Faced with boys' excessive energy: active, destructive and fond of fighting, many parents often say with distress, "If I were a girl, I wouldn't get into so much trouble!" "

Yes, the excess testosterone in the body makes the boy a complete "nuisance": little girls hate them for being too "violent", so they don't like to play with them; Teachers hate that they always make trouble for themselves, so they don't like them; Parents hate that they always waste more energy on themselves, so they shake their heads at them.

In fact, teachers don't have to complain and parents don't have to be helpless. If the education method is proper, the boy's extra energy can be released in other ways.

Because boys have excessive energy, parents are most worried about their violent behavior, because they are like aggressive lions, and they often use violence unscrupulously. Therefore, boys and their companions often become frequent visitors to hospitals.

To solve the boy's violent behavior, the first thing parents think of is to stop it. However, is this party useful to them? The story of a kindergarten teacher opens the answer to this question for us:

One day, I saw two little boys shooting at each other with sticks as pistols. Their behavior worries me. I'm really afraid that these sticks will hurt them. So I went up to them and said, "These sticks are very dangerous. Why don't you go there and play with the sand? "

Two little boys were very unhappy. One of them tried to convince me: "Teacher, we won't be in danger. Look, I'll kill him. Bang! He fell, but he will get up. "

I ignored him and continued to insist on my opinion: "I won't allow you to play with these sticks." Bring it here, it has been confiscated! " "

The two boys handed me the stick reluctantly, but I didn't go far. The two boys ran to the school flower, broke off two branches from the shorter tree and continued to play their "shooting" game.

For these boys with too much testosterone in their bodies, the "ban" method will not work. On the contrary, the more parents or teachers "forbid", the more violent they are.

In fact, around the age of 4, the testosterone content of boys is many times higher than that of girls, so boys always appear much more energetic than girls. Of course, this is also the real reason why boys like violence.

In this case, the psychologist warned the boy's parents that you should "encourage" the boy's violent behavior, not prohibit them, because only after their excess energy is released will they settle down and do other things.

Of course, the feasibility of this suggestion put forward by psychologists has been proved by experiments.

In a primary school, although the school rules clearly stipulate that damaging school facilities and fighting will be punished, those acts of smashing classroom windows, damaging fitness equipment and fighting are still common. In fact, the perpetrators are mostly boys. In order to ensure the school's property and the safety of boys, the school decided to ask a psychologist to solve this problem.

In order to prove the effectiveness of this method, psychologists decided to implement it through experiments. He divided the primary school into two areas. One area set up a "fighting area", and the other area used school rules to restrain students' behavior as before.

Of course, there are rules in the "fighting zone": in this zone, you are free to fight with the other side, but once the other side calls "time out", you must stop the violence.

After a period of time, the "combat zone" was gradually accepted by the boys in this area. Whenever they have a conflict with their partner, they will meet in the "battle zone" to solve it.

Then, an incredible result happened: in the area where there is a "combat zone", there is a harmonious scene everywhere, that is, the most naughty boys at ordinary times can listen to the teacher carefully after venting their emotions in the "combat zone". However, in areas where there is no "combat zone", incidents of smashing, looting and fighting are as frequent as before.

Psychologists have analyzed through this experiment that the "battle zone" can be successful because it meets the needs of boys with excess energy to vent their bodies. In this "battle zone", they can make a lot of noise during the break to vent their excess testosterone. In this way, in class, they can sit still and actively cooperate with the teacher.

Of course, it is unrealistic for parents to set up a "fighting zone" for boys' family education, but parents can set up a "venting zone" for them. For example, parents can make such a "vent area" rule for boys:

When you are bored, you can shout in this area, but you can't destroy the contents;

You can fight with your brothers, sisters or friends in it, but you must pay attention to the fighting weapons, not too sharp or too hard. In other words, you can use a pillow as a weapon, but you can't use a fruit knife or broom as a weapon;

When you fight with someone, when you feel that the other person's strength is too strong, or the way of fighting is unacceptable to you, you can call it "time out". Of course, when the other side shouts "pause", you must also stop fighting.

……

Boys are so strange. When parents tell them that violence and sabotage are not allowed, you will find that their violence and sabotage will not decrease, but will increase. Therefore, it is not feasible for parents to try to reduce boys' violent and destructive behavior through "prohibition".

Of course, boys are regular animals. When they are told that violence and destruction are allowed under certain clear rules, they will release excess testosterone in their bodies under the premise of obeying the rules.

Method 2: Adventure → Lead the boy's desire for excitement in the right direction.

A boy of 10 told such a thing:

Usually my mother doesn't allow me to ride an electric car. She is worried that something will happen if I ride too fast. Today, while mom and dad are not at home, I thought about a good "addiction" of riding an electric car.

To tell the truth, this is my first time riding an electric car on the main road. I'm a little nervous, but more excited. The more excited I am, the faster the electric car rides. After a while, I came to a crossroads and saw so many people and cars in front. I wanted to stop the electric car, but I forgot where the brakes were because I was nervous. Just when I closed my eyes and waited for the accident, I found that I had passed the crossroads. It turned out that the traffic lights saved me.

I suddenly feel very relaxed, but I have such a feeling in my mind: it's so enjoyable that I want to try again!

Because of the existence of testosterone in the body, boys become such animals: they are eager to take risks and hope to experience the exciting feeling of surviving death again and again.

Of course, influenced by testosterone, boys often seek stimulation through the following behaviors:

They will constantly challenge the limits of their bodies. For example, they have to climb to the top of the tree to experience the feeling of moving with the wind. Of course, the end result is either a broken arm or black and blue.

In order to test whether you are a quick-handed or quick-eyed supermarket waiter, you often steal things from the supermarket. Of course, in the end, parents need to clean up this "mess" for them.

In order to keep looking for excitement, they always like to play some dangerous games such as gliders, skateboards and racing cars.

……

Faced with these risky behaviors of boys, most parents will be very worried and helpless. A parent once said: "In modern society, it is difficult for us to protect our son from the external environment, such as advertising bombing. In addition to these, we should always pay attention to their behavior in case their behavior will cause harm to ourselves. In modern times, it is not easy to be a good boy's parent. "

In fact, whether in modern or ancient times, because of the existence of testosterone in boys, parents should pay more attention to their behavior to avoid danger. Of course, parents can't stare at the boy's behavior for 24 hours. Therefore, the most fundamental and effective way to solve the boy's risk-taking behavior is to guide the boy's desire to seek excitement in the right direction.

Psychological research shows that the existence of excessive testosterone in boys will make children have a strong desire to seek excitement. But their desires are often expressed through two channels: first, risky behaviors, of course, including those with criminal nature; The second is creative behavior. When a boy creates a work that everyone praises, his desire to seek excitement will be satisfied to a certain extent.

In fact, if parents are careful, they should be able to find that when a boy is young, his adventures are often accompanied by creativity.

For example, when kindergarten teachers teach children to lay blocks steadily, most boys will create their own "tall buildings" according to their own ideas.

For another example, after reading Superman's cartoons, they will also portray themselves as Superman: scribble a few strokes on their faces with a brush, cover themselves with sheets, and "fly" between the bed and the chair.

Because boys often have creative behaviors when taking risks, if their parents give affirmation and attention to their creative behaviors, their desire for adventure will definitely weaken.

The father of a boy aged 13 once said:

My son has a high computer talent, and I am happy about it, but I am also worried, because I heard from my son's companion that in order to satisfy his thirst for excitement, my son actually used hacking technology to paralyze the website of a company he didn't like.

Later, after being introduced by a friend, I found my son a "part-time job" and asked him to be a program inspector in a computer program company. His main job is to try his best to hack into the computer program compiled by this company and find out the loopholes in their security system.

My son showed great enthusiasm for this job, and his work was also greatly affirmed by the company leaders. Since then, he has never used the technology he has mastered to do bad things on the Internet.

Look, it's actually easy to understand a boy. The more you pay attention to his adventurous desire, the more adventurous he will be. But if you pay attention to the positive side of his behavior, such as seeing his creativity while taking risks, most of the boy's desire for excitement will be expressed through creative behavior. This not only weakens the boy's adventurous behavior, but also enhances his creative desire. What are you waiting for when you are worried about your son's risky behavior? Pay attention to and encourage their creative behavior immediately.

Of course, most boys may not have the genius computer skills like the last boy, but as long as parents are careful, they will certainly find the creativity behind his risky behavior.

A 5-year-old boy was flying between the bed and the chair when he was superman. His mother found this behavior. Instead of criticizing him, she said to him, "What is Superman's favorite thing to do? To help others, so, Superman, would you please help me throw this bag of garbage downstairs? "

After listening to his mother's words, the boy really regarded himself as a little superman and "flew" to help his mother throw the garbage.

For a little boy, jumping between the bed and the chair is a very dangerous risky behavior, but parents ignore the adventurous nature of the boy's behavior. Instead, it affirms the creativity of the boy's behavior of dressing up as "Superman", makes the boy realize that the essence of "Superman" is to help others, and then turns the boy's adventurous behavior into helping his parents do housework.

Maybe some parents will worry, will that boy be willing to cooperate with us?

At this point, I can say for sure: I will!

First of all, ordinary parents will only find children's adventurism and ignore their creativity, which represents an educational attitude of parents, which children don't like. Of course, if parents discover their children's creativity and ignore their adventurous spirit, this educational attitude will surely win the love of boys.

Secondly, when parents discover the creativity of boys, they are affirming their creativity. The boy will be very happy when his creativity is affirmed by his parents, so he is willing to cooperate with his parents actively. The above example mentioned that when mother called the boy "Little Superman", he would be very excited to help her throw the garbage.

Method 3: Strong desire for power → Give boys some power.

Boys like to challenge others' rights, which is especially obvious at home and school. For example, if a little boy wants to challenge his parents' power, he will deliberately disobey his parents or go against them; If a little boy wants to challenge the teacher's power, he will talk back to the teacher and deliberately disturb the class order.

A primary school teacher once said:

Compared with quiet girls, I don't like naughty boys because they always make me waste more energy. For example, when I point out their mistakes, they will talk back, but little girls generally don't; When I announce the result of something, they always doubt the result, as if they must challenge my power.

It is an accepted fact that most primary school teachers don't like boys. As the teacher said above, boys always challenge their authority and waste more energy.

However, teachers' prejudice against boys seems to be an incompetent practice, because they don't understand why boys like to challenge teachers' power and how to guide them to do so.

Many biologists and psychologists believe that the boy's desire for power and control is related to his testosterone. Moreover, they also said that, in contrast, boys with high testosterone content like to influence and control others, like to be in a dominant position in school and family, and like to express their views and feelings freely.

As parents, we are also deeply touched by the boy's desire for control and power:

Every boy wants to be a "mountain king";

They always like to play games with winners and losers;

They dare to challenge authority;

……

When we know that all this is caused by testosterone in his body, we should think about such a question: how should we help boys use the power of testosterone correctly? Of course, before solving this problem, we need to know this mysterious power in detail.

The power of testosterone is magical. A businessman who agrees with this view said

In a negotiation, this agenda is not very important to me, and winning or losing is not important. But in that tense and intense scene, I feel that there is a magical power inside me that urges me to fight for this agenda.

In the end, I made a profit on this agenda, but only I knew that I didn't intend to get this result.

From this, we can draw a conclusion that the power of testosterone is instinctive. As the man above said, he didn't intend to win this agenda, but in a competitive environment, the power of testosterone instinctively urged him to do so.

In addition, linguistic research also shows that the purpose of men quarreling with others is not the content of the quarrel, but who is in control of the situation.

From this we can draw the conclusion that:

When a boy is against his parents, his fundamental purpose is not to make his parents angry, but to control the situation by himself. ※.

Of course, from this conclusion, we can also sum up a good way to educate boys, that is, to give boys some power.

A parent shared his experience like this:

Other parents complain that their son loves to talk back and is disobedient. My son used to have this bad habit, but since I learned about the boy's desire for power and control from books, I stopped trying to force him to obey my arrangement, but let him decide what he wants to do or how to do it.

For example, when it's time to go to bed, I no longer command him: "Go to bed and take a shower!" " Instead, let him decide when to go to bed: "You decide when to go to bed! "

When the son grows up, it is up to him to decide how much pocket money to give every day, when to go home after school, whether to do housework, etc. Of course, after he makes a decision, I will show him the pros and cons of the matter.

Now my son not only won't talk back and fight with me, but also has developed a good habit of thinking seriously in the process of making his own decisions.

In the process of getting along with others, boys are most concerned about who has the final say and whether they can control the situation. This feature is instinctively influenced by testosterone in his body. So in life, parents give boys some power, just like the parent mentioned above, and let boys decide their own things, such as when to get up and when to go to bed. This can not only satisfy boys' desire for control, but also guide them to learn to cooperate with their parents. In this process, they can also form a good habit of rational thinking.