Foreign countries, especially western countries, have a good grasp of the "boundaries", what is their own and what is others'. Unlike China people, they want to manage anything ten kilometers away from Fiona Fang. Not to mention his son, his daughter-in-law
Because foreigners respect privacy, other people's decisions and family very much, China's mother-in-law always wants to control her children's small family, but everyone is an adult, so she listens to anyone. China's parents always hurt their children's family independence under the banner of being good for you. In foreign countries, parents don't take care of their children, don't buy a house (except the rich), and don't live in their parents' house after marriage, have meals, and let their parents wash clothes and pack things. If the couple can be completely independent, there will be no mother-in-law problem.
Economic independence can solve the problems of most urban families (the binding of parents and children in rural areas is becoming more and more complicated, and economic independence cannot solve it). You have to pay for buying a house and a car, and you have to help with your work. Don't let people take care of your son's business? Parents and children should be financially independent. Of course, most parents are financially independent and their children cheat. )
The problem of mother-in-law and daughter-in-law exists all over the world. The key is not whether there is, but to what extent it affects the life of husband and wife. The earliest understanding of the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law abroad is the listening materials of Listen to this. The narrator said that the husband and wife had three children, rented in a small apartment, and their parents lived in another part of the same city. Now that his father has left, he has some property rights in that house. But the relationship between his wife and mother is very bad, so he can only continue to rent a small apartment. Maybe my memory is wrong, but it is my early understanding of the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law abroad. Considering that the set of textbooks seems to have been written by the British, it is estimated that it reflected the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law in Britain at that time. Later, I was lucky enough to stay in Europe and America and made some friends. My understanding of the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law in Europe and America is this: the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is widespread. The more intersections, the sharper the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, and the less intersections, the more invisible the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.
Culturally, the west is a contract society, and everyone is very independent. In modern society, affection is a slightly embarrassing thing. You won't agree that anyone has absolute control and right to know, and you don't want to have unlimited obligations to anyone.
The west is always worried about family ties, and family ties are always in crisis. You can find this problem in all kinds of literary works, whether it's One Hundred Years of Solitude or The Lord of the Rings, or Shakespeare and Red and Black. How do these works deal with family ties?
For the latest and hottest Harry Potter and the game of thrones. Did you feel any affection since you were a child? He was adopted and teased. Only when he met two good friends at school did he have a good impression.
The dehumanization trend of western film and television dramas is also very obvious. There is always one or more characters who have a bad relationship with their parents. A good story finally becomes a friend, and a tragedy usually kills one of the two sides.
Foreign countries are different and know how to respect each other. Some mothers-in-law in China are centralized, especially like to intervene in something, and feel that what they are doing is particularly right. Modern women need family strength very much, but with their mother-in-law, what the young couple can decide is often impossible.
In the final analysis, the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is still the second relationship of women's status for a long time. As a mother-in-law, a woman is attached to her husband in the family and can't get equal respect and love in an equal family. The only person who has ever been in love is her son. When a son marries a daughter-in-law, the baby will fall into the arms of another woman, and the "love story" can also make sense.
There is also a relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law abroad, because most of them don't live together, so they may get along for a few days every Christmas, and there is generally no problem. Moreover, I think it is the most important point. Foreign men usually focus on their wives. If the mother-in-law conflicts with her daughter-in-law, the mother-in-law may rarely see her son. Children basically leave home when they grow up, not to mention living with their parents after marriage, separated by dozens of kilometers and hundreds of kilometers, across cities and countries. Do you think there will be problems in the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law?
Another point is that foreign in-laws rarely bring grandchildren, while most in-laws in China do, so they have a stronger sense of family, because maternity leave in China is not long enough, because they can't get off work on time, because there are many complicated procedures and documents to handle, because social welfare is not enough, and because nannies are unreliable. As a result, the daughter-in-law has to go to work, and the children's affairs are inevitably helped by the elders. In-depth contact will inevitably lead to more contradictions.
It is said that China's mother-in-law doesn't understand all kinds of boundaries, but did the daughters-in-law really do it? Compare the western mother-in-law, please also compare the varieties of Chinese and western daughter-in-law.
Many people have already said the mother-in-law's question: I don't know what the boundary is. In fact, behind this cross-border behavior, the reasons for its formation are also very complicated. For example, is the relationship between in-laws good? In a typical family in China, men are expected by social norms and pay little attention to spiritual and emotional satisfaction. Women begin to take care of themselves after marriage, mainly raising children. When the children grow up and drift away from their families, women (mother-in-law) will inevitably feel that life is hopeless and spiritual emptiness, and naturally want to participate in their son's adult life. From this point of view, the solution is to improve the emotional relationship between in-laws or let mother-in-law participate in various social activities (playing cards, mahjong and square dance).
From the perspective of a daughter-in-law, I think all women who are daughters-in-law should remember one thing: to enjoy the contribution of others, they have to pay a certain price. For example, if the child is brought up by her mother-in-law, don't say that her mother-in-law is not good. For example, if your husband is still gnawing at his old capital and the house he lives in is also funded by his in-laws, don't say that his in-laws interfere with himself too much. Because you actively let them (in-laws) participate in their own lives, that is, you sent them a signal that "you can tell me how to live my life".
I have friends who leave their children with their mother-in-law and live far away from their husbands. Occasionally chat with me at ordinary times, saying that I don't want to live with my mother-in-law (my in-laws live in a big villa, which is empty), because if I go, I will pick up my daughter from school at noon in the morning, once every four times, saying that the time is fixed and nothing will happen. Then I like to scold my mother-in-law, saying that her mother-in-law likes to call names, has a bad temper and is difficult to get along with-then I think I brought my daughter to my mother-in-law because I was afraid that my mother-in-law would be lonely (my father-in-law is still busy at work) and "I pity my daughter"-these are her exact words. To tell the truth, her daughter is poor because she has such a mother, not because of her grandmother.
Young people always have their own lives, and friendship and love account for a large part. Because of different ideas, some people can't stand living with their parents. In China, we have different tendencies. Family parents are the most important, followed by friends and spouses. Of course, some people do not think so.
Newlyweds always keep their distance from their parents, because you signed a contract with your spouse before God, and you no longer face your parents as an individual, but as a family. The contradiction between wife and parents is not her own, but yours.
Being Jianghu children with my mother-in-law, as long as they are not under the same roof, there is absolutely nothing, and even a very good relationship. Of course, it is not surprising that many people give gifts. Giving her a good gift on holidays is the first priority to enhance feelings. She likes China Pu 'er tea. When I return to China every year, I will collect good original ecological pollution-free tea cakes for her. She likes to travel. Everywhere I go, I will share my thoughts and beautiful pictures with her, and she is also like-minded. After work, Amway gave her all kinds of China cultures and traditions, such as healthy diet and all kinds of "made in China" gadgets, which unconsciously made her feel the profoundness of our China culture and the beauty and magnificence of our motherland, and even successfully lured her to have a grand plan to retire to China to study Chinese.
No matter which country's mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, I think nothing can't be solved by mutual understanding and care.