Niu Ge: Yes, children from single-parent families can't communicate, and their family life will not be too happy in the future, because they don't know how to get along. Children without mothers are indifferent, and children without fathers lack strength and powerlessness. Single-parent children are strong on the surface, but they are quite fragile inside, just don't want everyone to see them. Like a hedgehog, he stabs people not to hit you, but to protect himself.
Shengjia: Should we remarry or remarry for the growth of children?
Niu Ge: You can remarry or remarry, but a stepmother or stepfather can't replace mom and dad.
Last time, a colleague asked me: I am married again. Should I let my child change his surname to Dad?
I said don't change, the child is sensible, and there is only one mother and one father in his heart. No one can replace this. The shadow in a child's heart cannot be eliminated.
He won't think it's his father. He thinks it's his mother's boyfriend.
Sheng Jia asked: It is not good for children to quarrel without divorce. If they divorce, they will become single-parent families, and their children will also have personality defects. If they form a new family after divorce, their shadow will not disappear. What's the best way to do it?
Niu Ge: It's simple. It depends on what you want. Do you think you are more important or your children are more important? If you think you are important, you can smash the dishes and continue to quarrel, or you can divorce and remarry. If you think children are important, you should sacrifice your personal interests, accept grievances, resolve conflicts, not quarrel in front of children, and give them a warm and harmonious family environment.
Yu Jie asked: Niu Ge, can the child's personality defect be remedied the day after tomorrow?
Niu Ge said: Theoretically, this can be remedied. That's what the master said How to get children out of the shadows and make up for their defects is a fool. Children's education and character cultivation are irreversible. I have to do everything at any stage. You said I was busy at work. Before I was 5 years old, I asked the elderly to take care of the children. After I am 5 years old, you will take over, correct my shortcomings and make up for my shortcomings. This is useless. Children have their own consciousness.
Yu Jie asked: Now there are many jobs and great pressure in life. What if you don't have time to take care of the children?
Niu Ge said: This needs to be measured by yourself. Which is more important, work or children? Work will never be finished, and money will never be earned. Playing in your heart is more important than working! The child's education is over. Once psychological defects are formed, any remedy is useless.
Sheng Jia asked: Niu Ge, how do you usually educate your children? Are children willing to study?
Niu Ge said: The family goal I set for myself is,
For the elderly: call your parents every day and have dinner with them every week.
For children: go to the cinema to watch a movie with your child every week and communicate with your child for half an hour every day.
To your lover: do your best to protect her.
I usually talk to my children for half an hour every day: What's wrong today? Who do you play with? Are you happy? Why? what can I do for you?
Children usually prefer games to study. Every time a child doesn't want to study, I will tell him the story of tickets.
I asked him: Do you want to go to the playground?
The child said: I am willing to go.
I said, if you want to go, you have to buy tickets. It's useless to buy a ticket to the amusement park. If they are useless, we have to buy them. How else would we get in?
Studying is the same as buying tickets. When you enter the society, you must buy tickets for that chapter. School is compulsory, and it is illegal to prevent children from going to school. The knowledge learned in school will not play much role in society. It is the cultivation of acquired values and character that is important.
Sheng Jia asked: Niu Ge, does your child play games?
Niu Ge said: Play, children like to play. It depends on how you guide me. I usually convert with him. For example, if you want to play games for two hours, you need to practice calligraphy for four hours. My son doesn't like Taekwondo, and I sometimes do it on purpose. If you want to play games, let's learn another skill, Taekwondo. Hehe, children are still relatively easy to manage.
Sheng Jia asked: Niu Ge, how to guide children to learn a skill?
Niu Ge said: Children's motivation comes from avoiding danger, interest and winning the capital to show off. My son has been learning calligraphy since he was six years old. How can I guide him to learn calligraphy? One day, I told my son: We should learn a skill to ensure our future life. I gave two choices: Taekwondo and calligraphy. The son said: I don't like taekwondo. I choose calligraphy. My son's calligraphy class is very expensive, but the teacher does have a set. Since Oracle Bone Inscriptions, children have been interested in drawing circles. Then there are children who often win prizes. When the teacher asks who has the award certificate? My son took out a lot of certificates at once, and he felt a sense of accomplishment, as we often say, bragging forced him to have capital.
The room was filled with laughter.
Sheng Jia asked: What should parents do for their children?
Niu Ge said:
1, spend more time with your children, not necessarily for a long time, but you must let your children feel your energy.
2, educate children to have love.
When eating, I always ask my son to help others, such as grandparents and parents. If he is not used to it, I will let him start over.
When I drink coke, I will say to him: pour some for me.
At first, he trembled with love and said, don't fall, don't fall.
Habit is second nature. Last week,
The son said, Dad, lend me 10 yuan.
I asked him: Why did you borrow money?
The son said: I want to buy a birthday present for my grandmother.
I said, you choose, I'll buy.
He said: not the same. I want to buy it for my grandmother with my own money. My son bought her a braces.
Don't stimulate him with someone stronger than him.
For example, this kind of words should be mentioned frequently: look at others more, and don't let your parents worry!
This kind of words is the most powerful and destructive, and it is the ace quotation to destroy children.
4. Give your child free space and don't interfere in his affairs. That's his business!
5. Teach children to be honest and not to lie.
In life, apart from parents, children's menstruation, menstruation and other relatives love to take: which is better, mom or dad? The child doesn't understand, so answer truthfully. Get taunted, I buy you food, or your mother? Children think so, too. Dad bought me food, which is a fact. Hello, mom, this is also true. How to answer? ...
However, before long, children will answer this question, because smart children will soon know how to answer, and adults will like it, and the resulting "side effect" is that he knows what kind of flattery adults like to listen to, so he will coax them to play anyway.
6. Give children strength.
Poor grades are the mantra of some parents. It is undoubtedly inappropriate for them to show inferiority complex when talking to children. Children who feel inferior in emotional contagion will think: Dad is incompetent, what can I do?
Research by education experts shows that most children's inferiority complex is induced by their parents. If parents can be firm, confident and optimistic, then children are also full of confidence in the future.
If you have something to write, you can't just tell your children:
1. Fool, useless thing.
2. You are a total loser.
It's very kind of you to do such a thing.
4. shut up! Why don't you listen?
5. When I say no, I just don't!
6. I don't care about you anymore, suit yourself.
7. Would you please stop doing this?
8. If you get 100, I will buy you. ...
Shengjia learning experience:
Children's hearts are fragile and they need support and understanding. Every word of encouragement will make children confident, and a rude reprimand will greatly hurt their dignity. It is terrible to deny children easily and doubt their abilities. "Stupid, dull, stupid and bad" is the harshest sentence in children's minds, which ruthlessly turns them into "other" in a family or school, and at the same time, their spiritual world will become gloomy.
Skin contact and touching, feelings of love can arouse children's sense of security and attachment, plus regular life rhythm, regular quantitative diet, proper adjustment of getting up and sleeping, reasonable combination of physical activities and various reasonable requirements, all of which are the basis for children to have a good mood. Parents should set an example for their children to express their feelings. Parents should show their personal joys and sorrows reasonably and naturally, and don't show excessive sadness, depression or anger in front of their children. Parents can freely express their emotions, and children will be infected. If parents are unhappy or angry, the reason is related to children, so that children should know clearly, lest children mistakenly think that parents' anger is caused by their own mistakes. Love for children should also be stable and lasting. Parents should not spoil their children too much when they are happy, and take it out on them when they are unhappy.
There are no children with poor education, only parents who don't understand education. If you don't understand children, you can't train them well!
Parents can be the best teachers for their children! Every child has a door in his heart. As long as you find the key and passage into the child's heart, miracles will happen.