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Funny copywriting of online celebrities recently.
1. Spring Festival is coming soon. My New Year's resolution is: I am thin and my wallet is bulging. God, please! Don't make any more mistakes,

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/kloc-rectification in 0/8 years.

My mother likes playing mahjong, but then I was born. My mother resolutely gave up mahjong for me and my family because she thought it was more interesting to hit me.

I suggest you go to bed early and get up early as possible, don't play online games, don't eat supper, and form good habits. Over time, you will find that you have no friends.

4. A woman has the pain of her father when she is young, her husband when she grows up, and her son when she is old. Men listen to their mothers when they are young, their wives when they grow up, and their daughters when they grow old.

I want to buy a down jacket, but I want to

More than 3 thousand, and then carefully measured, there are only a few cold medicines.

Ten dollars for cold medicine is still a good deal.

6. Fighting outside

Three years later, I came home with nothing. I thought mom would be furious. Unexpectedly, my mother didn't scold me, but comforted me: "Son, you don't have nothing, at least you have the face to come back."

7. There are always some people in life who try their best to get close to you every day and chat with you late into the night, in fact, just to steal your expression pack.

I believe there must be someone in this world who doesn't mind all your shortcomings, such as freckles and acne, flat chest and fat legs, barbarism, rudeness and laziness. This man is your rival in love.

After all, women are emotional and have no immunity to all kinds of small animals, such as Bugatti Veyron, Hummer, Jaguar, Land Rover, BMW and, of course, Tmall.

10. Remember the first time I saw her exquisite appearance?

Facial features, beautiful face, pure and clean breath, like an out-of-touch spirit, my mother told me that day, and it was the first time I knew, son, that this is called a mirror.

1 1. Obsessive-compulsive disorder means: you must go to the toilet before going to bed. If you play with your mobile phone after going to the toilet, you will have to sleep again later.

Twelve. Today's belt

My 2-year-old son ate stinky tofu for the first time. The son took a bite: "Mom, who pulled this?" It's delicious! " "After hearing this, my husband said," Take good care of him these days, and don't take a shit and eat it yourself! " "

Thirteen. I couldn't outrun the BMW after all, so I watched it fly away in the sunset. It's not that my engine is broken, but that my chain has fallen off.

14. You should be an independent fairy, optimistic and strong, not dependent on men, not pretending to be cute and coquettish, straightforward and simple, and not playing tricks. If you persist in this way, you will not only get married, but also find a boyfriend.

From today on, as long as they are my friends, anyone who has no money will reply to me, and I can tell you how I live without money.

16. I ordered a takeaway at the end of the Chinese New Year and took it from the takeaway brother. I said: hard work, I have to deliver takeout soon after the Chinese New Year. My little brother smiled and said to me: you have worked hard, and you have to eat takeout soon after the Spring Festival!

17. There are always several grandfathers every month. His face changed from red to green, from green to yellow, to blue, to purple, to blue, and finally he left me.

18. I once had a dog. When he was getting old, I looked into his eyes, full of sadness and sadness. I cried all night on the day he died. Now I have a king.

Eight, I am dead, he is still alive, and I leave my sorrow to the king.

Eight.

19. Just now, a Lamborghini passed by me and splashed all over me. At that time, I swore that when I got rich, I would buy a raincoat of my own.

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My mother never hit me when I was growing up, but every time I did something wrong, she would let my father hit me. When I told my dad about it yesterday, my dad said, "Remember, son. Dad is not a violent decision maker, but a violent porter. "