In fact, the little tail is just looking for it. Just use a joke: 1. Asking questions can't escape reincarnation. Seeking immortality and courtship will never belong to you. Rebirth is not your destiny, and no one will forgive you, because everyone's wishes will not hold you back. My girlfriend called me and asked me to pick her up. I don't have a car, so I have to take a bus. On the way, I received a courier saying that my courier had arrived and asked me to pick it up in five minutes. I have no choice but to call my colleague: Dude, please help me get the courier at the door. Hey hey, my girlfriend has arrived, please help me! Then, I felt the evil eyes around me. Why are you blushing, girls? . 3. A director was drunk at the dinner table, hugged the young girl around him and said, "You can pick any bag you want later." Then he touched the girl's thigh and the girl gave him a push. "Don't bag? Then I will give you a car and look back. " Then he put his hand into his skirt. The girl broke free for a long time, and the director hugged her and smiled contemptuously: "Hey, little sister, it's quite stubborn! Do you want to be a cadre? Which department do you want to go to, tell me! " At this time, the girl finally got angry and shouted, "Dad, grandparents are watching you!" " "4. Yes, yes, it's me again. I don't think you mind my drinking water. If you have, I can't help it, because I have watered these words. 5. How long will it take you to delete them? I heard that this is quite experienced. ? ? 6. In the car, a young man complained all the way: "It is unfair to live, but it is the team leader who is praised, and the final result is the manager!" The old man next to him smiled: "Young man, look at your watch and take a closer look. Do you look at the hour hand first and then the minute hand? You don't even look at the best second hand? "You see, life is like this. While the young man was still staring at his watch and thinking about life, the wise old man took the opportunity to steal his wallet. 7. I am a rich second generation, but I work for myself to earn money. I can drive a luxury car, but I squeeze the bus every day. I can eat by my face, but I work hard. This is the difference between me and Mingming. 8. In junior high school, I liked a girl very much. One day, she didn't know why she was beaten. She looks miserable sitting on the playground alone. I bought a bunch of medicine to help her wipe, so no one was silent. 9. Every time I read a novel or a film and television drama, men are framed for eating obscene drugs by mistake, and they will die if they don't vent. The man said to the woman, let's go, I'm losing control. The way to restrain the demons in pain really makes the hostess feel distressed. He is reluctant to leave and willing to give his life. Afterwards, the man painfully repented: It's all my fault, I'm sorry, I'll be responsible ... pretending to be hairy and having no hands? 10, a friend of mine was under the strict control of his daughter-in-law and was unhappy all day. I gave him an idea: "Do you want me to take you to boxing fitness? "vent well." He asked me, "How should I vent?" I said, "just think of the sandbag as your wife." In the gym at night, the coach asked me, "The man you brought is sick!" ! I knelt in front of the sandbag all afternoon. 1 1. I picked up a bundle of celery in the street today. Come to think of it, if you have celery, you need meat. If I have meat, I need a kitchen. If I have a kitchen, I must have a daughter-in-law to cook. If I have a wife, I must have a mother-in-law. If you want to marry her girl, she must make an offer-want, want money, want a car, think about it carefully, this is a trap, throw away the celery quickly! It's so scary. 12, I saw an old woman lying on the ground and didn't know whether to help her, so I wanted to help her. The old lady said, "Go away, poor boy, and don't disturb my mother's business. "13, I met a client today. He said that his surname was Ma, and he was disdainful of cattle, sheep and horses. At that time, I didn't like it Isn't this a challenge to me? So I said my last name was Bai, and I was red, orange, yellow, green, blue and purple. 14, I remember when I was in college, everyone just discussed that the dormitory should be completely transparent. Just when my roommate's girlfriend called, my roommate couldn't resist everyone's request, hesitated for a long time and turned on the speaker. Roommate's girlfriend is also an idiot: "Let you not pick him up for a long time, the old place is ready, and you will arrive in ten minutes." If not, you can take a taxi. If not, just fly! "15," honey, I hope my huge body can shelter you from the wind and rain! "Girlfriend:" Get out of the way, the fan blows you alone, right? " 。" 16, when I went to college, I had no money. I sent a message to my sister and said, "No money, spend a dollar!" " After a while, I received the news of transferring to 50 yuan! Then I saw the message from my sister: "I am so old that I can't even write a 50, and I have to type an extra 0." Study hard in the future! "I ... 17, mom, are you at home? I will go home for a few days this weekend. Mom: Yes, what time is it? I will kill a chicken and cook it for you. I'm a little touched, mom: one person or two people, I: one person! Mom: I'm not at home. There are leftovers in the refrigerator. Come back and heat yourself up. Remember to wash dishes! I'm ................. 18. This is a ... What grade am I in? . Anyway. After all, strength gives you a warm sticker. Please show some respect and don't make funny and rude expressions. 19. One day, Lao Wang accidentally fell into the well. Later, with the help of enthusiastic villagers, he gradually adapted to life in the well. 20. Someone in the bar said I was ugly. I feel sad and feel sorry for him. Blind at a young age. No matter how ugly the iphone6 he gave me, how ugly the color of the Ferrari he gave me, and how noisy the vice seat he gave me, I accepted it without saying anything. I like everything about a person. I like him to concentrate on driving a sports car. I like the gentleman who gave you a few zeros when he gave you money. I think it's cute. Life needs such plain love. 22. If one day I become a monster, please tell my friends in the post bar. 23. Finding a snake frozen stiff, he felt sorry for it and held it in his arms. When he got home, he found that the snake was not awake, so the farmer put the snake in the jar. In order to make the snake recover soon, the farmer put 30 grams of ginseng, 7 grams of Lycium barbarum, 7 grams of Radix Rehmanniae Preparata, 7 grams of rock sugar and 24 ml of white wine in the jar. In the dead of night, we slept in the same bed, but we didn't have the sweet words of that year. Is it because you turned your back on me and refused to say a word to me? After fading, what is left is really just drifting away? My wife suddenly turned back: I was taking pictures of my child sleeping. What are you competing for in the middle of the night? 25. Once I quarreled with my wife, and she broke her head and was hospitalized. My grandfather advised me that it would be good for you, young man. Last month, a man was beaten all over by his wife, like a mummy! That's me too. 26. The young man went up the mountain to find the old Zen master, took out a photo and pointed to Fan Bingbing Jerry Lee, saying, You see, my goddess is married, and my heart is so uncomfortable. What should I do? The old Zen master took it and took a photo with the young man, making a joke and saying, we. 27. When quarreling with my wife, I yelled,' Don't think that you are beautiful and I dare not scold you! I thought she would be happy to stop arguing. Who knows, my wife said,' Don't think what you said seems reasonable, so I won't hit you. 28. How many times have I lost a person? Looking back, I am not a fairy. 29. If moonlight is a reflection of the sun's light, why are vampires afraid that the sun is not afraid of the moon? If Cinderella's glass shoes fit just right, why did she fall off when she ran? Fairy tales are lies. Only Snow White is the truest. No matter how good Sue is to her, it's not as good as a kiss from Gao Fushuai! ! 30. When I was a child, I always said I was ugly. Later, a punk laughed at me in junior high school. I couldn't stand it any longer, so I rushed up and fought with them. Then I can't hear them laughing at me anymore because I'm deaf. 3 1. That day, I broke up with my girlfriend in a bad mood. I looked up: the sky was dark ... I looked up and sighed: "God, are you sorry for me, too?" "! Are you crying for me, too? Otherwise, how can the rain falling in my mouth be bitter? "I seem to be comforted ... I feel much better. I looked up again: Shit, who is peeing downstairs ... 32. An archaeologist went to northern Shaanxi. One day, he and his friends were walking halfway up the mountain when they suddenly found that the soil under his feet had softened. He was overjoyed and said, this is an ancient tomb! So I used it as a digging tool and soon dug a hole. I was just about to continue digging when there was a loud noise from the hole: the one on the roof! Do you believe me? I'm going up there to kill you! 33. It's good to be single. You can like this girl and another girl at the same time. I don't have a girlfriend anyway. . Just like you don't like having a girlfriend in charge. 34. An China man works in a tribe in Africa. One day, the local chief angrily found him and said, "Why did one of my wives give birth to a yellow-skinned child!" " He was very flustered, thought for a moment and said, "Look at that sheep outside. All the other sheep are white, but it is black." The leader pointed a gun at it and said, "As long as you don't say anything, you can forget my wife." 35. The young man asked the Zen master, "Some people have some things I can't let go." The Zen master casually threw down a bar of soap and said, "You see, putting it down is actually very simple, but it is more difficult to pick it up. Do you want to pick it up and try it now? " 36. If life deceives you today, don't be sad or cry, because life will continue to deceive you tomorrow. 37. "roll" "can you put it another way?" "Jump, boy." "Can you be civilized?" "Go, Pikachu." "Can it be higher?" "Run, brother." "Can you raise a grade?" "The world is so big, why don't you go and have a look? 38. I often hear people say: I hope he/she has something to say face to face, and don't hurt people in the future. Some people believe it, but in fact, my practice has proved that speaking ill of others in person will make them very angry and embarrassed. So slander others must be behind their backs. 39. The monk asked me, "Which do you choose, a fishing rod or a basket of fish?" I said, "I want a basket of fish." The monk shook his head and smiled: "The benefactor is superficial. It is better to teach people to fish than to teach them to fish. Do you understand this truth? The fish is gone after eating. A fishing rod can catch a lot of fish for a lifetime! "I said," I want a basket of fish, and then I will kill it. I can have some fishing rods and a pair of mahjong. "Then rent the fishing rod to others, collect the rent, and invite them to play mahjong when they catch fish with money, so as to win their money ..." Monk: "Amitabha ... I don't want to talk to you people who play post bars ... 40. I: I found that I was ill, very serious! Daughter-in-law: Huh? What disease? What happened? Me: My arm is broken! It's shorter! Daughter-in-law: Huh? I didn't see it. What happened? Me: I used to hug you, but now I can't hug you! 4 1, take your girlfriend to eat hot pot, and the dishes are all ready. After waiting for fifteen minutes, she gently gave me the first bite, and I was moved to take a bite. Then she said softly, "Is it cooked? "42. Say that boys who play basketball are handsome and boys who play football are handsome. It's all fucking bullshit. As long as you are handsome, playing glass ball is handsome! Said that women who can dance ballet are beautiful, girls who can dance jazz are beautiful, and they fucking fart. As long as you are beautiful, you can polish the glass beautifully! 43. It's terrible! The latest scam! Be careful when you meet a beautiful woman with a good figure. She will say that her father is in business. After you take the bait, the woman will transfer a set and a luxury car to your name and give you a lot of money. You will gradually fall into a scam and finally marry a woman. You must live with her! Then you can do whatever you want, don't have to work, play with things all day, and eventually become a social loser. 44, some people, some things, don't mention, doesn't mean forget. It is often that personnel can be easily said and easily faded. The nurse at the delivery gate came out and said, "It's a boy! "The husband rushed in, looked at the child and said excitedly," Great, it's a boy! ""Mother asked angrily, "Why, son preference!" The husband said, "No, if it's a girl, how sad it is to be taken away by some beast when she grows up!" " On one side, the old father-in-law said, "Oh, yes, I am so distressed! ""46. Today, I saw someone on the Internet asking if the second game of the nba finals was the college entrance examination. I advised him that you are still young. I suggest you calm down. After all, the college entrance examination can be repeated, but next year it may not be these two teams. 47. I remember when I first entered the company, the code I wrote was messy, full of mistakes and bugs. Not only the project manager scolded me, but also other colleagues complained to me. Later, I listened to a friend's introduction and signed up for a training class. After 1 month's hard work, many good things happen-they can't scold me. 48. My buddy once had a girlfriend and never had a boyfriend. She secretly told me that she was infertile and didn't want to hurt others. She and I were drunk the day I was lovelorn, and we stayed in a hotel for one night. Now I look at the son of the full moon and always tell him "Your mother is a liar". 49. My colleague took a taxi home in the rain that night and arrived at the gate of the community. The watch shows 5.7 yuan. According to local people, this is 6 yuan money. This guy insisted that the driver keep driving and drive to 6 yuan. When the meter showed 6 yuan, the driver didn't stop. At the same time, he is also very anxious. Why don't you stop? The driver said, I'll give you another 2 yuan, free of charge. 50. After dinner, go out to play. If the teeth are uncomfortable, stick the food and go to the black window car to get it. I thought there was no one inside. When I was engrossed in gnashing my teeth, I heard a child crying, and then a voice said, the baby is not afraid, it's a person, it's a person. . . . . . . . . . . I found 50 articles at random and spent so much time. Let's adopt them ~ ~ ~