Narrator: Xiao Bai, a working mother.

People often ask me why your father-in-law is taking care of the baby.

I can only say that as a middle-aged mother who doesn't want to work full-time, I have no choice but to face life.

My husband was sent to other places, and neither my sick mother nor my mother-in-law who served the 90-year-old man could take care of me. Finally, it is also an expedient measure for an old man in the northeast who enjoys retirement to travel all the way south.

My father-in-law is willing to give me a hand, and I am already very grateful.

But at that time, I didn't think that the direct consequence of letting my father-in-law take care of the baby was that for a long time, I just wanted to sit in the car when I got home from work. Don't want to go upstairs

Because no one has taught me how to deal with a stubborn 50-year-old man, and I am too harsh on parenting.

1

I don't know what other people's grandfathers look like with their babies. Anyway, my grandfather's exquisiteness and rigor far exceed expectations.

At first, I was surprised. After all, in order to take good care of my 5-year-old granddaughter, an old engineer brushes Tik Tok and volcano videos every day to learn parenting, which is touching enough in itself.

But from the way children eat, I gradually feel that things are not good.

First of all, grandpa insisted on eating with the baby, which made people afraid.

The dishes in my refrigerator are basically descriptions of my daughter's taste. She loves ribs, which are very expensive. Grandpa went all over the supermarkets and vegetable markets near his home, found the most cost-effective ribs, stuffed them in the refrigerator and cooked them well every day.

Because my niece said okra was delicious, potatoes rose by 20 cents, which was too expensive for grandpa. He can buy 40 pieces of okra instead of taking a bite.

Eating with the baby every day is grandpa's exclusive sense of ceremony.

Let's cool the rice to the right temperature first. When the baby starts to eat, grandpa will set the dishes beside him. This is nutritious, that helps digestion, and five-star service. But girls can't say no, or grandpa will threaten to cancel the cartoon, and grandpa will be angry. Even say "then stop eating", take a spoonful of food in your hand and put it in your child's mouth.

Children are rebellious. Once I was fed by my grandfather, and my eyes were full of tears. The husband who came home at the weekend couldn't stand it: "Dad, I can't eat if you feed me like this. Just let the children eat by themselves, can't you? "

"I don't eat, I watch her finish." My husband said that grandpa wouldn't like it.

This is even more worrying-the child's diet directly determines grandpa's mood.

Every day when I come home from work and open the door, I can learn about my daughter's dinner performance from the living room atmosphere:

Either grandpa and grandson are loving and laughing. This shows that the children performed well at dinner, probably according to grandpa's request, and they ate vegetables and fruits after dinner, so the wrinkles on the old man's face will blossom into a flower, and he will be very happy about everything;

If the atmosphere is depressed, the girl's tears are dancing ... and then it's over. There must be something wrong with the girl. She didn't eat well, ate less or failed to fulfill the quota of vegetables and fruits. The old man must have been sighing all night, fidgeting with his naked eyes, reducing the air pressure in the whole house and making people breathless.

So during that time, whether I can have a relaxing dinner at night depends on my daughter's performance in eating!

My daughter can't eat well, and as soon as my mother comes in, she will immediately cut into the second half of the day's work-family emotional management.

Coax the children first, then the old people ... In order to prevent the stupid dog at home from barking and being beaten by the angry grandfather, I will drag it to the kitchen and feed it with ham.

When grandpa sees it, he will scold it angrily: "Eat!" You eat a little. "

2

Not only for eating, but also for his daughter's study, grandpa showed surprisingly high standards and strict requirements.

The middle class in kindergarten requires children to learn to racquet. The teacher said in the class circle that some children can shoot more than 100. But my daughter is still wandering within 10.

Grandpa didn't like it. What's so hard about squash? Practice! So I made two balls with different feel and urged the children to practice in the community. I really practiced for two weeks.

What's more, the neighbor's mother said politely, "When will uncle teach my son?"

Grandpa seriously called the neighbor's boy back from the play and forced him to shoot the ball all night, taking more than 300 shots. The child said that his hands were numb.

Then my neighbor's mother saw me and said: Your grandfather is really amazing, there is a way! If this is to help the baby with his homework in the future, it's definitely no problem.

Ha ha. I thought to myself, I don't need to tutor at home now!

My husband reported the online class of mathematical thinking to my baby, and originally wanted to enlighten him slowly. Grandpa who wants to accompany the baby to class is more anxious than anyone else. Whenever the daughter answers the teacher's question with her fingers broken for a long time, grandpa can't wait to rush over and teach it again with her ears. At the worst time, the child is absent-minded in class, and grandpa will slap him in front of me.

This incident took me by surprise. At that time, it was almost instinctive to strike the table and shout: "In our house, don't hit the children!"

The old man was so popular that he didn't talk to me for days.

On that day, I also began to reflect, from eating to online classes, and then to many small problems in life. Knowing that old people love children, I naively think that some problems are not problems.

In fact, I found that my daughter does math thinking exercises every time after class. If she doesn't get 100, she will be very scared, because grandpa will be angry. In addition, grandpa's mood is out of control this time. I think I found the reason for her recent emotional anxiety and insecurity.

When I told my husband about it, he could only sigh with me on the phone: "I knew this would happen."

Grandpa is a strong and grumpy man. Husband said that his father's love is largely the same as today's daughter. Although warm, it is also depressing.

We don't want our children to experience this feeling again, so we decided to do something to improve grandpa's emotional state.

three

My husband's method is not brilliant. He began to send sensational educational chicken soup articles in the family group every day, with frightening titles: "How did the smart child become stupid?" "A parent's actions affect a child's life", "repressed childhood, unspeakable pain" ...

I am embarrassed. I'm going to have cancer, but my husband is very confident. He said: "Don't worry, Grandpa believes in' experts' most at this age."

After thinking about it, I think the biggest depression of the elderly is actually that there are only children in life and there are no relatives here. So I went to get a fitness card for my grandfather, so that he could have a place to swim and relax. Is it not good to distract him?

Yes, a little better. I can feel that grandpa is also afraid that his actions will hurt the children.

So after that, the girl went to the math thinking class, and he just sat at the door of the study with a small bench.

In the morning, I urged my children to eat. I didn't shout, but Xiaoya told stories at the loudest volume.

But a lifetime behavior pattern, which is so easy to change?

After math class, grandpa still couldn't help but sum up his daughter's "bad behavior": "wriggling around in class", "Why can't I share the questions equally" and "Why did I make a mistake in the third question after class?"

I was amazed at the 60-year-old man's super memory, and at the same time I felt great sympathy for my daughter. What makes life so hard for a 5-year-old baby?

It's my turn to take the fall next.

The baby doesn't get up in the morning, and grandpa has been chanting all morning, "It's weird to sleep so late every day." The implication is that I let my children sleep late; If the daughter can't eat well, grandpa will point the finger at the snack cabinet I put for the baby. "Can you still eat after eating a mess?" My daughter is constipated and can't shit. Grandpa's conclusion is "Eat only meat and don't eat vegetables, don't be like my mother." ...

I want to refute it, but I know I can't say it clearly. You can only take your baby out for crazy play as soon as you have a holiday, and try to avoid the influence of conflict and negative emotions on your child.

But many problems in the family are inevitable and will appear on children-

One Friday, I came home and saw my grandfather chasing his daughter to eat mangoes. If she doesn't eat, she won't tell stories. The child was busy playing with toys, desperately trying to push his grandfather away, frowning and hitting him with a small fist, shouting "Go away", and the mango was knocked over in the conflict.

The old man was angry and frightened the child and said, "I'll go back to my hometown and leave you alone." When my daughter heard that Grandpa was leaving, she cried and shouted, "Grandpa, don't go. Grandpa wants to hug me."

I think my head is going to explode. First, I held the child down and made her apologize for hitting grandpa. Then I went into the bedroom and asked her to tell me why she hit someone.

In the children's intermittent statements, I gradually heard mixed emotions: I enjoyed grandpa's meticulous love and I was afraid of depression everywhere. Although the child is still young, he knows that grandpa will only be happy if he eats mango, and he will only be happy if he gets 100 ... That mango dish is grandpa's conditional love.

Invisibly, hitting people became the outlet of her anxiety.

After becoming a mother, I also read several books on children's psychology, and understood that what the children said was true. It was originally a problem that we adults didn't sort out, and finally it became a child's problem, which caused pressure on her.

My husband came back that night and was distressed to hear what happened that night. I've been thinking for a long time, trying to hold my sleeping daughter.

Finally, he said, I'll talk to grandpa tomorrow.

four

The next day, I went on a business trip, and when I got home, I felt that the atmosphere in the living room was wrong.

I asked my husband "What's the matter". He and his grandfather replied in unison, "Nothing."

Then my daughter went back to my room and told me that Dad and Grandpa had quarreled. Dad told grandpa to "go home"!

Sure enough, in the afternoon, my husband said to me, "We can't expect old people to change their temper at this age. This is not good for the child, let him go back. "

Actually, I know what I'm doing. My father-in-law, who was laid off in Northeast China, just picked up his books in his forties, took professional courses to learn English, and got the professional qualification as an engineer, relying on such a hard temper. But my mother-in-law complained more than once that my father-in-law was too straightforward and obsessed, and often did bad things with kindness.

As soon as my husband and I are together, we will go back. Children have to go to kindergarten every day. It is not impossible for us to give our housekeepers a little salary and pick them up after school at night.

But I'm afraid I'll break grandpa's heart. We decided to wait and tell the old man when we find the right opportunity.

Unexpectedly, after 1 month, something happened in my hometown: my husband and grandmother were hospitalized.

Grandpa quickly packed his bags and rushed to the airport. Before leaving, he hugged his granddaughter and kissed her. Both of them were a little sad, and the child cried several times.

But after grandpa left, my daughter and I felt a long-lost freedom.

The child asked me if I could "eat if I want, or not if I don't want", and I said yes, as long as you are not hungry. But what I didn't expect was that the child didn't force her to eat, but she ate better and asked me to buy her fruit. Don't lose your temper

More importantly, my daughter has actually started to clean up her own toys without my grandfather following me all day. ...

My emotional stress is greatly reduced, and I can still nest on the sofa and watch movies after putting my baby to bed every day.

Even my dog doesn't dare to go out to bask in the sun at ordinary times, but dares to go to the sofa to bask in the sun and call aunt for ham sausage. ...

But I can't help but say that no one at home is a little deserted. Daughters sometimes say "I miss grandpa".

I have to get home from work every day. I will use my lunch break to go to the supermarket to buy food, and I will wash the dishes myself after dinner. My daughter's bike is broken, so I have to wait for her husband to come back to repair it at the weekend ~

At this time, we remembered that Grandpa was busy inside and outside every day and planted green onions and vegetables for us on the balcony ... I said to my daughter, "Anyway, you know Grandpa loves you very much, right?" The daughter said, "I know, and I love my grandfather very much." So we thought of calling grandpa.

Grandpa was very happy to receive the video of his granddaughter. After a few pleasantries, he began to ask "I took a shit in recent days" and "Are you distracted in class?" ... My daughter was used to this and asked her grandfather, "Why don't you ask me if I ate well?"

Grandpa said: "Grandpa watched you eat through the lens and knew that you ate well." But you were watching TV from 4: 10 to 5: 03 yesterday. It took too long. How could you be unconscious? "

Grandpa finally said to Eva, "Wait for Grandpa, I'll be back soon!" " "

My daughter and I were silent for a while, not knowing whether we were happy or worried.

Paying my aunt at the end of the month feels a bit boring. Say to your daughter: "Don't eat cooking on weekends, let's eat noodles."

The girl asked, "Mom, why did you give your aunt so much money?"

I thought about it and said to my daughter, you will understand when you grow up. This is the price of freedom!