

Xu Dong: Audience friends from all over the country, I will give you my five senses.

Qi: Happy New Year!

Eyes: I am Ma Dong's eyes. I wish everyone a bright smile!

Xu Dong: Hey, how happy my eyes are!

Ear: I'm Ma Dong's ear. I wish everyone all ears!

Xu Dong: Blessed are the big ears!

Mouth: I am Ma Dong's mouth. I wish everyone a smile!

Ma Dong: My mouth can talk.

Nose: I'm Ma Dong's nose. I wish everyone # @&; ……@#@! L 1: Happy Spring Festival! )

Xu Dong: Hey, why did you change your foreign nose in my generation?

Nose: foreign noses are big. You can breathe happily!

Eyes, ears and mouth: (Laughter) Yes, you breathe happily!

X: What am I happy about? Please.

Eyes, nose, mouth and ears: What's the matter?

Ma Dong: I was drunk driving last night. The police caught me and my driver's license was impounded. What should I do?

Eyes: I didn't see it!

Ear: It has nothing to do with me!

Ma Dong: Stop! What's the matter? Once again, no one can escape, one by one. Come on, who says first? What about you? You! Eyes, you can see best. You go first.

Eyes (staring at ears): What am I talking about?

Ma Dong: Drunk driving!

Eyes (still staring at ears): Hey, did you drink and drive?

Xu: I said, can you look at me and say?

Eyes: I'm looking at you!

Xu Dong: Is this looking at me? I am here.

Eyes (turning to nose): Oh, there you are. Hey, hello.

Xu Dong: Hey, what are my eyes like?

Eyes (turning to the audience): You don't know, there is something wrong with Ma Dong's eyes.

X: What happened to my eyes?

Eyes: strabismus

Xu Dong: I squint?

Eyes: Not too old,

Xu Dong: When will it tilt?

Eyes: When he saw the woman, he tilted a little.

Xu Dong: Even if I squinted, you could see the police yesterday!

Eyes: It's a male policeman. I closed my eyes, hehe. ...

Xu: Hey, he's hiding.

Nose: Push it down.

Ma Dong: What did you say?

Nose: He is simply shirking!

Xu: Listen, listen, alas, this attitude of others, as a foreign nose, jumped on our faces not far from Wan Li. What spirit is this? This is the spirit ... staring at your nose and face.

Nose: Hi. ...

Xu: Tell me about the nose.

Nose: What did I say?

Ma Dong: Drunk driving.

Nose: Did you drink and drive?

Ma Dong: You were there!

Nose: Alas, this is an internal disease of China people, so I won't take part.

Xu Dong: Hey, he's not involved now?

Nose: Everyone knows that Ma Dong has a problem with his nose.

X: What happened to my nose?

Nose: No holes.

Xu Dong: Please show me my four strengths (pronounced like this here, I don't know the details). I have eyes!

Nose: It's no use having eyes. I was sneezing all the time that day. I don't know anything. I

Xu Dong: Hey, he's hiding, too. It doesn't matter. Let me ask this, ear!

Ear (mouth to mouth): Yesterday's Yanghe Daqu was not bad!

Mouth: looking for you

X: You, me and you. ...

Ears: Not Ma Dong's ears.

Ma Dong and Joel: Something is wrong!

X: I know what you mean, so you must say it.

Ear: What did you say?

Xu Dong: Let me tell you something!

Ear: What did you say louder?

Xu Dong: Let me tell you something!

Ear: Well, why don't you talk?

Xu: Did I speak?

Ear (to mouth): What are you talking about?

Xu Dong: Whose wallet?

Ear: mine!

Xu: Eh, you can hear it.

Ear: no ... what did you say?

Ma Dong: Here we go again. You, don't pretend not to hear.

Ear: Are you going to court tomorrow? What's the New Year's Day for?

Ma Dong: Do you really mean it?

Ear: You want a divorce? Why?

Xu Dong: You don't know the word sincerity?

Ear: The third party is Feng Gong? How much do you think Feng Gong hates you?

Xu Dong: I can't believe you can't hear clearly!

Ear: Are you going to marry Dong Qing after graduation?

Xu Dong: You are faking it!

Ear: Is Zhu Jun alive or dead?

X: Who are you?

Sui: I can't marry Xu!

X: What a mess!

Ear: Oh, my father-in-law is Bi Fujian!

Xu Dong: You go!

Xu: Mouth, you can't run away! I knew it.

Mouth: Isn't it just drunk driving?

Ma Dong: Yes.

Mouth: I don't need to say it.

Xu Dong: Huh?

Mouth: Besides, everyone knows that there is something wrong with Ma Dong's mouth.

Ma Dong: Wait a minute. I admit that the three of them said I had a problem. I, uh, asked what I was doing. There is nothing wrong with my mouth.

Mouth: Yes, there must be something wrong with your mouth when you speak.

Xu Dong: Right?

Mouth: But as soon as you finish drinking.

Ma Dong: What's the matter?

Mouth: @ # RMB% &；; * & amp

Xu Dong: I what?

Mouth: # # #% ...

X: What did he say?

Ear: He said you couldn't speak clearly.

X: How did you hear this sentence?

Xu (to the mouth): Keep your tongue straight. What happened last night? Make it clear

Mouth: #&... RMB ... #& ... # @ @! ￥@%@#%#%……%%! # & amp**~! @￥#

Xu Dong: Am I? If my tongue is like this, the police will take it away if I don't drink. Look at the four of you. At the last minute, you all want to hide? How can we get this book back with your attitude? ...

Eyes: Hey, boss.

Ma Dong: Huh?

Eyes: Your attitude is wrong.

X: What's wrong with my attitude?

Eye: You have to tell the police.

Xu Dong: Well, what should I say?

Eyes: police uncle

Xu Dong: Uncle?

Eyes: It's our fault to drive after drinking.

Ma Dong: Yes.

Eye: But the responsibility is yours.

Ma Dong: Eh, how are the police responsible?

Eyes: We have bus lanes on the road.

Ma Dong: Yes.

Eyes: There is an Olympic special line.

Ma Dong: Yes.

Eye: Why not set up a special drinking line?

Ma Dong: Set up a drunk driving line?

Eyes: You are easy to manage.

Ma Dong: How to manage this?

Eyes: When you see a wobbly car coming, hurry (salute). Hey, drink, don't panic, please go, just get drunk!

Ma Dong: Why not just drink and drive?

Eye: Oh, no, it will cause new traffic jams.

Ma Dong: What should we do?

Eyes: divided into even and odd numbers.

X: There are even and odd numbers.

Eyes: one, three, five, white, two, four, six, beer drinkers.

Xu: Hey-that mixed drink can only leave on Sunday.

Eyes: That's right. Really can't. We can also group.

Xu Dong: We can still divide into groups.

Eyes: Go for Erguotou on Tuesday and Wuliangye on Friday.

Xu Dong: Hey, people who drink Jinliufu can only leave on Saturday.

Eyes (patting Ma Dong on the shoulder): How clear is it?

Xu (hands off eyes): What a mess?

Nose: OK.

Xu Dong: What a great idea!

Nose (walks up to Ma Dong): Don't listen to him!

X: You can't listen to him.

Nose: That's what you have to say when you see a policeman.

X: What can I say?

Nose: Uncle Police.

Xu: Uncle Police ... Why did you call my uncle?

Nose: I am an international student, nephew.

X: Yes, nephew. Nephew should be called uncle.

Nose: It's really our responsibility to drive after drinking.

Ma Dong: Yes.

Nose: But the police speak the law.

Ma Dong: Law.

Nose: What about this law? English name is law.

Ma Dong: Law?

Nose: Of course, how to catch more depends on your skill.

Ma Dong: You used to fish in Canada.

Nose: I said the law.

Ma Dong: Law?

Nose: The law is about evidence.

Ma Dong: Yes.

Nose: The evidence is logical.

Ma Dong: Yes.

Nose: Logical and reasonable.

Ma Dong: Yes.

Nose: The truth can be unknown.

X: Yes ... No, no, no.

Nose: Ah, the fact is that we have to find out.

Xu Dong: Hey, this sentence is right.

Nose: That's right. how do you say that in English?

X: Ah, yes ... Ah, I really can't tell the truth.

Nose: Look, look, you can't even understand-

X: Ah!

Nose: Then how do you make sense? !

Xu: Hey, I let this big nose turn around for me.

Ears: head, head

Xu Dong: Huh?

Ear: Never listen to him.

X: Don't listen to him.

Ear: Did the police say it was useful?

Xu Dong: It's no use!

Ear: You should emphasize the national conditions of China!

Ma Dong: Then how should I emphasize it?

Ear: You say so.

X: Ah!

Ear: Say that-the police are big.

Xu: The police are big shots ... What's wrong with you?

Ear: I'm definitely different.

X: Ah, what do you say?

Ear: That's what I said!

X: Ah!

Ear: The police listen to me very much. Don't be angry.

Xu Dong: Sing!

Ear: This drunk driving has nothing to do with me. Our boss came to treat us and asked me to accompany him.

Red drops, yellow drops, beer drops, two boxes of Daqu.

Xu Dong: Here comes the wine!

Ear: No matter far or near, I am a guest. I'm not welcome.

Xu Dong: Yes!

Ear: Since we are sitting together-

Ma Dong: How about it?

Ear: I drank it all-

Xu Dong: Drink!

Police, I'm telling you-

Xu Dong: Hmm!

Ear: I can drink very much. I have bad luck today. Let me meet you, policeman. I'm telling you-

Xu Dong: Huh?

Ear: Anyone who has a dream is great-

Xu Dong: Wow!

Ear: Dare to fly a plane after drinking-

: all right, all right.

Xu Dong: Go, go, fly that way! How irritating!

Mouth: I have something to say.

X: You have to talk about it.

Mouth: Don't come back with your driver's license if you have this attitude towards all three of them.

X: I'll never come back.

Mouth: You must tell the police.

X: What should I say?

Mouth: police master,

Ma Dong: The police always-

Mouth: What about my question-

Xu: Does your Excellency have a point? ! Comrade! Comrade!

Police ... police and ... comrades! Drunk driving must be our fault.

Ma Dong: Good attitude.

Mouth: But drinking and driving are two problems.

Ma Dong: Two questions.

Mouth: Don't talk about drunken problems.

Xu Dong: Isn't it ... eh?

Mouth: Tell me again why I want to drive.

Ma Dong: Why?

Mouth: Why should I drive?

Xu Dong: Huh?

Mouth: Because I want to go home.

Ma Dong: Yes.

Mouth: Why did you drive home?

Ma Dong: Why?

Mouth: Because my family lives far away.

Ma Dong: Yes.

Mouth: Why does the family live far away?

Ma Dong: Why?

Mouth: Because I bought a house in the suburbs.

Ma Dong: Yes.

Mouth: Why do you want to buy a house in the suburbs?

Ma Dong: Why?

Mouth: Because the housing prices in the city are too expensive.

Ma Dong: Yes.

Mouth: Why is the house price too expensive?

Ma Dong: Why?

Mouth: Because of the American subprime mortgage crisis.

Ma Dong: Yes.

Big mouth: Why is it a capital loan crisis?

Ma Dong: Why?

Mouth: Because of his economic depression.

Ma Dong: Yes.

Mouth: What about his economic recession? ...

Xu Dong: Why not wait? Wait, where do you want me to go? What is this? You are such a big mouth! Just talk about drunk driving!

Mouth: # @! # % % * & amp& amp*+——@%#￥￥@! #￥%! %￥……

Xu Dong: Right, right, right, you see? Push, hide! Let me tell you what the environment is now. Accountability, someone has to be responsible for something! You say, who is in charge?

Chorus (except Ma Dong): Head!

Xu: Ah, yes, I am responsible for leadership. Tell me who is mainly responsible for it!

Ears, eyes and nose: mouth!

Mouth: Huh? Why should I take the main responsibility?

Eyes: Drink. Drink it. If you don't drink that wine, can we drink it?

Ear: It's all your fault!

Mouth: Blame me me?

Ear: Hmm!

Mouth: Your ears are not soft. Can I have the last glass of white?

Ear: This is ... drinking is drinking. Let you blow when the police ask questions. What are you doing so hard?

Nose: Ah, yes!

Mouth: You are talking nonsense. What would I blow out if your foreign nose didn't breathe so well?