In order to get rid of this state of fear, we hope to have a safe environment.
However, when you have money, a partner and a stable job ... only to find that they can only provide temporary protection, which will change with time, environment and other factors and cannot guarantee the peace of your life.
I like this sentence: "The bird standing on the tree is never afraid of the branch breaking, because she relies on his wings instead of the branch."
In fact, the real sense of security is for yourself.
On the Internet, some netizens posted posts, which caused many people to vomit.
The man lives in a first-tier city, with an annual income of nearly one million and a small two-bedroom apartment of 62 square meters, with a valuation of 4.5 million, a deposit of 1 10,000 and a car of 300,000.
With such high quality conditions, he is very anxious.
He described it as expensive now:
My child is three years old, and the old people on both sides can't take care of him. I asked my aunt for 5 thousand a month and 60 thousand a year.
Kindergarten 2000, 24,000 a year;
Both parents give 50 thousand living expenses every year;
It costs 30 thousand to repair cars every year ...
There are more and more places to spend money now, but the income has not increased in the past two years. In addition, when children grow up, they want to change to a bigger house, but they feel hopeless and anxious about changing houses when they see the skyrocketing housing prices.
Netizen straight: "You are here to show off your wealth."
He has a life that many people dream of, but he is still worried about the future, which is puzzling.
Actually, thinking about it is also true.
The house only provides a comfortable and safe environment, but it can't offset the anxiety caused by greater demand.
Taking money and house as the reliance of security is similar to bees seeking the outside light through glass, which seems to have a bright future, but they can never find a way out.
A few years ago, my friend Xiao Dan met her ideal partner and asked her to live in the best house, drive the best car and give her excellent living conditions. She liked it very much.
She felt safe, so she became a full-time wife after marriage.
Shopping for clothes every day and living a pampered life.
Contrary to expectations, this sense of security did not last long. A few years later, the husband fell in love with the little girl in the company, and the marriage was in crisis.
This made her fall into anxiety and panic, and denounced him with us: "It was he who said he would support me that made me a full-time wife. I shouldn't abandon everything and trust him. "
Putting a sense of security on material things and marriage is like giving one's happiness to the other.
The sense of security is not equal to the thickness of the wallet, the area of the house, and the arm of the lover.
The real sense of security is an internal psychological state, which needs to be sought inward.
Sun Qingyue, a media person, once shared the story of her friend Jingjing.
Jingjing joined a public institution after graduation, and usually organized activities for retired cadres. This job is very easy.
There is no development in the long run, so she wants to quit her job and go abroad for postgraduate study.
But people around her advised her: "Girls should be stable, have good institutions and not be busy at ordinary times. When you get married and have children, you can also take care of the children conveniently. There is no more cost-effective job. "
She felt that it made sense, and that the postgraduate entrance examination was too risky, so she gave up.
But when she saw her classmate's promotion, she wanted to quit her job and go to an internet company.
However, I think, if I am laid off, I will find another job with children and marriage. Isn't that more risky? ...
In this way, she has been working in the original unit.
Later, I heard that her organization was going to transfer personnel, and she fell into a deep panic. ...
This absolute sense of security did not bring her real sense of security.
The road few people take says:
In the TV series Dear Yourself, there is an impressive clip.
After Zhang divorced, she took care of her children while running business, which made her feel that life was very difficult and uncomfortable.
Fortunately, at work, she made friends with a high-quality man and confessed to her, hoping to form a new family with him, take care of their children at home and let him work well at home.
Zhang was very moved, but she turned him down after much consideration.
Zhang said: "A person who takes care of children is very tired and will panic, but doing what he likes every day will grow. Now I am very practical every day. I don't want to live a life that seems to be pampered and has no self. "
The seemingly challenging and unsafe future finally tempered Zhang and later became a company executive.
The so-called sense of security is not to have a reliable appearance, but to dare to face your inner fears and exercise your ability to live a good life.
It is a necessary survival skill for a person to dare to face inner anxiety.
Dong Qing once said: "Nothing is better than relying on yourself, because it is the safest."
Because when no one helps you, you must learn to be independent; You must learn to be strong when no one hurts you.
In fact, you are your biggest backer.
Wang, the author of Grassroots Women, tells his own story.
She was born in a rural family that preferred boys to girls. After graduating from technical secondary school, she fled to Shanghai to find a job in order to escape her mother's blind date arrangement.
She sold socks in the street and worked as a hotel waiter.
After working for ten years, all the money she earned was used to subsidize her family, hoping to get more recognition and love from her parents, but it backfired. Parents' attitude: Girls need a bride price when they get married, otherwise they might as well keep pigs at home.
So, she intends to rely on her boyfriend, but when she gets along, she always does nothing when she sees each other.
Later, I broke up decisively.
It is better to rely on yourself than on others.
Later, she went to a Japanese food store as a waitress.
In the restaurant, she found it more advantageous to know Japanese, so it took her more than two years to get a first-class certificate in Japanese.
She is like an earthworm in the dark, arching forward one by one and opening up her own territory.
If you like photography, you will start a photography company with others. As long as you need it, you can learn from scratch.
I began to learn painting at the age of 32, skating at the age of 35 and fitness at the age of 36. ...
She invested every penny she earned in her studies.
She is now a private entrepreneur, a sideline illustrator and an online celebrity blogger with millions of fans.
She published the first book of her life, Grassroots Women, calling on more women to improve their cognition, let them grow up and make their hearts stronger no matter what difficulties life gives them.
Because it is safest to be on your own.
Polish your invisible wings hard and powerful, and have the power to resist the enemy.
A person's sense of security earned by himself is the most practical in his life, and others will not take it away easily.
Zhang Xiaoxian once said:
"Only when you realize that everything in the world is impermanent can you understand that security can never be sought from the outside world, and it will never be outside this world. It is the peace of your inner world. "
Nine times out of ten unpleasant things are beyond our control. In order to maintain external stability, it is better to cultivate yourself.
Agree with this sentence: "If there is gas in the car, electricity in the mobile phone and money in the card, you still don't feel safe, then you must have forgotten yourself."
True sense of security and happiness always comes from inner independence and self-sufficiency.
I hope you and I will be safe and prosperous internally and have self-sufficient security strength for the rest of our lives.
Author | Jiang Xiaoyu, official account of WeChat: Man Ma Ji.
Image | vision china