Over the years, I want to break away from the cage of life more and more.

If fate can choose, there will be no regrets. This is a reluctant rhetorical question. There is no if in the world, only the result.

I have a sensitive heart since I was a child. When I was a child, my family was poor and I dropped out of school early. Although young people can't work to earn money, they know that they don't study, and their mothers don't have to borrow money from other people's homes, nor do they have to hear their parents sigh because they are poor.

This is when I was sixteen years old in a shoe factory, and I could only work on the assembly line. Go to work at 7: 20 every morning, rest for one hour at noon and work overtime until twelve o'clock at night. Take a day off a month. This is the first time in my life that I get 600 yuan salary. Somehow, I didn't laugh. Behind the staff access door, crying.

This is the first time I feel helpless. I comforted myself that I was a good boy. Share it with your parents when you grow up. It was not easy for my parents to raise me. Take the salary of hard work. Although it was only 600 yuan, I counted it many times. Crying is very sad, which is a mature sadness.

After entering society. Because there is no academic background. Sometimes I work the night shift in the factory. I can only work part-time and odd jobs.

Look at the white-collar workers in the office. When they are all dressed up, they smell like gentle books. Not jealous. It is a beautiful envy from the heart. Their family is really good to them. Whether they are rich or poor, at least they are trained. This song must have a degree first. In addition to their own efforts, these white-collar workers should also thank their parents for their hard cultivation.

(2)

I'm just a person with no academic background. Even, at most, graduated from primary school. When the white and gentle boy sent a box of beautifully packaged chocolates, although he didn't eat them, it certainly didn't look cheap. Push it to me. I dare not look up at him. Because I feel inferior.

He asked me why I was afraid to look at him. I said you take it back. Say that finish all the way back to the dormitory. Leaving him alone in the canteen, holding a piece of chocolate, he was stupid.

Where did he get my number? Send a message: I know what you are worried about. This is not a problem. I can help you.

I'm sorry, it's not that I despise you, it's that I despise myself. Because he is in the finance department of the office. Don't say he doesn't dislike it. He is a local. I was working in Shanghai with my parents. ) Thinking of this, I deleted his number directly. I'm a stranger from now on.

This is the second time in my life that I have been touched by myself. Many people are eager to win the first place. Be the master. But the helplessness behind this is sad, and the taste is only known to you. It is not that knowledge is a necessary condition to change fate. For example: status, background aura, these are not prerequisites. Doesn't mean you can succeed if you work hard. There are not a few people who work hard. Why is it useless? Because there is no innate advantage, such as birth: who doesn't want to be born with a golden spoon. These can also be passed. What really bothers me is handing out leaflets in the street.

(3)

It was snowing in winter, and a woman was so angry that she threw her voucher in my face. Bad words. I didn't react at first, only vaguely heard her say: what a mess, liar, handing out such leaflets.

You, you go back and tell your boss that this voucher is also a lie. Speaking of the gums exposed in excitement, they are all bloody. I feel insulted. With what? It's none of my business that you, a consumer, go to see a merchant. This is not my personal work. Why are you angry with me? If there is too much business, you can be forgiven for being angry. It's too much to rush me.

It snows heavily. I am a temporary worker. Fifty dollars for eight hours a day. What are you angry with me for? Go directly to the mall to find the boss if you have the skill!

I look like a foreigner. A flyer dares to talk to me like that. I'm telling you, my husband is in charge here. You are a stranger, dare to be so cruel to me.

I just felt very angry, so I yelled at her. She is a typical pig belly. As soon as she came up, she threw me to the ground. And swearing and grinning. I tried my best to push her away, but the hag was too heavy. Or the person next to her forcibly pulled her away. Fortunately, the snow on the ground is very thick. If it's normal, nothing will happen if the back of the head hits the ground.

It took the mall security guard a long time to persuade her to keep her mouth a little quiet. She scolded me when she left. You deserve to hand out leaflets all your life. That face is ugly and ferocious.

I stood in front of the snow-covered shopping mall. Look at the tall buildings around here. Such an international metropolis. Without cultural background and high-level contacts, it is an ordinary job. Can also be insulted by this inexplicable. Just because I have nothing, nothing. This seems to be incompatible with the prosperity of this city. It seems that I am so young that a local woman with no quality can trample on me at will. Fate, what is fate? I'm suddenly confused. Do I have to work in the factory like this and be a temporary worker who distributes leaflets all my life? Snowflakes fell on my face and wet my eyes.

For a person without skills and education, he can only work in the factory assembly line and outside. I often think. If I had pretended to be ignorant and didn't understand my parents' difficulties, I would have asked my parents to borrow money and went to school selfishly. Maybe it's another form Dare not expect to go to college, at least graduate from junior high school and high school. But on second thought, some college graduates carry more plates. Only in this way can we soothe the unbalanced point in our hearts. But after I am calm, I will still yearn for the idea that knowledge can change my destiny. Helpless! There is no if in this world.

This is a sense of powerlessness that wants to go up again and again after being severely suppressed by reality. Self-esteem and inferiority are crushing me.

(4)

I buy books, read books and write. From time to time, people in the dormitory will say: I am so diligent, I want to go to college! Why did you go early? Pretend to be a cultural person. Who is lofty to see!

That's interesting. Even reading and writing will be satirized. I am a loser. There is a simple reason. I didn't borrow money from her. She spends money like water at ordinary times and praises her family for their ability. Then I can experience the life of migrant workers. Come on!

I also took the opportunity to throw away some books that were put on the desk of my workmates during the dormitory cleaning. I just bought Zhu Ziqing's anthology, Nalan Ci and several story magazines. This is my favorite thing to do when I get paid. She has a personal vendetta.

It's not that I'm silent about it. People like this must report. Dogs may spit out some ivory in their mouths. I admit it doesn't mean I'm weak. Because I can't be bitten by a dog, but I will bite the dog again.

Soon, I left the factory Moved out of the dormitory. To apply for the staff of the boutique. Or live in a dormitory. I was twenty years old.

Working outside has a broader vision than working in a factory. In a place that marks the scenic spots of ancient streets in this area. People came and went, one by one, left, and groups of people came again. Time slipped away from my youth.

(5)

As opposed to love. It's a distant thing in my heart. It doesn't matter because there is no desire. When cupid's arrow came. The first love came unexpectedly.

What is love since ancient times? It makes people scratch their hearts and livers, hurting their minds and bodies. Because of fear of inferiority. Always restrain your feelings. I met lovers between friends and colleagues. People who are normal before falling in love go crazy as soon as they enter the state, and some even lose their minds. What cohabitation, elopement, cheating, and so on. Met love rat and forced his girlfriend to have an abortion. I get nervous every time I see this. This is not love. It's like meeting an animal

If a man loves you, how can he force his woman to have an abortion? It's also his child. Don't you know that there will be unknown and dangerous accidents in abortion, and some of them will not even be born. Is that because such a man is not qualified to be a mother? I won't cry then. If the accident must be solved on the spot, why didn't you take measures before? Why did you leave early?

Listen to Joan Qin crying about her boyfriend's scum behavior. I really feel sorry for her, but at the age of 22, I have been coaxed into having an abortion twice by my boyfriend. Besides the scum, Joan Qin is also at fault. I asked her why she didn't break up. Said a lot of nonsense, there is only one reason. Love him.

I can't criticize the love of others. Everyone has his own interests. It's just that such behavior left a bad impression in my heart.

Yes, and the man's appearance. I refused. Yes, of course I am. What if it's scum The best way is to turn a blind eye.

He is very patient. Looks clean. Low key and gentle. After my wallet was stolen. That's my salary for one month. Angry and annoyed, I can cast warm eyes regardless of my image when swearing at the bus stop. At that moment, I was embarrassed. I found my face hot for the first time, although I don't admit it. But I was at a loss and shy and betrayed me.

He works in a commercial pedestrian street. How can such a gentle and jade-like person value me? Pinch your thighs. It really hurts. It's true.

In that memory, he accompanied me to the bookstore to buy books and taught me to learn translation dictionaries. Explain foreign famous sayings. He keeps fit and will also teach me some simple and practical movements. Accompany me on the first subway in my life. Accompany me to see Jinmao Building. Riding on the Ferris wheel with me, I'm afraid of heights. He sang Andy's encouragement all the way. Dance his favorite street dance with me. Accompany me to Hengdian Studios to see the stars. Accompany me to see the dinosaur park. I think the Jura I shot is very realistic. Accompany me to eat the delicious food in the old street and take photos as a souvenir. Accompany me to see the sunrise in Sheshan. The sun smiles half a face, just like his smile, it will stop forever.

When I have a stomachache, I cook a bowl of brown sugar eggs. I ran to the supermarket because I didn't know what good sanitary napkins to use. When I bought more than 20 bags, even the cashier praised my sweet boyfriend. When I can't find anything, I gloat and touch my head. What can such a forgetful person do in the future? That tone is so sweet that even the air is jealous. Obviously, I can't eat spicy food. I had to bite the bullet and eat spicy balsamic pot with me. I have to eat instant noodles when I come back.

Every time I get paid, I ride a bike. He had the audacity to ask me if I wanted to marry him, a poor man. I am also infected with shame, but I always try not to say that I have it. Then the stalk said, don't marry a poor man like you. You don't even have a four-wheeled one. You stepped on two wheels manually. Not a person at all.

I vaguely feel that he rides very slowly. The road on the government street and the wind in the evening make people feel cold. It's not that I won't marry him. I can't afford to marry him. It's as if this road was damaged by our bicycles, and we can't ride our own way. The time is ripe. Meeting is also right. The road is also right. The mistake is that we are not suitable.

He is excellent in all aspects. Are worthy of better people. He is a person who wants to do great things, not such an excellent person who is with me in the sea of people. I can't stand it. I really want to tell him and marry him. Although I object to those who have been married for a long time. After meeting him. I betrayed my heart. I am really willing to accompany him to work at sunrise and rest at sunset, to accompany him to talk and laugh, to accompany him to Yun Qi, and to accompany him to drift from place to place.

Thank him for his white lies. Kind and low-key second generation. Refreshed another concept of the second generation. The second generation in my mind, dude, ignorant, spendthrift, beautiful cars, colorful and arrogant. All these negative energy and negative things can't be seen in him. On the contrary, warm and humble, polite, sincere and kind. If you insist on finding fault, it is that he has hidden his identity.

(6)

Thank him for leaving a top priority in my life and occupying the most irreplaceable position. This is my thanks for his kindness. He taught me a lot about being a man and doing things. And the only thing I can do to repay him is to put down the heart that fell on him and get it back.

Honey, allow me to call you that for the last time. I won't blame your little secret. I am willing to take back my heart. There is nothing wrong with us falling in love. I will really treat you as a relative and wish you a happy life. Really, you are the best person I know. No regrets. Thank you for helping me when I was lonely and confused. I should be content to have a lover like you in my life, and God has treated me well. Instead of greedy to have you again, or vulgar to say: one day, sparrows climb the phoenix. When I am writing to you here, I have thought it over very clearly. You are my lover, yes. To be exact, he is a man worthy of my respect. You deserve better company. A better lover can give you a better life match.

After writing the letter, I left.

It's good to think of him occasionally. I was reminded not to dwell on it. In fact, others don't understand what I really mean. When I thought of him for the first time, my heart really ached. Because I will cry in pain. But I won't now. When I think of him, my eyes are no longer blurred. My mouth corners up. But an extra comfort, an indifferent blessing. People are far away, and everything is fine.

I think I owe myself a lot of time. This is the only thing I am most satisfied with and owe myself the least. This is probably another debt that God made up for me.