First, why do you always pass by love? After my friend Mr. M broke up, I don't know why, and told me that she always gave up people and feelings easily. How can I get rid of being single? What are the skills of taking off the order? She felt sad for all her feelings. Every time she began to fall in love, she always felt beautiful, but in the end she couldn't stand all kinds of feelings and finally broke up. She said she was afraid of intimate relationships, men and men. I don't even want to go home for the New Year. Relatives and friends ask about wedding events, I'm afraid I've been working outside for six or seven years. All my feelings are not long and I don't understand breaking up with each other. Mr. M faced intimate relationships again and again, again and again, again and again. She was very upset and finally gave up easily. I don't know whether I love or I haven't met the right person. She doesn't want to do this anymore. Why has she been in an infinite loop? Why is the distance between yourself and love always so far away? I asked Mr. M what she thought love was. She said she didn't know. Seeing her parents' divorce, she was also afraid to enter the marriage life. She said that when her parents divorced, she was placed in her grandmother's house and lived there for a while. However, this stay was five years, and she followed her grandmother to primary school. Her memory of primary school is blank. She has no good friends, but she studies every day. Her academic performance is very good. She thinks that her parents with good grades will definitely come to see her, so she can follow her parents at this time. What she thinks about every day is when her parents will pick her up. How can I get rid of being single? What are the skills of taking off the order? She doesn't know why her parents divorced, but only remembers that her father left them and went to another city, and her mother didn't agree. During this period, mom and dad quarreled as a bee. When they don't quarrel, dad takes her alone and buys snacks to take her to the park. She has a deep memory of this, which is her only warm picture. Then my parents divorced. She never saw her father again in the years after that. Then, she also left her grandmother's house to live with her mother. A long time ago, she hated her mother and thought that her mother had driven her father away. Because her mother has a bad temper, she is often scolded by her mother She still remembers watching her parents quarrel before. Mother is hysterical and father is always patient. She doesn't know what happened between her parents, but what she can see is that her parents often quarrel and her mother often condemns her father. She blamed all this on her mother, who had a bad personality and her father left them. I asked Mr. M what she thought of her father's departure. She said that she didn't know yet and was silent for a while. "Maybe my father doesn't want to live with my mother, not myself, and I don't want to live with my mother. Because your mother has a bad temper, "she said," but dad left you, didn't he? I asked carefully. A long time ago, Mr. M said nothing. She wept silently. " I feel unsafe, and I long for someone to take care of me and protect me. Until the end, I didn't meet love, but I needed company inside. "She said she had been waiting for her father, who bought her snacks and took her to the park. That is her only warm picture, and it is also her ideal picture. She has been waiting for her idealized father to come back to her. However, not only did my father leave my mother, but so did my mother. She decided to ignore this part. So when she lived with her mother, she held a grudge against her mother. She neglected to leave her father, and what was her real feeling. Because it is really painful to face the reality that a child was abandoned by his father. This kind of pain makes our subconscious automatically turn on the defense mechanism to protect our hearts from so many injuries. Then, she changed the unacceptable state into an acceptable state. In this way, things will become reasonable. If we rationalize things, we will have various reasons to explain the painful things. Rationalization is a psychological defense mechanism. This means asking yourself to make various explanations to ease unbearable feelings. For example, we often hear that not eating grapes is a reasonable psychological defense. Rationalization means that you have found an excuse to relieve psychological pain. And m explained that when my father left, because my mother had a bad temper, no one could stand it. Yes, mom has a bad temper, and dad can leave mom, but dad doesn't mean leaving his daughter. Unable to face the reality that she was abandoned by her father, she explained her father's behavior reasonably. This kind of psychological defense is produced when pain occurs, which can make me feel less painful, but this defense mechanism is not suitable for all stages of life. The rational defense mechanism did not bring so much pain to M's heart at that time. At the same time, Xiao M's subconscious clearly knows the truth, and she has many problems in intimate relationship. As soon as her rationalization defense mechanism was started, she eased the feelings of being abandoned by her father, and the abandoned emotions such as anger and sadness turned to her mother. She will think that everything is her mother's fault. Before, she hated her mother in a relationship. Now she doesn't know where to liberate her feelings in intimate relationship. Because it was abandoned before, the closer the relationship, the more dispersed the terror. As Mr. M said, all feelings are always great at the beginning, but they all disappear mysteriously in the end. Because when the relationship between the two became closer and closer, more and more sense of terror was abandoned in her heart. When the sense of terror spreads all over the body, terror will turn into anger. As her relationship with men becomes closer and closer, her hostility towards men becomes stronger and stronger. Rational defense mechanism makes us unable to see our true emotional trend. Because she unconsciously, men always think they will abandon her. Then, she replaced her anger at her father with anger at all the men she had been with. She can't admit her anger at her father. If she shows anger, she must admit that she was abandoned by her father. Maybe this is the distance between Mr. M and his father. She didn't really see her father, but saw the image of her ideal father. Maybe this is also the distance between Xiao M and the opposite sex. She can only be friends with men, but once she enters into intimate relationship, there will be all kinds of fears and disputes, and finally the relationship will end. Maybe this is the distance from her love. Keeping her distance is now an obstacle to her intimate relationship. The formation of our intimate relationship model is easily influenced by our parents. For example, many men and women who are afraid of getting married now are afraid of getting married because they are as afraid of getting married as their parents, so they cannot establish a long-term and stable intimate relationship. People are contradictory individuals, and we are often afraid of losing our relationship, but when our inner fears appear, we may terminate this relationship again. It seems that you have given up this relationship, but in fact I am afraid of being given up. Because when we propose to leave first, we can avoid being abandoned again. Relationships can only be repaired in relationships. The premise of repair is whether the pain can be admitted. If M can admit the fact that she was abandoned by her father, she can slowly let go of her idealized father, she can also end those idealized waiting, and maybe she can also release those feelings that have been replaced. Maybe closer to love. Why do you always pass by love? Will love pass by in youth? This time, looking up is not to see the night sky. Kites all over the sky struggled in the hands of handlers, but they were always restrained. Looking at the men and women on the playground, the cheers scurried about in the wind and clearly floated into the auricle. At this time, spring is quiet. Thoughts drift into memories, memories are always too deep, but now there is too much helplessness. At any moment, you can't escape fate. The familiar world of mortals is rolling, and it is branded in the soul of a temperamental person in the window of time. In high school, it is warm every summer, and in the south, it is always boring. Once, I heard that she liked a magazine called Inside and Outside the Classroom, so she rushed to the library of the comprehensive building and bought this book, which she had never been exposed to before. The truth is, I don't like that book. I used to fantasize about all kinds of romance. I thought I met her beauty in Beihu Park that time. The skating rink of that year, said to be a middle-aged man in his hometown, is still fresh in his memory. If I remember correctly, the evening self-study was until half past ten. The night is the most hazy, and everyone enjoys the moon and its companion stars, runners, strollers and strollers on the football field. Sometimes, I will accompany her for a few steps, walking up and down. It feels so good. On the wall of the classroom, there are "lights" and "Pinellia ternata", as well as the balcony of the classroom. She always wears headphones and looks at the distant mountains, the hazy Jialing River, the back and the sunset. It was first love, in that summer. A hug later turned into a farewell. The water in Jialing River is clear and bright. Quietly flowing, with my Nanchong story, drifting to a foreign country.