I used to be troubled by bad emotions and often controlled by emotions. This feeling of passivity and powerlessness is particularly tormenting. I used to think that emotional management was a very difficult thing. At that time, I was very easily influenced by people and things around me, caring about many details, feeling sentimental, hurting spring and autumn, and my body was slowly affected.
Life can't be lived by mood, but by mentality. After my own adjustment and change, I have quietly changed my personality, or quit my emotions, from the surprise and happiness of love at first sight to the calm, quiet, indifferent and visible to the naked eye. What once bothered me will no longer be my burden, and many things now are hard to cause my psychological fluctuations. Even if I am aware of my emotions, I can dissipate them quickly in one minute. I choose to accept all the pressures at work, emotional setbacks, troubles in life, other people's comments, misunderstandings and prejudices. I understand all the ideas. I allow things to happen, I don't complain, I don't hate, I don't fight, I don't complain, I let it go, I let it go, I admire it with joy.
What is true happiness? Maybe everyone has a different definition. The only certainty is that you can get rid of the negative emotions inside. A person's cognitive deviation of things can easily lead to negative emotions. Once negative emotions are generated, they will consume their internal energy, and the degree of negative energy will directly affect a person's perception of life and happiness.
Whether a person is mature or not, the most important sign is emotional stability. To be an emotionally stable person is not to endure everything and not let yourself lose your temper, but to proceed from your own heart, put an end to all self-consumption and not let yourself be led by negative emotions. The cause of our mood swings is often blamed on the outside world. In fact, we are not wise enough, not practicing enough and not being conscious enough. According to my personal experience of self-growth and emotional management, I summarized five effective methods:
1, allowing everything to happen.
We always hope that others can do things according to their own ideas and that things can develop according to their own wishes. Bad things are far away from us, so it's best not to happen to yourself. This is simply an idiotic dream. Everything happened because of its own factors. Uncontrollable is the normal state of life. Everyone has his own ideas, and everything has its own cause and effect. The action of force is mutual. The more resistance, the greater the pressure, and the greater the role of force. The real release should be a kind of permission. I especially like Hellinger's poem I Allow, which is a completely accepted and broad attitude towards life. I share two short paragraphs:
I admit, things started like this, developed like this, and ended like this. Because I know that everything comes from karma and combination, and everything is inevitable. If I think it is another possibility, I will only hurt myself. The only thing I can do is to allow it.
I allow myself to have such an idea. I allow every idea to appear, let it exist and let it disappear. Because I know that the idea itself is meaningless and has nothing to do with me. He should come and go. If I don't think I should have such an idea, I will only hurt myself. The only thing I can do is to allow it.
Tian Xingjian, the terrain is Kun, and the heavens and the earth are virtuous. Nature embraces thousands of species, forgives human destruction and embraces everything in the world. We should also exercise our minds through small events. For life, acceptance is the best result. "You tolerate everything, and everything will tolerate you" is my mantra, and positive psychological hints are also affecting a person's attitude.
Step 2 see the essence
Pain is because you have too many desires, confusion is because you don't know what you want, anxiety is because you have no sense of control over your life, and it is difficult to choose because you don't know what to choose. People with negative energy are all because of excessive self-awareness, and people who criticize others are because you are satisfied with yourself. Angry people are essentially incompetent to themselves. Looking at the essence through phenomena and the needs through emotions, many things in life are easy to understand and not complicated. The most important thing is to take the initiative to clear the clouds.
Look at needs: people's attitudes, behaviors and emotions towards objective things reflect whether people's needs and desires are met. Emotion is a subjective feeling, a psychological activity and an attitude experience towards objective things. The essence and core of emotion are people's needs and motives. Look at things not at the surface, but at the needs behind them. This is the root of the problem.
Look at the essence: emotion and reason have the same effect. Don't think about how to control your emotions. You hold back and control it. It has already happened. It is still in your body, and you will still feel the influence and harm brought by emotions. Emotions are uncontrollable, but when you understand the nature of many things, you will naturally have less negative emotions and excessive emotions. If you are already in a mood, don't hold it back. You can cry, talk to people close to you, keep a diary, exercise and sweat, travel and try to solve it.
Regulating cognition: There is a kind of "ABC theory" in psychology, that is, A is still an objective event, B is its own cognition, and C is the result of presentation. All objective events are neutral and have no real meaning. Our cognition is the root of emotions, and everything is given by cognition. Most things that cause negative emotions actually just break your expectations and don't develop in the direction you expected. In fact, these are all your thoughts and ideas, but they are the product of self-awareness. Only when we realize our subjectivity can we get rid of them completely. Emotion can't change the status quo, it will only make things worse, so turn your attention to the solution. Only by adjusting your own cognition can you have different results.
Improve your ability: first, improve yourself, your cognitive ability, communication ability, insight, analytical ability, etc. Because all problems have their origins, the problems at each level cannot be solved at the same level, only the problems at the next level can be solved. The best way to deal with problems is to reduce the dimension, and the constantly improving ability dimension is the effective way to solve emotional problems. The second is to build up your self-confidence and strength, not relying on the emotional nourishment provided by others, and be mentally self-sufficient, so that other people's words and deeds and evaluations are not so important, and you won't have much emotional fluctuations.
Step 3 open your mind
Raise the height. It is a problem for people who are not tall enough to see nothing. What they saw on the first floor was trivial, and what they saw on the twentieth floor was beautiful scenery. Knowledge determines a high level. If you look at history, you will see the sufferings of the world and know that life is short. If you watch more documentaries, you will know more about the truth of the world and the truth behind things. If you go out to see the customs and cultures of various places, you will not have so much prejudice and narrowness. Learn to communicate with excellent people more, and you will understand where the gap between your position and Excellence lies.
Read more books, go out to see more, and communicate with excellent people, and your height and pattern will naturally increase.
Extend the time People always subconsciously amplify their disappointment. It will be very important if we focus on everything at present. After three years, everything will be dull, and after five years, it will be nothing. It's a fart after watching it for ten years. After ten years of lovelorn love, the pain is gone. You may even comfort yourself until you meet someone better.
There is no knot that can't be untied, only people who can't be untied. Many things fall apart in the present, and it is a mistake to look back. Stretch the time dimension and you will find that everything is nothing.
Open the space. People, that is, they will take themselves too seriously, and their feelings will always be infinitely magnified. Their hearts are full of their own gains and losses and feelings, so their hearts are very small. We should go outdoors more and get into nature. My favorite places to travel in general are mountains and lakes, mountains and mountains, mountains and forests, and vast grasslands. I have a strong sense of space and my eyes are full of beautiful scenery. Where do you remember anything trivial? When you are in nature, you will feel very small, you will not cling to the small things in front of you, and your mind and pattern will slowly open up. When the heart is big, things will naturally become smaller.
Stay at home, you are somebody. When you go out, no one knows that you are a passerby. In the vast universe, we are a dust in the galaxy. Knowing the vastness of the universe, why worry about the dust in front of you? When you have a world view, you will look down on life. Reading more books about the universe, popular science knowledge about the universe, or visiting astronomical blogs can help us establish our own world view.
4. Learn to change your mind
If you still have any negative emotions in your life, it must be something wrong with your way of thinking. What puzzles and annoys us most is not the emotion itself, but the way we look at it. There are many ways to control emotions, and I think the best way is to learn to change your mind.
Two sides of things: people and things develop in contradiction. Everything has two sides, both good and bad. Looking at the same thing from different angles, the result is completely different. The optimistic side is a good thing, and the bad side is a bad thing. Besides, nothing is absolutely good or bad, right or wrong, which all come from our evaluation criteria. Whatever happens will help me. Look at things with a positive eye, think positively, and things will develop in a good way, and bad things will get better.
Master's mentality: Emotion is a part of human perception, and it is subordinate to people. I'm not an emotional prisoner. If I am the master of emotions, we should control emotions instead of being controlled by emotions, and control emotions with the master's mentality. You are not the emotion itself, you are the master of the emotion, and the emotion is just a brain reaction. Don't let your emotions control your real world. We should constantly train our thinking mode, actively master rather than passively respond, constantly build new neurons and reshape the brain.
Pay attention to your own needs: whether to vent your emotions or find solutions when they come. If a person affects your mood, your focus should be on controlling your mood, not the person who affects your mood. When things happen, we should correctly express our demands and actively solve problems through communication, instead of just venting our emotions and blaming others for our emotional experiences. Complaining and blaming will only make things worse.
Control controllable factors: Festinger's law tells us that 10% of life is made up of what happens to you, and the other 90% is determined by your reaction to what happens. In other words, 65,438+00% of things in life are beyond our control, while the other 90% are beyond our control. We can completely determine this 90% through our own mentality and behavior. Therefore, don't pay attention to uncontrollable factors, but grasp your own controllable factors. Don't let five minutes of unhappiness affect 23 hours and 55 minutes of mood.
5. Insist on cultivating the mind
Consciousness: Learn to be self-conscious, always pay attention to your feelings and keep a keen consciousness. When your mood reaches its peak, you will immediately wake up and give instructions. Pull out, observe your emotions and feel the changes in your body from the perspective of God. After understanding your emotions, you can choose to leave the status quo and avoid strong negative emotions or excessive behavior. If you can't leave now, you can jump out of your emotions and look at the problem itself, correctly express your emotions and needs according to the situation, and let yourself understand through your feelings.
Cultivation: In life, many physical problems are emotional problems, which can be summarized in four words: "Much ado about nothing". Many troubles in life are caused by your own thoughts and persistence. Buddhism can open all our hearts, and all our troubles are caused by our own thoughts. I am the root of everything. All our external environments are external projections of our hearts. We seek inward, concentrate on cultivating our hearts and understanding life. When you are tolerant of everything, you are no longer obsessed with appearance and possession, and you are no longer easily controlled by emotions. When you know that there is nothing in life that you can't let go of, you can feel the liberation of your soul.
Managing emotions is the best health care. Don't be hard on yourself, don't complain about others, don't be angry with your family, don't be angry with yourself, and don't be too emotional and negative when things happen. There are not so many happy things in life. The most important thing is to keep an optimistic and positive attitude. I really like what Professor Luo Xiang said: Be cautious about controllable things and be optimistic about uncontrollable things. People can only do what they can, so you have to accept it and deal with it with optimism. Only by facing life positively and sorting out your own mood can you have the energy to face the difficulties of the world and develop a good attitude, and life will accompany you gently.