I sent Shen a WeChat voice, and I want to tell him that our cat is missing.
"Our cat ..." But when the words came out, I couldn't help crying.
Shen Luo is gone. He doesn't want our cat, our future or me.
I fell asleep on the sofa tired and had one strange dream after another. ?
There are many monsters in the dream. They chase each other. They can't see me. I saw my cat hiding in the green bush. It didn't look at me.
I heard it say, "You don't know how to love yourself at all, so I don't want to love you anymore." ?
I woke up from my dream crying and fell asleep again.
0 1. I used all my luck to meet you.
That year, Shen Luo was 20 years old and a sophomore at the university next door. When there is no class, he will work part-time in the cafe next to our school.
I often go to that coffee shop after school, pretend to do my homework there, and then sneak a look at him. I have never seen such a beautiful boy. His smile seems to be full of warm sunshine.
Gradually, I began to be dissatisfied with just looking at him from a distance.
I want to talk to him, I want to know him, and I want him to remember me.
Like all girls who love spring, my love will gush out, but I always have nowhere to vent.
On a sunny afternoon, I finally got up the courage and said the first sentence to Shen Luo.
"Give me a cup of coffee with sugar and milk." Damn, that's not what I'm talking about. I'm like a deflated ball, extremely depressed.
When Shen Luo helped me with my coffee, I smiled at him and his eyes narrowed.
Tie, I took his hand. He looked at me doubtfully, and I said guiltily, "Well, there is less sugar in the coffee!" " "
He suddenly realized, apologized again and again and gave me another drink.
This time, I stopped him for lack of milk. At the moment, I must hate such a person who keeps making things difficult for him in Shen Luo's heart.
Who cares what coffee is like! I just want to be closer to him, closer, closer.
When the coffee was changed to the tenth cup, Shen Luo finally asked me with some helplessness: "Little girl, what do you want?"
I gave a sly smile: "I want your mobile phone number, and if you don't give it to me, I will complain to you!" " "
"So, was I accosted by a little girl?" Shen Luo is in distress situation.
"Sort of!"
That day, I exhausted all my courage and finally got close to him.
02. I will become whatever you want.
I went in and out of that coffee shop frequently, and I gradually became familiar with Shen Luo.
There are many beautiful girls in the shop. They get together in small groups and look at Shen Luo from time to time.
A girl had the cheek to ask for Shen Luo's contact information, but he refused with a smile. I secretly ran to tell the girls that I had Shen Luo's mobile phone number and I wrote it to them.
They thanked me gently, and then I gave them the phone number of the bald dean of the school. As for their reaction after finding out the truth, who cares?
Shen Luo's inexplicable possessiveness turned me into a "bad" girl. Maybe I have regarded Shen Luo as my property in my heart.
However, it was not until one day that he appeared in front of me with a beard and unkempt appearance that I realized that I knew nothing about him.
He was dumped. He was in pain, and he kept telling her about his past, which made my heart ache.
I want to plug my ears. I want to cover his mouth. I don't want to hear anything.
"She wants an expensive bag. I bought her some part-time jobs. As long as she wants it, as long as I have it, I can give it to her Why does she still want to leave me? "
"The man picked her up with a sports car. She said she was tired of mala Tang and roadside stalls. "
"I didn't give her the life she wanted."
You see, this is the story of a rich second generation cheating on a gold digger, but Shen Luo only blames himself from beginning to end.
Perhaps in love, the deeper you love, the more humble you are.
Shen Luo rambles, and he is completely different from usual.
Finally, he shook his head with a wry smile: "You don't understand what I'm talking to you."
My clean child, who made his eyes lose the color of the clear sky?
I clenched my fist. I can't let anyone hurt him again.
"Shen Luo, she doesn't like you, I like you!"
I spoke, and finally I announced my deep love.
Shen Luo paused, then smiled: "You little girl, you know what you like."
"I just know! You are only three years older than me, and I will catch up soon! "
"Catch up? Haha, then I will wait for you! " Shen Luo rubbed my hair, but my eyes were still lonely.
"Then you wait for me 18 years old, and I will be your girlfriend then, ok?"
I don't know why my eyes began to wet and my voice began to tremble, as if I would cry as soon as he refused.
Shen Luo was a little dumbfounded, but still whispered to me: "You 18 years old are still a little girl!"
"I can change. When I 18 years old, I will definitely become what you like! "
"I can still grow taller, and I will grow so tall then!" I stood on tiptoe and gestured on Shen Luo's shoulder with my hand.
I'll be whatever Shen Luo wants me to be. I promised myself this in my mind.
It seems that after a century, I suddenly heard Shen Luo say yes.
He said he was willing to wait for me to grow up.
For him, I want to grow up quickly.
03. Why am I still unhappy
/kloc-When I was 0/7 years old, I earnestly fulfilled my agreement with Shen Luo.
In order to enter his school, I began to study hard. I started working out so hard that I could touch his shoulder the next time I stood in front of him.
I began to learn some skin care knowledge from time to time, just to see my face smooth and beautiful when he approached me.
I tried my best to prepare for the dream of 18.
Shen Luo quit his part-time job in a coffee shop. The new waiter is also a handsome guy, but it's not Shen Luo. All the beautiful women in the world add up to be inferior to Shen Luo.
I feel like I'm possessed.
Shen Luo occasionally waits for me at the school gate and takes me to the famous food street in Huada to eat my favorite octopus balls.
Once he asked me why I didn't go to that coffee shop.
I winked and cocked my head and said to him, "I didn't go there for coffee and homework!" " I went to see you! "
Shen Luo snow a smile. "I really can't help you."
He will look at me with gentle eyes at first, and he will care about my life at first.
Isn't it? He also began to wait for me to grow up seriously.
The days passed quietly, and the age of 18 came as promised. I excitedly carried the bear cake I bought from the cake shop. I can't wait to find Shen Luo.
I want to tell him that I am eighteen years old and can be with him aboveboard. But what did I see?
My dear boy, he holds another girl tenderly, as carefully as holding a rare treasure.
The girl is tall and wears a long red dress.
I looked at my withered body, and no matter how hard I tried, I was only less than 1.6 meters tall. My inferiority complex grew in my heart, and I fled.
After that day, we all tacitly didn't contact again. It is said that his ex-girlfriend still thought he was nice after going around, so she got back together with him.
The girl in a red skirt that I saw the other day is his ex-girlfriend.
Shen Luo is so cruel. He would rather be someone else's spare tire than mine.
I applied for a school far away from him in the college entrance examination. I cried all the way on the train to a distant place, and I don't know what all this is about.
Nobody loves me, and I don't love myself. It is said that time can cure all heart injuries, so hurry up.
I thought I would slowly forget Shen Luo like this. However, two months later, I actually received a phone call from Shen Luo. His ex-girlfriend ran off with someone else again.
His voice was full of grievances and fatigue: "If only she were like you, why don't I like you?"
You see, Shen Luo is so contradictory. He thinks I'm nice, but he still loves others.
"That you learn to like me from today! I'm eighteen, and you said you wanted me to stay with you. "
I cried and shouted, I don't know why I became like this.
"Well, I promise you! Don't cry, I can't even hold you! "
Shen Luo spoke to me in such a distressed tone for the first time.
Then I cried even louder.
18 years old, my lover and I got what we wanted. Why are we still unhappy?
04. If you miss it, there will be a sound.
In this way, Shen Luo and I started a long-distance relationship. I don't want to go anywhere. I wait for Shen Luo's information and phone call with my mobile phone after class.
I don't join clubs, and I'm too lazy to go to parties. Without making new friends, I lost touch with my old classmates. My world is only Shen Luo.
I feel everything is wrong, but I can't help it.
I miss him very much in a strange city.
That night, Shen Luo suddenly asked me on the other end of the phone: "Did you miss me?"
I froze, because I never need Shen Luo to ask about the disappearance, and I will tell him without reservation.
"Why do you ask?"
"I heard that missing is a very hard and sad thing."
"Have you ever felt this way?"
I asked Shen Luo, and I wanted to know if Shen Luo missed me as much as I missed him.
"A little."
The voice on the other end of the phone was deep and warm, and my heart suddenly softened.
"Who should I call?"
There was a clear female voice on the other end of the phone and the phone hung up. The busy beep makes my heart tremble.
No, I should trust my children. I want to see him at once. I never want to leave him again.
In the year of graduation, Shen Luo and I resolutely returned to the city. We began to love each other as blandly and warmly as all the couples in this world.
However, Shen Luo has just worked for two years and his career is on the rise. He is so busy that I still have plenty of time to see him.
He gave me a cat, and he said, I can let the cat accompany you when I am away.
He said, you should make more friends. You can't just have me in your world.
He said, you are very different from what I used to know.
Yes, following Shen Luo for so many years has made me dislike myself more and more.
I think there must be something wrong.
But what went wrong?
I don't know.
Shen Luo is getting busy. I miss him so much that I begin to feel very anxious.
Often a person stays in an empty room all day, sometimes crying secretly, but Shen Luo doesn't know all this.
I fantasize about other women throwing themselves at him, or his ex-girlfriend coming to get back together with him. I'm going crazy because of my self-deception.
The person I love most is around, why am I still unhappy?
05. If love can be obtained through hard work, I will work hard.
Shen Luo has more and more social contacts. He was drunk that day, and the female colleague of the unit drove him back.
I watched them standing at the door with their arms around them, and I exploded at once. I reached for Shen Luo, but he knocked off my hand and went into the bedroom trembling.
Shen Luo shouted in a daze: "Mei Duo."
Mei Duo is the name of his ex-girlfriend and he can't forget her. After all these years, he still can't forget her.
I remembered the red invitation card I saw in the drawer of Shen Luo's study this morning. It's his ex-girlfriend's wedding invitation to someone else.
I imagined his heartache when he saw the invitation letter, and my heart ached with it.
I forced a smile to thank my female colleague for sending Shen Luo home, and then slammed the door.
I walked into the bedroom and gently stroked Shen Luo's face. His eyes, his eyebrows, his mouth. He is still what I liked when I was young.
But why do I feel that he is far away from me?
The next day, Shen Luo and I broke up.
He said, "I have tried hard for many years, but I still can't love you as much as you love me."
He said, "I'm sorry. I see your unhappiness, but I selfishly want to keep you around. "
He said, "I will never meet anyone who is so kind to me as you."
He said, "If love can only be obtained through hard work, I will work hard. I really worked hard."
Shen Luo just left.
I cried hysterically. Maybe my cat was scared by me, so it ran away from home.
06. Goodbye, my child.
My cat never came back.
I don't think I can do this anymore. I decided to go for a drive.
But my car ran out of gas, and I felt very sad.
I cried all the way to the gas station.
The little brother at the gas station smiled at me. He said, "Don't cry. When you are full of gas, you can drive to the mountains to see the stars. "
His smile healed like that, as if I would never be sad again after really watching the stars.
So, I drove to see the stars, and I gulped the fresh air on the mountain.
How long has it been since I was so comfortable? How long has it been since I was so happy?
I thought of Shen Luo again from beginning to end. I have such a person in my heart, who completely occupies my world.
Sounds romantic, right? But it is also because I love this person that I began to stop loving myself. It was not until one day, when he left, that I finally wanted to face myself.
I am finally willing to make up with that clumsy and unlovable me. I lost the cheap ring Shen Luo gave me, along with my expired love.
These five years with Shen Luo are like a big dream. I lost myself in this unequal love.
Perhaps, this dream should have woken up long ago. I'm leaving, my child.
One day, I will meet him who really belongs to me. He will love me, only me.
About the author: chan chan, a little fat man who can tell stories and lies.
This article first appeared in Jianghu.