First, love and discipline: start with understanding and respecting children's natural temperament, and then learn discipline strategies suitable for their own characteristics. 1. Temperament refers to every child's innate response to internal or external * * *, which can be observed from birth. Temperament makes a person have his own style and characteristics when interacting with the environment. 2. Congenital temperament and the influence of acquired environment will form a stable character around the age of twenty. Acquired parenting strategies can help children express their temperament characteristics in an appropriate way. 3. If parents' expectations are different from their children's natural temperament, they will be disappointed, and many contradictions will arise if they try to reverse them. Therefore, parents should break the framework in their hearts, understand their children's natural temperament, learn proper upbringing, and let their children grow up according to their own nature. 4. The concept of optimal cooperation: there is no difference between good and bad temperament, and the interaction of surrounding environment, parents, teachers and children's temperament is the main factor affecting growth. Children's temperament belongs to educated children, and parents should remind themselves not to impose their will on their children. If a child is moody, it is easy for parents to feel frustrated with his growth. Parents need to learn to appreciate their children and learn more methods and skills to face this challenge. 6. Modern parents need to learn to understand and respect their children and sympathize with their emotions and thoughts. At the same time, they also need to learn to set boundaries, set norms, gentle and firm discipline skills for their children. 7. We often hear parents say, "Why are you so careless? Why don't you be as careful as your brother? " "Why are you so timid? Look how brave that brother is. If you understand that every child is born with different characteristics. I wouldn't have made such a meaningless comparison. Second, the nine dimensions of temperament 1. Activity (1) Definition: Physical activity during daily activities such as sleeping, playing games, working, eating, dressing and bathing. (2) Children with high activity: A. Every child naturally likes to play, like to try and take risks, and like to learn through his own experience. Giving children enough space to explore freely can cultivate self-confidence. B. guide energy to show in a constructive direction and let children become small helpers. C. Avoid often taking children to places that need to be quiet, so as not to accumulate frustration experience from childhood. D. Although the child's internal nature is wild, he also wants to know where the external boundary is. Setting boundaries for children is not to limit children, but to let children know clearly when they can be released and when they must be collected, without having to explore the behavior laws of the outside world through trial and error. If a child knows what is acceptable and what is unacceptable, he will feel more secure. E. Anticipate possible problems and solutions before going out, and define the behavior agreement. When influencing others, we must discipline and draw boundaries and teach children how to control their own behavior. F. The behavior agreement should be short and clear, provide the boundaries between acceptable and unacceptable behaviors of children, and have clear behavioral consequences, and truly implement them, so that children can learn to be responsible for the consequences of their actions. (3) Children with low activity: A. Good students that teachers like. Because I often like to sit, the development of small movements is better. B. It often gives people the feeling of slow heat. Give children more time to finish what they should do and learn to enjoy a slow-paced lifestyle. C. establish the habit of exercise. 2. Regularity (1) definition: the predictability of children's daily life rules (such as sleep, diet, excretion). (2) Children with high regularity: A. Changes in holiday schedules need to help him adapt. B. When life changes, tell him in advance and give him time to prepare mentally. (3) Children with low regularity: A. Behavior training methods can be gradually added to establish regularity. Use charts and lists to build a good lifestyle-token system. C. Parents' own laws will also affect children's work and rest. D. the problem of eating and collecting toys. Give children time to learn and grow. 3. Avoidance (1) Definition: Children respond to fresh * * * by boldly approaching or shyly hesitating. (2) Active and curious children: A. Children like novelty and adventure. Remind children of the dangers of curiosity and the boundaries between people and me. B. Try new things with children. (3) Shy and cautious children: A. Shy children are more likely to suffer from * * * disease when they are born in the amygdala of the brain, probably because they inherit higher norepinephrine. Some children can tame their overexcited brains to take charge of the emotional part, and they can be as outgoing and sociable as other children in kindergarten. B. Their mothers believe that children should learn how to face sadness. They understand children, but they will not enhance their crying and anxiety. Parents will repeatedly make them face new difficulties and challenges, which will change the chemistry of their brains. Those children who have not accepted the challenge still have the same brain circuits, so their emotions are still overreacting. Children are born with a certain emotional tendency, but the brain circuit still maintains a certain plasticity. C. Children who are shy and cautious in temperament will definitely escape or hesitate in the face of their first experience. It is not that they are unwilling to attend. They are just cautious and want to observe the situation first and then act after they have a clear understanding. Children need to warm up early. D. Step by step: Step by step when exposing cautious children to new experiences. Starting with a small number of gentle attempts, let the children adapt slowly and accumulate successful experience, so they will not be so nervous and afraid. Don't suddenly leave him in a strange environment. E. Accept emotions: Don't blame him, don't laugh at him, or tell him, "Don't be afraid, there's nothing to be afraid of. This does not encourage him, but makes him feel that his emotions are wrong, more anxious and nervous, and that he is not understood. You can hold him and help him express his feelings: "I've never done this before, which makes you a little scared, right?" "Mom when I was a child. When the child's emotions are understood, he will naturally feel relieved. F. Imitation learning: If a child of similar age accompanies or demonstrates, they will feel more at ease. You can say to him, "Never mind, just look around and see what others do. When you are ready, take a deep breath, relax yourself and try again. G. reviewing successful experiences; You can also remind your child what he did last time, and help him recall his past successful experience, which will make him more confident in himself. H. Practice cheekiness: Some children are afraid to try for fear of being laughed at by others. They often feel that others are paying attention to him and paying too much attention to others' reactions. You can take him quietly and observe the people around you, and you will find that no one is paying attention to him, and everyone is paying attention to themselves. 4. Definition of fitness (1): Is it natural to accept or resist external changes? (2) Adaptable children: A. Like a chameleon, adjust your response according to the surrounding environment. B. Pay attention to the possible influence of bad peer environment or TV, and help children check. C. build the ability of self-affirmation. (3) Children with low adaptability: A. Reduce unnecessary environmental changes and give children some time to prepare for the transition. Practice improvisation and flexibility. 5. Response intensity (1) Definition: How much effort the child has made in responding to things. Whether positive, happy or negative, irritable. (2) Strong reaction intensity: A. True emotions: empathy. Controlling emotions: gentle and firm, adhere to principles. B. teach children not to express their emotions in an exaggerated way, but to express them in words. In the early stage of language development, children have limited language to express their emotions, so they must express their needs in an emotional way. With the development of language ability, the ability to talk about and identify emotions will greatly increase. From the age of three to eight or nine, it is a period when children learn to understand emotions. At this time, the path of the brain will be laid. Instead of changing the path of the brain in the process of growth, it is much easier to learn important skills and lay a suitable path before the path is formed. C. Parents should learn to understand and accept their children's emotions. At the same time, help children understand and express their emotions: talking about feelings is the most direct way to understand and control emotions. D. teach children to learn to distinguish between feelings and behaviors. Feeling is natural, there is no right or wrong. " Any feeling is ok, but some behaviors are ok and some behaviors are not. E. learn to adjust the anger caused by children's strong emotions, take a deep breath and count to ten. Help soothe children when their emotions are rampant. F. If children grow up in a family where they can openly express and discuss their feelings, they will think, cultivate vocabulary and communicate their feelings with others; If a child grows up in a depressed family with no communication, he is more likely to become "emotionally dull". (3) Weak reaction intensity: A. Don't ignore the child's needs because of his low voice, but take the child's complaints seriously. B. teach children to learn self-affirmation. Demonstrate by playing games. 6. Definition of emotional essence (1): the number of pleasant and friendly behaviors and unpleasant and unfriendly behaviors that children show in different situations. (2) Positive emotional essence: Remind children not to be too friendly to strangers. (3) Emotional negativity: Teach children to smile more, learn to be grateful and see the bright side of things. Give play to your own characteristics in appropriate places. 7. Persistence (1) Definition: The degree to which children's activities can be interrupted without any hindrance or interference. For example: reading, doing homework, practicing sports skills, practicing musical instruments, etc. (2) Children with high persistence: A. Children's motto: "Try again and you will succeed." B. discuss the strategy of compromise solution through negotiation. C. make good use of family rules. Practice accepting setbacks and imperfections. (3) Children with low persistence: A, divide the work into several small sections and complete them in sections. Better have someone with him. B, help him see his ability, give a lot of encouragement and build self-confidence. 8. Definition of distraction (1): Are children easily attracted by the surrounding * * *? Or do you usually turn a blind eye to the sights, sounds, lights and people around you and concentrate on your own activities? (2) Attention is easily distracted: reduce the interference of the environment and learn by stages. Arrangement of class seats. (3) Attention is not easily distracted: children are easily unaware of the existence of * * * in the environment. 9. Response threshold (1) Definition: How strong is the intensity of sound, light, smell, image, etc. Arouse the child's reaction from the outside. It also includes the ability to read minds. (2) Children with high reaction threshold: Children are less sensitive, and parents can help him learn to perceive other people's emotions and pay attention to clues in the environment. (3) Children with low reaction threshold: Children are sensitive, and irritability may be due to too many * * *. The temperament of preschool children is often very primitive and strong. As long as their parents discipline them in the right way and don't let them go, even if their behavior doesn't change immediately, they will grow up and mature over time. Parents should have confidence and patience with their children. Source: The author is Zhang Daimei, a clinical psychologist at Tianqing Psychosomatic Clinic/Seth Psychosomatic Clinic. This article is from Jingjuan Foundation's April lecture102-Understanding Children's Natural Temperament Course.