1, the boss found that the office security door was broken. He ran to the nearest prison for help and asked if anyone could unlock the lock. Soon, a prison guard brought a prisoner, and the prisoner opened the door easily. The boss said, "admire, admire, how much does it cost to open a lock?" Prisoner: "Oh ... I took 300 thousand from the lock last time." Boss: ......
My friend is a hen-pecked wife. I don't know how his wife provoked him. He was furious: "You mess with me again, just like this piece of paper." Then he shredded the paper in his hand. The wife said nothing and slapped him: "I will make you angry." See what you do to me? " Said, her hands rested on her hips, glaring. Who knows, my friend held back for a long time and said, "You ... don't bother me."
I was worried about my father's Alzheimer's disease, so I took him to see a doctor. The doctor asked him to do an evaluation test, and the result was not satisfactory. When I came back, I asked him why he didn't answer well. He lowered his voice and secretly said, "I asked him (the doctor) such a simple question in Doby."
I am usually a thrifty person. Once my girlfriend watched me play CF, and at first I played two shuttles of bullets. She said, I usually save one person, and playing games is too wasteful. I turned around and said loudly, you know a P. I usually die before I finish a shuttle. It's a waste not to type it!
My wife spent 20 yuan pocket money last week! I have no money to buy a decent pack of cigarettes at a friend's party this week. At this time, the son said to his wife: the school pays the money and the information needs 100! His wife gave him a red-haired grandfather without saying anything. After my wife went out, my son gave me the money and said earnestly, "Dad, this is your loan. When I get married, you must help me ... look at my son's back, he is so full of vigor and vitality. I am full of joy! " !
6. On the bus, a father was holding a little girl. Lori was reciting an ancient poem when she was reading it: "At noon on the day of weeding, soil was buried in the mine, and my father went over and blew it to 250. "The whole car is laughing!
7. Me: I was so angry that my big mouth actually said that I looked like a pig. Friend: Shh! Keep your voice down Me: Why? I'm afraid others will hear what the big head said about me? Friend: Not afraid of being heard, but afraid of being heard by pigs. Me: Huh? Friend: You should fight more pigs.
8. A couple wants a divorce and can't fight for custody of their children in court. They all want this baby. The judge was annoyed and said impatiently, "Well, don't divorce first, go back and have another child, and then divorce. There is no need to argue."
9. I went to the gym today, because I was indoors for work reasons, so my skin was white and tender, and because I was too thin, I was greeted by all kinds of eyes as soon as I entered the gym ... At this moment, a muscular man came face to face and said to me with a smile: Hello, Mom. Out of politeness, I silently replied: Hello, son ~
10, I met a good brother yesterday. His face was blue and he was smoking. Say to me: Brother, I can't turn my head. I was very surprised. I'm worried about asking him if he's guilty. He: My neck was stiff last night. .
1 1. Today, I met a beautiful woman holding a puppy on the road, stroking and saying, "Baby, are you hungry? Tell mom. . "After listening to this, I felt that her relationship with the dog was unusual, so I went up and asked," Beauty, does your dog lack a father? "
12. In class, the teacher sat by the fire and said to the students, "Think twice before you speak, at least count to fifty, and count to one hundred for important things." The students scrambled for the number and finally said, "ninety-eight, ninety-nine, one hundred." Teacher, your clothes are on fire. "
13, Xiao Ming said to the master: My parents abandoned me and my girlfriend didn't want me. Master, can you change my life? The master's finger points to a mountain. Xiao Ming thought for a moment and said, Master makes me feel as calm as a mountain. Shouldn't I be so impatient? Master: I don't want to be a fucking master. There is also a hill over there. Leave me alone!
14, in front of a young woman, with a graceful figure and a good face, was also waiting in line in a bag of hip skirts. A young man standing next to her has been clamoring for a young woman to hug him. The young woman kept silent. Later, shota got angry and pulled the skirt corner of the young woman with her hand and said, Ma Ma, if you don't talk to me again, I will pull your skirt! At this time, a man next to him said: children can't get used to it. If you don't hug him, see if he dares.
15. On the bus, there was a young couple with a child. The child kept crying, and then the young father tried to coax him, so he held him in his arms and threw him high. Suddenly, with a bang, the child's head hit the top of the bus, and the child cried more happily.
16, girls and college students went climbing, and one of the boys secretly loved girls. The girl climbed to the top of the mountain and looked at the great rivers and mountains of the motherland. She couldn't help but move in her heart and shouted: motherland, my mother! The boy immediately shouted: motherland, my mother-in-law!
17, I took the bus with my girlfriend today. Because there is no seat, there are old people next to me, and my girlfriend is carsick and lying in my arms. I saw an old man who was not very old next to me, so I got up my courage and said, Uncle, my wife is pregnant. Can you stand for a while? We will get off soon. Uncle readily agreed, and his girlfriend suddenly shouted: Dad!
18, Ma Ma called me again and forced me: "I don't have any requirements for who you are looking for to fall in love and get married. Just have a house and be a man. " I scoffed: "Can't women?" She was silent and said nothing. The next day, Tianma called again: "Does she have a house?"
19, a beautiful woman was carrying a big bag of things on the bus (it's time to go shopping in the supermarket), but there was no seat on the bus, so she found a man and said, handsome boy, can I sit for a while? I'll pay you back later. The handsome guy replied: Well, all right. An ugly girl started to learn in an instant, walked up to a man and said the same thing. Result. . And the man said, get out!
20. While drinking coffee at Starbucks, a beautiful woman came up to me and asked me, "Handsome guy, do you mind taking a picture?" My husband smiled: "Of course not!" "Then the beauty picked up the coffee cup and took some photos for herself.
2 1, Lao Wang: Why is Xiaoming so sad to see you today? Xiaoming: Today, the dean found out about the appointment and found my girlfriend ... Lao Wang: No wonder you were talked to by the dean! Xiao Ming: It would be nice to have a chat. The key is that the dean let the boys go, especially not me! ! ! Lao Wang: …
22, men are a little colored. Once I was sick and hung water in the hospital, looking at the beautiful little nurse who was preparing salt water. The man took advantage and said to the nurse, Come on! I'll wait for you in bed! The nurse listened, paused for a few seconds, and then smiled: Then, you can't scream!
23. Two thieves are communicating. One said, "Stealing a better roof can sell for hundreds of thousands. I think the plane is the most valuable. According to newspaper reports, a plane costs tens of millions. " The other said, "That guy is so big, how can he steal it?" He just stole it and hid it there. " The thief said, "You idiot, when the plane flies into the sky, it will only be bigger."
24, old seven, tell you something! Recently, a female colleague in the company took a fancy to me and always looked at me when eating. Old seven: Come on, I'm losing weight!
25. Colleagues rent a house and get off work late. Usually her son gets home first, so the landlord always invites the children to eat together at dinner. My colleague felt embarrassed and told his son sternly that he was not allowed to eat at other people's homes, and his son accepted it gladly. The next day, the landlord invited the children to dinner again. Children are embarrassed to say that my mother won't let me go to your house for dinner. The landlord paused and was about to let him. The child went on to say that ordering food is ok, and dishes are ok.
26. Policeman: "What did you do? Honest account! " Rogue: "At that time, I went to Ms. Huang's company to see if there were any specific cooperation intentions. As a result, she said that she was too busy to talk to me, so I patted my ass and left. " Policeman: "the question is, why the fuck are you patting Ms. Huang's ass?"
27. When I went to the toilet, I saw that only the abbreviation of NC was marked on the toilet door. English experts in the same trade said: NC is a men's toilet. Then suddenly enlightened, enter, take off, squat, in one go. Suddenly, the light flashed. What's the abbreviation of the ladies' room?
28. At work this morning, a beautiful woman fell in front of me and was about to help me. My friend gave me a hand and asked, Do you have any money? I thought about it and left, little man. Want to correct me? Are all the little girls out to commit crimes now? Later, a friend went to help her up, and then she got the phone number to talk about Sheng Huan. Something seems to be wrong!
29. Going to the movies yesterday was extremely expensive. I said to the conductor, "Your price here is so high." The conductor said calmly, "This is a price fraud." . Wow, Kaka, I really like being a father.
30. My roommate, the poison-tongued man, is a master of pS. Once, I told him: Do me a favor, and my avatar will be sent to Renren. Help me become handsome! Poisonous tongue man readily agreed, and soon, he finished, give it back to me! I cried in surprise as soon as I saw it. I asked you to help me become handsome. Why did you mosaic me? Poisonous tongue man replied: how can your appearance not be handsome, or put on a mosaic, let people use the method of association, maybe you can still be handsome!
Editor's note: I gave my dad a mobile phone for his birthday the other day. I played with his mobile phone yesterday and found that he started playing WeChat, so I pretended that a stranger had added him. . . Today, he began to tell me that he had a disappointing son. . .
40 funny phrases about humor and embarrassing things.
Introduction: "What is the difference between having a son and a daughter?" "My daughter is worried about the animal headmaster in primary school, the animal teacher in junior high school, the animal classmate in high school, the animal professor in university, and the animal leader who goes out to work. As for having a son? You just need to worry about him. Do not be an animal. . "
1, "Today, a sister said I was sunny. Hey, do you think I'm interesting? " "Come on, in fact, what she means is that you look dazzling and ugly."
2. My girlfriend was in a bad mood and suddenly asked me, "Remember what I told you that time?" "Which time?" "You really don't remember, get out!"
Damn it, God can't stop women from making trouble! !
3. I went out to play with my best friend, and she suddenly said, "Your date is very handsome." I said, "Really?" Girlfriend: "Well, it's really handsome." I was suddenly overjoyed. I didn't expect my best friend to say, "I've always wondered why he took a fancy to you because he was so handsome."
4. A man is chatting with his girlfriend about qq. Man: Wife, I cheated on you. Girlfriend (suppressing anger): With whom? Man: I didn't hold back just now and committed a crime with my right hand. Girlfriend (exhaling): Well, it's okay, one of our own. . .
I played a joke on my girlfriend on the spur of the moment. Just after I cheated on you, the other picture went black ... now the phone is turned off. . . Damn it. . . .
6. Walking with my boyfriend likes to hug his waist and pull his clothes. Walking one day, he suddenly said, "Will you stop pulling my clothes?" I was unhappy and said, "can't you have a baby when you talk to me?" Then he said, "Don't pull my baby clothes …", I: …
7. Call your classmates to chat when you are idle. My classmates are depressed. I didn't know until I asked. He didn't sleep all night last night. Ask again, their dormitory next door opens and closes in the middle of the night for three hours. My classmate finally couldn't stand it. He rushed to their dormitory and asked loudly, "What are you scum doing!" The other party was stunned for 3 seconds and timidly replied: clip ... clip walnuts.
8. I went out to ride a bike in the afternoon and suddenly received a text message from my father: "Pay attention to safety on the road, drive well and don't read the text message." I rode well, but I hit a tree at once.
9. My colleague gave me a Chinese knot, saying that hanging it in the car would bring fortune. Sure enough, not long after I hung on the car, someone knocked on the window: "Will Tongzhou Beiyuan go for twenty dollars?"
10, a man went into a bar for recreation and found a beautiful woman sitting alone. The man accosted: "Miss, are you lonely?" The beauty looked at the man and smiled and said, "No, I still have one in my stomach." There is a shy boy who always meets a beautiful MM when eating breakfast outside every morning! Over time, this shy boy took a fancy to this MM! Finally, one day, the boy got up the courage to go to MM and said, "What's your name, please?" MM looked at her breakfast and answered strangely, "Beef noodles!"
1 1, a frustrated man, his parents are sick and his family is too poor to marry a wife. When I was desperate, I met the magic lamp. The magic lamp said, write down your three wishes and I will satisfy you. The frustrated man wrote: I wish my parents health, a rich family and a beautiful wife. The depressed man came home and saw that the house had become magnificent. When he opened the door, his parents were in high spirits. The depressed man rushed into his room and saw an air conditioner on the bed.
12, a MM complained: "That man laughed at me yesterday, but today he turns his face and denies anyone!" My friend advised MM: "Hey, relax, people are very realistic now." MM asked, "Then can you tell me why people are so realistic?" The friend thought for a moment and said, "Well, I'll tell you if you give me a hundred dollars."
13, today, I saw my colleague realize "sliding unlocking" on the laptop! Really, I was shocked when I saw it at the scene. This is an abnormal bunker … do you know? ! His computer boot unlock password is "ASDFGHJKL", and then swish past, the last key left in the carriage return, just, just unlocked!
14, friend A said: Our company really sent out two boxes of moon cakes. Friend b said: it's good to have moon cakes ~ we sent a box of fruit; I looked at them disdainfully ~ took out my iphone~ They were shocked! Wow, you sent cell phones? I smiled disdainfully again: Hum! My welfare is to bless SMS ~
15, "I used to be", "I used to be a friend" and "I used to be a classmate" are called the three insurmountable gods.
16, it seems that many men are reluctant to admit that they have downloaded porn. Generally, they will say, "No, but I have a colleague/classmate who loves it very much. I copied it from him. " # Behind every man, there is a colleague/classmate who likes watching porn #
17. I went to the bank to withdraw money with a buddy today. He took it. Seeing a suggestion book next to it, I took it and looked at it. I only saw a few big letters written with nails on the first page: Why is there no pen?
18, arguing with my best friend. She texted her boyfriend and said, "Break up!" Her boyfriend immediately called and texted to apologize for all kinds of inquiries. He was so nervous that he hardly cried. I sent the same message to my boyfriend. It took five minutes for the goods to reply to me, "Hey, your sister, is your period coming?" ! "You just have your period. .
19, an English professor once ate in a western restaurant. After eating, he said in very standard English, "waiter, please check out!" Waiter, pay the bill! ) "As a result, the waiter ran to the kitchen and shouted at a chef," Hello! Bill, someone is looking for you outside! "
20. My neighbor kept shaking his legs, and I was embarrassed to stop him, so I had to follow his frequency to eliminate discomfort. We shook together for a while, and he suddenly stopped and looked at me with an apology in his eyes, as if he had something to say to me. It seems that he has realized his mistake. I responded with a tolerant smile and encouraging eyes. He finally said, "I'm sorry, can you stop shaking your legs?"
2 1, I just went downstairs to buy a drink, and I saw that the new sour plum soup has two flavors, one is Mei Impression and the other is Mei Taste ... I suddenly don't want to buy it. ...
22. Qianlong and Washington actually died in the same year, and they always feel that they are not in the same dimension.
23. Me: "I think my child is the best gift from God." Wife: "What about me?" Me: "You are heaven". My brother is happy by reaction all his life.
24. If girls spend half of their skin care energy on it, not to mention brushing the machine, it is more than enough to invade the server of the White House.
25. It is said that when two people get along for a long time, they will reach an inexplicable tacit understanding. For example, if you ignore me, I will ignore you.
26. "A really good man doesn't play games, DOTA or WOW. But when he plays the game, as long as you send a text message, a phone call and a QQ, he will directly quit the game for you. " -this kind of person is commonly known as' pig-like teammate'. Don't team up with him.
27. Last time someone I didn't know called me on QQ. Ask me how old I am. I said 16. Did he say you were a virgin? I said no, and then he started talking about me, saying that the post-90 s are all brain-dead, and I don't care about my health at such a young age. How can I tell my parents? Then I just hacked him. I think I 16 years old, not a virgin. Why? I am a man, not a virgin. Why?
28. "My conditions for my boyfriend are stable, considerate, gentle, loving home, filial piety and self-motivated." "I see, what you are looking for is complementarity, right?"
29. "Spring flowers still go, people are not surprised"-this poem vividly depicts the sad mood of this "overwhelmed" old man.
30, the high number gives me the feeling of one: this fucking card is still used! Two: How the fuck is this proved? Three: You can fucking prove it! God replied: the little girl gives people the feeling that, first of all, it's still a fucking trick! Second, how the fuck is this! Three, still can be so fucking coax!
3 1, peeing while swimming is actually quite common, but you should remember not to use backstroke in the future. The manager of the swimming pool said to me angrily.
32. Walking in the street today, two women were fighting. I thought to myself, so many people have stopped fighting, so I won't join in the fun. Just turning to leave, I suddenly heard a voice, "Take off her clothes and pull her pants to see how she behaves in the future." Oh, my God, who are these people? So I went back to the crowd.
Yesterday, I proposed to my girlfriend in a western restaurant. Suddenly, a woman came up and cried that she was pregnant with my child. I quickly explained to my girlfriend, "If you don't promise me today, you will end up like this woman."
34. The goldfish died at home, and my husband asked for help in a circle of friends ... all kinds of comments and ideas. This product adopts an easy-to-understand and easy-to-operate trick: change fish frequently! ! ! !
35. Dad said: 500 yuan will be rewarded for doing well in this exam. As a result, I failed. I just want to tell him in this way that I am not a person who is easily moved by money.
36. In my life, I have repeatedly said that the journey away is ... going to the bathroom.
37. Actually, looks really don't matter. Love cares about feelings, but I don't feel ugly.
38. I find that most men who have mistresses are rich, so I also want to find a mistress to try and see if I can get rich.
39. "When my wallet was so poor, I never saw much money in my life." God replied, "It's sad to be your mirror. You have never seen anyone in your life. "
40. "If you had to choose one thing, would you choose the ugly one or the stupid one?" God replied, "Stupid. Because of ugliness, I knew I was ugly at once; And stupid, I may never know that I am stupid. "
Editor's note: I got up early this morning and ran away last morning. I found a Jp man chasing an unknown girl on the playground and shouting "Do you love me?" As the girl ran, she shouted, "I don't love it, not even after death!" " "Then he pointed at me and said," I love him! " "Then I saw Jp man running towards me, damn it!
Play silly jokes and make you cry, but don't coax.
1. Confess to the goddess: Please don't refuse me, or I will be devastated and schizophrenic. Goddess: Then please line up and leave.
2. W: Honey, I heard that you have been absent-minded at work recently, and your output has dropped sharply. Where's your heart?
M: That's strange. Last time we dated, didn't you want me to give you my heart?
3, eat a girlfriend: If you want to break up one day, you must ask in the summer!
M: Why?
Woman: It's convenient for me to go to the barbecue stall to drown my sorrows!
4. When I met my first boyfriend with his son, the atmosphere was awkward because I hadn't seen him for many years and there was no topic, so he took the lead in breaking the embarrassment and said, I heard that you told people everywhere that I was dead.
Um ... .
5, sent a few photos of yourself in the circle of friends!
A man said: saved!
I smiled: I am not responsible for killing you when your wife finds out!
Who knows, he replied: such a photo, when you see it, you think it is an expression pack.
Shit. . . Boss, get him out! ! ! Well, don't kick me out of the group!
The idiot with the best IQ laughs till he cries.
Guide: A man was starving in the desert when he found the magic lamp. Magic lamp: "I can only realize your one wish." Hurry up, I'm in a hurry. " Man: "I want a wife ..." The magic lamp immediately conjured up a beautiful woman, and then disdained to say: "I am starving and covet beauty! Pathetic! " Then he disappeared. Man: "... cake."
1, a young artist asked the Zen master, "I am doing the most ordinary work in a most basic position. I feel that I have no future, and I am very unwilling. " The Zen master picked up a rope around him and lit it. Looking at the dazzling fire, the young man said thoughtfully, "Zen master, I understand that even the most common rope has its own glory!" " The Zen master said, "Fuck off! I mean, I'm burning my life and talking to you! "
2. Teacher: Xiao Ming, why did you fight again? Even if you win the fight, you can't do anything, and you can't beat others. Xiao Ming: Who said that? I can rub my way. Teacher: Can you do judo? Show the students Xiao Ming: How to perform here? Teacher: Then go to the playground? Xiaoming: Only hotels can do it. Teacher: Get out! !
3. My buddy and I went to eat Lamian Noodles, and there was a beautiful woman sitting opposite us. My buddy said to me,' Does she look familiar to you?' I thought, how do you know just by looking? I decisively took a bite of Lamian Noodles, beauty, cooked! See if my buddy has any questions.
4, high school chorus, our class sings the Yellow River chorus, and the monitor leads the singer, but he is particularly nervous. Finally, it was our class's turn. The monitor said, "The wind is whistling! The horse is barking! Ready ... call! " . Since then, he has been immortal in our school. ....
One day, the cat and the dog got married and then divorced. The judge asked, "Why?" The dog said, "since we got married, cats seldom come into the house. Their behavior is a bit strange." The cat said, "No, I'm just chasing mice!" " "Dog:" Listen! "
6. Somehow, it's very hot recently. I went downstairs and bought a small pudding. I was chatting with a classmate in the shade, so I put it in the sun. Yes, two minutes later, I went home with a bag of hot milk. . .
7, temporarily sharing a small house, originally separated by a big room and a small hall, only to find out at night that the next door shared a small woman, who was not ugly, and she became wicked. She was bored in bed and found a small hole in the partition wall. Maybe she hung up her clothes before and suddenly felt the opportunity came. I quickly leaned down and almost peed. There is a hovering eyeball in it! !
8. Teacher: "You can use it to make sentences." Student: "Since you asked me to make a sentence, I'll make one." The teacher is stupefied.
9. Teacher: "Are you aware of the shortcomings of sleeping in class?" Student: "I know." Teacher: "What are the shortcomings?" Student: "The disadvantage is that it is not comfortable to sleep in bed."
10, I saw Xiaoli next door just after I went out, and I was very happy. I asked, "Why is Xiao Li so happy today? Did you find the money? " Li: No, I didn't pick up the money. I picked up a box of condoms. I said, "Really! Give me a few! " Li: This is a large size. Your husband can't use it! "Me: Your husband can't use it! suddenly ...
1 1. Both husband and wife have lovers outside and often go out to find excitement by themselves. They seldom spend the night together. One day, both of them were at home, feeling a little guilty, so they were gentle. I don't want the two of them to sleep until the early hours of the morning, when my wife suddenly turned over and sat up and said loudly in her dream, "Oh, no, my husband is back!" " "My husband got up at once, and quickly picked up all the clothes! Jumped out of the window ..
12, the vampire bat came back covered in blood, and the bats were very envious. They asked him where he got so much blood. He took the bat to a big tree and asked, Do you see that big tree? Answer: Yes. It: Damn, I didn't see it.
13, I was watching TV with relish and was interrupted by an advertisement. I muttered, "It's really annoying." The wife smiled and said, "What's bothering you? Look, handsome, find the gap. Time will pass quickly. " After the wife finished, the second advertisement was interrupted. That's a bathing advertisement made by Lin Chi-ling. I turned to look at my wife and said, "You should find the gap this time."
14, one thing at the same table, love to sing old songs. I went crazy again the other day, singing "The Man who Tied the Horse". At this time, I couldn't help it any longer. I opened my mouth and said, "You are bad. Boy. " The goods froze on the spot and stopped humming for two days. As a result, I sang Bad Boy, Bad Boy. The unlucky child said, "You are mighty and magnificent." This is naked revenge.
15. I just took my sister's children to buy snacks and saw a dollar on the way. I was too lazy to pick it up, so I asked the child, "Did you see that dollar?" The child said, "I saw it. What should I do?" I said helplessly, "Pick it up."
16. Today, the second-rate girlfriend confessed again. "What kind of person can marry a beautiful goddess with high IQ and emotional intelligence?" I said, "Blind."
17, when I was a child, my parents took me home one day and caught me in the middle when I was walking … I don't know which nerve took the wrong line and sang a smoking song "A chicken in my left hand and a duck in my right hand …" My father glared at me and slapped me … Who knows my mother went on to sing "I suddenly made me vomit blood …" There was a toad in the middle.
18 One day, while watching If You Are the One, I suddenly asked my wife next to me: Why are there 24 female guests if You Are the One? The wife answered without thinking: 1 hour 1 ... holy cow, really amazing!
19, my girlfriend thinks I'm short and poor. It's been almost a year since we broke up. Just now, she called me and said she was pregnant, and the man lost contact. What a sad cry! Don't know how to comfort! Me: "Nothing! Having a baby, my brother is coming! " I put out my cigarette and sang, "There are so many people watching your jokes, and I am just one of them. Don't be romantic. I'm happy and no one wants me to be single. . .
20. Teacher: Why do you always fail in the next class? Xiaoming: Because you didn't teach the class next door! ! ! Teacher: Get out. ...
2 1. There is a "physiological touch" in the classroom. The teacher said, "Everyone should have heard that pain is divided into twelve grades in medicine. The first level refers to the pain of being bitten by mosquitoes, and the twelfth level is the most painful level, which is the pain of women during childbirth. " At this point, someone raised his hand and asked, "Teacher, is there a grade 13 pain?" Another student volunteered: "It's just that a woman was bitten by a mosquito during childbirth!
My friend is getting married next month. I'm nervous. Why? Just like an exam, it is inevitable to be nervous when you see others hand in their papers. As more and more people hand in their papers, you hand them in hastily. If you don't hand in your papers then, the teacher will drag you to hand them in. . . What a painful understanding. . .
23. When I was a child, I often did bad things with my friends in primary school. One day, my friend told me that my father was not at home! I went to my house and stole a glass of wine. While we were talking nonsense in a daze, his father suddenly came back. My little friend stood up and said to his father, Dad, don't fucking hit me! I didn't drink! ! Then the whole street was crying.
24. In the morning, I went to the bank to withdraw money. There were too many people, so I chose number 48 and called it number 9. When I sat down to have a rest, a girl smiled and dreamed of Duke Zhou, holding the number 14 in her hand, feeling that young people nowadays are really too sleep-deprived. . . In order to let her have enough sleep, she quietly changed our number and hid her merits and demerits and fame.
25. Two men met in the hospital. One person said, "Our temporary workers are really unlucky. We don't like people at ordinary times, and we have to be responsible for something! " Another person said, "I have the same experience as you." The person in front asked, "What, are you a temporary worker?" "No, I'm a spare tire."
26. The fat man said to his girlfriend, "It's so hot that I want to eat you." The girlfriend said shamefully, "It's very spicy, but how can you be willing to eat this baby?" The fat man wiped her sweat and said, "Because you are a sweaty baby now!" " "
27. A woman I met in middle school happened to be in a new environment. She is not far from me. It was past ten last night. I called her and wanted to treat her to a midnight snack. She said, would you please have a midnight snack? I don't know if she didn't see the caller ID or something, but she actually said, fast food is 300, and overnight is 800. Is this really good?
28, canteen, friends checkout, 46 yuan, meal coupons issued by our unit, 6 yuan per person, gave six. A friend came over and said, "Six, six, forty-eight, give me two more pieces." The proprietress said bitterly, "Young man, don't fool me."
29. Early in the morning, my drinking buddy's wife called me and scolded me, saying that I shouldn't let her husband drink so much and let him still lie in the kennel! Wait for a while said it was his own bed, damn it. Forget it, I quickly loosened the toilet that I had been holding all night!
30. On the bus, a little boy of about four or five years old has been holding on to the decorative chain on his mother's clothes. After a while, he will say, "Mom, I like this. Can I have this after you die? " His mother looks black. "I can give it to you if I am not dead."
Editor's note: A woman is squatting in the toilet without paper. After squatting for a long time, I found someone next door, so I knocked next door and asked if there was any more paper. The woman replied, if I bring paper, can I stay here with you? I had no choice but to settle it with money, and then I rummaged through my bag and asked next door if I could change some pieces. After a while, a few coins were stuffed next door!