It was dark, but he continued riding in the Woods.
The horse suddenly said, you won't even let me rest. You want to kill me! ?
The hunter got a fright, immediately got off his horse and ran away with the hounds.
When I ran under the big tree to catch my breath,
The dog patted him on the chest and said to him:
Scared me to death, horses can talk!
So the hunter was scared to death on the spot!
2. A handsome boy in the dormitory just learned to play the violin, which sounds like scratching with his nails at the bottom of the pot.
Harsh sounds stimulate everyone's eardrums,
Out of kindness, the students tried not to hit him.
One afternoon, while he was pulling, the door was suddenly pushed open, and the aunt who checked the hygiene came in and said seriously, who is burning illegal appliances in your dormitory? !
3. classmate mm wants to get married, and sister is infinitely envious.
I said, don't do this, okay? It is easy to get married now. Just pay nine yuan for an ID card.
The teacher elder sister was startled: Isn't that just two people can get married?
I polished it: yes, and there is no mandatory premarital examination!
Sister Sui: Then I can say that we dragged men to the road to get married!
I pour ~
Before getting up, the senior sister added with the unique heroism of northern mm: As long as nine yuan ~, it's my treat!
I'm completely confused.
The math teacher is a bit hard of hearing, older and more traditional.
One day, there was a math problem in the class, which asked to see who could do it fast, boys or girls. Write it on the blackboard, and after a while,
Q: Did the girl untie it?
A: Yes (laughs).
One more question: did the male students ask for it?
Did you ask for it? (Laughter)
Teacher: Then you should pair up (crazy spray ...)
In the bar, sailors and pirates talk about their experiences.
The pirate has a wooden leg and a hook and an eye patch in his hand.
The sailor asked him why he had wooden legs.
The pirate said, "The shark bit off my leg."
"What's the matter with your hand? 」
"I broke it when I was fighting with someone ..."
The sailor asked about the blindfold again, and the pirate said, "It's because seagull droppings fell into my eyes. 」
The sailor was surprised and asked, "You mean seagull dung ruined your eyes? 」
The pirate said, "This happened on the first day when I put the hook in my hand ..."
6. A was very depressed and said to B:
A: "I have two bad habits that bother me. 」
B: "What are the bad habits? 」
A: "The first bad habit is to sleep naked. 」
B: "that's not bad! What about the second bad habit? 」
A: "Sleepwalking ..."
7. A man came to the clinic to see a doctor. The doctor asked him: What's the matter with you?
Man: It hurts when I touch it here (he touches it on his head and chest with his index finger).
It hurts to touch it there (he touched his stomach with his index finger again). What is wrong with me?
The doctor replied: I think your index finger is broken. .......
8. A woman rushed into the police station, rubbing her hands and screaming:
"My husband is missing, please help someone! 』
"Tell me what he looks like and maybe we can help you find him." A policeman on duty asked her.
The woman said, "Oh, he is black and tall, handsome, with curly hair and beautiful eyes." .
# # # The person standing by said, "Yeah! I seem to know your husband! He is short and fat, bald and swollen. 』
The woman replied:
"yes! But I think if you can find one just like what I said, I won't take it. 』
When the truck driver drove past a mountain village, it happened that his car broke down.
The driver jumped out of the car, found a villager and asked:
"Excuse me, where can I find auto parts? 」
"Go ahead, after a sharp turn, there is a canyon outside, and there are parts below ..."
10. In the restaurant, a woman kept staring at a nearby gentleman.
The gentleman was embarrassed and decided to ask.
He asked them politely if they had met somewhere.
"We have never met," she replied, "but you look like my third husband."
"You've been married three times?" The gentleman asked.
"No ... only twice."
1 1. The teacher said, "The pig is a very useful animal, and its meat can be eaten.
Its skin can be made into leather, and its hair can be made into brushes.
Now, who can say it has other uses? 」
A student stood up and replied:
"Its name can also call names. 」
12. Woman A: Last time I hinted to my boyfriend that women like to leave things for a long time.
As a result, I got the diamond ring the next day, and you can give it to your boyfriend like this!
Woman B: I used this method for a long time, and I received a package of preservatives the next day. ......
13. One day, Lao Zhang and Lao Wu were walking together in the street after work.
There was a sudden rush of horns behind him.
I saw Lao Zhang nervously hiding to one side.
Lao wu asked incredulously:
"What are you afraid of? We are on the sidewalk, and the car can't hit us! 」
Lao zhang caressed his chest throbbing with disorderly jump explained:
"ah! You don't know, almost a month ago, my wife ran away with a taxi driver.
From then on, every time I heard the horn, I was shocked.
I'm afraid that taxi driver will send my wife back again! 」
14 A person is sentenced to 12 years, which is very boring.
One day, he found that an ant could understand him.
I was very excited, so I began to train it.
A few years later, this ant can not only stand on its head and somersault, but also walk a tightrope and jump into the ring of fire, which makes it quite proud.
Finally, one day, he got out of prison,
The first thing is to run to the bar to show off his magic ants.
He asked the bartender for a glass of wine first.
Then take the ants out of their pockets and put them on the table.
He said to the bartender, "Hey! Look at this ant! 」
When the bartender saw it, he immediately killed the ant and said to him, I'm sorry:
"I'm sorry I'm sorry! I'll get you a new one right away. 」
15. Xiaoming has a dog at home. Once they invited a guest to dinner.
The dog wagged its tail at the guests when they came in.
But when the guests have dinner with Xiao Ming's family,
The dog kept staring at him and growled as if he were angry.
The guest was very depressed and said to Xiao Ming's father:
"Your dog looks fierce! 」
Before Xiao Ming's father answered, Xiao Ming said to the guests:
"no! Usually not so fierce!
It does this because you eat from its bowl. 」
16. A man went to the hospital for a health check-up, and the nurse took his blood with a needle.
A Jia looked at the shiny needle and couldn't help asking, "Will it hurt?" ? I am afraid of pain. "
The nurse said, "Don't worry, I have been a nurse for more than 20 years ..."
A man said, "Great, I'm relieved."
Then the nurse pricked the needle and only heard a scream like killing a pig. ...
The nurse answered slowly, "It never hurts ..."
17. The passenger ship crossed a desert island.
Far away, I saw a man on the island wearing a hide and a beard.
He screamed and waved,
The tourist asked who the captain was.
The captain said impatiently:
"I don't know, every year our ship passes by here, and he will go crazy once! 」
18. In a bar, two drinkers are chatting.
Guest A: Where are you from?
Guest B: Okayama.
Guest A: What a coincidence! I'm from Okayama, too. Come and give Okayama a drink.
Guest B: Certainly.
Guest A: Which street are you in Okayama?
Guest B: Zhongzheng Road.
Guest A: What a coincidence! I'm also from Okayama Nakamura. Come and have a drink for Okayama Nakamura.
Guest B: Certainly.
Guest A: Which primary school do you go to?
Guest B: Zhongzheng Primary School, graduated from/kloc-0 in 1962.
Guest A: Really? I am also a junior high school student in Zhongzheng, and graduated in 1962.
Drinker c asked the bartender, what's the matter?
Bartender: Nothing. Zhang twins are drunk again.
19 Tony is a stuntman. His performance is throwing steel knives.
Three, four, five steel knives were thrown around,
One night, after his performance, he wanted to go home with a knife and was stopped halfway.
The policeman said, "Why do you carry the murder weapon with you? 」
Tony: "I'm a stuntman. This is my prop! 」
The policeman said, "I don't believe it. Try to show me! 」
Tony started throwing steel knives at the roadside. ...
Hearing the car parked behind me, someone said, "Wow! It's really strict to test drunkenness now! 」
20. One day, a lady called a taxi. .....
Miss: Hello, I'm at the intersection of XX. I want to take a taxi.
Driver: What are you wearing?
Miss: I wear a blue coat and a white skirt.
Driver: Where?
Miss: To the knee. ....
2 1. Teacher: Why is the exam so bad?
Maruko: Not enough glasses.
Xiao Ye: I sprained my neck.
Xiao Fang: The classmate in front is too tall.
Xiao Lan: The students next door use pencils. I can't see clearly.
"What about you, Xiao Xin? 」
Xiao Xin: Because I sat among the four of them. ....
22. A man went to the library to borrow books. He asked the female staff in the library:
"Excuse me, where is the book Happy Life in Marriage? 」
"It's a fantasy novel, look for it in the third row of cabinets on the right. 」
"So, how to get along with husband and wife, where is this book? 」
"This is a martial arts novel. Look in the first row of cabinets on the left! 」
23. The judge looked at the defendant and asked suspiciously:
"I seem to have seen you? 」
The defendant looked up hopefully and replied:
"yes. I introduced your wife to you twenty years ago. 」
"So it's you!" The judge snapped:
"Sentence you to 20 years in prison. 」
24. Passenger: Miss, put my luggage up!
Stewardess: Excuse me, sir. I can't lift it alone. Do you want to join us?
G: aren't you an angel? ! The angel still can't put it up? !
Stewardess: Sir, even if you are a god, can you put it on my angel? !
25. The flight attendant was serving meals when he approached a passenger and asked, "Sir, we have chicken rice and fish rice." Which one do you want?
The passenger replied: ribs!
The stewardess repeated it, but the passenger still replied: ribs!
At this time, the flight attendant asked: We have chicken ribs and fish ribs, which do you like?
26. Tang Priest: You should find a shortcut to learn from the scriptures this time!
Wukong: Flying is faster than riding!
Bajie: Shenzhou VI is faster!
Friar Sand pulled out his gun and said, I heard this thing will be sent to the west at once.
Classic quotations of humor.
Classic quotations of humor.
1, sighing is the most wasteful thing, and crying is the most wasteful behavior.
Close my eyes and I see my future. ...
When the road is rough, shout and move on.
4. You don't know what dependence is until you drop your belt.
Life is sometimes like a computer. If it collapses, it collapses. It's not negotiable.
6, the sea is wide with diving and beating drums.
7. The grievances that can be said are not grievances; A lover who can be taken away is not a lover.
8. Smoke is not obedient, so we smoke.
9. A man's brain likes a woman's heart, but his eyes like a woman's appearance.
10, salted fish turns over, or salted fish.
1 1, I can choose to give up, but I can't give up my choice.
12, as a typical loser, you are really successful.
13, not everyone can live a low-key life, and the basis of low-key is to be high-key at any time.
14, women like ugly men, not ugly men.
15, our love died on this day, just to give each other a chance to be reborn.
16, when the boss uses you, you are a talent, and when you are not used, you become a layoff!
17, fell down, get up and cry.
18, sometimes the killer of marriage is not an affair, but time.
19, never mentioned, not because I forgot, but because I remembered.
20. Let the future come and the past pass.
2 1, is it necessary to be large? Dinosaurs didn't go extinct as usual!
A white lie is a good excuse for your deception.
23. Parents fool their children to call education; Children fool their parents and say that their parents are derailed; Fooling each other is called the generation gap.
24, don't talk to me about feelings, talk about feelings hurt money.
25. I can't extricate myself. In addition to love, there are radishes in other people's fields.
26. I thought I was "invisible" and others couldn't find me. It's no use. People like me, like fireflies in the dark, are bright enough and outstanding enough.
27. Diamonds last forever, and one will go bankrupt!
28, the iron cock will leave some rust, you are simply a stainless steel cock!
29, haven't had time to philandering, was pulled out.
30. Everyone is born primitive. Sadly, many people have gradually become pirates!
3 1, don't say that others are mentally ill. The premise of encephalopathy is that you must have a brain.
32. Lie down where you fell.
I am not a prince. Why do girls always think they should be princesses when they see me?
34. The most contradictory place between lovers is dreaming about each other's future, but thinking about each other's past.
35. If you are angry for one minute, you will lose 60 seconds of happiness.
36, busy is a kind of happiness, so that we have no time to experience pain; Running around is a kind of happiness, which makes us truly feel life; Fatigue is a kind of enjoyment, which leaves us no time to be empty.
37. Life is like breathing. "Breathe" is to take a breath, and "suck" is to fight for a breath.
38. Knowledge is like underwear; it is invisible but important.
39. Marriage is to wear cotton-padded clothes freely. It's inconvenient to move, but it will be warm.
40. The hero is sad about the beauty pass. I am not a hero. The beauty let me pass.
Humorous sentences
Humorous sentences
1, it's not hard to be single, but it's hard to deal with those who try their best to get you to end it.
2. Smart women deal with men and stupid women deal with women.
3. In junior high school math class, the teacher talked about equation transformation. On the podium, he rolled up his sleeves and shouted: Attention, students! I'm going to change!
4. Enrich yourself and enjoy life. Without sunshine, your heart can be warm.
Don't waste your life where you will regret it.
6, don't forgive all beings, don't forgive all beings, it is bitter for yourself.
7. How to lose weight if you don't have enough to eat?
8. Don't say that others are pitiful, you are even more pitiful. What do you know about life?
9. As soon as others praise me, I worry that others will not praise me enough.
10, close your eyes, I see my future.
1 1, nobody is more handsome than me, and nobody is more handsome than me! It's up to you whether to choose me as your boyfriend or not.
12. People who stumble over the same stone will not scold themselves or the stone when they look back.
13, hold your hand and you will know that your son is ugly and his face is full of tears.
14. One sentence "Take it" is better than two sentences "I'll give it to you".
15. Humor means that a person is interested in telling jokes when he wants to cry.
16, a shy boy finally got up the courage to ask his beloved girl: What kind of boy do you like? The girl said: hit it off. The boy asked the same question again and had to say sadly, can't you have a flat head?
17, you are lucky to have someone to help you, but it's just fate to have no one to help you. No one should do anything for you. Life is your own and you are responsible for yourself.
18. Some disappointments are inevitable, but most of them are because you overestimate yourself.
19, there are some things that you know are wrong, but you have to persist because you are unwilling; Some people, knowing love, have to give up because there is no ending; Sometimes, knowing that the road has gone, we are still moving forward because we are used to it.
20. It is not so much that others make you suffer, but that you are not cultivated enough.
2 1. If you practice in prosperity, you will never become a Buddha.
22. The world is inherently painful, without exception.
Since both prostitutes claim to be graduates of famous universities, I now generally claim to be illiterate.
24. Only when you are rich can you perceive the richness of the world; Only kindness can perceive the beauty of the world; If you are open-minded, you can live freely between heaven and earth.
25. When you feel good about yourself, others feel the worst about you.
26. The best satisfaction is to satisfy others.
27. A person is happy not because he has more, but because he cares less. A healthy mind is not because it has happiness, but because it has let go of happiness.
28. The degree of thorough understanding is just equal to the depth of his pain.
29. People with deep karma are always looking at the shortcomings and deficiencies of others. A true man of practice will never look at the mistakes and shortcomings of others.
30. Learn more, be less proud, take advantage of opportunities and get rid of laziness.
3 1, learning Buddhism is a confession of one's conscience, not for others to see.
32. The first concept of learning Buddhism is never to look at the faults of all beings. When you see the faults of all beings, you will always pollute yourself, and it is impossible for you to practice.
33. Practice requires a little effort.
Happiness lies not in who you are or what you have, but in what you think.
Trust is like a delicate snowflake. Never play with your hands.
36. Little girls want to find a white horse in their dreams. When they opened their eyes, they found that the world was full of gray donkeys. After they were heartbroken, they could only choose a strong one from the donkeys. Such a donkey is named: economically applicable male.
37. The real society ruined my chance to be a good person!
38. Journey to the West tells us that all monsters with backstage were taken away, and those without backstage were killed by a stick.
You don't need to start being great, you must start being great.
40. No matter what happens, just get used to it, even if it is painful.
4 1, unreasonable, there must be a plan!
42. I curse you for buying instant noodles all your life without a seasoning bag.
I know that most of my efforts are useless, but I don't know which half.
44. I saw a penny by the roadside. I was just about to bend down and pick it up. It turned out to be phlegm. Damn it, who threw up so round?
45. I am not RMB. How can I make everyone like me? !
46. I'm worthless, and shit is worse. You're like shit. You deserve to smell.
47. I am an unmarried young man who enjoys married treatment.
48. I am a passer-by who you turn around and forget. Why should I spend time with you on earth?
49. I am convinced that a person will come to this world because of my torture.
50. I like you so much that you will die.
5 1, what we can do is not to help others eliminate all their troubles, but more importantly, to help find the source of happiness.
52. Our goal: Look at money and make money from it.
53. I'm going to cry. I'm going to make trouble. I stayed up all night and hanged myself with a bottle of sleeping pills and a small rope. No matter how ugly, you have to fall in love. When the world is full of love.
54. I am not a casual person. It's not a person if you casually get up.
55. God didn't give me much responsibility, but it still made me heartache and tired.
Sighing is the most wasteful thing, and crying is the most wasteful thing.
57. If Taiwan Province Province doesn't recover for a day, Lao Tzu will not pass Grade 4 for a day.
58. The so-called fate is the reason when love succeeds and the excuse when it fails; The so-called wedding is a ceremony for lovers to become "family"; The so-called breakup is something that a woman may not be able to do once she says it a hundred times, but a man can do it once.
Although you wear cologne, I can still vaguely smell that scum.
60. Say that money is a sin and everyone is fishing; Say beauty is a disaster, everyone wants it; It is said that the height is too cold and everyone is climbing; Say that alcohol and tobacco hurt the body and don't quit; Say heaven is the best, don't go!
6 1, what is bound is mood, but what is not bound is life.
62. Cut the wire with a kitchen knife, sparking and lightning all the way.
63, hands in pockets, nobody loves.
64. Time is too thin and fingers are too wide.
65. There are countless cages of time, but the most difficult thing to get out of is our inner cage.
66. Life is like breathing. "Breathe" is to take a breath, and "suck" is to fight for a breath.
67. If you don't give yourself trouble, others will never give you trouble. Because in your own heart, you can't let go.
68. Only by knowing yourself, surrendering yourself and changing yourself can we change others.
69. Life can be played properly, but you can't dance in college.
What people want to see is not you at the starting line, but you at the finish line.
7 1, people hate lies most, and sometimes they are willing to fall into lies woven by themselves or others.
72. Human desires are like kites. We should drive it and control it.
73. The most contradictory place between lovers is dreaming about each other's future, but thinking about each other's past.
74, piano, chess, painting and calligraphy can't, washing and cooking are too tired.
75. I am afraid that my father is filial piety and my wife is love.
76. Women don't care about being decent, because they are not attractive enough; Men don't care about loyalty. Loyalty is because the chips of betrayal are too low. ...
77. The direction against the wind is more suitable for flying. I'm not afraid of 10 thousand people blocking me, but I'm afraid of surrendering myself.
78. What are you unhappy about? Say it to make everyone happy.
79. You should always thank all beings who have given you adversity.
80. You should always forgive all beings, no matter how bad they are, even if they have hurt you, you must let go to get real happiness.
8 1, always accept your fate, because you are human.
82. If you let go, you will have no worries.
83. If you see the faults and right and wrong of all beings every day, you should repent immediately. This is an exercise.
You can have love, but don't be persistent, because separation is inevitable.
85. If you are angry for one minute, you will lose 60 seconds of happiness.
86. Strangeness prevents you from understanding strange things, and familiarity prevents you from understanding familiar things.
87. Fame cannot be pursued, but can only be possessed naturally.
88. Facing the sun, there will be no shadow.
89. Don't try to be brave after dark without medical insurance and life insurance. ...
90. My mother asked me if I had a boyfriend, and I said no. My mother said: I can have this, and I said: I really don't have this. ...
9 1, there is love besides teeth.
92. The ideal is full, but the reality is very skinny.
93. I knew you were a monster as soon as I opened my eyes.
94. Arrogant people can be saved, but people with inferiority can't.
95. Persistence today will cause regret tomorrow.
96. During the episode of intermittent depression, don't disturb strangers or find acquaintances.
97. Bus crowding is a comprehensive sport, including Sanda, yoga, judo and balance beam.
98. Red beans don't grow in the south, they grow on my face. I really miss them!
99. Brilliance is not only talent, but also the fat around the waist.
100, discipline yourself and leave others alone.
10 1, dogs chew bones and practice their mouths.
102. Love without pain is not true love, and marriage without happiness must be a sad marriage.
103, people who have insufficient blessings often hear right and wrong; Those who have enough blessings have never heard of right or wrong.
104, when a person realizes that diamonds are more valuable than glass balls, he has grown up sadly.
105, when life viciously turned everything into black humor, I went with the flow and turned myself into a hooligan with a higher education.
106, it's not pitiful when you know you're confused, but it's most pitiful when you don't know you're confused.
107, when you are happy, you should think that this happiness is not eternal. When you are in pain, you should think that this pain is not eternal.
A humorous but sad classic sentence
1, the cold water you spilled on me, I will definitely boil it and pour it back to you.
2. Some people are doomed from the first sight, which is used to recall.
If I want to hand over my heart, who can keep it from being hurt?
Some people know it is impossible, but they still can't help falling in love.
The most difficult stage in life is not that no one understands you, but that you don't understand yourself.
6. It is better to manage your own dignity and beauty than to manage the betrayal and badness of others.
7, some things, even if doomed to tragedy, I am willing to bear.
8. Because I love you, all the pain has a reason.
9. Hey, you left something in my heart. I can't forget you.
10, you are by my side, but my heart no longer belongs to me.
1 1. You abandoned me once, and now you want me to forgive you. Do you take me for a fool?
12, you are in my special attention, but not in my recent visitors.
13, I miss you, but I still can't escape the memories.
14, falling in love with a city is not how beautiful the city is, but where you are.
15 is a passer-by in your life, and you are an eternal freeze in my life.
16, no one will regard you as the most important thing and it is only temporary.
17. If I insist, will you accompany me until the sky falls?
18, the so-called strength means that you can't get a feeling, at least you have to witness its complete departure with a proud attitude.
19, sometimes you don't even know yourself. How can you expect others to know you?
I don't know why I don't want it. My heart obviously wants to be close.
2 1, people can be old but their hearts can't be old' people can be coquettish but their hearts can't be coquettish.
22. People who haven't seen each other for too long will slowly lose their thoughts.
I hope someone tells me that you don't have to change yourself. I'm used to you.
24. When I hear something obviously irrelevant, I will turn around in my mind and think of you.
25. I love the wrong person, and he doesn't hurt when I hit my head.
26. When you become the third person, I will understand that I put you down and have no intersection with you.
27. I want to love you in the most selfish, reckless and reckless way.
28. How much love there is, there is always a word of love in my heart.
29. He doesn't feel bad. As long as he is free, he won't care about my feelings.
30. How many people have fed a hypocritical animal with a sincere heart?