Man is a wonderful species. Many animals can be alive and kicking immediately after they are born with a little discomfort. However, after a person comes out of the womb, it takes more than ten years to be physically mature, especially in the first few years. Life can't take care of itself at all. Compared with the relatively mature rhythm of other animals, the growth of young human beings needs all kinds of care. From this perspective, they are as precious as giant pandas.
When the fetus is in the mother's womb, the two are one, you are me and I am you; When babies are born, they are still closely connected with their mothers. They have no concepts of "I" and "non-I". The world is me, I am the world, just like the initial state of the universe, it is chaotic. In the fairy tales of various countries, before the beginning of the world, the world was chaotic and the universe was a paste. This is how babies feel from birth to six months ago. In the real world, they are no different from their mother Everything is one.
Whoosh, about half a year later, the little guys met the first big earthquake in their lives. If they could talk, they would definitely shout out their fears. They suddenly found that "I" is not all, how can there be such a thing as "non-me" in this world! "Mom" is not "me", but a monster who looks much stronger than herself. That sounds horrific. If you are parachuted into a completely unfamiliar environment, what is your first reaction? Be careful, be cautious, be more or less afraid, and then observe whether your situation is safe. Every day, the sun rises and sets, but I am not the only one in the world. There are so many things around me that don't belong to me, and I am so weak. Without the help of a "monster", I may die at any time. It's terrible.
Out of survival instinct, the baby's response is to please the closest "behemoth"-mother. I want you to love me, so that you can protect me and be responsible for me, so that I can be safe. Think about it, is this like trying to please your lover when you are dating him/her? Although the emotional life after growing up is rich and colorful, the interaction with my mother as a child is the prototype of every intimate relationship.
Mother-child relationship is very important for the formation of emotion. Foreign countries have done such experiments. Pregnant female prisoners are taken away from their mothers after giving birth and taken care of by special nurses. One nurse looks after eight babies, and the nurses have to change shifts sooner or later. When these children reach the age of one, they are very different from the normal children raised by their mothers. They often show a state of unhappiness and anger. Competing with others for the love of "mother", "mother" often changes people, leading to emotional sensitivity and early emotional trauma.
Motherly love is the first love we encounter in our life. Through it, we feel warm and safe, and its pattern is repeated and circulated in our lives.
Do you think that when a child is one or two years old, he will feel nothing and remember nothing? That's not true. Subconsciously, this mode of emotional interaction has long been branded. When I grow up, whenever I meet someone who wants to be close, the early model of mother-child relationship emerges through various things, which has an impact on their emotional life, regardless of men and women.
However, every child has different needs and feelings for security. Some children, mother's touch makes them feel safe; Some children, when their mothers talk to them and tell them stories, the world is beautiful; Some children can meet their needs as long as their mothers feed on time. There is no distinction between good and bad. Everyone has a different way of looking at the world and asking for emotions, especially children. It is the best way to raise a child, which is in line with the child's personality.
Calm down and close your eyes. What feelings and pictures will appear when I think of my mother? Some people feel irritable, bored and anxious, some people recall their mother's cold and serious expression, and some people feel warm and bright. There is a common method in psychotherapy, which is to connect people with their inner children, see his/her emotional trauma, explore the sources of those negative emotions, accept their existence, and get along with them, so as to achieve the healing effect. When we think of our mother, the emotions and images that come to mind are the experiences we gained in our first love in life, which help us to reflect on our inner emotional patterns and the sources of insecurity and anxiety in intimate relationships.
But is this the reason why we shirk our responsibility and put the problem on our mother? No, it's not mom dating her partner, it's you. When we are in a state of defense against the outside world, we often unconsciously show the destructive side of emotional expression. When we find the source, we will find out what your insecurity comes from. Once we realize it, we can not only better understand and accept our emotions, but also choose between positive response and negative resistance, because you are no longer a child of one or two years old, and you can face it with a more positive attitude. When we simply look at the constellation of the moon without considering the influence of other planets, the Aries of the moon will show aggressive, selfish and desperate emotions when they feel uneasy, but they are also the most inspiring and have a charming personality loyal to themselves. Libra can observe each other's smallest emotions, but it also ignores its own feelings because it cares too much about the balance of the environment; Taurus will feel anxious about the change of material life and "possessions" and ignore the real source of value; Moon virgins are willing to provide help and service to others, but they will also become picky because of their "critical eyes"; Pisces can quickly and sensitively integrate into the surrounding emotions and have sympathy for all beings, but avoiding problems and lacking clear boundaries in relationships are all easy negative manifestations. The emergence of insecurity and the negative reaction during defense can be answered by introspecting the mother-child relationship and the impression your mother gave you. Then, in the face of similar situations, you can make choices to improve the past.
It seems that in the same cultural environment, everyone's growth trajectory is similar, but in fact it is different after all. No mother-child relationship is exactly the same as another. Observing the relationship between mothers is very important for establishing a healthy and beautiful emotional life. Some people just want to leave free space in their feelings, some care about taking care of each other, some care about the stability of material life, some cling to the most intense and loyal feelings, and some care more about ideological communication. As we get to know ourselves better, we will know what kind of partner we need. The first love you meet in life is your nourishment. It may have defects and regrets, but we know that it will always have room for improvement. If you find this direction, you are close to a unique warm harbor.
What is the prototype of your intimate relationship?