2. Three basic principles of small talk
Be sincere
Create a pleasant chat atmosphere.
C*** Enjoy the information, provide (valuable) ideas for each other, and start the topic.
Real socialization is not to use others, but to help others succeed. You have your own professional knowledge and background, your own contacts and your own perspective on the world. You can help others. Once you find your own value, your confidence will be different. If you share information with others, the cake will get bigger and bigger.
3. Chatting two scene tips
A psychological suggestion 1: "I'm in charge."
Arrive early, assuming that this activity is organized by you, you welcome all the guests in the world. Just like playing football, you play at home.
Once this mental state is in place, your aura will be several times stronger, from passive to active.
You will take the initiative to ask such a question: "How do you feel about today's activities?" "Do you like this music?" "Is this food still to your taste?"
B psychological suggestion method 2: "we are friends who have never met."
The world is an interesting big party. There are no strangers here, only friends who haven't met yet. Most people at the party are more friendly and tolerant than you think. The worst thing is that he ignores you. What does it matter?
4, the three basic skills of each chat
(The psychological theoretical basis behind it: Maslow's hierarchy of needs theory: people have security needs, and then go up, people still have respect for needs.
So, if you want to win the favor of others, please make them feel relaxed and noticed. ) So how to make him feel relaxed?
Ask him a question that makes him feel comfortable, that is, he can lead the topic anywhere.
Second, develop the habit of asking and answering questions. Never answer each other's questions too briefly.
So how does it make him feel concerned?
Third, listen carefully to each other's words, find the information points, grasp the keywords, expand, expand again, and the keywords will be linked.
A the first skill: ask a question that makes him comfortable (don't lock into a specific category, use general vocabulary, ask an open-ended question and let the other person play freely): if/ if ... you will usually ...
"If you go on holiday, what kind of books do you usually bring?
The question of the chat terminator vs the question of the chat master.
The chat terminator asked, "Will you go back to America?"
A chatterbox will ask, "If you choose to go back to America one day, what will be the reason?"
The chat terminator asked, "Do you often go to the seaside for holidays?"
A chatterbox will ask, "Where do you like to spend your holiday?"
The chat terminator asked, "Do you like horror movies?"
A chatterbox will ask, "What kind of movies do you like?"
The chat terminator asked, "Do you miss your family?"
A chatterbox will ask, "How do you feel after being away from home for so long?"
This is the first aspect of the question. Don't ask questions that can be answered in one sentence.
On the other hand, don't ask questions that are too broad or too deep.
For example, someone once asked me as soon as they met: "What do you think of the Belt and Road?"
I felt pressure at once. He threw the heavy responsibility of thinking at me, and I didn't have the strength to answer.
So this person's better question at that time was: "What impact does the Belt and Road have on your industry?"
This is a problem that makes people feel comfortable. This kind of problem is weak when it is weak, and strong when it is strong. I can answer it in any way. I will feel very relaxed.
In practice, closed questions and open questions are often used interchangeably.
What do you mean by interspersed use? Suppose you ask me an open-ended question that makes me feel comfortable: "What impact does the Belt and Road have on your industry?" (Pay attention to whether a social event has an impact on it)
I replied: "In our cross-cultural training, it is obvious that the customers of central enterprises and state-owned enterprises have suddenly increased. It seems that these enterprises are really the main force and leader of investment along the Belt and Road. "
In order to keep the rhythm of the conversation going back and forth, you can follow my words and ask a closed question: "Is telecommunications the biggest investment?"
I replied: "There are indeed many types of telecommunications, and the most important one should be energy. ……"
See, this is the problem of using openness and closure in free penetration. The key is that in a group of conversations, you should be able to ask questions that let the other person play freely and advance and retreat freely.
One question and two answers
? * * In addition to answering the other person's question itself, extend it a little and say some other information related to the answer, which is "one question and two answers". * * It is convenient for others to pick up the phone and start a conversation.
If you are a conversationalist with the habit of asking and answering questions, the other person is really relaxed.
When the other person asks you, "Do you like rainy days?" You can answer "I like it", but you can actually add "My boyfriend and I met on a rainy day. If the drizzle is accompanied by Jiangnan water town, it is very artistic. "
When the other person asks you, "Will it be so cold in your hometown?"
If you answer "not so cold", you can actually add "this winter is really rare in our place. However, I am wearing a hot suit today, and the latest technology seems to be really hot on me. "
**c Listen carefully, then expand, expand, and expand. The material you expand completely comes from what he said. (Refine link keywords) * *
For example, in the gym, you see a sweaty lady and want to strike up a conversation: "I come here every day, and today seems to be the first time to see you."
She replied, "I just moved from Shanghai to Shenzhen last month, and the air here is very good."
If you then say to yourself, "It's not easy to get a treadmill at this time." She might nod and continue striding. In this way, you missed a chance to meet.
What you just said seems to be expanding, but it is not a qualified expansion, because the material you expanded did not come from her words, which means that you are not a qualified listener.
In fact, her short sentence-"I just moved from Shanghai to Shenzhen last month, and the air here is very good." You can hear a lot of information.
She is a person who values the quality of life;
The air in Shanghai is no longer satisfactory;
After careful comparison and choice, she came to Shenzhen;
She won't stick to a city until she is old.
You can start a dialogue:
Are you used to moving to a new place?
Where else have you lived? In which city have you lived the longest?
Have you ever been to the beaches and mangroves in Shenzhen? There is natural oxygen.
I have lived in Shenzhen for 8 years. Is there anything in particular you'd like to know? I can help.
You see, expanding ability is based on real listening. If you can put the other person's words into yours. If you can, the other party will immediately feel concerned.
But some people listen, just waiting for their chance to speak. Some people's listening skills stay at a very elementary level, such as nodding while listening, repeating his last words, or looking into each other's eyes, and so on.
Please forget all these skills. When a person is really listening, he doesn't need to deliberately show these listening skills.
Chatting is talking on the basis of listening. Chatting is a technology to expand keywords.
* * The so-called extended keyword means that you don't want to summarize or condense after the other person has finished a paragraph. Summary centralized closing. **
What you need to do is to use your divergent and jumping thinking to grasp the key words in the original information and expand a bunch of new information.
In that crowded situation, the other party simply can't understand the logic of every sentence. Like you, he heard a bunch of keywords. When he heard his sensitive keywords appear, his body and mind shook and the conversation continued.
Therefore, people who can chat are good at quickly grasping the looming information points thrown by the other party, expanding, expanding and expanding.
Although everyone at the scene was talking and laughing, in fact, everyone seemed calm like a duck swimming in the water, but under the calm water, the flippers were flapping desperately. Everyone is desperately playing extended games.
For example, during a coffee break with a client, you ask, "How did you spend your weekends?"
He replied, "I went to Baoan Gymnasium to play tennis with my friends yesterday."
There are at least four information points for you to expand:
1. He lives in Shenzhen, probably Baoan District;
2. He may often go to Baoan Gymnasium;
3. He often exercises;
He may be a tennis fan.
You can guide the dialogue:
So you like tennis, too. I played for two hours every weekend in college.
You live in Baoan District? The real estate there is playing the concept of Qianhai, and the price has soared.
Bao 'an Gymnasium is a good place with two indoor swimming pools of competition standard. Do you like swimming?
I don't know much about tennis. What do you think is the charm of tennis?
For example, at a business reception, you asked, "How did you come to this activity?"
He replied, "sponsored by our company."
It contains at least three information points for you to expand:
1. He may be a front person in the company or a channel person: marketing department, public relations department, marketing department, etc.
2. He may often participate in similar activities;
He's here to talk business.
Then you can expand it:
What company is your company? I suppose you are from the public relations department?
Do you often sponsor activities in the technology industry?
What is your biggest gain today?
In this question and answer, the stranger slowly became a friend.
Chatting is an extended game. Don't make a long speech in small talk. If you really have sharp and profound opinions, blog.
These are the three basic skills that run through every chat.
Perception: learn instead of being rude, and practice trial and error to further improve chat skills. Come on!