After we find a man cheating, whether we immediately ask for forgiveness or are forced to leave because of cheating, we have one step to do: let go.

Put down what? Let go of the love for him, the expectation of his physical and mental return, the attachment to the past, and the obsession with a person, a life and a person.

Why is this step so important?

Because no matter what his behavior is now, we are all hurt by his infidelity.

If he asks for forgiveness, we need to pull out the thorn in our heart, break it first, and then step back, so that we can not be afraid that he will cheat again in the future;

If he has passed the period of guilt, broken contact with mistress, or directly derailed and forced a divorce, we must let go, so as not to be dominated by anger, inferiority, humiliation and abandonment.

As long as you can't let go, you can't get out of the quagmire. As long as I can't let it go, I will always be affected by this matter.

Sister Si knows the pain that repeats day and night.

Therefore, in this class, Sister Si will teach you how to let go from six aspects.

Many sisters have told me, fourth sister, it is difficult to let him go.

Yes, it's really hard.

Because of marriage and children, disputes are constantly cutting.

When the other person is nicer to us, we will always look forward to whether he will come back, whether his conscience will be discovered, and whether he will suddenly find that his wife is better.

However, as long as there is expectation, it will be hit in the face by reality. It feels like hanging people from the abyss halfway up the mountain and then throwing them down.

Time and again, people are seriously injured and stabbed.

0 1 The first thing to know is what we put down:

In the process of consultation, we will find that the derailed sisters all have one thing in common: easy to repeat.

Our ideas came to light for a while, and then we came to a dead end and couldn't get out.

"I have paid so much for this family. Why did he say he was cheating? If I don't get divorced, it won't be cheap! "

"My life has been subverted, and I can't accept it at all. Usually he loves me so much, how can he cheat? "

"He said he couldn't face me and wanted a divorce. I should forgive him, but I can't get through it. "

"I have a hard time in my heart and dare not divorce. If I get divorced, what should I do with the children? I have become a second-married woman, and I can't find a better one. "

……

In fact, to sum up, what we are entangled in and can't let go can be divided into the following four categories:

An obsession with the past

Fear of loss, uncertainty about the future

Emotional dependence on him

Your own face

Let's break it down one by one.

I can't let go of my obsession with the past

Here, Sister Si drew a picture. Come on, let me describe it to you.

Cheating is like giving us a quiet life for no reason, splitting an abyss. So, I drew a V-shaped curve on the diagram.

Our past life is like being at the upper left of the V-shaped curve, while our future is at the upper right of the V-shaped curve.

We are just a small ball sliding along this curve to the bottom of the valley, but we are still halfway up the mountain and haven't reached the finish line yet.

This little ball that hasn't touched the bottom represents our present state.

This little ball, hanging halfway up the mountain, can't get up or down. It fell from a previous life, and there is a deep valley below. It was scared, so it desperately wanted to climb back. What's there?

There was a time when we couldn't let go.

Have a past life, a beautiful love in the past and a happy marriage. ...

It is this obsession with past emotions that makes us desperately want to climb back and imprison ourselves in the past, unwilling to fall down.

Even though those past events have passed and all my memories are different, I still keep my persistence in my heart.

We are afraid of falling to the bottom, because it is dark there and we don't know what is there. Everything is unknown.

This ball seems to have only one way. Try to climb back. Only by returning to the left vertex of the V can we go back to the past.

If not, it will fall into darkness.

In fact, if we open our eyes, we will find that the abyss has a bottom. When we hit the bottom, it just means that we started climbing.

The scenery on the opposite mountain is different from our original place, but it does not mean that it is not beautiful and unhappy.

And often the opposite mountain is higher than before, and the opposite road is far wider than before.

Tell yourself bravely that everything has changed and no matter how hard you try, you can't go back. You must let yourself jump into the abyss, so that you may hit the bottom one day.

If you don't accept the reality, you can't get up or down, which is the biggest consumption for yourself.

When I get to the bottom of it, I can tell myself that I have nothing to lose and nothing to be afraid of.

When we hit rock bottom, what did we lose?

Is everything we don't want to lose.

I can't let go of my fear of loss and uncertainty about the future.

Once a vow of eternal love, once a painstaking marriage, once a love, once a family vision and plan, once a promise he made to us, once a teenager told us at the wedding: I want to love you all my life and grow old with you.

When we marry someone, we think it will be a lifetime.

So we gave our heart, and we relied on it. It seems that with him, we have a sense of security and belonging.

When he cheated on us, our hearts fell to pieces.

We don't want our heart to break into pieces, so we desperately deny all this and that he has changed his mind. Looks like our experience has been saved.

But reality is reality. He doesn't love, he just doesn't love. He is really unqualified.

Love is something that needs two people to support together. Whoever pulls away will fall apart.

If you don't want to admit it, you won't collapse

Feel free to throw this heart that loves him to the ground.

From then on, you who loved him died, and you who loved yourself can live.

I know you can't just say that, because you are human and you are afraid of losing. As a sister said, it hurts, just like we used to be conjoined babies, but now we have to be separated abruptly.

My insides seem to have been cut in half, so how can people face the bloody cutting and direct bloody cutting?

I really want to hug you, dear. But what can we do? We can't change anyone, including him.

He has changed, like a sick half. We must cut him open to make sure that we will not get sick together.

This sense of separation inch by inch is the process of scraping bones and healing. Every pain indicates a bright future.

And in order to avoid this kind of pain, I wonder every day if he still has you in his heart, and he will cut, cut, cut, cut like that sharp knife. This cancer will always follow you.

In the final analysis, it is you who are injured.

When the cutting is finished, it is also the time for us to be free. Since then, we have changed back to the once independent self, the once happy and carefree single person.

If you think so, there is nothing to be afraid of this loss. Accept this loss, accept yourself, and you will fall to the bottom. Even lying at the bottom of the valley is better than hanging in the air to torture yourself.

Besides, what have we lost? He is a change of heart, a soul sliding into the abyss, an indifferent and selfish partner and an irresponsible father.

For such a person, it is not that we lost him, but that we abandoned him.

Nice throw, isn't it?

In addition, for the future, many sisters think that they will admit that they are in a bad state recently and will soon become single mothers. If they fall into the abyss, they will never get up again, and no one will love them anymore.

So they are afraid of the unknown in the fog, the gossip they will face after divorce, the problem of raising children, the decline of consumption level and the indifference of their families.

They will stick to their marriage even if they die, as if it were the last straw.

It seems that losing this broken feeling means your own failure and you will never turn over again.

But in fact, too many examples show that when we admit our failure, it is precisely the beginning of the uphill road.

What about failure? Isn't it a mistake?

Can't we live without him?

Without marriage, does our life lose its meaning?

Without love, will we lose everything?

Everything is not that bad.

Only when we hit the bottom can we rebound.

Only by keeping your feet on the ground can you go up the mountain.

I can't let go of my emotional dependence on him.

Let's look at this picture. This is how men and women view feelings. Affection accounts for less than 1/4 in men and 1/2 in women.

Because men have careers, power, games, brothers and wine.

However, many women, in addition to love, still love, in addition to family, or family.

Do you agree?

Even some girls, love and marriage seem to account for all. Their happiness is entirely based on their relationship with others.

It's like parasitism. It looks powerful, but it's actually very fragile.

When we once established a relationship, we felt that we had the same dependence. When we are sick, someone accompanies us and helps us in important things. But in fact, who says marriage can't be separated?

When he wants to leave, when he is not worthy of love, we must get rid of our dependence on him and let our feelings quit our lives.

Gradually separate from him and his feelings, so that our dependence will be less and less.

Then if you want to get rid of dependence, you must learn to solve things independently.

The first reaction when you hit a car is to call someone. Learn to call the traffic police and insurance companies in the future.

Once, the light bulb and door lock at home were broken, and the first reaction was to call a man. Learn to ask the repairman to repair it himself in the future.

Once, if you are ill, he may accompany you to the hospital. Learn to go by yourself in the future, or find your best friends and parents to accompany you. Hehe, maybe, you've done all this once. What's so hard about losing him?

Remember, we are adults, and we don't have to have a man to live a good life.

Before meeting him, we were all dealing with things in life alone, weren't we?

We have this ability.

Without this man, maybe we can be more handsome, because we don't have to clean up the mess when he is drunk, endure his naivety, wash his dirty clothes and socks, and clean up again when he throws things around. It's fun to think about it, isn't it?

When he leaves, he will leave a hole in the part we used to fill with emotion. Then you can only make up for it by your own independence in the future.

Therefore, in the process of letting go, we need to gradually eliminate the sense of dependence. When this dependence becomes less and less, our pain will become less and less.

Cann't let go of his face

In the kind of love that everyone is not optimistic and sings bad from the beginning, the parties usually breathe a sigh of relief and want to prove to those who are not optimistic that we will be together forever.

This situation is very common when parents disagree. The more so, the more I can't let go of my desperate courage and desperate expression.

Sisters who often have this kind of experience pay too much for their feelings. Those efforts became sunk costs, blinding their own eyes.

Locked in feelings, I can't see the future, and I can't see the outside world.

Sisters in this situation need to admit their failure, admit that they chose the wrong person, and stop loss in time, which is the right way.

Now let's be clear about what we can't let go.

If it is sorted out, is there nothing to miss?

If we really let go, we won't lose, will we?

Six ways to get out of your new life.

See the reality clearly and accept it.

Accept the fact that he left, accept the loss of everything in the past, and accept that we are about to fall to the bottom and start from scratch. As long as you fall into the bottom, you can keep your feet on the ground and stop looking forward to the person you used to be.

Subtext, I have nothing and I don't want anything. In front of me, there is only one road left, and that is the uphill road. The future is difficult, but it is beautiful.

On this road, our goal is clear, that is, the red heart at the top of the slope. We must concentrate on climbing to get there.

We don't have time to think about the past glory and happy moments, so it is the most crucial step to let us hit the bottom.

Many sisters are stuck here because our self-setting is still very high.

We think we still have a harmonious family and husband's love.

"Elder sister, I can't accept it. Once we were so in love, from the lowest point to today's achievements. I don't believe he doesn't love me. "

"Deception is not love? Now that he is broken, can't he fall in love with me again? "

"I have been someone else's child since I was a child. I can't accept that I am a loser in marriage."

"What I want most in my life is to have a home, live alone for a lifetime, and live alone for a lifetime. I don't want to break all this. "

……

Fourth Sister can understand the pain of everyone's inner tears, as if trying to tell herself: "No, everything is not that bad, he is still saved, we are still saved, and our home is still saved."

Unfortunately, at this time, what we should say to ourselves is, "Love his heart until death do us part. Everything starts again. "

When we can accept

put a halt to investment

It's hard to imagine that some people can't get out of the shadow of lovelorn for years.

However, such people do exist.

Several years have passed, why can't he (she) get out?

More and more investment makes people get deeper and deeper, but the investment can't get good results, which is doubly painful.

This is the reason why many people can't get out of the shadow of lovelorn.

Only one day, when we no longer devote ourselves to him and concentrate on crawling on our own uphill road, can we put it down.

So, still watching him? Still going to compete with Xiao San? Still eavesdropping? Will you still take revenge? Still going to analyze him?

Don't do it again, it's meaningless.

Take advantage of the sour grape effect and think about his bad.

Is to reduce the affection for what you can't get and the importance to yourself. If you can't eat grapes, say sour grapes.

That is to say, when you can't let go after a lovelorn love, you can think as much as possible about the shortcomings of your past lover and think less or not about the advantages of your past lover, so that your heart will be easy to balance.

At the same time, you can think more about your own advantages, so it is easy to come out.

For example, your partner cares about himself and always makes you feel warm, but when he cheats, it is also true for others. Maybe he cares about several women at the same time.

When two people are together, the other person does a lot of things that make you feel surrounded by love, but when you cheat, he doesn't consider your feelings at all. He doesn't love you as much as he thinks.

When the other party broke up with you with cold violence, they didn't consider your feelings.

So make good use of the "sour grape effect", even if you recall, you will recall the shortcomings of the other party, which can make it easier to "let go".

The sisters in the group listed all the things that men had done to hurt her, and then made a screen saver after screen capture to remind themselves that he was not worth it.

Facts have proved that this is a good way to lower expectations.

Distract your attention.

Why do I always ask people what their dreams are?

One is to expand everyone's inner capacity, and the other is to divert attention. The world is so big, not just love. When our inner capacity is large enough, these things will no longer affect us.

When we work hard and climb up on the ground, we won't pay attention to whether he is still in contact with mistress, whether it is true or false.

All these bad ideas in the past will disappear.

What can we use to divert our attention?

For example:

Painting, fitness, reading, writing and career can not only distract our attention, but also improve us and make ourselves better and better, not only for each other, but also for ourselves.

In Sister Si's group, many 2 1 day training camps have been established, including reading, meditation, group copying and flower camp, all of which are designed to make everyone divert their attention under the supervision of others, overcome their inner sense of failure with a little sense of accomplishment, and let everyone unconsciously embark on the road of upward climbing.

Talk and ask for help.

People always want to say something depressing. In fact, the process of telling is also a process of combing yourself. Telling this story can relieve anxiety to some extent.

In daily life, you can talk to your best friend or your sister.

Don't do everything yourself Really, there are many people around you who care about you.

Some sisters were afraid to say, so things began to get ugly. They couldn't go back with that man.

Look, you're still gonna give him a way out, right?

Sister Si won't force you to accept it right away. You can choose to talk online, but in your daily life, you must find ways to vent. Even going to the gym for an hour is better than holding it.

Really, the body is your own. Cancer suppression for men is not worth it.

Aren't those sisters who have cheated on each other all the year round and got breast cancer and ovarian cancer just like men and mistresses?

So, don't be afraid to speak because of face. Say these words bravely,

Although, after you come out, you will regret telling your story everywhere like Sister Xianglin.

But at this stage, just ask.

If you have concerns, you can find Sister Si as a tree hole. Sister Si can not only listen, but also help you solve your doubts.

Fitness therapy

In the process of fitness, dopamine can be produced continuously, which can make us feel happy. Fitness can bring a sense of accomplishment, and the feeling of constantly chasing goals can make us forget a lot of troubles.

Therefore, fitness is often addictive, which is also an adjuvant therapy for depression.

We can choose a sport and stick to it.

Skipping rope, swimming, running, aerobics, yoga, cycling and so on.

Each can help us to be happy.

Sister Si personally brought a sister to speed up the process of getting herself through fitness, and found a second job through fitness, becoming a professional fitness instructor and a proper slash girl.

And through fitness, she met more excellent people and expanded her circle.

Now she is not afraid of the future at all.

She said she could always find someone better than her ex-husband, and now she has a suitor.

Sister Si also invited a professional fitness instructor. Now she takes everyone to exercise together in the group, regularly shares fitness methods and skills in the group, and there will be one-on-one online training.

Really, as long as you reach out, Fourth Sister can pull you out.

Yes, I know, you often can't sleep all night, and your tears wet your pillow towel again and again.

Don't be afraid, Fourth Sister will help you. Believe Sister Si, Sister Si also has the ability to help you.

When you really let go, you can stand up again, everything can start again, and you can go back to the position of the screener to consider whether this man is worth the rest of your life.

Our happiness depends on ourselves. There are many ways to let go and relieve the pain. Please contact me if you feel pain. Sister Si will tell you what to do and take you out of a new life step by step.