I still remember when I was in college, I was fascinated by the online chess game of Four Kingdoms, and I was promoted from a soldier to a brigade commander. Because of this game, I wasted a lot of time, so one day, I began to try to quit the game, but only a week later, I not only failed to quit the game, but intensified. For a few days, I even played from afternoon to night, and then from night to dawn. What is even more disturbing is that I seriously influenced my roommate Xiao W's work and rest, which eventually led Xiao W to move out of our dormitory. . .
I suppressed my desire to play games. I didn't quit, but spent more time playing games. Isn't this what people often call "retaliatory rebound"? Why is this happening? Let's start by understanding our own brains. Let's see how the brain handles the command "Don't think".
The brain divides this instruction into two parts, which are executed by two different systems. Part of the complexity of the brain draws people's attention away from forbidden ideas. This process is completed by the automatic control system of the brain, which requires a lot of energy and energy. The other part of the brain is responsible for finding evidence that you haven't thought about doing something you shouldn't do. This process depends on the monitoring system, but "monitoring" is different from "automatic control". It runs automatically and does not need to spend a lot of energy. Usually, "self-control" and "monitoring" work at the same time. For example, in the first week when I started to quit the game, the "monitoring" system would send out "Four Kingdoms Danger!" Shikoku is in danger! "Alarm signal, so the dynamic" automatic control "system began to intervene, let me stay away from the game. However, because self-control needs a lot of energy, but monitoring doesn't, a tired self-control system will easily encounter an energetic monitoring system, which will lead to only alarm signals without corresponding self-control behavior. As a result, the monitoring system that prevents you from "falling" directly leads to your falling.
Then how can we get rid of this dilemma and quit the game? Let's look at another experiment:
It can be seen from this experiment that it is better to face up to desire, feel desire and embrace desire than to suppress one's own desire. In fact, I still like Guojun chess very much, but I have given up trying to quit (I have failed more than a dozen times before). Whenever I pass the computer and my desire strikes, now I will first admit that I want to play games, accept this idea and feeling, remind myself of the effect of "white bear" and "retaliatory rebound", and then concentrate on breathing to remind myself of what my goal is and what I really want (such as reading, fitness and parenting). Of course, there will be times when you can't resist the temptation, especially when you try this method for the first time, but our brains are like our muscles. As long as you keep exercising, you will continue to strengthen. The more times I successfully embrace my desire, the stronger my ability to resist temptation. Interestingly, when I gave up self-control, I became more self-controlled. I quit the game when I gave up trying to quit the game. Now I will spend more time on reading, writing, fitness and family life, and I will naturally spend less time playing games. I must have been in the next four countries at this time before:)
Therefore, trying to suppress your desires will only backfire, making it easier for you to think about doing what you originally wanted to escape. Only by facing up to desire, embracing desire, reminding ourselves of the "white bear" and "rebound" effects, and reminding ourselves of the most important goal, can we gain inner peace and sufficient self-control and choose what not to do and what to do.