Self-contradiction is the truth of middle-aged life.

As usual, I turned to my circle of friends before going to bed and saw a meaningful speech:

"I used to think that two faces are hypocritical. Now I understand that middle age is a battle that is outnumbered.

If there is a young boy in high school in front of us and a reckless suitor behind us, how can we not have an AB face? "

Looking up is an ideal, bowing down is a reality, one side is responsibility, and the other side is self.

When people reach middle age, we all move forward in tears.

Along the way, everyone gradually gave birth to two faces, one for themselves and one for life.

0 1

A writer told a story.

After my friend's mother died, as an only child, she struggled in grief and didn't sleep a wink for several days.

When she came back from her hometown after handling the funeral, she didn't have time to go home and rest, so she hurried to pick up her children from school.

When passing by a park, she looked up from the window and found that the locust tree on the roadside had sprouted at some unknown time, and the winter jasmine had just bloomed in the sun.

I remember before my mother died, at this time of year, I liked to invite my friends out for a spring outing.

She couldn't help but feel sad, parked her car on the side of the road, buried her head on the steering wheel and burst into tears.

She cried for about ten minutes. At the thought of finishing school soon, she quickly dried her tears and started the car again.

After the friend took the child, he immediately squeezed a smile out of his mouth. When he picked up the schoolbag, he acted like an innocent person.

I can't help but think of "Please answer 1988". Reed Shan's monologue after grandma's death:

"Adults just endure, adults just busy.

Just pretend to be strong to bear the burden of age, and adults will also suffer. "

In the play, after learning that grandma had left, Deshan and his family came to the countryside to offer their condolences.

Deshan thought that everyone would be as sad as herself, but she couldn't see a trace of sadness in the eyes of adults.

At the funeral party, my father was showing off his three children, and my aunts were busy comparing their jewels.

Deshan was red-eyed and angry. "How can adults be so heartless?"

Early the next morning, my uncle, who was far away in America, arrived late, and everyone's disguise collapsed instantly.

Brother and sister several people like children sorrow:

"Our mother, too poor? Why did you leave so suddenly? "

"Now we can't see mom anymore, we can't see mom ..."

It is a tacit understanding that people are quiet in front of their families in middle age and bear the bitterness in their hearts alone.

Just like the mother who worked overtime for 30 days in a row, was under great pressure, but was afraid of going home to collapse and scare her daughter, and finally had to hold the staff and cry at the subway station;

It's like sitting on the side of the road in the middle of the night, crying loudly and saying incoherently to the fire officers and soldiers, "I didn't drink, but my life was too tired."

Just like talking and laughing in front of countless outsiders, you and I collapse silently when we are alone at night.

Life is a sea of misery, and every middle-aged person swims in it, and gradually lives into two shapes:

On the one hand, adults: shoulder the responsibility, swallow the grievances in their hearts, and try to behave in front of their families.

One side is a child: in the middle of the night, in front of strangers, occasionally I will temporarily put down the weight of age and allow myself to cry happily.

02

In late spring, the epidemic eased, and I received a phone call from my old friend Guo Zi at home.

See him into the microphone prevaricated along while, also didn't say anything to tell her, I quipped with a smile:

"A big man, how to grind teeth? Say something quickly. "

Telephone there, no expected laughter, he took a deep breath and finally clear the purpose:

The little girl at home can't go to a key primary school because of the problems in the school district.

And the principal of an experimental primary school in the city happens to be my fellow brother when I was a graduate student.

He came to see me this time because he was urged by his wife and old man and wanted me to help him thread the needle.

From college to now, more than ten years of friendship, he has something to ask, so I naturally want to help.

But when I hung up the phone, I remembered that when chatting in the dormitory at night, I was always scorned by a boy who said how my father found someone to send me to County No.1 Middle School and how unfair the class scholarship was.

After half a month, I sat in the hotel box and ate a meal, and my discomfort became stronger and stronger.

Teenagers who once disdained "bending down to fight rice" are now tired of pushing the door and pulling the chair, serving tea and pouring wine easily.

The man who has always been taciturn on weekdays raised his glass again and again with a grin this night. Open your mouth is "leader" and close your mouth is "you".

Guo Zi in front of me is something I have never seen before, but I am very familiar with it.

Compromise with reality, some are passive Nuo Nuo, even greasy middle-aged men, gentle and forbearing, husbands of wives and fathers of daughters.

After seeing my brother off at the end of the dinner, I was waiting for the bus in the street with drunk Guo Zi in my arms, and my nose was a little sore.

As the author Lao Cao said:

"I miss the vigorous frivolity of youth, but I have to make a fool of myself.

Twist the middle age, twist the stubborn, twist the strong, twist all the way forward. "

No one can be a lonely hero forever, because at a certain age, we can no longer live only for ourselves.

From unruly teenagers to "greasy uncles", from innocent girls to "steel housewives" to middle age, there are two souls living in everyone's body:

A bright moonlight, knowing the world, is so unconventional, still conscientious in an impetuous society, and still generous and kind in cool thin's world.

Holding sixpence in his hand, for the love in his heart, sometimes he is willing to give up some persistence and become timid, only Nuo Nuo follows.

03

See a topic on the Internet:

"Do you have such a friend? It looks timid at ordinary times, but it is the most desperate one at the critical moment. "

There was a tearful answer in the comment area: "Yes, our parents are like this."

A backstage reader once shared an experience of his own.

Her father keeps fit all the year round and always goes out for a few laps every morning, rain or shine.

After coming up in recent years, he became a health expert in the circle of friends.

Not only do you have to soak Lycium barbarum in a thermos cup on weekdays, but there are also foot baths and massage chairs at home.

He had a headache for a while and worried for several days.

It was not until I saw the word "normal" on the medical report that I was relieved.

For this reason, dad's old friends usually make fun of his "fear of death".

In the third year of high school, my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer, and soon my grandmother was admitted to the hospital because of high blood pressure.

The burden of living has increased several times. At the suggestion of a friend, my father goes to work as usual during the day and works part-time at night.

In the middle, I have to make time to shuttle back and forth in the ward to take care of two patients.

One night after self-study, she secretly went to the hospital to see her mother without telling anyone.

Arriving at the door of the ward, she suddenly felt that her father had become taller than before.

At that moment, she really understood:

Dad cherishes his life only because he clearly knows that his life is to maintain the stability of the whole family.

"When you get married and have children, when you reach middle age and your parents are old, you will automatically join the fear of death group."

Picking up the word jun is quite touching.

In this era when there are wolves before and tigers behind, we are cowards and warriors in front of life.

On the one hand, it cherishes life, on the other hand, it is extremely desperate; On the one hand, I am afraid of death, and on the other hand, I am cutting through thorns.

Just like a picture that a netizen @ Fu accidentally recorded on the way to send his children to school a while ago:

On the road at the entrance of the community, a thin mother, pushing a stroller, walked slowly forward.

A thick rope on her right shoulder tied her tightly to the wheelchair of the old man behind her.

In the message area at the bottom of the video, there is a message that is quite stinging:

"Pushing the dawn and pulling the dusk, people are middle-aged, and mortals are superman."

There are two parents in the world, a young child. When people reach middle age, we all cultivate two "selves":

One is cowardice: fear of illness, fear of old age, fear of death, not drinking at parties, sweating in the gym.

A superhero who won't be attacked by all kinds of poisons: there are many ravines ahead, and we have to face difficulties all the way, and the family must work hard to survive.

A while ago, I saw a passage in Brother Lama's article, which deeply touched me:

"Suddenly understand, people of our age, recognize the unintelligent is him, lofty is him;

He is a man who goes through fire and water, and he is also a timid person;

He is a crying hero, and so are cowards who cry in the street.

It is too many traces of time that have wrapped up the existing appearance, and too many realities have carved themselves. "

The world of middle-aged people can never be separated from the word "contradiction".

Along the way, we all cried in the long night, recognized life and feared impermanence.

But it is these contradictions that make us realize the truth of middle age and make ourselves omnipotent step by step.

When I was a child, I watched Journey to the West and always admired Sun's seventy-two changes.

At a certain age, we shoulder multiple roles, and then we appear in front of life, and each of us becomes the Monkey King.

Even if there are eighty-one difficulties ahead, it can be ever-changing

Now, you might as well give yourself a compliment and give your lover a hug.

Get up tomorrow morning, let's continue to paddle on the raft, carry the family and ferry the river of life.