Because of me, it is better!

Don't underestimate yourself, people have unlimited possibilities.

Winners never give up, and quitters never succeed.

Knowing how to review after failure is the mother of success!

Only by fully relaxing can we attack effectively.

As long as there is the right method, success is a simple matter.

Without hard sweat, there will be no tears of success.

There is no despair in the world, only people who are desperate to leave the country.

10 people can do it because they believe.

Don't wait for opportunities, but create them.

12 desire enhances enthusiasm and perseverance smoothes mountains.

Where there is a will, there is a way. If I act, I can.

14 to change your destiny, you must first change yourself.

The following is an English story about encouragement and trust, some of the most successful stories in history. Listener friends. Sophia, we may not have listed the great names of literature. When Nathaniel aheartbrokenman came home and told his wife thewasafailure that she had been fired by the customs, she surprised him. "Now," she said proudly, "you can write a book!" "Yes," the man replied, with a sigh of confidence, "what are we going to live on when I write it?" Tohisamazement，sheopeneddrawerandpulledoutasubstantialamountofmoney。 "Where did you find it?" He was fired. "I always knew you were a great genius," she told him. "I know that one day you will write a masterpiece. So every week, you take a little out of my housework income. So here is the new eyelet. Scarlett is one of the greatest novels in the history of American literature. Your goal in life is always out of reach? | Because you didn't get a glimpse of the "true face" of the target, many people shouted to lose weight every day, but still maintained their original high weight for several years. The treadmill has never been used except for eating ash once; Employees in the workplace make plans at the beginning of each year, but the time for making plans is over, and few people can really implement them; Many parents and school teachers ask their students to list their semester goals every time they start school. What's their score? Where did you join the class? But few students can really do it. In fact, we all feel that at least one aspect of life needs to be improved or changed. Whether it is to impress the boss, improve our financial situation or improve our ability in a certain aspect, we all want to do better, even try, but why can't we always do it in place? What is even more speechless and frustrating is that we sometimes fail repeatedly. I saw a message on the Internet the other day: "Why is the goal I want in life always out of reach?" A particularly helpless question, so someone below replied: "Set a small goal and finally set a big goal. Perseverance is the key. " This reply is almost the standard answer in everyone's mind, but it is also the most correct nonsense! Why? You don't know what kind of thinking he is, what his goals are, why he sets goals, and what kind of environment he is in. What makes you know what he should do? You must ask: what is the correct answer to achieve your goal or even success? I recently read a book called Success, Motivation and Goals, and I found the answer in it. I like this book very much, because all the author's theories and methods about goals are based on a lot of psychological scientific research and experiments, which straighten out a lot of things related to the ins and outs of goals and help us understand what goals are. How to set goals in a targeted way? How to achieve a goal effectively? The author of this book is Heidi Grant Hall Watson. She is a doctoral student in social psychology at Columbia University. She is currently the deputy director of the Center for Motivation Science at Columbia University. He has published academic achievements in authoritative academic magazines, BBC, Harvard Business Review and other heavyweight media for many times. This book is based on her latest psychological research on motivation and goals. Let's take a look at the essence of this book. 1. Do you think aggressively or defensively? In the book Success, Motivation and Goals, it is said that different understanding of goals will lead you to a completely different path and produce completely different results. Different people have different goals and needs. Even with the same goal, the perspective, thinking mode and realization mode of the goal are completely different, mainly including offensive thinking and defensive thinking. So what's the difference between these two kinds of thinking? What is enterprising thinking? Aggressive thinking is an ideal state, and the understanding of goals focuses on achievements. The essence of this goal is to "maximize income" and avoid missing all opportunities for growth. In the book, the author lists examples of her 1 year-old son learning to walk. Her husband is a typical enterprising person. For a husband, helping his son learn to walk is an achievement, and it is also a necessary condition for him to grow further and gain new abilities through walking. For example, in the process of learning to walk, the husband will let the children climb high and low, including conquering the stairs. His goal is to grow up. What is defensive thinking? Defensive thinking is a conservative state. The essence of this goal is "loss minimization" and capital preservation, with the focus on "what should I do". On the issue of helping his son learn to walk, the author is a typical defensive thinking. For her, the first thing to help her son learn to walk is to ensure safety. In the process of learning to walk, she should stay away from all possible dangers and don't let her son fall because of bumps. Her goal is to avoid loss, not to pay attention to whether she has grown. Although the author and her husband have the same goal in helping their son learn to walk, the way and result of helping his son are completely different because they understand this goal in two different ways of thinking. We found that in fact, everyone has both offensive and defensive ways of thinking to varying degrees, but everyone has a dominant goal. Some people focus on offensive goals, while others focus on defensive goals. Then some people will ask, how are offensive targets and defensive targets formed? The root cause is the difference in demand. The book puts forward the theory that the goals of "enterprising" and "defending" all come from people's general needs, that is, the need to be loved and safe, because people are born with the need to nurture and be safe. The goal of "enterprising" is to pursue achievement. In order to get love, the goal is to become the ideal self, gain recognition and respect from others, and gain love and a sense of belonging. The goal of "defense" is to avoid making mistakes. For safety, the goal is to be what you should be. Don't let others be angry and disappointed with yourself, and live a quiet and stable life. This difference, to a great extent, comes from the different ways we reward and punish our parents. For example, when you were a child, you came home with a 95-point test paper, and enterprising parents would praise you and show pride and intimacy. When your score is 59, your parents will feel a little sorry and will not show intimacy, so you will understand that only by meeting your parents' expectations can you get the love you need, so you have learned to constantly improve yourself. Defensive parents will be punished if they don't do well in the exam, and will not be punished if they do well in the exam, so that you will understand that you can get safety and security if you do well, and then learn how to avoid failure. Due to the different needs of goals, the motivations of offensive goals and defensive goals in the face of positive feedback and negative feedback also show opposite trends. Aggressive goals, trying to succeed, are driven by the desire for success, so when you get positive feedback, such as praise and praise, the stronger your desire for success, the more motivated you are, and when you get negative feedback and self-doubt, your expectations and motivation will drop a lot. The motive of trying to find a safe defensive target is vigilance, which is a desire to avoid danger. The more negative feedback and self-doubt, the more dangerous they feel, the higher their vigilance, but their strength increases dramatically. Therefore, how to give feedback according to different ways of thinking about goals is very different, otherwise it will be counterproductive. Through the different analysis of the above two ways of thinking, we understand that when you set goals, you must first understand whether you are an aggressive or defensive way of thinking. You can try to distinguish whether you understand the goal from the perspective of "gain" or "loss". Because only by correctly recognizing the two ways of thinking can we set the most suitable goals for ourselves and increase the probability of realization. Second, there are three "trade-offs" in setting a goal. Whether a goal can be achieved depends on how you position yourself and what is the reason behind achieving it. What kind of goal a person chooses will affect his interests and hobbies in the process of achieving his goals. That is to say, different goals not only determine how strong your motivation is, but also affect your mood, and ultimately determine how long you can persist in the face of difficulties. Therefore, in order to achieve the goal, we must formulate correct and reasonable goals and achieve three "choices". The first one: weigh whether your ideal goal is performance goal or being good at goal. One can set two kinds of ideal goals: one is a performance-oriented goal, which focuses on specific results and performance, with the purpose of reflecting self-worth, that is, proving that one is smart, talented, capable and superior to others; The other is to focus on the goal of growth, which is called being good at goals. This goal focuses on long-term performance, progress and growth, aiming at improving ability and judging yourself by whether you have made progress or not and whether you have learned knowledge and skills. Performance goals tend to work harder and achieve the most significant results because they want to prove that they are the "best" results. So if your goal is simple, it is beneficial to focus on "performance" to set goals. However, when you pursue performance goals, it is easy to become a victim of "self-realization prophecy", that is, in the face of difficulties, you may feel that you can't do it after a failure, so you will stop trying. The goal of being good at it is to focus on self-improvement rather than self-affirmation, so he focuses on doing his best to improve his ability and will not give up easily. Therefore, if your goal is complex, difficult and needs to be adhered to, it is beneficial to focus on "progress" to set the goal. For example, you have won a new business in the company. If you take this job as an opportunity to learn skills and accumulate experience, you will enjoy the process, you will be eager to seek help from others to grow up, and you will be less depressed when you encounter difficulties and setbacks, and you will not be a slave to emotions. If you regard it as an opportunity to get recognition and promotion from the leader, you may not take the initiative to ask for help, because you are ashamed to talk about it and are afraid that others will criticize your intelligence and ability. There is no absolute difference between performance goals and being good at goals, but please try to change performance goals into progress goals. When you change your focus from what you can prove to what you can learn, you will have more gains and happiness. Second: Do you really want to weigh the target, or is it foreign? Psychologist Martin seligman said that the strongest motivation and the greatest satisfaction of human beings come from their own choices. The goal you desire will bring a special kind of motivation-internal motivation, which is a desire to do things for the value of things themselves. So when setting a goal, ask yourself a question: Is this goal what you really want to achieve, or is it imposed on you by someone else's value evaluation system or the outside world? To know whether a goal can be achieved, we must first bring us happiness and happiness. A goal that cares about the affirmation of the outside world will not only make you happy, but also interfere with your pursuit of truly beneficial goals, thus reducing your happiness. I heard such a story recently. A boy is very clever. He likes to assemble equipment since he was a child. He has dismantled all the mechanical items in his house, and his academic performance is very good. Therefore, when he volunteered for the college entrance examination, he told his parents that he wanted to apply for the college of automobile maintenance. The thought of others driving their own modified cars on the road filled him with a sense of accomplishment and happiness. But my parents said: it's a shame for a schoolmaster to go to junior college or repair a car! So he had to give up his hobby and was admitted to another major in Tsinghua. However, after graduating from college, he took the college entrance examination again and chose to apply for the automobile maintenance college again. Later, he specialized in automobile assembly industry and finally found his own value. Therefore, there is no right life in this world unless it is what you want. So is the goal. So how to judge whether a goal is correct, that is, what you really want, needs to meet three basic needs of people: sense of relevance, sense of competence and autonomy. Sense of connection, love and desire to be loved. When your goal is to establish or consolidate interpersonal relationships and return to society, you will get the need for love and belonging from this sense of connection. For example, if we join a community and discuss and communicate with people, we can benefit from the new relationship. Ability to improve new skills. When your goal is related to personal growth, learning from experience and upgrading new skills, your curiosity, innate desire to learn and motivation to overcome difficulties will be enhanced. Autonomy is the source of internal motivation. When the goal you pursue is self-selected, such as starting from your own interests, ideals or expertise, rather than being enforced or controlled by rewards, people will be more motivated and successful when they feel that they have mastered their destiny. Therefore, "internalization" will only take effect when our basic needs are supported. If a goal is "internalized", you will gain stronger creativity, deeper analytical ability and stronger desire to work, all of which are brought about by the enhancement of internal motivation. The third type: is the balance goal effective? Many people failed to achieve their goals. First, they confuse their wishes with their goals. Desire, generally speaking, refers to the idea that I hope to realize in my heart. It is a wish, such as "I want to do better" and "I want to lose weight". Target refers to the situation or standard to be achieved through efforts and steps, such as "I want to reduce it to 100 kg". Many people feel that they have set many goals, but they have not turned their wishes into real goals. Without this change, their wishes will only stay at the level of "I want to travel to the south". If the plan only stays at the level of "thinking", you can't go anywhere in the end. Obviously, this goal is useless. What is an effective goal? Psychological research has found that concrete and difficult goals can stimulate excellent performance more than vague or simplified goals, and the gap is particularly obvious. Therefore, an effective goal has two conditions: one is concreteness. For example, "I want to lose weight" and "do better", which is obviously nonsense. This statement is too vague. If the goal is not specific and digital, it will lose its meaning of existence. Setting specific goals can let you know clearly what success looks like and keep you motivated from beginning to end. Ichiro, a Major League Baseball player, said in his book "Please Speak with Data" that he set himself the goal of completing 200 hits a year, not the goal of hitting percentage, and he set the number of hits as the goal to eliminate his escape. Because the anda rate can be achieved by reducing the number of anda, for example, if you only play once a season and succeed, then the hit rate is 100%, but only once a season, which is obviously not enough for a professional baseball player. If the goal is unclear, it is easy for us to compromise with fatigue and boredom, but we can't deceive ourselves with specific goals. The second is the difficulty. That is, the task is arduous. "Success, Motivation and Goals" pointed out that in a survey of nearly 3,000 federal employees, those employees who thought their jobs were challenging and that they and their colleagues were required by high standards performed best at the end of the year. Therefore, when setting goals, try to be as high as possible, work hard and try to exceed your current ability. Why? Because only with a certain amount of pressure, people will have the motivation to really improve themselves, learn new knowledge and skills, and face new things. Third, learn these "three tricks" to achieve the goal effectively. Many people think that the goal can't be achieved. The most common mistake is that they don't know the correct behavior, but the problem often lies in the execution of this step. For example, maybe we use the wrong method, can't stand it, procrastinate and have no confidence. The following three tricks help us make the target land effectively. The first trick: make a simple and effective plan Benjamin Franklin said: If you are not prepared, you are preparing for failure. The research results of motivation science show that nothing can defeat the factors that destroy the goal better than planning. Like goals, not all plans are equally effective. So what is an effective plan? An effective plan is "establishing execution intention", which is actually a "if" planning method, including the details, time, place and method of action. For example, if I want to lose weight, I have to list the details in my plan: step one, change "eat less" to "eat no more than 1500 calories a day"; In the second step, "do more exercise" should be changed to "go to the gym for one hour before going to work every Monday, Wednesday and Friday". In other words: if I have eaten 1500 calories, I can't eat any more; If it is Monday morning, I will exercise before going to work. For another example, in order to prevent myself from forgetting to call my dad every week, I made the following plan: If it is Saturday after lunch, I will call my dad. Whenever I finish lunch on Saturday, I always remember to call my father to establish a connection between the inevitable event of lunch and the target event by phone. Why is the "if" planning method effective? There are three functions: first, when we decide the details of actions, such as time, place and behavior, the plan will link the situation or suggestion (if) with the established behavior, and we can easily link them. Second, this situation or suggestion (Monday morning) is easily activated after it is established in our brain, so the brain will subconsciously search for any situation related to the environment. Third, over time, this kind of plan will be subconsciously started in the brain and become an automated program, which will no longer consume our strength resources-self-control. Just like when we get off work by car every day, we will start the car and drive home. Even if you don't have to think consciously, you will know the way home, and you can even chat with others while driving. After this automatic program becomes subconscious behavior, this is the magic of habit becoming nature, and it is natural to achieve the goal. The second measure: pay attention to the creation of trigger points in the environment. A study found that when French music is played in grocery stores, most people will buy French red wine; When playing German music, most people will buy German red wine. Changing the background music can stimulate consumers to have different associations, thus affecting sales. It can be seen that environmental factors can cause subconscious influence on people's consumption behavior. Similarly, the text or image related to the target in the environment can also be the trigger point for executing the target. First, the trigger point of target execution should be established in the environment. For example, in order to lose weight, I will post many photos of bikini beauties at home. Seeing these pictures, I will remember that I am losing weight, and my determination to refuse food will be much stronger. For example, in the office environment, we can put up inspirational posters with the words "team spirit" and "dedication and love for our jobs", and put up your favorite celebrity quotations in the bedroom. You may think that you don't like these things, and you turn a blind eye, but your subconscious mind has been influenced by them. In addition to words, images and other tools, those who are close to you and want you to do so will also become the fuse for our goal. For example, when a leader has very high demands on you and attaches great importance to you, when you think of him or see him, you will associate this leader with your high achievements and make you work harder. In Success, Motivation and Goals, it is pointed out that even strangers can be the trigger point of our goals through research. Psychologists call this phenomenon "target infection", and role models inspire us to a great extent through "target infection". In addition, the circle we live in is also very important. Liu Tong said in Who's Youth Is Not Confused: You will be what your friends are. The most important form of expression in this era circle is the community, or more grounded is the WeChat group. What kind of goal we want to achieve, we must contact people with the same frequency and the same goal in the circle. If you want to keep the motivation to achieve your goals, make your environment full of hints and trigger points. Through this trigger, your subconscious can work hard to achieve your goal. The third measure: do a good job of self-supervision. On the way to our goal, we have to admit that we always like procrastination and will be affected by various things. What we originally wanted to do always fell by the wayside, and many times we blamed the failure on the wrong reasons. In fact, in order to achieve the goal successfully, the most important thing to do is to do a good job of self-supervision. The first is progress feedback. The author points out in the book: If you can't see your progress at all, it's almost impossible for you to achieve your goal. Scientific research shows that without feedback, the dynamic mechanism will fail sooner or later. The brain only needs one simple principle when processing information about goals: reducing differences. For example, my weight loss plan is to lose half a catty every day and weigh myself twice a day, but I haven't weighed myself for five days. At this time, if you don't monitor your progress in time, your brain will not receive any news about the progress difference, and it will think that everything is normal, so the dynamic mechanism will gradually disappear, and my weight loss plan is likely to give up halfway. The second is to act immediately. The author points out that your belief in success only accounts for 20%~30% of the success factors. On the other hand, we strive for the goal, but there is a 70%~80% chance of giving up halfway. So what's the problem? Is to delay action. For example, we get up in the morning, have breakfast, send our children to school, and then look at our watches. We still have 20 minutes to go to work. How do you arrange your time? In fact, many things and goals can fill these 20 minutes. For example, you can read a book, clean your room, or keep a diary, but if we don't know how to allocate time for that, we will weigh it for half a day, and 20 minutes have passed. Therefore, regardless of the fragmentation time or the big time, if there is a corresponding goal, please grasp the present and act immediately. The third is to use self-control. Pursuing goals needs protection, even if the motivation is strong. Just like when losing weight, seeing a chocolate cake will trigger two goals at the same time-eating and not eating. At this time, we need self-control, and its task is to keep out irrelevant "hooligans". Psychologists call this mechanism "psychological shield". But self-control is as limited as muscle. If you use too much, you will be tired and need to rest and recover. Of course, "homemade muscles" are just like muscles, and we can improve our limits through exercise. In addition, you can also use the "target infection" method mentioned above to enhance self-control. For example, a person holding a barbell, thinking of friends with strong self-control, holds it for longer than thinking of friends with weak self-control. But the best way to reduce the need for self-control is to stop before it starts. For example, your goal is to get rid of the habit of brushing your mobile phone all the time. The best way is to keep your mobile phone out of your sight unless it is necessary. Finally, no matter what goals you set. But it's best not to do two things that require strong self-control at the same time. Studies have shown that people who deliberately lose weight in order to avoid common weight gain when quitting smoking will both fail to smoke and lose weight, and it is more effective to do one thing at a time. There must be a road to success, and there must be a reason for failure; Success is simple, as long as the method is correct.