This is a plan I made for myself before the holiday. As a result, after the National Day holiday, nothing was done. I spent the whole holiday lying in bed, constantly brushing my mobile phone.

I don't know if you have the same experience, just like when we were studying, we wanted to make good use of our holidays to review and take all our books home, but we found that even our homework was pressed to the last minute, let alone our review plan.

It is found that people are awake for nearly14 of the time, and their minds are full of short-term desires that are inconsistent with long-term goals.

We often struggle: play or study? Eat or lose weight?

How can those "self-disciplined" people do it so easily? And why do I often "fail"? In fact, this is all a misunderstanding of desire management.

0 1?

The more you push yourself, the easier it is to get out of control.

No more milk tea, no more coke, I must give up drinking?

In the face of temptation, how many times have you had this idea, but in the hot summer, you still can't help but drink a mouthful of milk tea and enjoy a short-lived happiness.

Many people think that people who can manage their desires well are those who are good at restraint. It really helps to control desire. The results show that, on average, if people have 100 desires, 70 will be realized without restraint and 53 will be realized with restraint.

Does this mean that when we have desires, we just need to try to control them? ? The answer is no.

Roy Buameister of the University of Queensland found that people who manage desire are often not good at restraining desire, but stay away from temptation.

The researchers investigated the participants' desire intensity, the frequency of resisting desire, the intensity of inner conflict and whether they satisfied their desires.

The results show that people with low intensity of desire are less likely to satisfy their desires, while those with high intensity of desire, high frequency of resistance and great inner conflict are more likely to satisfy their desires.

In other words, people who are good at managing desires tend to stay away from temptation, because fighting desire will fail in most cases.

For example, when losing weight, colleagues drink milk tea every day and want to drink it when they see it. We can't drink if we want. Such frequent internal conflicts will reduce our self-control, and eventually we will be tempted to drink.

The best way is not to be with colleagues who drink milk tea every day (not fat yet), or simply delete a software.

02?

Effective desire management needs to satisfy human nature?

"I want to lose weight, as long as I lose 90 pounds, I am a goddess."

"I must study hard and counterattack to become the first in my class."

We are used to inspiring ourselves with these lofty goals, and feel that only when our dreams are great enough can we show how determined we are.

However, many psychologists find it difficult to motivate a long-term goal in a short time.

On the contrary, eating, drinking and having fun can easily give us the present "happiness" and stimulate a steady stream of motivation, so many people have been setting up flags, but they have been doing "slapping" things.

Our human instinct is to get timely satisfaction and happiness. Long-term violation of human nature and suppression of desires are more likely to "rebound", so why not take advantage of this feature and let us better "handle" those intractable desires?

1. Allow yourself to indulge appropriately.

For example, dieting for a long time will consume our self-control, which will make us more difficult to control in the face of temptation. Therefore, we might as well indulge occasionally in long-term persistence.

This is why many successful weight loss bloggers suggest that you have a good meal once in a while to satisfy your desires, so as to better adhere to the long-term fat reduction adjustment.

After the desire is satisfied, the inner conflict between "wanting to eat" and "not wanting to eat" will be reduced, and then the self-control will be increased to cope with the next desire.

Only by giving yourself occasional indulgence can you really stick to it.

2. Set goals that make you comfortable

Just like when we play mobile games, many game tasks are set from easy to difficult. If you play at the highest level from the beginning, I believe many people will not be addicted to the game again. Starting from the simplest and upgrading step by step, each goal is not that difficult.

In daily life, we can also break down long-term goals into small goals and establish a timely positive feedback mechanism, so as to stick to it better.

For example, we set a weight loss goal of 10 kg, and we can take 1 kg as a small goal every time.

Every time a small goal is achieved, it is equivalent to opening a level of the game of "losing weight", which is one step closer to winning slimming.

3. Take a reasonable rest and supplement self-control.

"Work and rest" can actually keep us in a high degree of self-control. Everyone has animal instinct. If we are too tired, we will fall asleep easily, reduce our self-control ability, and thus be more susceptible to our emotions.

Therefore, whether you are working, studying or exercising, you should pay attention to the arrangement of "combining work with rest" and don't continue the intensity of high frequency. This will make people have strong emotional resistance and make themselves more and more boring.

Give yourself feedback and rewards.

When playing games, we are usually absorbed, and it is difficult for us to be distracted by other things, which is also related to its reward setting.

Many games will be rated and given titles, and you will get corresponding rewards when you invest time in playing games. These rewards are good incentives in themselves.

Might as well give yourself some rewards in your daily work and study. For example, study effectively for 6 hours that day and reward yourself with a sumptuous dinner.

Jump out of the long-term value and significance, let yourself get timely satisfaction from study and work, and reduce the distraction of other desires.

In short, don't overestimate your perseverance and admit that people are easily captured by short-term desires and rewards. It's better to make study and work more interesting and complete naturally and easily.

So, in the next holiday, why not let yourself get better? "indulgence"!

Only by fully charging yourself can we start better and go further.