If marriage is a courageous choice, then the decision to divorce needs courage even more. Similar to the principle of timely stop loss, it's too easy to say, nothing more than talking. But among them, helplessness and helplessness are only clear to oneself, and outsiders cannot understand them. There are three reasons why divorce is so painful.
First of all, from a single individual to a single interest group, in the past days, two people have jointly created many precious things, which is often the most difficult thing for people to give up when they divorce. Secondly, the habits from life and feelings have really merged with each other, leading to the lack of courage to accept and get used to the original life.
Finally, I was very distressed and unwilling to pay the price for what I had done before. All the sacrifices and efforts in that marriage were in vain, and all my previous efforts were in vain Thought of here, my body seems to be hollowed out in an instant. This is the most painful thing, and it is easy to become depressed and negative in the future, directly closing the door of inner feelings.
0 1 Learn to speak and express your sadness.
Compared with unmarried men and women, divorced men and women who have suffered injuries and falls obviously face more challenges when choosing a spouse. How to regain happiness after divorce? In my opinion, the key is to reshape the core competitiveness of marriage and love and achieve counter-attack growth.
After divorce, people may go through a painful period, have a lot of negative emotions, feel sad and often want to cry. A psychologist said that there is a word hidden in every emotion. When this word is spoken, emotions will be released and people will be cured.
After the divorce, you can find someone who is willing to listen to you to express your feelings. You can also try to keep a diary, draw pictures and sing songs. Almost all art forms can be used to express your feelings. Among them, keeping a diary is the most effective way, because writing can make people concentrate, and it is directly related to emotions and very private.
People have the ability to heal themselves. Generally speaking, you can get out of pain in half a year. If you can't get out after more than two years, it may mean that you have lost not only your marriage, but a part of yourself.
Learn to accept yourself.
Before getting out of the pain of divorce and meeting love, I suggest you be a lovely person and have the ability to be happy. The so-called ability of happiness is self-acceptance, spiritual independence, tolerance of loneliness, tolerance of loneliness. Only high life is wonderful, and two people will get along happily.
First of all, you can start by accepting your divorce.
Summarize this marriage and ask yourself: How did we go from love to divorce? What the hell happened between me and him? What have I lost and gained from divorce? What have I done well and what have I not done well?
When the marriage ends, both parties are responsible. As far as they are concerned, this may be due to some trauma in the past or lack of ability to love. If you don't grow up and become a lovely and loving person, the probability of marital problems will be higher in the future. If you don't grow up, you can't understand your partner and reflect on yourself when you remarry.
Second, the ability to be independent is also very important.
Even if you don't get married, you can live a full life, have your own hobbies, love life and have a positive attitude. You can try yoga, mindfulness practice, calligraphy, exercise and fitness. Learn from loneliness and cultivate independent ability.
Cultivate your ability to love.
There are two core competitiveness of marriage and love, one is the ability to be happy and the other is the ability to love. To cultivate the ability of happiness is to learn to love yourself; Cultivating the ability to love is to love others better.
Martin buber, a Jewish religious philosopher, put forward two kinds of relationships in Me and You: one is the relationship between me and it, which regards the other as an available tool; One is the relationship between "you and me", treating each other as real people and welcoming others' souls with their real selves.
In a broken marriage, husband and wife are often in the relationship of "me and it", and regard their partner as a tool to achieve their goals and satisfy their desires, and materialize it.
There are many ways to cultivate love ability, but it should be noted that the core is to respect and understand your partner as an independent person and realize the spiritual encounter between you and me.
The ability to love can create nourishing intimacy, and it is easier to be loved when you meet someone you like.
Find the courage to take risks.
Generally speaking, divorced men and women will be more cautious about marriage and love, afraid of injury and full of worries; Among them, divorced women are also easy to feel inferior. Although the objective environment is not easy to change, we can still give full play to our subjective initiative and take the initiative to know the opposite sex.
You should always believe in the beauty and true love in the world. Divorce just means that you met the wrong person. It doesn't mean that there is something wrong with the marriage itself. Everyone has something wrong.
Only by believing in love can you meet love. Don't be afraid of disappointment. I am most afraid that you will turn yourself into a hedgehog after divorce. In that case, even if you meet someone who wants to love you, you can't love or love you.
In fact, no one can help you with this kind of thing, it's all up to you.
Always remember that everything in the world has a process, and pain and sadness are inevitable. After all, people are emotional animals. As long as you can give yourself some time, everything will pass.