Sketch: red umbrella

Performance: Guo, Cai

Time: evening

Props: two chairs, a table, two wine glasses and a red umbrella.

Plot:

Guo sat in a chair with his back to the camera.

At this time, Cai was holding an umbrella and Guo turned around.

Guo: Here I am.

Cai: Let's go, Muyu (putting down the umbrella) Ouch! It's raining hard outside.

Guo: Hum, it seems that God cried with joy when he heard that we were going to break up tomorrow. hum

Cai: Really? Well, if God knew we were going to go through the formalities tomorrow, he would be so happy that there would be no earthquake!

Guo: It is possible.

Cai: Stop pretending. Why did you call me so many times?

Guo: Nothing else. I just want to ask you out to talk.

Cai: Is it necessary? I don't have time (take an umbrella and get ready to go)

Guo: Hey, if you go out today, you will regret it for the rest of your life.

Cai: I regret marrying you all my life.

Guo: Do you remember this place?

Cai: I don't remember.

Guo: Don't remember?

Cai: I don't remember.

Guo: It was here that we first met four years ago.

Cai: It also rained that day.

Guo: Yes, you robbed me of my red umbrella that day. Of course, I kidnapped you, too

Cai: Are you trying to trick me into coming here, or are you trying to relive an old dream? Then I will tell you! There is no door

Guo: Don't take me seriously. Do I want to invite you? Because this is the birthplace of our feelings, I want him to be the crematorium of our feelings. Dare you sit down?

(Both sides sit down)

Cai: Sit down. Have you brought the letter of introduction for the formalities?

(Guo takes out a letter of introduction)

Guo: Oh, what I put here is almost a cultural relic. What about yours?

Cai puts the letter of introduction on the table and both sides pick it up. )

Guo: It took a lot of effort! hum

Cai: There is no quota for this thing. I send two at a time.

Guo: Two?

Cai: One is a letter of introduction for divorce and the other is a letter of introduction for marriage.

K: Oh, that was fast. I have prepared all the letters of introduction for marriage.

Cai: Eh. I said you wouldn't suddenly change your mind and deliberately drag me along.

Guo: I'll drag you? I can't wait to sign it now. (Start reading) Let me introduce that Comrade Zhang Zhongzhong of our unit put forward a firm divorce because her husband moved on to love Mary, the single owner of the neighbor grocery store. Hum, well written.

Cai: Let me introduce that Comrade Li Buyu of our unit happily accepted his wife's request for divorce, because his wife was suspected of having an affair with Mary, a single female boss of a neighbor's grocery store. Oh, your long sentence doesn't even have a punctuation mark, which almost suffocates me.

Put the letter away. Guo went around behind Cai and bent down. Cai got up)

Guo: Is there a problem with this wording anyway? Hmm?

Cai: Well, that. Yeah, not bad, not bad.

Guo: As for it? Hum, all right, everyone! That's how it should be. Yes, we love him to death. When we leave, we will leave him to relax and be happy. Come on, (both sides raise their glasses) It's still an old saying: PLA enters Tibet.

Cai: Celebrate our peaceful liberation.

Guo: Fuck.

(Both sides sit down after drinking)

Guo: Oh, is it fast enough?

Cai: Huh?

Guo: You are all ready for my successor.

Cai: That's not as fast as you. I'm not divorced. Under my nose, uh-huh ~ uh-huh ~ uh-huh ~

Guo: Well, let me tell you something. Mary has nothing to do with me, ah. I helped her get a beer that day, and you asked me to go.

Cai: I told you to get a beer. I asked you to help him with the lawsuit. I didn't ask you to help her take a taxi. Fight it. You are still excited!

Guo: I am excited? What am I excited about? Me?

Cai: That is, you carry beer, you get stuck in the road, you get stuck in the road ~ you run around.

Guo: Nonsense. I don't run with beer on my back. I walked back and forth. You tried to kill me.

Cai: You, how come you have never felt so bad for me?

Guo: It's boring to say this! Is it boring? Ah, you have a fever. I carried you to the hospital barefoot, and I didn't even-I didn't even care about my shoes.

Cai: Not to mention going to the hospital. I just have a fever. I'm telling you, there are antipyretics in the first drawer. You have to take out two sanitary balls from the second drawer and pour them on me. You said, won't you carry me to the hospital for gastric lavage? I said, I talked to you. I said, when were you with Mary?

Guo: You're welcome? I have never been with him.

Cai: Not with him? Hum! Did you stay in his room long after you moved the beer?

Guo: tender ~ How long has it been?

Cai: 17 minutes 15 seconds

Guo: Ten minutes, 17 minutes, 15 seconds.

Cai: I pinched it with a stopwatch.

Guo: Look at your success. 17 minutes 15 seconds. Yes, I helped him carry beer, but I can't help people get up after carrying it. By the time of the last box, all the beer moved into the wall was broken, and I couldn't help clean it up.

Cai: Then, then, then why is he crying on the wall?

Guo: After dropping so much beer, can she cry without feeling distressed?

Cai: Then how do you pander?

Guo: pandering? I said I broke this bottle of beer and I want to pay you back. He said, how can you return it? Is this pandering?

Cai: So?

Guo: Then what?

Cai: Then why don't you explain it to me?

Guo: Let me explain. Can you let me talk? Every time I tell you this, you go and go.

Cai: Go, go, go (after synchronization)

(Cai stands up and walks back)

Guo: How about it?

Cai: boring, boring, boring. To boredom. Don't take my cup. This cup is mine.

(Guo stands up)

Guo: Oh, fuck.

(Both sides raise their glasses) Hey, don't just talk about me. Tell me about my successor. How's it going? He is rich, isn't he?

Cai: A poor man (Cai sits down) has 10 million deposits, so many villas. Recently, there are two broken cars imported from Germany running in the garage.

Guo: Broken Mercedes?

Cai: Yes, it must have been weighed when unloading the ship. His Mercedes is four or five meters long, and his Mercedes is more than ten meters long. Very annoying.

Guo: Hum, alas, people must be handsome.

(Guo sits down)

Cai: It's ugly.

Guo: Huh?

Cai: It's ugly, even uglier than you.

Guo: Uglier than me?

Cai: I dare not go to the streets casually when I have nothing to do. When I walked into the street, everyone was screaming and watching.

Guo: Oh, is it really that ugly?

Cai: Well, everyone is running around telling everyone that Jie Xiaodong is here and Jie Xiaodong is here.

(Guo gushes)

Guo: Jie Xiaodong? Hum, alas!

Cai: OK. (Both sides stand up) Nothing else. I should go.

Guo: Hey, don't go. We have something important to talk about.

Cai: What is it?

Guo: We will go to the office to go through the formalities tomorrow. Should we talk about property division?

Cai: Oh, we have two broken things to share? You can have everything. I don't want it.

Guo: I can't carry it alone. Come on, sit down, sit down, tell the difference.

(Both sides sit down)

Only refrigerators, color TVs and washing machines are valuable. Let's divide the washing machine first. The washing machine must be yours first.

Both sides use cups as washing machines.

Cai: I have to give you the washing machine.

Guo: Let me show you that you are clean.

Cai: You are so dirty.

Guo: Am I dirty? Am I dirty? I am dirty, so I don't need a washing machine.

Cai: If I am clean, I don't need a washing machine. If I ask you to take it, you can take it.

Guo: How about dividing the refrigerator?

Cai: OK.

Guo: I have to give you the refrigerator.

Cai: I have to give you the refrigerator.

K: Here you are. You look very delicious.

Cai: You are too lazy to do it.

Guo: Shall we be lazy to do this? I must give you the TV.

Cai: You must have a TV.

Guo: You like watching TV plays.

Cai: You like watching football.

Guo: If TV gives you another TV series, no one will make your money.

(Guo said as he stood up)

Cai: If you take away the TV, no one will compete with you when there is football.

(Cai said and stood up)

Guo: What's the matter? this is

Cai: It's always noisy. Really, forget it. See you at the office gate at 8: 30 tomorrow morning.

Guo: Don't always scare me with this. See you tomorrow. Hey, don't move This umbrella has not been divided yet.

Cai: I brought this umbrella.

Guo: You brought it. I gave it to you four years ago.

Cai: Why did you return what you gave me?

Guo: That was originally my business.

Cai: Then can't you leave me some souvenirs?

Guo: I want to keep it as a souvenir.

Cai: So?

Guo: How about this? I just want this umbrella and nothing, okay?

Cai: I don't want anything. Isn't this umbrella enough?

When the music started, they felt dejected. )

Guo: You cried.

Cai: I didn't cry.

Guo: You cried.

Cai: I didn't cry.

Guo: What's the matter with you?

Cai: I want to go home.

K: Wait a minute. What happened to your Jie Xiaodong?

Cai: I made it up.

(Hugging, leaving with an umbrella)

——— End ——

It is not easy to work hard.