Sexual desire is the core of the will to survive and the crystallization of all desires.

The perfect love between men and women is free and fearless, an equal combination of body and spirit. We should not be unable to be ideal because of our body, nor should we be afraid of our body because it will interfere with our ideals.

It is ideal to combine the sweet love of communication with the sensual love of madness and pride.

Sex is a kind of poetry and music that originates from the core of life, and it has different scenery because of different interpretations.

The greatest disaster of our civilization is the morbid hatred of sex.

First, women are the hardest hit areas of "sexual shame"

This afternoon, Xiao Huang, a visitor from the Sleep Psychology Center of our hospital, talked about her boyfriend for a year, but broke up a month ago. When it comes to the reasons for breaking up, I know that this girl is really miserable.

Speaking of the reasons for breaking up, in fact, she is not particularly clear until now. She has been wondering if she is too bad, and she feels very guilty and guilty.

I asked her when she first discovered that there was something wrong with their relationship.

Xiao Huang said, "One night, we went out to play with a group of friends. It's too late, we opened a room outside. "

I said, "Did he get your people and stop caring about you?"

Xiao Huang argued, "No, if I got it, I might not break up. When he took off his clothes and tried to get close to me naked, I pushed him away because I felt disgusting at the time and I couldn't accept him approaching me. "

Me: "Are you frigid?"

Xiao Huang: "I don't think so. Sometimes I still have desires and impulses, but at that time I just thought the way he undressed was disgusting. " My mother told me that girls should love themselves and don't give themselves up casually. "

Me: "Oh, then you were ashamed besides being disgusting, right?"

Xiao Huang: "Well, something like that. I think I may just be too stubborn to accept it generously. Later, we slept with our clothes on. It seems that after that day, I sent him a WeChat, and he rarely replied, or he replied very slowly, and his attitude towards me was very cold. I also called, and he just said,' Uh-huh, oh, ah, ok'. Later, I said that we were not suitable for breaking up. "

I am silent!

There is a saying circulating on the Internet that girls live in shame since childhood.

Shame on development, menstruation, love of beauty, love of makeup, falling in love, going to bed, having children, feeding children, domestic violence to the public security bureau, divorce, second marriage, endless. ...

When it comes to sex, we can't always talk well. Xiao Huang is not alone. I believe many people have had similar experiences.

Sexual shame is widespread among women in our country. In fact, women, like men, have desires for sex, but few women face up to their desires, let alone enjoy sex. Once they enjoy it, they will soon deny it in their hearts and think it is wrong to do so.

This is the so-called sexual shame, because for this reason, being sexy and loving beauty seems to be guilty. When I was a child, I wore lipstick and was scolded by my mother for not learning well. When I was a teenager, I loved dressing up and was mistaken for a bad girl by others.

In society, women who love makeup and dress sexy are always called foxes by others. Visible shame is deeply rooted in women's hearts, so many women dare not wear beautiful clothes or make up.

Because this is not allowed in our culture. It is precisely because of the influence of this traditional culture that women have never really received sex education and their parents are very conservative, which makes women feel that it is a shame to talk about sex.

Second, "sexual shame" is a normal psychological phenomenon.

Sexual mental health refers to the perfection and coordination of sexual behavior in physical, emotional, rational and social aspects by enriching and perfecting personality, interpersonal communication and love. Sexual mental health is an important part of human health and cannot be ignored. In recent years, people pay more and more attention to it.

Sexual mental health must meet four conditions: first, the individual's body and mind should belong and have obvious contrast. Regardless of yin and yang, it is difficult to implement sound sexual behavior and obtain happy love; Second, individuals have good sexual adaptation, including self-adaptation and heterosexual adaptation, that is, they can accept their own sexual characteristics and desires and get along well with the opposite sex; Third, treat both sexes equally and should not artificially create division, discrimination or prejudice. Have a clear understanding of all sexual ignorance, prejudice and fallacy caused by various historical reasons, and understand and pursue sexual civilization; Fourth, you can naturally enjoy high-quality sex.

As a part of physical and mental health, sexual mental health is closely related to people's physical structure, physiological function, psychological quality and social adaptability, so there are many factors affecting sexual mental health. First, the quality of parents, to a considerable extent, genetic genes and embryonic development determine the physical and mental status; Second, since I am sensible, I have certain control and responsibility for my physical and mental development; Third, family and social education. Anyone who lives in an environment that can treat society and family in a scientific and civilized way can always face and treat sex naturally, independently and happily. However, in the family or social environment where sex becomes pale, people are forced to have a dirty, mysterious and disgraceful psychology towards sex. This unnatural mental state, the contradiction and struggle with the natural needs of life, often distorts human nature. This not only leads to unhealthy sexual psychology, but also has adverse effects on people's lives.

Sexual shame is a normal psychological phenomenon and belongs to the normal category.

Shame comes from people's own contradictions For those things that are not recognized by us, but cannot be avoided and must be experienced, we can only face them with shame.

It is normal and advanced for people to have sexual shame, because shame itself is a kind of advanced emotion that we humans have produced and inherited in evolution.

Sexual shame is by no means a "shame" thing. It doesn't matter whether you have it or not, because sexual shame is a very normal thing. Don't ask your friend, I don't believe you don't have such a friend.

Thirdly, sexual shame is an escape from life.

Shame about sex spread like a plague on this planet. People use all kinds of secretive and childish words, such as "Tintin", "Sister" and "Love" to talk about all kinds of things related to sex. It is also blood, but many people insist that menstrual blood is dirtier than nosebleeds; When children explore genitals with curiosity and joy, they are often violently attacked and banned by adults, which has a psychological shadow on sex since then; Many people actually have a lot to say and a lot of questions to ask about sex, but they can't say it or have nowhere to say it. ...

Some people worry that if there is no shame and depression about sex, people will be addicted to it. However, who knows that the phenomenon of excessive indulgence and destruction of life balance is often due to long-term suppression of dissatisfaction. If you are finally free, of course you will want to make crazy compensation.

Let's look at an example of eating. Most people don't have much sense of shame and depression about eating, they eat casually, and they don't ruin their lives because they are addicted to food. However, if the demand for food is suppressed for a long time because of compulsive weight loss or other reasons, it will often be unbearable and the symptoms of overeating will appear.

If you had complete freedom and could enjoy all the food in the world, would you do nothing but eat for 24 hours? Do you want to stuff all the food in the world into your stomach? Or will you feel relaxed, secure and confident in this freedom, and only eat what you really want and feel comfortable after eating?

Many people misunderstand the phrase "the root of all evil". The original meaning of the word "obscenity" is excessive and has nothing to do with sex. Excessive will destroy the balance of life and naturally bring all kinds of pain. The real balance of an individual's life comes from personal exploration that is free, smooth and free from oppression and distortion. Just like weighing things with a scale, you need to explore left and right to finally find that balance. Any standard from external authority or the public is not necessarily your true balance.

Let's look at nature. Nature is full of sex. Flowers are the sexual organs of plants. They bloom shamelessly on the earth. People can't help admiring these beautiful genitals, taking pictures, smelling incense, eating vegetables and drinking tea ... but they often feel ashamed and disgusted with their genitals and think they are dirty and ugly.

Those lucky enough to give birth naturally are all born from the sacred vulva, and every part of the body has experienced a tight hug from the vulva. To think that vulva is ugly and dirty is to think that human life is born of ugliness and filth. What a fierce self-attack

Nature is sexy and lewd. Sexual energy continues to exist between heaven and earth, flowing and expressing in various forms. Butterflies fly to flowers, and peacocks display colorful screens, all of which are dances of this kind of sexual energy.

Not every situation is suitable for expressing sexual energy by words or actions, but it is not necessary to see, recognize, accept and celebrate the existence of one's inner energy. This flow of energy is as natural and wonderful as the sun setting on your head and the breeze blowing across your face.

Sexual energy is also much broader than sexual behavior. It can be expressed in too many ways, such as creation, such as dancing, such as eating a strawberry wholeheartedly and enjoying it. ...

Sex is often used as a scapegoat. Historically, people often attribute men's own unwise behavior to the sexual charm of "femme fatale", which is really unreasonable, just like students themselves don't want to study, but they blame the clouds outside the classroom for being too beautiful.

Without a detailed analysis of the cause of the matter, it is certainly easier to attack something that everyone is attacking; It is certainly a good idea to be lazy without thinking about how to use something correctly and wisely.

Shame is actually an escape. Shame makes people avoid talking about it, not facing it, avoiding real action, change and growth.

Perhaps, for sex, you still have a lot of confusion, a lot of pain, and many things that make you feel uncomfortable. But you don't have to be ashamed of it.

When the barriers of shame are removed, there will be more living space to let the light shine in.

Sex is sacred. Consciously using it is a door for the soul to go home.

Sex is normal. There are countless ways to love, and sex is one of them.

Sex is a miracle, and you have experienced it. You are a miracle, and this universe is the echo of miracles.

Fourth, the causes of "sexual shame"

1. Cultural customs

There seems to be no sex education in the education we received from childhood. Parents are ashamed to talk about sex with us, but they will use actions to convey to us that sex is shameful and dirty.

For example, if you are found reading a little yellow book, you will be severely beaten or scolded; For example, when we see kissing in TV series, we will calmly change channels to avoid embarrassment in front of our parents, but it will be even more embarrassing.

Because of the secret sex education received from childhood, many of us have a sense of sexual shame, especially in this respect, the requirements for women are more demanding. In the current relationship, it seems that many women can't generously ask for "I want to have sex with you".

2. Herd effect

Behind the shame is our deviation and violation of the rules.

Eve and Adam never felt ashamed when they played naked in the Garden of Eden, because no God told them it was wrong.

Some women in Africa don't wear tops, and outsiders will feel shy and shocked when they see topless breasts, but this is very common in the local area.

However, if someone plays happily naked in the square in our country, it will definitely be considered abnormal or mentally ill. Because it violates the rules we are used to, it is different from us.

Similarly, when a person feels ashamed, he feels that he is doing something that is not allowed, and this thing deviates from the public's judgment standard.

When we realize that we are just like others, we won't feel ashamed. This is the strength of the group, and it is also our psychological need to escape loneliness and seek identity. This argument also applies to shame.

3. Low self-esteem

Each of us has two evaluation systems: self-evaluation and evaluation by others.

When there is a problem with our self-evaluation system (such as low evaluation), we can't form a clear position for ourselves, and we often know ourselves with the help of outsiders' evaluation of ourselves.

When we are in a state of self-confidence (high self-evaluation), we seldom care about other people's evaluation.

For sexy and ashamed people, their self-esteem level is often lower than that of shameless people, and they will have complex emotional feelings such as self-denial, attack, self-blame and guilt.

Because they need to agree with other people's views on sex, and these views usually come from their parents' sexual ideas when they were young. As mentioned above, the sex education we have received since childhood shows that sexual shame has become a natural thing.

Verb (abbreviation of verb) How do women get rid of "sexual shame"

With the continuous development of society, women also have independent ability and consciousness. As an independent individual, women should also face up to their own desires. Everyone has his own desires, including sexual desire.

In people's subconscious, it is easy to associate the word sexy with slut. In fact, women themselves can be very sexy, which is also a symbol of female charm. This is not the same as a slut. Women should know the difference.

Sexiness is a part of women's life, but attractive women are often judged by various kinds, but women should also have courage, but these courage may also be hated and have certain risks.

When you think about the charm of women in live high, you may be criticized by others, and even women will reject themselves, but you must know in your heart that you have done nothing shameful and there is no need to feel ashamed.

With the development of the times, this sexual shame may gradually fade away, but this process may be very long. After all, it is also influenced by traditional culture, but women should not suppress themselves to pay for the sorrow of the times and let themselves live so tired forever.

You have to embrace yourself and accept yourself. Tell yourself: "Don't be embarrassed, it's all normal." If you can, hug her and accept her. Say, "Don't be ashamed, that's right."

Ding guijun

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